Last night I told you a story about the great master Ma when he was about to die and the superintendent of the monastery came and asked him about his health and he said, sun-faced Buddha, moon-faced Buddha, while he was dying, it might be that other people came and asked him how his health was too. But they didn't record or tell anybody what he said. He might have said other things in response to that question as he was dying.

[01:03]

And it's also possible that people wrote down some of those things but that they didn't value those things enough for them to have lasted twelve centuries. But this phrase has lasted. Another thing that I would say is just in the conventional world that when you have a great teacher like that and they're not going to be around much longer And they do say something. People often do remember, you know, they treasure the last words of a great teacher. So again, no matter what he said, whoever heard it, if they were a student of his, would probably remember it very vividly. If I think of the time I spent with Suzuki Roshi, like, if I think of the, maybe, six months, the first six months of being with him, I remember quite vividly

[02:32]

But the second six months I don't remember as vividly as the last three months. The last three months I remember very vividly. There's something about when somebody's dying that sometimes everything that happens between you really sinks in. So I have these very strong images of him. So the first time I saw him I have a pretty strong image of and the last time I saw them I have a strong image of now these images aren't really what happened but they there was something about them they're based on something such that they had a big impact and a big positive impact it's very useful for me to be able to remember what he was like when he was dying. I didn't ask him how his health was.

[03:42]

I kind of regret not asking him how his health was. Another Zen teacher said, of course he said this in Japanese, so I don't know what the Japanese original was, but it's translated as, gain is delusion, loss is enlightenment. And I've thought about that quite a bit.

[04:44]

And I don't know if I would say that I think it's true, but I definitely think it's provocative. So when I sense a gain, when I sense a gain, and if I sense in that gain you know, kind of a happiness at the gain, I do kind of understand how that's delusion. And when there's a loss, if I don't like it, I don't think the not liking is enlightenment, but I think the not liking it together with the loss kind of reminds me of enlightenment.

[05:54]

if I could lose, however, and not have trouble with that, I could kind of see how that would be enlightenment. And so, you know, I would interpret that by We don't usually call it losing when your headache goes away. When your headache goes away, we usually don't call that a loss. We call it a relief, right? So I didn't say relief is enlightenment, actually. I said loss is enlightenment. Relief's nice, right? Relief of something's anyway a relief. Like being relieved of your health is not so nice. then in that case we don't say relieved of our health usually we say we lost our health or lost our mind or lost our job or lost our reputation or lost our life not relieved of our life

[07:24]

So again, now I think about loss as enlightenment, loss that's just loss without worrying about it or getting upset about it. Pretty good. A number of the people in the room are over 60.

[08:50]

And some of them even have, what do you call it, how does that thing that go, the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. And the children were nestled all snug in their bed with visions of something dancing in their head. Vision of what? Sugar plums? Sugar plums? With visions of sugar plums dancing in their head. That's what children sometimes have visions of. Sugar plums. But some people, when they get over 60, they have visions of retirement communities. sometimes gated retirement communities, safe retirement communities with golf courses. And then sometimes they have visions of nursing homes with nice nurses. In other words, at least I'll be in a nursing home.

[09:56]

I won't be on the street. So some people, when they're over 60 or over 70, they have visions of nursing homes dancing in their head. And they wonder, will it be a nice nursing home or will the care be not so good? And then I'll be with these other people who are needing nursing home attention too. Will they be cool? Will I like hanging out with my drooling comrades? But everybody wants to make sure that, not everybody, but a lot of people want to make sure that at least they've made arrangements so they will have a nursing home to go to, right? So anyway, I'm proposing to myself and to you that everybody is already in a nursing home, that the world is taking care of you.

[10:56]

You may not like the care that's being given to you, but you are being cared for already, and the care will continue for the rest of your life. However, you may have some kind of criticism of the quality of care. Can you imagine that you might? Some of you already are complaining about the quality of care, right? Not you, but you know some people who do, right? So you might continue to complain about the quality of care from now to the end. You might. In which case you will be unhappy from now on. But of course you know that a good Zen student is basically going to be happy with the care that she receives.

[12:02]

She will be receiving care. The good Zen student is focusing on how she is being given helpful care right now. She's looking at that. She's seeing how she's receiving help, which is slightly different from she's looking at how what she's receiving is help. Most people are looking to see, is what's coming to me helpful? I'm suggesting that it's more look at how you are receiving help, not how what is coming to you is helpful. If you think what's coming to you is helpful, fine. It's okay. But I think it's better to watch how you receive that thing you think is helpful. Because then if something, if that thing turns upside down, you're still not in the mode of judging whether it's helpful or not.

[13:07]

You're judging, you're observing how you receive help. This is another meditation on dependent co-arising. It's another meditation. It's another meditation. It's another way of talking about the Buddha's meditation. The Buddha is aware of how she is receiving help. No. Yeah. How she is receiving help. That's what she's aware of. And I need to get in that groove of observing how I'm receiving help before it's too late. The Buddha mind is the mind that sees how help is being received here. Now.

[14:15]

And once you can see that, you have a chance of seeing it through all the changes that are, that will, through all the changes. And once you lose that, then sometimes you'll be, you know, kind of, sometimes you'll think, gain, good. and loss bad. If you lose that thread, in other words, you will be deluded and you'll suffer more or less. And everybody you meet will share that suffering with you. I looked this up, by the way, and in the copy that I have it says ably rather than able.

[15:25]

at this moment you will turn the unsurpassably great. However, unsurpassable comma is easier to do to the copy, but the original was unsurpassably great. When you are watching how you are receiving help, at that moment you turn the unsurpassably great dharma wheel and expound the profound wisdom, ultimate and unconditioned. And then everyone who meets with you and everyone who speaks with you will share this wonderful Buddha virtue. But if you don't turn into this thing, everybody will share your delusion with you and you'll be a big troublemaker.

[16:46]

Actually, not necessarily a big troublemaker, maybe sort of like a mediocre troublemaker. I was talking to someone and this person told me that it's really hard for him to ask for help. And I said, well, I think it could be good for you to start practicing asking for help. It's like if you learn a dance and you don't practice it for a while, you get kind of out of shape. And when you first start dancing that dance again, you're not into it, right? A lot of actors, before they go on stage, practice yoga and stuff like that to get warmed up, get loosened up.

[17:56]

Try actually to ask for help. Try to get into the mode of asking for help. People actually, it's good for people to help you, but sometimes it's hard for them to see the opportunity if you don't ask. But also it helps sometimes to be specific. So for example, if I say to you right now, Craig, would you help me? I could just start by saying, would you please help me? And then I could think of maybe some, maybe more specific might be good. Like, would you help me by asking a question? Thank you. Yes, would you ask me a question now, if you can?

[19:06]

I guess I'm speaking in a sense, in a broad sense, like right now sitting there, can you see how you're receiving help right now? can you look and try to see how you're receiving help? Or not so much can you, but please look and see how you're receiving help. Like just now, could you see how I helped you ask me a question? Now you might not have thought that was helpful, but anyway, could you see how I helped you, how you received that help? So again, it's not so much could you see how I helped you, but could you see how you received that help? Like right now I'm talking to you. Can you see right now while I'm talking to you how you're receiving, how you're receiving, how you're receiving help? Can you see that? Not necessarily from me, but while I'm talking to you, because I am, can you see how you're receiving help?

[20:25]

Again, I put the emphasis on the receiving. Can you see how you're receiving it? And another way to put this is, I don't know exactly how to emphasize the language to get it, but can you see how you are receiving help? Or in other words, I don't want to change the language, but I'll say it another way so you have two meanings. One way is can you see how you are receiving help And another way is, can you see how what you are is receiving help? Excuse me, that's three ways. One way is, what you are, this person named Craig, is receiving help, but what you actually are is the receiving of help. That's what you are. What you are is the receiving of help. And can you focus on how you are receiving help, how what you are is basically, basically receiving help.

[21:31]

In other words, that's your other dependent character. Your other dependent character is that what you are is the receiving of help. What you are is the receiving of help. That's what you are. I'm suggesting that that's the samadhi, the self-receiving, Samadhi. And then from that place where you're focusing on how you are the receiving of help and how you are receiving help, then that person is then employed, has an employment in the world. Then action arises from that place. And you might feel gratitude along with that, with that awareness of how what you are is the receiving of help.

[22:37]

You might feel gratitude, you might feel joy, you might feel fearlessness. As a matter of fact, I would suggest that joy, fearlessness, gratitude, generosity, patience, that these virtues would arise naturally from that samadhi. Which is part of the reason why he says, just to do this samadhi, rather than do all these Buddhist practices, just do this samadhi and all these wonderful Buddhist practices will spontaneously arise. Not to put those practices down, they're important, but just trying to focus where they come from. They come from this Buddha samadhi. How's that? Would you please ask me a question, Mike?

[23:40]

You are continuously being nourished, obviously. Did you say, is there a direction? Directions dependently co-arise. I answered your question. I said directions dependently co-arise. I wouldn't say the dependent co-arising has a direction. But I would say, actually, maybe I would say dependent co-arising has the direction of producing things.

[25:03]

and dismantling things. That's his direction. Its direction is a constant pulse, but the pulse isn't going in some particular way, but particular ways dependently co-arise. So, for example, if there's a dependent co-arising of an intention to become a Buddha, That seems to be a direction that has dependently co-arisen. But however, this direction to wish to become a Buddha for the welfare of the world, that direction is impermanent and it's not worthy of confidence. It is supremely wonderful to have this direction, but it's very fragile and it can be lost. I mean, it will cease, but it can arise again, and it'll cease again, and it can arise again, but it is an impermanent thing, at the beginning anyway.

[26:05]

Buddhahood itself maybe isn't impermanent, but the mind, the direction towards it is an impermanent, dependently co-arising thing. So the one question is, how can, is there anything we can do to protect and promote the arising of such a direction in the flow of dependent co-arising. And so various suggestions are being made. I just made one. I'm suggesting if you meditate on dependent co-arising, that will encourage the arising of a direction towards Buddhahood within dependent co-arising. But it's not so much dependent co-arising has a direction, but directions are dependent co-arisings. Because dependent co-arising can also give rise to a direction to go towards personal power, towards meditating on anti-Buddhist principles. That can dependently co-arise too.

[27:08]

But that's not the direction of dependent co-arising, that's the direction of a dependently co-arisen intention to be miserable. That's the way I would talk about it. What that person feels Right. The person's life is the result of being nurtured by things other than itself from the beginning. You?

[28:10]

You have a New Age idea in you? Oh, OK. He's really quite sophisticated. He has this idea that the whole course of human history is an evolution where it's a higher kind of concept. In other words, waking up. Now, he also has the idea about it gives him a lot, but he thinks that A person can sort of get in the road and not mess it up less. But the course of the individual life, it appears that it's more sort of greater, weightier.

[29:11]

Yeah, I think that's not really a new age. You can find that in very old Buddhist texts. Well, that's what I was asking. That's what I meant by direction. So this is the direction for me. That's the direction of dependently co-arisen human beings, is that they're evolving towards Buddhahood. And that's part of the ceremony today, is that the Buddhists say that when you receive the precepts, for example, when you take refuge in Buddha, then that kind of focuses you on that path towards Buddhahood. when you say, I take refuge in Buddha, out loud, that act has a consequence with independent co-arising of focusing your evolution towards Buddha more sharply. And that act is irreversible.

[30:17]

Once you say you want to do that, it just keeps guiding your evolution that way. So that's why it's recommended to take refuge. So today, Beth will take refuge, I guess, if she can say it. She might not be able to say it. We'll see. So in the dependent core arising of that person, there will be this act which will create a certain... a certain line of consequence, which is impermanent. However, it's not annihilated. So after she says, I take revision Buddha, it's over. But that becomes a condition for another moment, which fleets for a moment depending on the past one, but it's connected. by that dependency.

[31:20]

So that will create, in some sense, a direction of causation within the pinnacle arising. But the whole process isn't going in a direction. The process is going, you know, it's very mutual, so it's going both in various directions at once, various opposite directions at once. But there are these personal directions in the midst of the whole mutuality situation. Terry, would you please help me by asking a question? Is there ever a time we're not receiving help? No, but there's plenty of times when we don't notice it. That's why I'm suggesting, that's why we have this self-fulfilling samadhi, is we're being encouraged to notice how this broad awakening is resonating back to us and helping us imperceptibly, inconceivably.

[32:25]

So we're always being helped, otherwise we wouldn't be here. We're not here helping ourselves. We're here through the support of things other than ourselves. That's how we're here. It's always the case. However, it's fairly common among humans that they don't notice that. They aren't paying attention to that. Like, human beings can actually forget that their mother is their mother. They can forget where they come from. They can even be ungrateful for where they come from. But anyway, we do come from others, including our mothers, That's always the case. But are we remembering that? Remembering that, remembering that, remembering that. And hopefully someday we can say, yes, I do remember that.

[33:26]

I'm thinking about that steadily. I remember that I'm receiving help. I watch how I'm receiving help moment by moment. That's the kind of meditation I'm doing, basically. That's not the whole meditation, that's the basic meditation. There's further details, which are more profound in a way, which we call emptiness, which is that any ideas you have about how something's helpful, or even your ideas about how you're being helped, your ideas don't actually reach how you're being helped. That's a more profound understanding of how you're being helped. Would you please ask your question? I want to thank you for the nursing home analogy. That's very helpful. It feels good.

[34:27]

That's funny, too. It's funny, yeah. That's what you think. For some reason, this phrase is coming up, and I'm not a practicing Christian. I am that I am. Is there some connection? That's Popeye. Popeye. But somehow that resonates to me with the idea of support. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three cheers for the Christians and Popeye. Lillian, would you please help me by asking a question? Why? You don't answer my question. No, I don't answer my questions. But, you know, I don't know.

[35:27]

I don't know how he got that name. Like I say, maybe because he could lick his nose with his tongue. But I don't know exactly how he came to get the name Master Maa. It's kind of a funny name for a Buddhist teacher. It's literally horse teacher or horse master. It's kind of funny. I don't know. So maybe you could act to be a research project you could work on. Would you please try to find out? Thank you. Just a second. Kathy, would you please help me by asking a question? Yes, sir. I was thinking, when you were talking about noticing how we are receiving help,

[36:28]

To me it looked like there were, one could put different emphasis on the words in that sentence, and really kind of get some different practices. Like you could put emphasis on how, like in what ways, what's received in how, or how you are, Mm-hmm. Right. And yes, on the receiving part, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Why is it counter-dictory? The acknowledging is counter-dictory? That's okay, because in some sense the instruction is coming to you in conventional designations.

[37:54]

So you can start at the conventional level, because the way you actually are receiving help is the basis for the way you see yourself as receiving help. But the way you see yourself as receiving help is sometimes you think what you're receiving, you don't think it's help. But I'm saying to you, regardless of what you think is happening to you, like Mary bringing this water, and most people can see, well, that seems helpful. But some of you might say, but if there's poison in the water, it's not so helpful. But actually, you could still sort of be focusing on how you're receiving help, even if somebody brings you poison. But there's another level which is underneath that you can't see. But start at the level, you're tuning in at the level that you can see, namely the verbal instruction of focus on how you are receiving.

[38:55]

Because the receiving, even if you can't see that it's helpful, you almost can see the receiving. And again, the different ways of understanding the sentence One of them is, see how you are receiving. See how what you are is the receiving. And you, you know, it's pretty hard to see that, to see how what you are is receiving, except it just flips, you know? And usually we don't think of ourselves as a receiving. We think of ourselves as a well, sort of as a received or as an established. We don't necessarily say received. What do you say? There's also a received revelation, an expression in Western theology of received revelation. But once the revelation is received, then we have it, right?

[39:58]

Whereas I'm suggesting more that the revelation is received moment by moment, and the revelation, the way you're receiving it, is your life. Your life is a received revelation. But do you focus on that? Or do you start sometimes getting concerned with what is it that you receive? What is it that you receive? Is that really helpful? So that you can be doing this meditation even if you're brought poison. even if you don't know it's poison, and even if you drink it and get sick, still you can be in the mode of enlightenment, the Buddha's mode. Because the Buddha actually ate some bad stuff by whatever reasons. Somehow the causes and conditions of our founder's life was that he ate some bad food at the end of his... when he was about 80. But he didn't like... I'm suggesting to you that the Buddha didn't flip out of his meditation and how he was being helped, because he was the Buddha.

[41:03]

And the Buddha is being helped. The Buddha is being helped. That's what Buddha is, is being helped. And that's what the Buddha was, was somebody who was being helped and who knew it. So even when given poison, he didn't say, oh, darn. Matter of fact, he mainly tried to get people, he mainly told people not to hurt that guy. Because they thought, they'll probably think that, you know, he didn't help me. So don't hurt that guy. He was trying to, he was doing his best. He didn't know that the food was poison. And even if he did know it was poison, he probably would have protected the guy anyway. But he was in the Buddha mode, so he was into how this poisonous food was coming to him, and he didn't so much say that the poisonous food is help, but that when he eats poisoned food, the Buddha is receiving help. Therefore, the Buddha is Buddha.

[42:05]

If the Buddha is not receiving help, I would suggest that's not Buddha. Because that would be something that was there already, and that wasn't made by what comes to it. Did you get that part? No? The usual idea is that I'm already here, and then things come, and I act on them. But the enlightened idea is that things come and then there's me. Now, sometimes what come are friendly faces and nice and brown rice. But sometimes what comes is unfriendly faces and poison. But still, what comes is what I am.

[43:09]

I'm not already something and then people are bringing me some things, some of which are helpful and some of which aren't helpful. The enlightened perspective is whatever comes, that's where my life is. And sometimes my life is sickness comes, but that's when the coming of the sickness, then I become a sick person. That perspective is a perspective of enlightenment. It's not particularly happy that I'm sick, But what is happy is to see that what I actually am is born in the arrival of a body that's sick, in a particular time, at a particular place. These conditions come and then I'm the way I am. In other words, I'm nurtured by the things that arise in the moment. That's the perspective enlightenment. So some people, what comes is health, wealth and friends. That's what comes sometimes. Okay?

[44:12]

But their perspective is that they're already there, and when those things come, they say thank you and, you know, they receive those things. But they're already there. It isn't that the coming of these things is what they are. So they're deluded and unhappy and scared. They're scared that those things are going to go away and be replaced by unfriendly, poisonous people. Whereas if you see the coming, although what's coming sometimes is illness, is a deadly illness, you're in the mode of seeing that the coming of it is actually nurturing you, giving you your current life, which might not be around in this form much longer because what you've received is a sick body. But you're in the enlightened mode so that out of this sick body you say, sun-faced Buddha, moon-faced Buddha. You're still helping people Because although you're receiving an ill body, you see that you're receiving it and you receive that you're nothing, that what you are is just the reception of this ill body.

[45:17]

And because you have that enlightened perspective, you bless the world. And everybody you meet and everybody you speak with shares this Buddha virtue. Because you're in this samadhi. of dependable arising. And actually as you get into it, finally, as you become more and more evolved, you actually can see how this happens, but you see it not in a way of appearances. You see the reality of it. And the reality of interdependence is not an appearance. The reality that can be met with recognition is not reality. So you're in it, you see it, you know it, but not as an object. And you can tell people about it. And how do you tell people about it? Sun face Buddha, moon face Buddha. Or all the beings in innumerable realms are enlightening each other, and the enlightenment of all things is resonating back and forth, and the whole sky is turning into light, and you talk like that, or whatever, you know.

[46:24]

So, would you please help me by asking me a question, Mary? Can you tell me about thoroughly established character again? A thoroughly established character is, in terms of what I just sang, it's the absence of the appearance of what's coming to you in the coming of, in the coming. So like right now, all of you are here in the room, right? Is anybody in the room that's not here?

[47:25]

Huh? You're all here, right? So you're all in the room. In this moment, you've come to me, and you've come, they've come to you. And you are born in the advent of all these people. Also your body has come. Okay? So you are actually being created right now by all these conditions. Okay? Okay? But you have an image of that, right? You have a picture of that, of how that's happening. Or you don't think that all these things are coming to help you. You think you're making yourself keep going. Okay? So even if I see that I'm born in the advent of all you, which I'm recommending. And even if I'm meditating on how I'm receiving support from all of you, I'm meditating on that to try to like meditate on dependent co-arising. Still, as Kathy said, that's kind of a conventional view of it.

[48:27]

And the conventional view is false. My view of how this is happening is not how it's happening. So when Mary brought the water and put it down, I said, you know, conventionally that looks like help. But I also mentioned, but it might be poison, and I'd already drank some. But even though I gestured towards this conventional appearance, underneath that conventional appearance, which is false, is the actual way that she is helping me. So she's actually been my attendant during this retreat, and she's been helping me. And you can see the appearance. You all have images of how she's helping me, right? But the basis of the images you have of how she's helping me are the way she's actually helping me. So even when she's like, even when the image of her doesn't look like she's helping me, I'm meditating on how she's helping me anyway.

[49:30]

So I'm meditating on how she's constantly helping me and how Louise is helping me and how Carol's helping me and how Liliane's helping me. I'm meditating on how everybody's helping me in this meditation. But still, there's a superficial way of doing that, which is the image of how you're helping me. So I'm remembering to meditate on how you're helping me, or actually how I'm receiving your help, rather than how you're helping me. I'm not so much concentrating on how you're helping me. I'm meditating on how I am receiving your help. Again, I'm meditating on how what I am is the reception of your help. But still I have some kind of image of that. But that image of it doesn't reach the way it's actually happening, which I can't think of the way it's actually happening. I'm just thinking of it, opening to it, but I can't actually see it because it's not an apparent thing. It's an imperceptible mutual assistance. It's an imperceptible mutual assistance. I'm also helping you, and that's an imperceptible assistance that I'm giving you.

[50:35]

but we have words which can remind us to sort of open to that reality. The thoroughly established character is the fact that any image we have of how we are receiving help and how we are being helped and how we are helped, our images of how we're helping people, our imagination of how we're helping people, doesn't reach the way we're actually helping them. Even though our imagination of how we're helping them is based on how we are helping them. And if we hold to that imagination, we get in trouble. And we usually do hold to it. So we think, I am helping this person and I'm not helping that person. We can't help think that or have that imagination. But if we hold to, I am helping this person, I get in trouble. And if I hold to that I'm not helping that person, I get in trouble. It's enough just to say, I think I'm helping this person, I think I'm not helping that person. That's enough. We shouldn't believe that, but we do. Thoroughly established character is the fact that your ideas about your helpfulness or unhelpfulness do not actually reach your helpfulness or unhelpfulness.

[51:45]

You actually might be unhelpful. It's possible that unhelpfulness could arise, but a person can be born of unhelpfulness, so it's not really unhelpful. So there really isn't unhelpfulness. However, if you hold to helpfulness and unhelpfulness, we don't understand that, that there's only help. And the thoroughly established is to see the absence of our imagination of helpfulness in helpfulness, and the absence of our imagination of unhelpfulness in unhelpfulness. And when you see that, you don't believe either of those images as being what's happening. And when you do that, then you enter into the realm where everything is helping. It opens you to the realm of mutual, imperceptible assistance. You enter the realm of Buddha's wonderful, beneficent world. But it's hard to get that vision because it's hard to shift away from appearances.

[52:54]

it's hard to look at something and not grasp it as an appearance, because our mind doesn't usually like to meet somebody without having an appearance of them. But it does sometimes happen that we're with someone or with an experience and we're having the experience, but there's a break in the appearance of the experience. In that sense, we don't know the experience, even though it's happening. So that already is part of our life, that we actually have moments where there's a break. But even when there's an appearance, there's still the basic reality of dependent core arising, which is not an appearance. Dependent core arising is not an appearance. It can't be an appearance because as soon as its appearance is not dependent co-arising, it's an image of dependent co-arising, which is not dependent co-arising. It's putting dependent co-arising out there, but dependent co-arising can't be out there because that's how we happen.

[53:57]

So the way we happen, of course, can't be separate from us, but in order to know the way we happen, we make an image of it, so then the way we happen becomes separate from us. We imagine it's separate from us, So then we have isolated ourselves from actually our causal nexus. So of course we're out of whack, so we suffer. So as we move towards seeing it thoroughly established, we move towards having the ability to actually see what's happening and as not an appearance, and then we have a chance to look to see that the appearances are actually absent, that they cannot be found in what's happening. But again, that's not the final goal, that's just liberation from the misconception. The final goal is then to use that as a way to participate in dependent core rising in order to realize Buddhahood. but Buddhahood is achieved or realized by meditating on the thoroughly established.

[55:04]

So once we start to be able to see the thoroughly established, then we just keep meditating on it more and more, and then we evolve more and more. Of course we can evolve prior to seeing it too, but the real bodhisattva exaltation occurs when you start to see emptiness, realize emptiness. Prior to that you can develop great virtue, but you haven't, in a sense, yet seen the ultimate truth. But you've become more and more intimate with the truth of dependent core rising, and you become more and more virtuous as a result, and you're not so much worried about nursing homes anymore. or illness and so on, you know that you're already in a nursing home and you know that the, what do you call it, that the person who's in the nursing home is not going to be around much longer.

[56:08]

Matter of fact, they're already gone. And you're getting more and more used to that and less and less afraid, moment by moment, through this meditation. And that gets you ready to meditate on the thoroughly established to actually see, thoroughly establish and understand it. And then, and then move forward towards, on your Bodhisattva path. Tim, would you help me by asking a question? I've got a couple of things, but I'll just ask one. I don't even know exactly how to ask this, but I'll try.

[57:08]

You're making suggestions. I'll just cut to the chase. In the world of choice, I keep coming back to this idea of choice, and it's an idea. Choice isn't an idea, but you have an idea of choice. I have an idea of choice. What's your idea of choice? Can you tell us more about that idea of choice? In general? Yeah, in general. Please don't get specific. Just kidding. You're going to start choosing your words now? Yes. If there's a choice, if there's an opportunity to practice in one way, because of your suggestions, I may

[58:13]

want to practice in that way, as opposed to, or as distinct from, another way. Right. Now, is that a choice? And I am thinking, is that a choice? I think that it could be viewed as a choice. When you hear about two ways, and you feel like, I want to do that way, even though you may not think, I'm choosing that way, but this desire to do that arises in you. So I could say to you, beforehand I could say to you, now Tim, I'm going to give you a choice. I could set it up that way. I'd say, you can stay here, or you can go with me to that ceremony. And you might feel like, when I set up those two possibilities, you might feel like, I'd like to stay here. And then because of what I said, then I could say to you, you chose to stay here.

[59:19]

And you might say, okay. But really, you didn't choose to feel that you wanted to stay here. You didn't choose that. That just arose when you heard those two options. But it can be viewed as a choice. Here's two pieces of cake. You can have one of them, so please choose. It might be that you, particularly if you like both of them, then you might feel more like the choice is being made because you feel desire for both. But you can't have both, we say. We say that. And you kind of go along with that. You say, okay, I'll choose this one. Okay? Zen students bring me, the thing that they bring to me most often as a painful situation is when they're in a situation where they think they have to make a choice. The thing they have to make a choice. So choices are, in a sense, like, are very much, you know, I think superimposed on dependent core rising.

[60:26]

But, so there is actually a psychic factor called choice, you know, in the sense that your mind, in a sense, chooses what it pays attention to moment by moment. But the choice is actually not chosen because the determining factor for the choice is predispositions. So like gay men just naturally pay more attention to men in certain situations than they do to women. Whereas heterosexual men just naturally pay more attention to women in some situations than they do to men. It's not like really they have a choice. They're like programmed to like go boop this way. Somebody else is programmed to go boop that way. And little boys, little heterosexual boys don't pay attention to girls the way they do when they get older because the programming changes because their bodies change and their education changes. Part of their programming is that little boys sometimes tell each other not to pay attention to girls. It's kind of, you're a sissy if you pay attention to girls or something like that.

[61:31]

So they get trained by causes and conditions not to pay attention to girls. But they don't really choose that. It's just the causes and conditions make them sort of like paying attention to this gender or that gender. It's all just like set up, you know. So in a sense, you don't choose, but if you look at the person, it looks like they're making a choice. Like, you know, you put a rat in a maze, you look down at them, it looks like they're making choices. But you can see that they make different choices depending on what their previous experience with the maze was. Right? They've learned that if they go this way, certain things happen that they don't like, and if they go that way, things happen they do like, or something like that. And so because of that experience, they like to go this way. dependent — the way you actually come to, like, apparently choose things is a dependent co-arising. And our images of how that process goes do not reach the actual complexity of the process.

[62:37]

So we cannot choose, you know, who we like. And some people say, yes I can, I'm going to choose to like this person, I'm going to choose to stop liking that person. You keep switching. You can do that. But you can't choose to play that game. You know, when somebody tells you you can't choose, you can't choose to be a person who is like contradictory and says, I'm going to reverse the process. Some people say, yeah, that's right, I can't. And some other people say, oh, yes, I can. But we are not in control of who we are. We are who we are and depends on things other than us. So we got a person who likes this more than that. But we can't choose to be the person who likes this more than that. So based on liking this more than that, we seem to choose this rather than that. Or some people do the opposite of what they like. They choose what they don't like. But you can't control yourself into being that kind of person. You just are.

[63:42]

Some people, what do you call it, they're counterphobic. So they go towards what they don't like or what they're afraid of. But they didn't control themselves. They didn't make themselves into being counterphobic. Some other people are just regular phobic, and they avoid what they're afraid of. But people don't make themselves into the person who does these various moves and seems to make these various decisions. So decisions or choices do seem to be made, but they aren't made by the person. I mean, the person is not in control of the decision. They are the person in whom the decision is made or acted out. That's why people get so upset about making decisions is they're trying to do something by their own power that they don't do by their own power. And they think, and they know actually, that there will be consequences and they'll be responsible for the decisions that are made. In whichever direction you go, you'll be responsible. It's true, you will. You can't get away from that. So you are made into being a certain person who does things which... You are made into being a person who, you know, you don't make yourself into the person who wants to do this, and then you do this and there's consequences, and you're responsible for the things you do because you're a person, but you didn't make yourself into that person.

[65:00]

So then you might feel, this is not a very good deal, but it actually is a really good deal, I think. And when you tune into this, you do not have so much trouble making decisions. They're not so painful anymore. You're responsible, but not responsible for making the decision. You're responsible for the decision that arises. You're responsible for being the person you are that you didn't make. It's hard to understand. Yeah, it is, because it requires that you change quite a bit. You're not responsible for causes and conditions. You're responsible for your actions. You're responsible for what's happening. So like it was raining earlier today, you're all responsible for that rain.

[66:04]

But none of you think you made it happen by your own power, do you? No. You didn't. I mean, you didn't, and you don't think you did. But you're still responsible for it. If you had made it rain, you'd still have to, like, do pretty much the same thing you did anyway. How are you responsible? In your response? Yeah, in your response. Like, whether you go out in it or not, whether you get your umbrella, whether you help other people. whether you fixed the leaks in the roof. It isn't just that you're responsible for what you think you did by your own power, because there aren't any things like that. But people think that there's some things they do by their own power, and they think those are the things they're responsible for. This is really deluded, because they're only responsible for things they did by their own power, which they didn't do by their own power. And they think they're not responsible for the things that they don't think they did by their own power, which they're right, they didn't.

[67:06]

So most of the things that happen, I mean, everything that happens, you don't do by your own power. But most people think a lot of things that happen that didn't happen by their own power. So they don't feel responsible for all those things. This is not the Buddha way. The Buddha way is not that you're responsible for part of this world, the little section that you you know, are sort of in control of. That's not the range of your responsibility. And that's not the range of your nurturing. You're not nurtured by part of the world. Some people actually feel responsible for a certain section of the world where they feel some control or where they think they did things and they think they get their nurturing from someplace else. But actually you're responsible for everything and you get nurtured from everywhere. And as you open up your responsibility that helps you open up to see where you're getting your support. And as you open up your support that helps you see where your responsibility is. Because it's mutual.

[68:07]

It's imperceptible mutual assistance. And in the realm of imperceptible mutual assistance you don't make it rain by your own power and nobody else does. And you're responsible for the rain and so is everybody else. And so the people who don't think they're responsible for the rain or for something that happens, when they see you helping out with being responsible for something that happens, when they see you doing that, sometimes they see, how come you're helping with that? You didn't make it happen. And you said, yeah, I know I didn't make it happen. Neither did you. How come you're not helping? So actually, that's what the Buddhist teachers show. They show people that they're going around helping with things which aren't theirs, but they don't have anything that's theirs.

[69:08]

Nothing is theirs, and they take care of everything. But they are the possession of everything, but they don't possess anything. Everything possesses them, and they don't possess anything. And they're nurtured by everything, so they care for everything. That's their samadhi. That's their samadhi. So they're responsible for everything and everything's helping them. Everything's helping them and they're responsible for everything. But they don't do anything by their own power. And they help all the things that are not under their control. And they're responsible. So this is like difficult to understand because it's a change. It's hard to change. It's difficult for beings to change. But meditating this way starts to change you. Would you say when you think that you are doing it under your own power, that's what leads to evil? Leads to evil? Actions, expressions.

[70:10]

Yes, definitely. When you think that, when you project that you're doing something by your own power, that's projecting this self onto your activity, and that creates pain, first of all. And then the pain and disorientation and confusion and greed, hate and delusion that arise out of that, then the actions based on all this pain and affliction and greed, hate and delusion, those actions are harmful. Again, evil is lived backwards. Evil is to turn things around and make them upside down, and to imagine something about something that's not there and think that that's the thing, and to hold to it. So it's not just the idea that you're doing things by your own power, it's the holding to that. It's the belief that that's true. Because we naturally have that idea,

[71:13]

And we come by it honestly. It's built into our nervous system. Plus our parents say, you know, you did that. That's very good. You did a good job. You did that. Suzuki Roshi even said that to people sometimes. That was, you did a good job. This is the way we talk to children. And then when they get that done, then we start to say, now let's look at how everybody helped you do that. Yeah, you did a good job. Now let's look at how everybody helped you do that good job. How you did that job because of the help you received to be the person you are to do that thing. But that's a big change. So we're starting to like try to be mindful of a different way of seeing things and actually gradually start to change the way we feel about what's happening even while we continue to project a false appearance on things, we're hearing another version of it.

[72:18]

The false appearance of some people are helpful goes with the meditation. Not that everybody's helpful exactly, or unhelpful, not so much that, but just what I am is receiving help from everybody, no matter what you call them. Well, it's getting kind of late. We could go on, but we could also stop, unless somebody wants to ask another question now. Yes, Dave, and then Jim. When there's shifting away from appearances, and it's just shifting, and there's no one shifting, Is there in this different level of consciousness, is there just dancing with no shoes?

[73:35]

I will say yes as long as we don't think that dancing with no shoes reaches the dancing with no shoes. If what you mean by shoes is appearances, Jim, did you? Yes. I'm talking about imputing Amy Jensen. How does that drop? How does that imputation drop? So he's saying, how does it drop? One way it drops is that you actually see.

[74:53]

First of all, you hear about the imputation, and you kind of become aware of how the imputation is happening. You kind of can see that you have something that you're putting on things. You can't see what you're putting on once you put it on, But you kind of can see that you put on something. You can kind of see that you're putting, that you kind of see a belief in a self that you're putting on things. Like you look at somebody and you think, there is something about her that justifies calling her Carol. You can kind of see that. So you hear, for example, if you listen to this, you say, if I say, Carol's identity is nothing more than the word Carol. Her identity is nothing more than a word. It could be some other word, but her identity is nothing more than a word. When you hear that, you might be able to feel that you think there's something more to her identity than that word.

[75:59]

Can you feel that? That's a little bit of a shock. That shock is because you think there is something more, and that thinking that there is something more to her identity than that, that's the imputational. Now, there is something more to Carol than the word Carol, but there's nothing more to Carol's identity than the word Carol. Carol's not just an identity. But in order for her to have identity, we have to project something on her as though there's something more to her identity than just the word Carol. In other words, we don't feel like putting the word Carol on Carol if we don't think there's something more to her identity than the word Carol. So we put not just the word Carol on her, we put this idea that there's something more to her identity than the word Carol, and that's the imputation. So the imputation is done by using the word and also by projecting essences and attributes to Carol.

[77:03]

So you get to be more familiar with what the imputation is, get clearer about it. You can actually see it. You can see, you can know the imputational. So it says actually, in dependence on words that are connected to signs, you know the imputational. So we have a word, and we sense that the word is connected to a sign, that there's actually something there that the word is connected to. Rather than the word just refers to Carol, we think the word is actually based on something in her. So as you get to know the imputational, more and more clearly, then you can start to meditate and to see if you can actually find that in the person or the thing. And you can actually, by looking carefully, you can actually see that you don't find it, you don't find that. That's one method to actually come to have a break where you don't actually see the appearance.

[78:06]

Even though you're looking right at the floor or a tree or at a person, there's a break in the appearance. Even though the thing didn't disappear, the appearance disappeared. There's a disappearance, but the thing didn't evaporate. In fact, if it was a visual appearance, you could conceivably keep talking to the person even though you can't see him anymore. Are you still there? Yeah. I can't see you anymore. But you're there, right? Yes. This is interesting, eh? Such a thing could happen. Because the appearance of the person is mentally imputed. So your mind can actually direct itself in such a way that you can look right at the thing, which you usually don't meet without projecting the appearance. You can look at the thing without looking at the appearance and not being able to find it. Or actually be able to have it disappear by looking for it where it should be and it's not there.

[79:13]

And you actually kind of like understand that it's absent. That's one way. And by meditating on dependent core rising, you build up the kind of like the moral fiber, the virtuous base, so you can actually do meditations like that. So you're not actually spending too much time worrying about, you know, worrying about, you know, nursing homes and stuff, worrying about your body falling apart, worrying about your kids, you're meditating in such a way that you're in the mode of confidence that the virtuous response to your various life circumstances is emerging as best it can from this meditation. And now you're in a position where you can actually look more deeply at the pinnacle arising.

[80:17]

Is that enough for now? So I'll be asking for more help in the future from more people. And I encourage you to ask for help. Try to find ways that you can ask for help. Get yourself in the help requesting mode and give people a chance to help you. Give people a chance to wake up to that they're helping you and celebrate that they're helping you. And also it's good to actually work up to ask for what you really want. Don't just ask for easy stuff that you don't really care about. But I actually do want you to help me by asking me questions. So I was actually asking for something I really do want. And actually I also would like to ask you to help me by meditating on dependent core rising.

[81:17]

May our intention equally penetrate every being and place.

[81:32]

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