are simply expressions from human beings which are literally calling out for intimacy. I hear that. And I think to myself, yeah, that's really important, intimacy is. When I hear intimacy, I hear reality. A few decades ago,

[01:07]

A man who was young then said to me that he yearned to be held. So I think it's reasonable to yearn to be held, because yearning to be held is yearning for part of reality. In reality, we are being held. The other side of reality is that we are holding, that we are supporting. So I think the reality of being held by others and holding others is something we want to realize more fully, even if we're unconscious of it. I think we yearn for reality. And how can we make this desire for reality so that we realize reality?

[02:29]

I just heard yesterday somebody told me something they thought Jung said. I think he probably said it in German, but the English translation was, the soul is in the desire, not the object. I can question this person, but I guess I've heard that when we desire the soul, when we desire to realize our spirit, our true spirit, it's in the desire that we should look rather than towards the object. So here, too, I think It's now a desire for intimacy to look back at the desire for intimacy rather than look outward at the object of intimacy, making intimacy a reality into an object outside ourselves.

[03:52]

Rather, turn the light around and shine it back and study ourselves to find intimacy. When I sit, particularly on Sunday talk, when I sit here and I wear these robes, I sometimes feel a little silly because they're, you know, quite elaborate. And also they're espousing to be traditional. This top robe here, I'm wearing this large patch robe, is supposed to be modeled on the curly robes of the Buddhist community in India during the time of the founding of Buddha Shakyamuni. And this style of robe of patchy together spreads in a certain way.

[05:02]

It's a traditional role worn by the Buddhist community for 25 centuries. The Buddhist community of monastics and non-monastics, of male and female monastics and male and female householders. This is a traditional role to work. And I sometimes feel like it's a little stupid silly for just, you know, for a human being to do, to all dressed up like this. But today I feel, I feel less that way when I'm in a group of people where everybody's wearing the robe. But most of you are not wearing this robe today.

[06:06]

Maybe 50 of the people in the room or 70 of the people in the room are wearing the robe. I don't know. Maybe more than 70. Maybe almost a half might be wearing it. It's this large one like this, but also there's a small one that's too light. Up there you see that small one, that blue one that Wayne is wearing. So it is traditional to wear an outfit partly saying, this person is devoted to the teachings of the buddhas and the practices of the buddhas. And today I thought, well, clearly I wear this robe in some sense to perform and enact this lineage, this lineage which, coming to me, is a lineage of 91 generations.

[07:19]

Over 2,500 years, 91 generations. And I started to wear it to enact the stories, the dramas of the lineage, because many of the stories in the lineage are about people wearing these robes. And today, because of the call for intimacy, I remembered a story which has a close relationship with wearing this robe. So in China, more than 1,000 years ago, there was a teaching man, Tong Han, and he had a disciple, a student named Yuan Wang.

[08:38]

And the teacher, Kung An, said to Nguyen Van, what is the business under the patchwork? What's going on under the patchwork? And Nguyen Van said, nothing. And the teacher said, to study the Buddha's teaching, to practice the Buddha way, to wear this robe and study the Buddha's teaching and practice the Buddha way, and not reach this realm. is the most painful thing.

[09:47]

And Mom said, what is this around me? The teacher said, intimacy. And the monk understood. Great tears of gratitude flowed down his face, and he prostrated himself to the teacher. And the teacher said, Do you understand now? And the monk said, I do. The teacher says, can you express it? And the monk said, I can't. And the teacher asked the monk again, what is the business on your dispatch road?

[11:04]

And the monk said, intimacy. And the teacher said, intimacy, intimacy. People who do not wear this robe and who do not reach the realm of intimacy are in pain. To put the robe on and not reach this realm is more painful. We're not trying to have more pain. We're trying to reach the realm and realize the realm of intimacy.

[12:08]

Wearing the robe supports us to do so. Everyone wants to reach this realm. But when you wear the robe, there's additional support, encouragement, pressure for you to realize it. Because your ancestors who wore the robe point out that this must be reached as intimacy. What is the intimacy? Well, it's the intimacy of all paintings. It's the intimacy of delusion and enlightenment. It's the intimacy of restricting, confusing, needy, unclear karmic consciousness.

[13:25]

It's the non-duality of karmic consciousness, and the real enlightenment. It's the intimacy of Buddhas and all the Vedas. That's the intimacy. That wearing a robe, which is the purpose of wearing a robe, put the robe on to remind us of this intimacy. We set up Zen communities of male and female monastics and male and female householders. We serve the communities to realize this intimacy. If we don't, it's not comfortable. There's a pressure on us to realize this. So we won't be lazy and we won't look away from our

[14:32]

the deep desire to realize reality. Of course we will take it the other way, but it can be at least set up to make us not be all that comfortable when we do, and to return to the continuous, compassionate contemplation of karmic consciousness. We must be intimate with karmic consciousness in order to reach the intimacy of karmic consciousness and Buddha's enlightenment. If we're unwilling to be into network delusion, then we can't be with what is into network delusion, enlightenment. A few generations before this story occurred another story in the same lineage, this lineage, where the ancestor Dongshan said to a monk, what is the most painful situation?

[16:07]

And the monk said, hell is the most painful situation. And the teacher said, no, hell is not. The most painful situation is to wear this robe and not clarify the great matter. What is the great matter? The great matter is a two-stage. Literally, the great matter is the one great matter of Buddhas appearing in the world. Buddhas appear in the world. Buddhas don't just appear in worlds, they also live in situations which aren't worlds. They live in worlds and outside of worlds, but they appear in worlds because living beings live in worlds. The kind of consciousness of living being creates worlds.

[17:15]

Buddhas come into worlds, and the reason they come into worlds is to help beings open to the city, see it demonstrated, awaken to it, and enter it. This is the one great matter, the one great condition for Buddhas appearing in the world of living beings. Working on this intimacy is the business under this rule. And so I would add, those are two kinds of most painful situations, so I would add a third.

[18:18]

The most painful situation is to wear this world and not clarify common consciousness. It's the same thing. Whether this world had not clarified the great matter of Buddha's appearing in the world is the same as to not clarify our own common consciousness, our own delusion, our self. But it's difficult to do this work because conscious, active consciousness, which knows objects, has a tendency to look out at the objects and to concern with the objects.

[19:23]

It's hard for it to hit itself to turn around and look at itself. It's hard for the activity of knowing to study the activity of knowing. The activity of knowing usually is looking at what it knows, rather than looking at the activity of knowing what it knows. So it's a difficult work for us to turn around and look at what we're thinking. to look back the stories, constant stories we have about objects, the stories we have about the world. Karmic consciousness always is a story about the world. It's a wonderful world, it's a terrible world, Look back at the thinking that it's a wonderful world.

[20:27]

Look back at the thinking that it's a not-so-wonderful world. Clarify the self in which this story has happened. To clarify the story in which the self has happened. The self is this story. and nothing more. If you study the story, you'll realize yourself is nothing more than your story right now. You're now something in addition to what you think is going on. And what you are exists in your story. A business under this world is intimacy. the ongoing storytelling that's happening under the robe. There is storytelling always going on under the robe.

[21:30]

And if you take the robe off, there's storytelling going on in the body that the robe was taken off of. There's always storytelling going on. But the real business under the robe is intimacy with that story. If we can be intimate with this story, with this karmic consciousness, we will realize that this karmic consciousness is intimate with all buddhas. But the ancestors say, but you have to, sometimes they say, you have to do it yourself. The buddhas are not going to tell this story. They're not going to study your cosmic consciousness for you. They're not going to clarify yourself for you. They sometimes emphasize that point. But I think that most of the history of Buddhism has been going on in Asia. And in Asia, people in ancient times kind of thought the Buddhas were there helping them out.

[22:38]

So when people were told in Asia, you know, thousands of years ago. Don't think the Buddhas are going to do this studying of yourself for you. Don't think the Buddhas are going to be continuously compassionately contemplating your common consciousness for you. They're not going to do it for you. So tell people that. You have to do it. Because they're kind of going to get the Buddha with them. And in the West, when people don't think the Buddhas are hanging out with us when we're practicing, then I would change the statement to, you have to do it yourself. We have to do it ourselves together with the Buddhas. So in the West, you might think, well, I'm going to continuously and passionately contemplate counter-consciousness. I'm going to do it. No, you're not going to do it. I'm not going to do it by myself. I'm going to do it with you. And we're going to do it with them.

[23:44]

We cannot do this by ourselves. That's why we set up a Zen center. You go to a place where people say to you, good morning, are you studying your current consciousness? Have you realized intimacy with your delusions? We don't need you to say, have you realized intimacy with your enlightenment? you realize intimacy with your delusions, which is not... You're not saying you're some special person, you're just a deluded person. Are you intimate with that? If you're intimate with that, you're intimate with enlightenment, because enlightenment is intimate. If you're intimate with a living being, you're intimate with the Buddhas, because Buddhas are nothing, absolutely nothing in addition to intimacy with living beings. And living beings are nothing in addition to intimacy with buddhas.

[24:48]

They sometimes think they are, but they're wrong. We are nothing in addition to intimacy. We are just intimacy. But we think we're something more. And if we are intimate with thinking that we're something more than intimacy, We will be intimate with the understanding that we're not something more than intimacy. And one more kind of big point, which is a little bit difficult, is that this intimacy is a statue. it cannot be found. It's emptiness. It's void. It's a voidness. But it's a voidness that's filled with goodness and compassion.

[25:56]

But the compassion in goodness cannot be found. So we're devoting ourselves to something which is a reality that cannot be found. Reality cannot be found. Nothing can be found, and the reality is that nothing can be found including reality. However, reality can be realized by the power of our thought, the power of our thought to study our thought, the study of our common consciousness. If we use that ability, we will realize in intimacy which is insubstantial. And because it's insubstantial, it can't get stuck, and it can always adjust to a changing world and be realized again and again and again and again in every situation. We've got just the right amount of consciousness right now, each of us, not too much, not too little.

[27:44]

We've got just the right amount of suffering right now. And then can you be still with it, and quiet with it, and present with it, and really completely compassionate with it? If we can't be completely compassionate with our consciousness, can we be compassionate with our inability to be compassionate? And in this way, we can become intimate with intimacy. And again, with intimacy, by intimacy, there's no possessiveness of it, and that no possessor can mess up with because it can't be possessed, but also because of the intimacy we don't want to possess.

[28:49]

Just receive and transmit. Receive it and give it away. In reality, this is our life. We receive it and give it away. But consciousness thinks it's got something and it can hold on to it. And it's only going to give it away under certain circumstances. If we're intimate with that, we'll give up dwelling in that. And in that intimacy, we will not try to get intimacy from other people. We won't try to get intimacy from our relationships.

[29:53]

We will receive intimacy from our relationships, and give intimacy to our relationships, and we'll give up trying to get intimacy from other beings. If we try to get intimacy from other beings, let's discover consciousness. kind of consciousness tries to get intimacy, tries to get something from self-repugnant. And again, even if we're trying to get intimacy, which discards us from intimacy, we can continue with that and not go out of that and then receive the intimacy which is always present. We're calling for it, It's always present, and we realize that when we're continuing with our call.

[31:07]

When we learn to call without trying to get anything. Call is a gift. For your information, I'm here. I'm here to receive you. I'm giving my presence and stillness to you. To feel that there's some part of my common consciousness that I do not want to be intimate with is basically the same as to think there's some living being that I don't want to be intimate with. My own pettiness and fear and confusion

[32:16]

my own addictions, etc. I must begin to network if I wish to realize and clarify the great matter of where I am as well. And it's the same with every person. And if we can actually accept ourselves completely, we'll be accepted, we'll be able to be accepted to continue with all things. So if we think we're completely accepted ourselves, then we go out to test. If there's anybody that we feel queasy about, be cozy with. And then that queasiness is another thing to be And if there's somebody we do not feel ready to be internet with, we can't see how to be internet with them, working on ourselves will help us find a way to do it.

[33:39]

I don't feel comfortable being with you this way, but I think I could be with you that way. I do want to be with you, but not that way. How about this way? And I do feel... I deal with my unwillingness to do these things with you. And I'm not dwelling in my unwillingness. I just am a woman. And that can change. Because kind consciousness has no foundation. Therefore it can always change. Therefore it is always changing. But for an appointment with it, we will now realize its tremendous ability to change, to transform. Once again, the one great matter of what is occurring in the world is intimacy.

[35:25]

And this intimacy is the intimacy with ourself, with our kind of consciousness, with our don't. And in order to be intimate with ourself, we must be very completely compassionate to everything that we are. The choir is to be present with what we are. Be still with what we are.

[36:27]

Even if we're running around, coming up and down, to be still with that. Even if we're singing at the top of our lungs, to be still with that singing. To be silent does not dwell in us. you

[38:47]

Thank you very much.

[40:14]

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