I enjoyed wearing this hat. Oh, wait. I want to get a picture, please. Afterwards. And, uh, see... So Nina, is it? So Nina, you weren't here Friday night, were you? No. So one of the main teachings of the Buddha is that his definition of karma or action is intention. So just now, I had the intention to write the word attention on the board.

[01:17]

And the letters are kind of light. So because of that, I was aware that I wanted the black to be blacker. So I looked for another pen. And then my body enacted that intention, got the pen, and wrote. the rest of the work. That's an example of action. But really, it was fundamentally an intention. And also, like during this retreat, feeling responsibility for the retreat and for all of us it's kind of easy for me to keep looking and to see what my intention is, and to see if my intention would be beneficial to you.

[02:21]

It's kind of easy for me to want you to have a good retreat. I don't know if it's easy for all of you to want everybody else to have a good retreat, is it? Do you think about that a lot during your retreat, about how to help the other people in the retreat have a good retreat? Do you think about that a lot? One person said she wasn't actually thinking about that so much. But can you see how, because of my vision of my relationship with you, I feel responsible to assist you to have a good retreat? Probably because I see myself in this role of, that's my job. And you can see reasons why I would think that, right? So then because I see myself in that relationship, I'm looking to see, well, what kind of a relationship with you would be beneficial to us? So during a retreat, it's pretty easy for me to be focused on my intention, especially when I'm with you, all of you, or actually with one of you, too.

[03:39]

And sometimes it's easy even when I'm not with you. But to tell you the truth, I went out for a walk last night after the session, and when I was walking I was kind of like concentrating on walking. I wasn't so much thinking about how I could relate to you in such a way that would help you during this retreat. I sort of shifted my attention. It was different at that time. Or you could say it was a little bit more difficult for me to think about you when I was out exercising. Whereas now, it's easy for me to think about you, because you're here. But some of you shook your head no, that you weren't thinking a lot about how to make the retreat good for each other, for the other people. I appreciate that revelation of your intention. Yes? Is it okay to ask a question now? In your example of when you went out for a walk, not thinking about how that was beneficial to the retreat as a whole, isn't there still a sense that you're going for a walk is beneficial for the retreat as a whole, even though you're not focusing on that intention in the time of walking?

[05:03]

Well, there could have been, but I'm saying that I wasn't actually thinking of I'm going on a walk to help them see it. I've noticed when I... I guess I'm saying without thinking about it, like, deliberately, my walk will be beneficial for everyone that... that there's still some intention of benefit in your walking, the benefit for everything in your walking. Right. However, I wasn't looking at it. Okay. And if you don't look at it, it makes a big difference. Whereas not only do I have an intention to help you have a good retreat in your life, but it's easy for me just looking at it and questioning whether it isn't so. Is it actually good intention? Because there's a variety of good intentions too, you know, to some extent. Which is the best? I'm also discriminating among various stories of how this retreat could go. Whereas I wasn't really doing that when I was walking.

[06:07]

I wasn't really looking to see, you know. But then later I thought, actually this morning I thought, oh, I forgot that some people wanted to talk to me and I could have done that instead of taking a walk. Or some other things, like after getting up, I forgot. So another point I've been making is that the intention is kind of a story. And what's the story about? Gary? What's this story about? What's the intention of the story about? Well, it's about how your intention would play out. Yeah. It's about how you see the world. Yeah. It's about how you see the world relative to a given situation or given characters.

[07:14]

Right. Okay. And every time you tell a story, and every time you think of a story, there's consequences of thinking that story. And when we are creating a sense of our relationship with people moment by moment, and we do not pay attention to it. I've been telling you the story with the intention to help, but if we don't pay attention to it, we become more and more

[08:14]

unskillful at that very thing we're not doing. We become unskillful at looking at our stories and looking at our intentions when we don't. And also the intentions generally become more unskillful when not consciously observed. So intentions are mostly unconscious. But you can consciously observe part of the intention. And consciously observing part of the intention, part of the way you see yourself in relationship to the world, by observing part of it, it has a positive effect on all of it. So observing your intentions, actually, you might not actually be able to see how observing your intentions modifies your intentions. It may be that sometimes the major effect of observing your intentions is on the part of your intentions that you can't see.

[09:27]

That the unconscious workings of your intentions are transformed in a way you can't see consciously. But after some time you can actually see that the part that's conscious starts to look different, partly because the unconscious part is at the base of the conscious part. And it gets transformed by watching the conscious part. You can't watch the unconscious part. I can't watch the unconscious part. Another thing that happens is, as you watch the conscious part, which you can watch, which is based on the unconscious part. And the unconscious part also makes a decision of how much of its workings are going to be made available, not to be seen, but be made available for storytelling. So it isn't exactly that the unconscious process is shown, but it supports the making of the story about itself.

[10:37]

And so, as you look at your intentions, at your stories, you notice that, generally speaking, you'll notice the last stuff you didn't notice before. You'll notice more subtlety, and so on, the more you look. So your vision improves, sort of together with what's being given to you, and also transforms what isn't being given to you. So that's the story about the process of observing your ongoing mental activity, all of which is called, in a given moment, intention. And that's the basic activity, that's the basic evolutionary activity of our life.

[11:44]

And once again, not observed, it has consequences. And observed, it has consequences. However, not observed, its consequences tend to perpetuate obscuration of awakening. obscurations of enlightenment. Observed, still you're just observing part of your intention, but observing your intention and bringing it out in the light and confessing and repenting it, melts away the root of transgressing from what? Not from your intention, but transgressing from enlightenment. And transgressing also means ignoring and being blinded.

[12:52]

By the way, the definition of enlightenment that I offered is that silent bond among all beings. And there is, so enlightenment is that silent bond among all beings. It's the way all beings are mutually assisting each other. But this is an inconceivable assistance. The story I'm telling is that it's an inconceivable assistance. You can think about how you assist people, and that's an intention. When you think about how you assist people, that's an intention. If you think about how you want to assist people, how you are assisting people, how you're going to assist people, those are all intentions. Those are conceivable. The way you're actually helping people is inconceivable.

[13:58]

When you think about how people are helping you also, when you think about it, That's your story, that's your intention. When you think about how people are helping you, that's a cognitive version of how they're helping you. How they're actually helping you, however, is not just cognitive. Cognitive is involved, because they're cognitive beings, but the way they're doing it is not cognitive in the sense of our normal cognition. It's cognitive in the sense of awakening, of enlightenment cognition. It's not an individual cognition. It's not your cognition. And similarly, when you think about how you're not helping people, you can actually conceive of that. OK?

[15:02]

But I wouldn't say that the way you're not helping people is inconceivable. But the way you think about not helping people is conceivable. You are conceiving that you're not helping people, or that you don't want to help people. That's conceivable and that's conceptual. However, the way you're actually not helping people is not inconceivable. You do not inconceivably not help people, I would suggest. In other words, in the inconceivable realm you're not unhelpful. It's only in the realm of conception that we're actually causing and living in a world. Causing a world and living in a world where we're causing each other disservice. There can be wrong perceptions, but wrong perceptions are different to wrong conceptions.

[16:16]

And it's really wrong conceptions that are the problem. And in the non-conceptual, inconceivable realm, there we only are living together, and we have no way to conceive of being separate. We have no way of conceiving that we're helping each other or not helping each other. There we are living together, giving each other life and helping each other die. However, there's no conception of birth and death there. That's the story. Now I want to tell another story. This is a little Sanskrit lesson.

[17:18]

One of the names for, not so much a name for enlightenment, but in a way a name for Buddha, for an enlightened being, is Kathagata. Katha, it's a long name, and then Kathagata. And this word is, I don't know, I guess it's intentionally ambiguous. But it's ambiguous because you can etymologize or break the word in two different ways. You could see it as tata, tata, gata. Or you could see it as tata, agata. In other words, does that make sense? Ha-ta means thus. Ha-ta-ta means thus-ness.

[18:28]

That's how you do Sanskrit. You would go from ta-ta, which means thus, to make it a abstract noun. Ta-ta-ta. So tathagata could mean, gatha means gone, gatha means gone, and agatha means come, or, you know, not gone. Does that make sense? Tathagata means gone, agatha means come. So tathagata could be tathagata, which means thus gone, or it could be tathagata, which means thus come. And the Chinese, I don't know if they couldn't figure it out or they just decided to choose one side, but usually the way they write in Chinese, then this name, one of these names for Buddha, this is one of Buddha's epithets or honorary titles, tathagata.

[19:36]

The way they write it is thus come. They emphasize thusness or thus come when they write. They just do one side. They write it in a way that can go either way. Sanskrit can go either way. So I wanted to tell you this because it shows you two different ways to meditate. in a way that are not really separate, but it's sometimes helpful to look at these two different ways. One way is the way of going to blessedness, going to the way things are. Or going thus, going to blessedness. That's one way. That way is the way that we usually think of the Buddha, or a Buddha, practicing, studying, learning about herself, and through that process, going to the way things are, entering into the way things are, entering into enlightenment.

[20:49]

That's the story of the Buddha practicing and going someplace and realizing the truth. Okay? That's thus gone. That's, you know, thus gone beyond discrimination. That's studying discrimination, studying discrimination, and going beyond discrimination into non-discriminating wisdom, into inconceivable wisdom, into wisdom of the inconceivable, entering into the realm of enlightenment. The other way is coming from that realization, coming forth from that realization, in a sense, back into the world of discrimination. So the enlightenment process is beings hearing the teaching,

[21:55]

Actually, hearing the teaching, it's kind of like this suchness is another word for this enlightenment, which is... Oh, I also said... Did I say it was the bond among all beings? Did I say it was a silent bond? Yes. Did I say that, Nina? No. It's the silent bond. So this bond, this inconceivable bond, this inconceivable mutual assistance is quiet. But it can talk. It can come into the realm of language for those who speak languages. It can come into the realm of smells for dogs. It can come into this, or snakes. or ants.

[22:58]

It can come into the realm of light for many different types of beings. It can come into these realms of discrimination so that beings can be stimulated by the process of inconceivable assistance. Then beings are stimulated, then they can practice, and then they can go to lessness. Okay, that's one way to see the process. The other way to see the process is you, when you're sitting, for example, in meditation or walking in meditation, you can practice the thus come side by accepting that suchness is coming to you as you, sitting or walking, is coming to you. This is thusness coming into discrimination.

[24:05]

Coming to this seat, which is next to this seat, which is next to this seat. Coming into this seat, which is next to this seat, where it's coming into this seat. You can have it coming into everybody. But in particular, you can receive it. you can receive suchness. This word, gatha, made me think of gate, gate, parabate, karasamgate. We were actually talking about that in the car on the way up, and I've heard several different explanations of it. Would you have time to talk about gate, gate, parabate? Passing back to you right now? I guess so.

[25:09]

So at the end of the Heart Sutra there's a mantra which goes, which can be translated as gone, gone beyond, gone completely beyond, and then bodhisvaha. Bodhi means enlightenment, welcome. spa means welcome, or hail. Agate is the same verb, the same word, gata and gate? Yeah. It's a slightly different grammatical use, but same word. So, in terms of what we were talking about this weekend, gone, gone where? Gone beyond, gone, gone beyond, Discrimination. Gone beyond discrimination. Gone completely beyond discrimination. Then you can say at that moment, welcome enlightenment.

[26:16]

Welcome enlightenment. Welcome enlightenment. Welcome enlightenment. So, for example, this morning I had this... I saw yesterday that one of the people who made a tremendous effort to organize this retreat got a headache. And so she was suffering yesterday, and I guess through the night, and now she's still suffering with it. So here's this person who's been... so kind to us, so kind to me and you, so diligent in taking care of all the details, to care for us, and now this person who we appreciate is in pain. So I feel pain too.

[27:19]

And... So... how do I work with that pain that I feel? Partly I'd feel good to feel pain about somebody I appreciate. If I'm not feeling her pain, I feel pain because I care for her and appreciate her. So it really hurts for her to be in pain. And then I can practice, and then is there any discrimination between me and her? Maybe there is. So then I can notice that I have a story that we're separate or whatever, and I can work on that. And receiving the Buddha's teaching and receiving welcoming enlightenment, then I'm ready and willing to meditate

[28:29]

with this pain and meditate on my relationship with her. And work on that, not to escape, but to welcome enlightenment with her through this relationship. That's an example that just happened to be going on right now. If others of you told me about your pains, I'd go through a similar process. Now, here's another story about this, and that is, I just wanted to say that I was wondering if this was rain on the roof, and I think it is. I thought, what a lovely sound.

[29:30]

Is that the air conditioning or rain? I thought if it's the air conditioning, very nice sounding air conditioning. It should have all air conditioning sounding like rain. But I think it's actually rain, because I went outside and it was raining. But it didn't seem like the rain would be that loud, but... It's icy rain. It's creating an ice coating over all the trees. Yeah. So, anyway, where were we? Before we go there, would we like light up here? Do you want light up here? I'll get it. So this is a story about one of the main figures in the history of Zen.

[30:32]

We call this person, you know, number six. So he's big number six, sixth ancestor of the Zen school in China. And almost all of the Send schools from China. Millions of practitioners over more than a thousand years. Almost all the living ones come with him, his students. And one day a monk came to see him who was going to become another one of the great teachers. He came to him and Number six, the sixth ancestor said, where are you from? His name was Huiron. And he said, I come from Mount Sung.

[31:34]

And then the sixth ancestor said, what is it that thus comes? So his little pun there, because he's saying, This guy just came and he said, where are you from? And he said, what is it that just came? But he's also saying, what is Buddha? He used the Chinese word that they use for Buddha. That's this guy, what just came. And the monk said, to say it's this, to point to it, misses the point. And then the ancestors said, well, then are you saying there's no enlightenment or practice? He asked him, what's Buddha? He said, the point of it, this is the point. So are you saying there's no Buddha, no enlightenment, and no practice? And then he said, I'm not saying there's no practice and enlightenment.

[32:42]

He didn't say, yes, I'm saying that, or no, there isn't. He wasn't saying, yes, there is, and no, there isn't. He wasn't saying there isn't practice in enlightenment, and he wasn't saying, no, there is a practice of enlightenment. He didn't say either. Is that clear? He said, I only say that it must not be defiled. And the ancestors said, this undefiled way is what all Buddhas and ancestors have been taking care of. Now I'm like this, and you're like this too. So, again, you know, the way things are, no words reach the way things are.

[33:45]

No words reach enlightenment. No words reach what the Buddha is. So he said, what is the Buddha? What is the thus come? He said, to point at him, this is the point. Well, then do you say, but there isn't anything? If I would say no, that would be pointing at it too. So I don't say anything about it. I just say I'm not going to defile it. I'm not going to say any words about it, because I want to take care of it. I'm always taking care of it. I'm not saying anything about it because nothing can reach it, but I want to take care of it. I want to take care of what my mind won't reach. And in this way, I leap into it. And in that way you can take care of everything. Each thing you meet, take care of what your mind can't reach.

[34:52]

And then you leap into what the thing is. Action. And the way that what, and the Buddha teaches that what everything is, is everything's a dependent core rising. However, this, the way dependent core rising is, is that no words reach it. Work The way it is is that we arise depending on things supporting us. None of us make ourselves. Everybody else makes us. That's the kind of thing we are. However, I said this, but what I said doesn't reach anywhere. So the essential quality of it, in a sense, or actually not the essential quality, the purifying aspect of it is, But you understand it depending on how it arises, and then you purify that understanding with the understanding that your words about this process do not reach the process.

[35:59]

Looking at that is the same as not being caught by discrimination. Could you say that one more time? No, but I can say something. So the way we are is that we exist because things other than us make us. We do not make ourself. I make you, but I don't make me. I contribute to you, but I do not contribute to myself. I get to be myself, but I don't get to make myself. I don't maintain myself. I can maintain you, however. I can maintain the dharma, because I'm a dharma leader. I'm dependent on other things. But the purifying way to understand that is to see that no words about that actually reach... I just said those things, but those words didn't reach the process which I'm talking about.

[37:13]

And being attuned to that suchness purifies your understanding of your interdependence. So we have the teaching of our interdependence, and then we have the additional... We have our interdependence, and we have a teaching about interdependence, and then we have a teaching to help us see suchness, which is that any discriminations how we're interdependent, don't reach how we're interdependent. Which takes us back to any discrimination about this person helping me more than this person, or this person helping me more than this person. Those discriminations about, and this person helping me in this way, and this person helping me in that way. We do have these discriminations. Or even this person not helping me. We have such discriminations, right? But let's say you had discrimination, all these people are helping me, making me.

[38:21]

And that looks like this. And now you say, well, there's another way that they could help me, and that looks like that. But then there's also ways that they don't help me, and that looks like that. But even among all the ways that you see people helping you, if you believe that those ways are the ways they're helping you, you're somewhat alienated or exiled from the full immersion in the process and the experience of the fullness of that support, because you're living in a cognitively enclosed version of this wonderful drama. Yeah. Did that help? Thank you. Even though it wasn't what I said before? I still want to know what that was. You still want to know what it was? Buy the CD.

[39:23]

Buy the CD. So that's kind of a real... So we have this dependently co-arisen nature. We have this basic nature is that, and again the word nature is related to the word for birth, right? Nature at the root, the etymology of nature is birth, like nativity and natal. The way our nature, our birth, depends on things other than ourselves, and other people depend on us, but we don't depend on ourselves. I said that, but then to understand that deeply, we have to realize that no concept of that process is that process. And by understanding that, you actually enter the process, enter the inconceivable process, and enjoy it.

[40:28]

In other words, leap into enlightenment, which is always here, but we're somewhat separated by a thin layer of discrimination which we generally are caught by. You don't have to throw the discriminations out the window, because discriminations are part of what everybody enables us to have. People make us into beings that can have discrimination. So you still have discrimination, just you're not caught by it anymore. And when you're not caught by it anymore, you can come back and use it, and then the target comes back, or the suchness comes back. So you go to suchness by giving up discrimination, becoming free of discrimination, and then being immersed in it, you come back into discrimination. And even maybe get caught a little bit again for the purpose of demonstrations.

[41:30]

Did you read the Rilke poem on the wall on the way to the chapel? No. Do you want to recite it? I can't possibly recite it. I can... It ends on the image of... Can you take it off the wall and bring it? I could try. I don't know if that would be all right. Well, ask the sisters. Okay. Shall I do that now? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Hate... Last night you asked me if I've always... I think you said, are you always this serious? And I said, no. This serious. She said, this serious. I have now said, that serious. But anyway, since... Would you tell us your name again, please? Mine? Talia. Talia. Welcome, Talia.

[42:32]

Are you ready for a song? When the red, red robin comes bob, bob, bobbing along, along. You want a song? You want a song, Kate? You want to sing it? Do you want to sing it? OK, ready? Ready? When the red, red robin comes bob, bob, bobbing along, along. There'll be no more silent when she starts drumming her old sweet song. Wake up, wake up, just leave me and get up. Get up, get out of bed, cheer up, cheer up, the sun's red. Live, love, laugh and be happy. Now we come to the person not everybody knows. Though I've been blue, now I'm walking through fields of flowers. Rain may glisten, but still I listen for hours and hours.

[43:35]

I'm just a kid again, doing what I did again, singing a song. When the red, red robin comes bop, bop, bopping along. I like the part about listening. I saw this thing out in the entryway. It said, listening and becoming free. So listening inwardly and looking inwardly, turn the light around and shine it back, and please notice what's going on there, what kind of activity is in there. Now, I might say what you're up to, right? Really, it's not that you're doing that, but that in you is this activity.

[44:38]

Listen to it. Look at it. And here comes the poem, the ruka poem. Oh, you didn't rip it off the wall. Yeah, I took it off very gently. Yeah. Okay. So would you like to read it? I'll hold it and you can read it. Okay. Or sing it. Do you want to sing? I don't think so. It's called Visitation of the Virgin. At first it all went easily with her, but oftentimes in climbing she already felt the wonders stirring in her body. And panting then, she stood upon the lofty Judean hills. Not by the land below, she was encompassed by her plenitude. Walking, she felt that no one ever could surpass the bigness she was feeling. Now she had to lay her hand upon the other woman's body, still more ripe than hers, and they both tottered toward one another and touched each other's garments and hair.

[45:50]

Each, with a sanctuary in her keeping, sought refuge with her closest woman kin. The savior in her was just in bloom, but joy already in her cousin's womb had quickened the little Baptist into leaping. Wow. Wow. The Savior. You're going to say the Savior in her? The Savior in her was just in love. The Savior in her was just in love. Do you have any feedback for me at this time? Please. She likes to walk around.

[46:52]

A question. You talked about how we don't create ourselves. Right. And yet when I pay attention and do what feels like the most beneficial thing, I notice Changing myself. Good point. So I don't create myself, and also I don't create my actions, but my actions are a big part of what's creating me. Or actions, what we call past actions, are very important. a very important evolutionary factor in what we are right now and what we'll become.

[48:17]

So I don't make myself, but my past activity makes me right now. And my present activity will make somebody else. It won't make me. I'm out of here every moment. But it will make somebody, probably. Not for sure. but it has quite a few times I've noticed so it's the action your actions your past actions you may have made you and your present actions will make somebody else probably but you don't make yourself and you don't make your actions all my past and harmful karma from beginning new greed, hate, and delusion. Born through body, speech, and mind. Greed, we should say mind, speech, and body, but I now fully evolve.

[49:23]

And in that avowing, move on, I guess. Yeah. In that avowing, you do move on, yes. You move on without the avowing, too. However, If you don't look and evolve, you may think you're stuck. Actually, we are evolving, but if we don't attend to it, we evolve negatively. We're going to evolve anyway. We're going to move on and evolve. We're not just going to move on the same person. So actually, we don't even move on, but there is a movement forward. There is a causal process. We get to enjoy each moment, and we get to have memories of past moments. This is our kind of life. But actually, I have never been here before, and neither have you, and you're not going to be here anymore. We don't go on, we don't get carried forth.

[50:29]

But we are the condition for the future of the world and also of also the particular person who's related to us in a particular way, and other particular people who are related to us in other ways. But I don't make myself right now and I don't make my karma. However, I'm responsible for my karma and I'm responsible for everybody else's karma. However, there's two meanings of responsibility that I would point to. One is I have contributed to the existence of something, and the other is, the more important one is, I have the ability to respond to whatever I am. And if I don't accept that ability, I'm being irresponsible. Or accept and see, because you actually do respond every moment to what you are

[51:38]

And your response is your karma. So you are responsible. If you ignore that, you can be called irresponsible. Also, you contribute to everything, but everybody's contributing to everything, so you're not the sole contributor. Now, you have a particular way. Like, I know a person whose child committed suicide, and she feels responsible. I say, well, you are. But so am I. Now, I happen to know the child, but even if I didn't know the child, I would say, I'm responsible too. I contributed to this too. Not the same way you did, but in my way, I contributed to it. And both of us are responsible in that way, but we're also both responsible in the way that both of us are responding to his death. And every moment we're responding, and we should tune into that and see and watch how we respond to it.

[52:41]

Watching it is the key point. Thank you. You're welcome. Thanks for clarifying that, that although you don't make yourself, your past actions make you. So if you watch your actions, you'll notice how your actions contribute to future people who might have the same name as you, or your name might get changed. But, you know, you'll still see a causal connection between yourself and past people. There is a relationship. I often use the example, you know, like people say, well, if I didn't do that thing, then I'm not responsible. In other words, if my influence didn't make it happen, then I'm not responsible. By myself, right?

[53:44]

If other people contributed, then I'm not responsible. I often use the rain as an example. Most people do not think they make the rain happen. But I would say everybody makes the rain happen. When I say I would say that, that's orthodox, standard Buddhist teaching that everybody makes the rain happen. Everybody makes the snow happen. Everybody makes the temperature go up and down. Everybody, all beings, not just all humans. So we all do make it happen. But some people say, well, okay, but if I didn't, uniquely, if I'm not, then I'm not responsible. So I use the example of the rain. People don't feel that way about the rain. So even though you didn't make the rain happen by yourself, still you had the ability to respond to it. You can tell people, be careful when you drive out of here because the road might be icy. You can say, here's an umbrella. You can stay indoors. You can go out and slide on the grass in the rain. You had the ability to respond to rain even though you didn't make it.

[54:49]

And you will always respond to the rain. You never won't. When it rains, you will respond. Missing that is being irresponsible. You're missing on the way you respond to the situation. And people do miss it. I mean, people, something happens, and they respond, and I say, what was your response? And they don't know. So did I respond? They didn't notice. Now, Fortunately, some people do notice and prove that it is possible to be aware that everything that you experience, you respond to. Everything I say, you respond to. Every drop of rain you hear, you respond to. I shouldn't say everything I say, you respond to. Everything I say that you hear, you respond to. Every time you experience me, you respond to me.

[55:52]

Not you experience me, and you respond to your experience. Noticing that is being an adult, or you could say being a meditator. And also, you contribute to everything except for one thing you don't contribute to, yourself. Yourself is the receiver of contributions. to you. And you are the donator of contributions to others. But you're not the maker of yourself. Any feedback from me? Can you say your name again?

[56:56]

Mary Alice. Mary Alice. Yeah. You're the first Mary Alice that I've ever met. Me? Mary Jo's, yes. Mary Beth's. Mary Anne's. They're a real common one. Mary Alice. I know one. So then, if I'm not contributing to myself, But I'm getting, I don't know if I'm using the right words, awareness from other people. Yeah. Or effect or whatever. Your awareness is, well, your awareness is from other people, yes. But it's really, it's not just from other people. It's also, well, not just from trees and other people, it's also, it is the way you interact with other people. Your interaction with other people is your awareness. That's a very unusual idea, which I've said before, but if you didn't sink in, I'm not surprised.

[58:02]

So then this interaction is here, but I'm creating this thing, right? But that's not me. The interaction is not you? That's right. The interaction is not you, which is to say that you are not your consciousness. You are not your cognition. However, you are a cognitive being. That's what I always say. And it's difficult to get that, I know, but you are not your ideas, but you are a being who has ideas, who experiences ideas. That's the kind of being you are. But when you're dancing with somebody, the dance is not you, And dance isn't your partner. It's something that, it's the way you're interacting.

[59:05]

It isn't either one of you, but you would not have this thing called the dance without each other. And the dance is actually cognition. So then, the way I see it, if I got it right, is that this dance that everybody has, is consciousness, but the people contributing to the dance, in a way, don't really know themselves, or have a self. They don't have a self. They have a self, but they don't have a self that's independent of their dance partners. And their dance partners don't have a self independent of them. They have a self, but not an independent self. And the only way I will know who I am, or have a sense of self, is to be conscious of the dance or to get into touch with the dance.

[60:07]

The kind of self that you can know is like every aspect of your body and mind. That's yourself. And all those things depend on things other than yourself. But you are uniquely made each moment. That's your self. That's a self that exists in dependence on other things. But the self that doesn't exist is the self which is separate from other people. It's separate from them. It's that self you can't ever find. That self doesn't exist. But there is a self of you that has this name and this body and this history and all these things, but there's nothing in addition to all the things we list. for that self. All those things define you perfectly, but there's nothing about you in addition to all that. And that self isn't separate from all those things that we mentioned. That self is an interdependent or dependent self.

[61:10]

It doesn't make itself, can't make itself, but can be made by other things, including a history of karma. So to put it into my words, I feel I cannot define myself. The only way that I can know who I am is through this process you're telling me about, through that communication with others. Yes. And that that, myself, is like constantly changing. Yes. But even though it's constantly changing, I can't rearrange me. I need to go out into the dance or any kind of transformation. You can't rearrange you, no. But you will be rearranged. And you can enjoy the process by paying attention to it. And then when you first start looking, it's like a real new territory and you don't know too much about it.

[62:18]

The more you look, the more you notice that you're making discriminations about the process, and the more you notice that you're making discriminations, the more you notice where you're caught, and the more you notice you're caught, the more you can get the caught out and open, and the more you need the caught out and open, the more you can let go of it, and then you are entering into the process without being, pulling yourself away from it at all, exiling yourself from the richness of it. And therefore becoming separate. Yes, exactly. Becoming separate because you're caught by discriminations, for example, of yourself and what contributes to you. So you're sort of stopping the process, but you can't stop the process. You're not really stopping it. Oh, yeah, you're sort of stopping the process. You think you're stopping the process, and you feel like you're caught. And you're right, you can't actually be caught. You're not actually caught. You just feel like you're caught. You're actually wholeheartedly... doing this wonderful dance called the stuck.

[63:19]

But you don't see it as a dance, but it is a dance. The Buddha sees you dancing and says, oh, she's doing the stuck now. And she's caught. That's the dance she's doing called caught, stuck. Not really. And the more you look at him, you say, oh, I'm not caught. Great. Thanks for explaining that. And that tells for me that I need to, I'm thinking surrender. Surrender would be, yeah. From my own kind of thinking, like, you know, to surrender and not try to control, you know, and think I have some kind of power that's not really there. Give up trying to control, yeah. Give up trying to control. And going with the flow of that dance, and hypothetically it sounds like a very peaceful thing. Yeah. It won't be so hard. My life won't be so hard then. Well, it might still be hard, but you'll be really enjoying it.

[64:22]

You'll be happy to sign up for it because it's so good. Because it's hard, but it feels good. Well, some people still like to climb mountains. Even if they're enlightened, they still might want to climb mountains, at least five or six feet anyways. This is an act of engagement. If somebody was up there, you know, and they wanted to talk to you, you might say, okay, I'll go up there. It might be hard, too. This is hard, but I'm happy to go up there to see you, but boy, that was hard. Like this, what is it, the virgins going up the hill, right? Going up the hill. The pregnant virgins going up the hill to embrace and sustain each other. That's kind of hard for them, right? But they were happy to do it. They were like, you know, divinely empowered to do so. That's good. So that encourages me. So if everybody, you know, if everybody in the universe wants you to, you know, do something hard, you say, okay, that's what you guys want.

[65:31]

All right. All right. But, you know, if you feel like all the Buddhas and bodhisattvas and Jesuses are all rooting for you, it's kind of like, is this what you want me to do? Okay. And you can resist that, too, if you want to. I don't want to do God's work, darn it. I don't want to do Buddha's work. Don't think of that. Or you can say, okay. I just want to know exactly what's going to be on the other side if I'm doing all this hard work. That's my story, which I'm kind of learning. We do say that it will be peaceful, and not only will it be peaceful, but you'll be so cool that you'll even be able to give away the peace if that seems to be what's good. You'll have peace without attachment to it. You have peace without being afraid that somebody's going to take it away.

[66:33]

Like you're sitting in meditation, like, oh, this is so peaceful. And then the bell rings and you say, that's the end of that. You know? Like Suzuki Roshi said one time, sometimes when I'm sitting in meditation, I'm sitting and I feel like I just sit forever. And the bell rings and I get up and go. So it's like, it's peaceful without attachment to the peace. It's fearlessness without attachment to fearlessness. You people want me to be afraid? Okay, give me a fear pill. I'll be afraid. I'll get up and strut around and be afraid, if that helps you. No problem. How about being caught? Okay, well, see, how can I get caught? Okay, I'll get caught, that would help you. Go back to the beginning, like before you were enlightened and, you know, not know anything. That would really help us. Okay. I'll go back to the beginning.

[67:35]

It's kind of like that. But not. I mean, it's kind of like that. That's very clear, Nelia. Thank you. You're welcome. It is kind of neat. At first, like, when you were talking, I was like, I don't get this. Well, it's a sensory role. But... You're giving me feedback. So cerebral. You know, for me it was. It was. I asked for feedback. You gave it to me. Thank you. Yes. But then I thought, well, pay attention anyways. You might get it, Mariela, sooner or later, you know. And so I kept trying to listen. Listening and becoming free. Yes. And now I'm glad I asked a question because it kept me more engaged and now I understand a lot better. Thank you. It's not just in the head. It's everywhere. Even in your knees? In my knees? I hope so.

[68:42]

Thank you. Done. Yes. Do I get that? You sure do. Thank you. This feels like a very personal question. It goes back to what you were talking about yesterday, getting stuck in the discrimination. Just trying to put it on a very practical level. Help me. I volunteer as an ESL instructor here in Pittsburgh. I work with a girl from West Africa. Can you use the microphone? Oh, I'm sorry. I work with a girl from West Africa. One of my students now is a girl from West Africa. She's here for asylum. I've come to understand the reason why she is seeking asylum and the suffering that she has suffered in West Africa.

[69:48]

I discriminate and say that's evil. Yeah. Okay, but I realize that's my discrimination because there's a whole group of people within that society who think it's not evil behavior. And I guess what I'm trying to figure out is, so that's evil behavior and the people who are perpetrating that behavior are evil people. So I think I've just become stuck in a discrimination there. And I think I understand from what you said yesterday that I understand this from other readings, but I think it's essentially, I think you were alluding to it, you know, when the non-discriminating, indistinguishable wisdom consciousness breaks into the field of time and space, we've got pairs of opposites, good and evil, long and short, hot and cold.

[70:57]

So one is paired with the other. So the practical question, if I were to see these people, I would perceive them as evil. And I wouldn't love them. Okay. I've become caught in the discriminations. That's right. That's what it would be like if you're caught by the discrimination. You wouldn't love them. So how do I become uncaught in that discrimination? By employing the non-discriminating wisdom, Buddha mind. Is that a sensible question? Yeah. The non-discriminating, the Buddha mind is pressuring you when you're caught by your discrimination. The non-discriminating Buddha mind kind of puts pressure on you to let go of it. You feel uncomfortable when you're caught by your discrimination.

[72:02]

You do not feel comfortable. Let me add one more thing so you can give me a complete answer. So I understand that when I achieve this little bit of enlightenment, if that's possible, I would now go and see these people and, damn, I'd try hard to love them, you know, but it certainly wouldn't happen automatically the way you indicated it would if I can not get caught. Oh, I thought you said if you were not caught that you would try to love them. No, because I am caught, it will be hard work. Yeah, you can try to love people if you're caught, and I think it's great to try to love them. I appreciate that, that people are actually being quite loving to people. In spite of the fact that they're caught. In spite of the fact that they're caught. I don't understand. I think it's amazing how well people do, actually, under the burden of being caught, that they still manage to be quite loving. It's wonderful. It's just that... It's just that they get real tired, and sometimes they even run away from the people they love because they get so pooped out because of being stuck.

[73:15]

So the example I give over and over, which I think is difficult but practical, is when you see somebody that you love who's sick, you want them to get well, you want to help them, you're loving them, but if you're stuck, After a while, you get burnout. And then after a while, you want to stay away from this person you love. It's almost like they're killing you. You might feel like they're killing you. It's not that they're killing you. It's that your way of seeing them is stuck. And that way of seeing you, seeing them, gouges it a little bit. And it accumulates to disable you from helping. So, yeah. But you can still help people, encourage people, and they can really appreciate your effort even though you're stuck. It's just that there's a danger that you will abandon them.

[74:18]

You'll abandon the people you love most. There's a danger of that if you are caught by discrimination between, for example, them being healthy and then be sick. You want them to be healthy, of course. They are sick, yeah? And if you're caught by the discrimination, that undermines, doesn't completely stop, but undermines your beneficial action. And sometimes it gets to be a point that someone you love, you start hating. So people you already hate, You can try to love them, and I think people do. That's good. I have no problem with trying. I just wish that you would also do the real work of rather than trying to love them, notice that you don't and notice it's because you're caught by your discriminations. That work will make you into a beneficent person.

[75:24]

That will take away the blockage. which makes you hate people who are doing evil. They would agree they're doing evil sometimes. Sometimes they wouldn't. But a lot of people are doing evil and they say, yeah, I know it's evil. I've got to do it, though. I want to see what happens when I do this evil thing. I want to see. And I want to see. I want to see. I know it's evil. And I know you think it's evil. And I agree. But I want to see what you will do if I do it. I want to see if you'll keep loving me no matter how much evil I do. I want to find out, will somebody love me if I do this over and over and over? And if they love me, then if I do something worse, will they keep loving me? Some people are testing the love that way. Now, some people say, no, some people lie. They're not only doing one kind of evil, but they also lie. And they say, no, it's not evil. But some people will tell the truth. They think it's evil. And they think you think it's evil because you're their parents or whatever, so they know what you think is evil.

[76:32]

And they chose to do that. And so then you have to get over being caught by your discrimination and surrender to your relationship with this evildoer and realize intimacy with the evildoer. And not try to love them anymore, but love them. How do you do that? It's actually the way you're with them right now. And you just wake up. You're actually doing it right now, with me and with everybody. It's the question of waking up to it, and the way you wake up to it is by giving up your discriminations, not being caught by your discriminations. Then you wake up to the way you're loving them already. So I'm saying there's really no difference between evil and good. That's an arbitrary discrimination? There's a difference between them, but there's a similarity between them, too. The similarities are both ungraspable, insubstantial.

[77:33]

You can't actually find either one of them. If you look a little bit, you say, oh, there's evil. If you look more deeply, you can't find it. If you look a lot more deeply, you will eventually see that you cannot, you will see that nobody can find this evil. But still, It's enough to find the evil in the first place, and notice that you discriminate between it and the good you think you can find, and notice you're caught. And if you notice you're caught and get over being caught, then you will see that evil is insubstantial, good is insubstantial, and they're totally dependent on each other. And then you can help other people study good and evil. in the same process. I understand the codependence. I just don't understand how you don't get caught in making a... You do get caught, okay? You understand that. It seems quite natural to get caught. Yeah, you see the natural, and you can also see that you are caught.

[78:33]

But I can't see how to get beyond it. No, you cannot see how to get beyond. No, that's right. But you can see that you're caught. And when you're caught, and you can see that you're caught, then you should be responsible and keep seeing that you're caught, and see what that feels like, and see that you're caught, and see what that feels like, and confess it and repent it, and confess it and repent it, see it, confess it, repent it, over and over. That process is not the process of figuring anything out. It's just a process of surrendering to and admitting what you're up to. It's looking at your intentions, Looking at the discriminations, noticing that you're caught, that work will open the door to what you cannot figure out. You cannot figure out what's a nondiscriminating wisdom. You can't discriminate your way into nondiscrimination. But you can meditate your way into nondiscriminating wisdom by meditating on your discrimination.

[79:37]

Meditate on your karma. Meditate on your intention. Find out where you're being caught, over and over. That opens the door. And then how do you meditate? Well, you meditate in a very friendly way. You meditate in a calm way. You meditate in a way of not trying to figure out. You meditate in a way of noticing that you're trying to figure out, but not the meditation isn't to try to figure out. The meditation is to notice how you're trying to figure out. It's to attend closely to your analytic manipulative processes. It's to notice that you're caught up. and dwell on it, and see how impossible it is to figure out... Not so much dwell on it. Attend to it moment by moment. Don't get stuck in one moment. Keep watching it. Be constant and concentrated, but not so much dwell.

[80:40]

Meditate on it. Meditate on it. Be mindful, moment by moment, what's going on in your mind. Are you caught? What does it feel like to be caught? What's your intention? What are the discriminations? Are you stuck in your... Is there sticking points in your intention? It feels easier just to continue with the discrimination. Yeah, it is easier, because that's the habit. Does it make sense? Yeah. I mean, from my point of view. It does make sense from your point of view, that's right. It is easier. Like I told this story, did I tell you this story? The guy who said, it's easy to be bad, what's hard is to be good. Did I tell the story during this retreat? Yeah, this guy said to me, it's easy to be bad. And he told me his life story, I could see. He knew how to be bad. He was not that impressed by my evil works. Most of the people in my neighborhood were impressed. I was famous for being bad.

[81:44]

I lived in kind of a nice neighborhood, so the things I did were like, wow! But he wasn't. He said, that's easy. Why don't you do something hard? Like be good. Try that. Okay. He was 6'4 and weighed 240 pounds. National heavyweight golden glove champion in 1946. He was a bad guy. He knew how to be bad. But he was trying to be good and he was having a hard time. So I thought, Let's try it. And it was hard. It is hard. Easy to just keep discriminating. Yeah. But to turn around and look at the discrimination, that's a new trick. And as you know, it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks. But it's necessary for us to learn new tricks.

[82:49]

Deborah? Yeah. Her name's Deborah. Hi, nice to meet you. Hi, nice to meet you. There are a lot of them in the world. My daughter's name, I have a daughter named Deborah also. That's unusual for that generation. Hello. Hello. I just wanted some clarification. Okay. The rooming poem that you quoted the other day is one of my favorites. No. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we can't hear you. Oh, okay. The Rumi poem. Is that better? Yeah. Okay. Here? Is that better? Yeah. Okay. I rarely get accused of having a soft void. But the Rumi poem that you quoted is one of my favorites, and I had it in my wedding ceremony a few years ago. I just wanted a clarification that the field, Beyond wrongdoing and right doing?

[84:01]

It's actually a field beyond ideas. Ah, beyond ideas, okay. Is that the same as the silent bond between us? You say so? Yeah. The silent bond is the field where the life is so full that words, he said, don't make any sense, but also words don't reach it. just rolling around the grass together, so full of grass fumes that, you know, words don't make any sense anymore. And the best way to reach that, to realize that field, to realize the silent mind, then is the awareness. Awareness of? The intention. Awareness of the intention, yes, and the awareness of the intention in the field of ideas of right doing and wrong doing, because intention is doing.

[85:02]

Right. So it's a field of right doing and wrong doing. It's a field of right intention and wrong intentions. So you're in the field of intention. You're paying it. You're meditating. You're aware of intention. You're aware of intention. And you notice this is an evil intention or a good intention. This is wrong doing. This is right doing. You notice that. And you notice that you're caught. This is what you notice. But sometimes you notice that you're not caught. And then you realize this really isn't the field of right doing and wrong doing. I'm not caught by it anymore. You don't have to get rid of it, but you realize it's a grassy field and everybody's here making the right and wrong doing. So that's not regular right and wrong doing. This is like nobody can get a hold of this right and wrong. Now you realize you're in another world. Or now you realize the world you always were in, but you couldn't see it because you were so busy grasping right doing and wrong doing, trying to control how things were going.

[86:24]

I'm too busy to be enlightened today. After I finish my work, I'll be enlightened. Alan? Yes. I have three questions and feedback if you still want it. Okay, thank you. If what you were saying before, that everything that we do, all our actions are to help out other people, And if the Buddha is everywhere and is everything, the non-discriminating consciousness, which encompasses the most beautiful sunsets to the most grotesque things, then is it okay then to go out and kill someone?

[87:41]

It's not okay. In my opinion, it's not okay to kill someone. No. So what we try to do to realize the realm of Buddha is try not to kill people. But trying not to kill people is not the primary reason for trying not to kill people. And we try to help people, but trying to help people, in a way, is not the primary reason for trying to help people. Because trying not to kill people is, you know, is just our own... When we say, try not to kill people, we start by trying to... you trying to do what you think is not killing people. Some people think that not killing people is like this, and somebody else says, that's killing people. So what we mean is, try to do what you think is not killing people.

[88:47]

Try to do what you think is protecting people. Start with that. That's the instruction. So we don't say it's okay to kill people. We say, try not to kill people. But we mean, of course, try to do what you think is not killing people. Then you try that. Then you notice, oh, this is what I think is not killing people. All right? And by watching that, you gradually notice that you're caught by discriminations of what killing and not killing is. And you notice that Or you might notice that when I feel caught by the discrimination between killing and not killing, I feel really irritated and upset. And it makes me want to kill somebody. So actually, and you start to notice that, because you're watching any kind of killing impulse. You're watching, you're noticing it. And the more you notice that, the more you open to the realm where nobody kills anybody,

[89:52]

In the realm of enlightenment, people aren't killing each other. Buddha sees people who think they're killing each other not killing each other. So the instruction is, the precept is, directing our attention towards not killing. Some people say it's do not kill, but we're directing our attention to not killing, to discover not killing. and refrain from that until you understand it. But when you finally study this killing and not killing, we don't say it's okay, we don't say it is okay, we don't say it's not okay. We just say try not to. And that process will lead you to enter a realm where you'll see there is no killing. That's not really true, that things are killing each other. Then, You come back from there, and you actually, you almost never would you actually ever see a need for killing anybody, or I should say, for doing something that people would think was killing somebody.

[91:01]

You don't think killing is possible anymore. You can see that it's an illusion that we kill each other. Even birth and death are an illusion. We don't really get born and die. That's not really what's going on. That's just our way of seeing life, is that it comes and goes, increases and decreases, is born and dies, killing and not killing, all that stuff. It's not, you can't find any of that. When you realize that, you come back and encourage other people who are in that realm to not kill, but not, you're not, you're just telling it to not do something that really is not so. And they don't understand it yet, so you tell them not to. As they study it more, they understand that it isn't so. And then they come back and teach others to not kill, and so on. The second question is, do you have any suggestions for all the information that you've been, all the wisdom that you've been giving us?

[92:06]

Obviously you've learned it from somewhere, from a book perhaps. You mean books to read about this? Yes. Let's see. There's a huge amount of teaching about karma. So basically what I'm teaching, the name of this retreat is Action. The Sanskrit word for that is karma. And I have a huge reading list about karma. If you want that reading list, I have you know, ancient books and modern books about karma. And I even wrote a book about karma. And I'm writing another book about karma. So if you want to, you can email my assistant. Oh, this is my assistant. You can email my assistant and she can send you that reading list. And you can start going through that reading list. Which is, you know, would be wonderful. And if you start going through it and it's difficult,

[93:08]

Take a rest, come back later. All right, the last question I have is, I notice a lot of people come to meditation and this way of life of looking at your intentions and actions. in a sense when it's too late, like when they have problems. I think it would be nicer, this is partly what my goal is, is to make people aware of meditation and Buddhism before it gets to that stage. And in particular, do you have any suggestions on how to enlist how to attract people, not who've had problems, but who are very successful and who are very affluent, let's say, members of society? Well, I guess the main thing I would suggest is meet them.

[94:20]

That's the first thing. If you can't meet them, I guess the next thing you do would be maybe make movies or something, or become a great musician, or a great singer, or a great writer, or a great poet, a great dancer. That would be a way to get to meet them. They would maybe come to meet you if you became really good at some of those arts. Or become a great sage, and they might hear about you at the Nobel Peace Prize winner or something like that. But the main thing is you have to meet them. Find some way to meet them. So those are ways to develop some arts and things like that, and they will become interested. They will be attracted to you. OK. Yesterday I had feedback, if you are still interested. I am interested, yeah. Yesterday you asked. People to tell you who you are?

[95:23]

Yeah. Do you still want to know? Yeah. You're a rep. Thank you. Are you saying rep is rep? Well, I could go into a lot of detail if you like. But first of all, are you saying rep is rep? Rep. Rep is rep. Are you saying that? Yes. That's what my teacher told me, too. You're ready. No, he didn't say you're reb. He said reb is reb. I'm not actually reb. Want some feedback? I'm not reb. I don't say that. I don't say I'm reb. You look surprised, Brandon. Are you surprised you hear me say that? Your mouth is again... I'm not... I'm not Reb.

[96:27]

Did you get that? Are you surprised to hear that? You are surprised to hear that? Reb is Reb. But I'm not Reb. Reb is my name. That's all. I'm not Reb. But it's my name. I didn't say... I didn't say, tell me who you are. We can do that next time. But that's hard for people. I just said, please give us your first name. I didn't say, tell us who you are. Well, we'll do that later today, maybe. But anyway, I'm not Rep. But that's my name. And Rep is Rep. And my Buddhist name means... Reb is Reb. But that's my name. And my name is my practice. So my practice is Reb is Reb, not I am Reb.

[97:29]

And now you want to go into detail? Well, I guess I should start with the main thing, which is that I'm actually impressed by the way how you handle success. I think that it's quite easy to see that a lot of people respect you and that a lot of people want to talk to you because you have wisdom. And there's a saying, success tests a person a lot harder than failure. So, yeah, it's an inspiration to see the way you handle that. Thank you. I'm happy to hear that, and I hope to live up to what you just said. I was happy to hear this. that he called me the Reverend Roni of the San Francisco Tree.

[98:46]

Eric? Eric said that, yeah. Yeah. I sang it once. You sang it once, yeah. Will you sing it again, though? Would you please sing it if you're... Don't feel pressured. Only if you want to, okay? When you want to do it. I don't know why I remember all of a sudden these TV commercials. So... Rebaroni, the San Francisco tree. Rebaroni, his dharma can't be beat. That's as far as I got. That's it. Which brings me to... to transcend and to go beyond discriminating thought to go to the inconceivable realm and then it involves also coming back and then come back to the conceivable realm come back to the dusty world and by the way dusty world means the world of

[100:10]

particles of discrimination. And having come back, then you can... You can... Induct more people into the process of meditation and liberation. That's manifesting the bodhisattva. Yeah. Yeah, another, you said bodhisattva, and, for example, the precepts of avoiding evil and doing good, if you practice those precepts and stop there, that's still a moral exercise, which has been recommended in many traditions. All right? But when you do that practice of avoiding evil and practicing good and overcome discriminations between them, then those precepts turn into bodhisattva precepts.

[101:27]

Before that, they're not bodhisattva precepts. And bodhisattva precepts means precepts for people who are on the path of realizing Buddha, Just staying with avoiding evil and doing good and being caught by discrimination is not the path to enlightenment. It turns into the path to enlightenment when you add in doing away with attachment to discrimination. Then it becomes bodhisattva precepts. Before that, they're moral precepts. Adding in the non-discrimination, they become Buddha precepts, enlightenment precepts. So Buddhism has moral core, but the moral core is connected to non-discrimination. Without the non-discrimination part, it doesn't become the Buddha way. It's just a moral way. So Buddhism is a moral way that goes beyond discrimination.

[102:32]

Anything else you want to bring up? Yes? Nina? Earlier you said something about we don't create ourselves. Right. You don't make yourself. You don't produce yourself. Right. Right. And what is this repentance thing? Oh, repentance is like... That's a separate topic, okay? Now I'm moving on. Okay, that's not making yourself. No. No. Repentance is... The first word, I think, or definition of repentance in the English dictionary is sorrow over about some action...

[103:38]

which you've done, which reforms you. So it's not just sorrow, like it's not sorrow about somebody else being sick or yourself being sick, or not sorrow about somebody dying who you love or somebody who you love suffering. It's not that kind of sorrow. It's sorrow over an action or an intention. Like you look at somebody and you think, I wish that person would be sick. And then you feel sorrow at thinking that, having that intention, that wish. And then feeling that sorrow in such a way that you're reformed by it. It's not just any old sorrow, it's a transformative sorrow. And so it's possible to feel sorrow too much or too little in relationship to your action, And the too much or too little doesn't transform you, doesn't reform you.

[104:40]

It transforms you, but not reformed. There's a way of suffering that makes you stop doing that thing. That's repentance. So repentance means a successful moral revolution. It's a type of practice which causes successful reformation of our behavior. but meditate by becoming aware of it and feeling sorrow. So the first part is becoming aware and confessing, but then there's a sorrow part. Confession can be fairly neutral. Like, who did that? Me? You did that? Yeah. Okay. That's confession. Then how do you feel? Feel okay? Okay. Or, that's not repentance. And it might be a good thing, so you don't feel repentance. That was skillful, I feel fine.

[105:42]

But sometimes people do unskillful things and they feel fine. That's not repentance. That's confession. But when you feel the sorrow of it, then repentance, and again, The band of sorrow that reforms you is the repentance part. The excess overdoing it or underdoing it doesn't reform. And, of course, feeling no sorrow is underdoing it. Suddenly you feel like, I did that unskillful thing. I feel fine, so I guess I'll do it again. And sorrow could be in the form of a hangover. A hangover could be a sorrow. A broken arm could be sorrow. That could be one way you feel bad about smashing a wall, is that you broke your arm. But some people smash the wall, and they feel sorry for the wall. When I was a little kid, I loved to bite my wooden toys. It's back in the time when they had wooden toys.

[106:46]

It felt so good. Some people liked to bite pencils. I never really liked to bite pencils. I liked to bite large toys. Like bite, you know, like bite a wooden car and sink my teeth in, you know. But then I would make these dents in the paint and I felt sorry. And my car, it got a dent in it. And I feel that way about people too. I like to bite people, but then it makes dents in them and they feel, you know, they say, oh, you know. But I just, my teeth like to sink into things. But then I feel bad, so I stop biting the cars and biting the people. Because I felt sorrow. But some people like to bite things and they don't feel any sorrow, they just keep biting. So that's the repentance part. Okay. And then if you notice, if I make a discrimination between you and me, this is more subtle, so maybe I'm being skillful with you possibly, but I still feel some...

[107:53]

discrimination between being skillful and not skillful, which is true, there is a discrimination, but I feel caught by it. Then I feel another kind of sorrow by being caught by the discrimination between you and me or between good and evil. That also hurts. And one of the reasons why it hurts is because it's blocking you from entering enlightenment. So enlightenment gives you a little whack. Knock it off. Knock it off. Stop discriminating. This is not free. You know, you don't do it for free. Plus, this is not freedom. This is not free and it's not freedom. You can't keep discriminating and get no feedback. We love you. Stop that. Get over it. Let go of it. Give it to me. Hand it over. Forget about it. There's a pressure on us from the Buddhas to give up discrimination. And that can feel like repentance too.

[108:54]

And you said reforming is not the same as transforming. Right, because if you do an evil thing, that transforms you. It makes you more stuck. An evil action makes you more stuck. Makes you more stuck. Makes you more constricted. Makes you more constricted. It puts another layer of constriction and enclosure around your life. It does transform you. Is there positive transformation? Yes, there is positive transformation, too. And in the case of an evil action, a positive transformation is called reformation. In the case of a good action, a positive transformation is called augmenting the good, you know, enhancing. The good becomes better, that's a transformation. The good becomes more luxurious and thrives and grows.

[109:59]

That's called the transformation of the good. The good can also be transformed, can be squished and choked. That's a transformation, too. But we usually use reformation for reforming evil rather than reforming good. We say purifying good, but the way to purify good is to give up discriminations between good and evil. So good and evil give up the discrimination between good and evil, and the good becomes purified. And the evil becomes purified too. But purified evil is disabled evil. It's evil which is not causing any problems anymore. And then for a moment back to you can't make yourself, would that be like in traditional Chinese medicine when they talk about the pre-heaven essence, all the things that make you at the moment of conception?

[111:13]

Yeah. Yeah, it would be like that. All the things that make you. And so... I couldn't make me except the tiny particle that I am. No, no. Not even that. There's not even a tiny particle of anything in addition to all the things that contribute to you. When you add up all the things that aren't you that make you, you're not the slightest bit in addition to that. You don't have an independent particle. Oh, but I am within that. You are within that causal nexus. All those causes and conditions come together and we have you. Perfectly realized. And you are not the slightest bit more than all the causes and conditions. And you're not a cause. You're not one of the conditions. You're the conclusion of all the conditions.

[112:13]

I could be a cause of repenting and reforming. my actions, my being, my... You are made into a person who is a conscious being, and your consciousness is the way you're interacting with all the things that make you. Well, actually, your consciousness is not quite that. is the way your sense organs are interacting with a certain sensible part of the universe. That's your cognition. But you're not just cognition, you're also fingernails and teeth, stuff like that. And you're also eye organs and ear organs, you're also that, all of those things. But the conscious part of you, is how your sensitive part of your body is interacting with the sensible universe.

[113:18]

That's your consciousness. And based on that consciousness, other consciousnesses within you can arise. And all that is you. And that comes with the ability also to have intentions. Your consciousness comes with the ability to have intentions. And your intentions have consequences, big consequences. That's your karma, that's your intentions. And if you study your intentions, you will become free of the problems which are caused by intentions. All of our problems are basically caused by our intentions. including primarily our blindness to how we don't have problems. So our intentions blind us to our life of peace and harmony with each other. But by studying our intentions we become free of the blindness we see our enlightened relationship.

[114:26]

And from there we encourage ourselves to continue the meditation by which we entered into realization, and also invite others to join into the same meditation practice by which they can enter into our enlightened relationships. Thank you. You look amused. I feel like when you say something, it gets a little clearer, and then you say something else, and then it's foggy again, and this could go on for, yeah. It would. Yeah. Thank you. That's a little bit like to say it's the, to point at it, and this is the point. So you seem to understand that you kind of get it, and then I talk more, and you lose it. It's coming into you, but you... If you get a hold of it, you've lost it.

[115:30]

So when I see you getting a hold of it, I don't try to say more so you'll lose it, I just naturally keep saying more, and you do lose it. Because life goes on, you know? And if you try to get a hold of it, good luck, but actually I'm here to keep talking to you, so I want you to let go. So I'll give you something to hold on to, and then since I gave it to you, I can take it back. Then you can see, hey, it's okay. We don't have to come away from this having anything. You don't have to get anything out of life, after all. Yeah, you seem like you got that one. So can you return at about 1.15? Yesterday, I thought it seemed like it was hard to get back at 1.15. But today, you want to try again?

[116:31]

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