Today is the last day of a three-week meditation retreat that we've had here at this temple. And this is also the third Sunday talk in the series during this training period. And during the first two, the last two Sundays, I was talking about meditation, and in particularly looking at a word which has many meanings, samadhi. And how many people were not here last week? Wow, well I guess last week's talk was not too popular, so I'm sorry if this, because

[01:06]

I'm going to talk about the same thing again, namely samadhi. And this will be something of a review or summary for those who have heard the other talks, and maybe quite a challenging introduction for quite a few of you. But please excuse me if this requires you to be really alert. Sometimes the practice of one who wishes to realize, excuse the expression, complete,

[02:08]

authentic, unsurpassable enlightenment is presented as having five basic practices. One is the practice of giving. Next is the practice of ethical discipline. Next is the practice of patience. Then the practice of enthusiastic practice, of all kinds of practices, the enthusiasm for them. Next is the practice of samadhi. And the next is the practice of wisdom, these six. And we've been emphasizing samadhi. And last week I presented a kind of visual aid to understanding this practice, and visual

[03:14]

aid is sort of the kind of visual aids that were given in the ancient days before they had visual aids. In other words, use your mind to visualize it, and so I suggested visualizing a mandala, a series of concentric circles, four circles, four concentric circles. In the center circle is the first of four types of samadhi. In the second circle, the second of the four types. The third circle, the third of the four types. And the fourth circle, the fourth. The center meaning, or kind of samadhi, which is basically the definition, the basic definition

[04:15]

of samadhi, which is one-pointedness of thought. And that means that our mind, our consciousness, our awareness, our cognitions, and those are synonyms for me, are all one-pointed with what they know. So knowledge is one-pointed with what it knows. Consciousness is one-pointed with what it's conscious of. Cognitions are one-pointed with what they cognize, and so on. In other words, the mind and object, the subject and object, are actually one point. They aren't two different things. They're different, but they never function separately, and they're always one point.

[05:19]

And the one-pointedness of all awareness is the definition of samadhi. And all awareness has this quality. Every moment that you have an experience, whenever you're aware of having experience, your awareness has this one-pointedness. That one-pointedness pervades all the other meanings of samadhi, all the other kinds of samadhi. The next kind of samadhi, samadhi number two, which surrounds and is based on samadhi number one, is a samadhi that not all minds have. It's a samadhi which arises from yogic practice, from practices which bring this basic quality of mind into fuller and fuller realization.

[06:38]

So then, in the second type of samadhi, the person, the yogi, feels more and more that the subject and the object are one point. So I'm saying that when, right now, I'm looking at some of you, and some of you are looking at me, I'm hearing some of you, and some of you are hearing me, I'm hearing some of you cough, I'm hearing some of you move, some of you are hearing me. In my awareness of you, in my awareness of you as a visual object, I'm saying that my mind is one-pointed with that object. And by doing various practices, after a while I can actually really feel,

[07:45]

not that I feel it, but I become pervaded by a sense that you're not separate from me, or that the object is not separate from the awareness. When this is deeply realized, a person who is deeply pervaded, deeply convinced of this, is, while in that state, free of anxiety, unafflicted by experience. The Buddha, prior to becoming Buddha, was a yogi who practiced these kinds of samadhis,

[08:57]

and got very proficient at them, and experienced the temporary relief of suffering, that such states of one-pointed awareness bring. And many other yogis have attained the bliss and calm, and temporary freedom from affliction that these states bring. However, prior to becoming Buddha, the yogi who was to become the Buddha Shakyamuni, realized that this attainment was temporary, subject to impermanence, and was not a permanent transformation and permanent freedom from ignorance and suffering.

[10:10]

However, he did practice these things, and these practices are, while they're happening, very beneficial and happy things to have realized. He went on from this samadhi number two to samadhi number three, and many people have gone on beyond samadhi number two, and in samadhi number three, we attain there, we can attain there, a personal experience, a personal liberation, a psychological liberation, which is permanent, you never lose it. And this is the samadhi that is conjoined with an understanding, an understanding,

[11:16]

it's not just the feeling that you're one-pointed with everything you're aware of, but there's an understanding, your understanding changes, the way you think about the world changes, and you understand that you are not a self separate from the object. You realize the selflessness of your personhood. You're still a person, but you no longer think this person is a self. And this is an authentic personal liberation. It is a psychological liberation. You are liberated from your psychology, your psychology which ordinarily creates a sense of a separate other, and therefore anxiety, fear, and all the things we do when we're anxious and afraid.

[12:23]

All these things drop away, and this is a wonderful attainment, samadhi number three. But then there's another samadhi, which is a further understanding, and it is the understanding that not just the person is selfless, not just the person is not existing separate from other things and people, but all things are selfless. All things lack independent existence of other things. And this liberation is inconceivable. It's not personal.

[13:25]

It's like a spiritual liberation. Not like a spiritual, it's a spiritual liberation. So the first liberation is liberation from our psychology. And we enter into spiritual freedom. Our understanding sets us free from our psychology, even while our psychology has not been touched. Your mind still creates a sense that things are out there, so you can still walk down the street and, you know, stop at the corner. You can still negotiate in time and space, but you have given up the idea of this independent self, and therefore you're free of all the affliction of this isolated little thing. Once you're free, you have attained spiritual life. You've got the spirit, and this spirit is free.

[14:34]

In the fourth samadhi, you become free of that spiritual liberation. I mean, you become liberated from the spirit. You're not even holding on to that. This is inconceivable liberation. And this is the total liberation. And then, you finish the course. In the third type of liberation, although there's no longer a sense of being separate from other beings, there still is a sense that being free is separate from being in bondage. So, of course, since you're free, guess where you don't go? Guess. Into bondage. You're not going to go into bondage. You're free.

[15:39]

You can't help it. You're free. You're not kidding, and you can't really, like, get rid of it. You've changed. You're a free person. You're like, you're this happy spiritual being now. Walking down the street, people come and spit in your face. Hey, you have no way to take it personally. You just take out your little face wiper, clean everything up, and move on to the next insult. People who meet you are really inspired by your amazing response. And you're happy too. You're happy that you don't, like, waste people who spit on you. You're happy. You're calm. You're relaxed. You're free. And all these other people, you love them,

[16:43]

because you understand they're not separate from you, so you're really compassionate. And you actually probably would like them to learn this path, and so if they want to learn, you're happy to teach them these first three Samadhis which you've realized. But you still haven't understood that the freedom you've attained and the person you've become is not separate from the person you used to be, or other people, I shouldn't say not separate from, not different from, a little bit different, but not completely different from all these other people. In the fourth stage, you understand that the ordinary world, the ordinary things of the world, and the things of Buddha, the Buddha stuff, that they're not joined, they're not the same,

[17:47]

and they're not separate. They're non-dual. You understand that, and therefore, you can do this, you can go into bondage. You can go anywhere. You're not stuck in liberation. And if somebody spits in your face, you can say, you know, you don't have to be cool. Now, you're not going to waste them, but you don't have to be cool. You can say, you know, you don't have to just be free. You're free of freedom. You can have a problem being spit on, but it's not a problem like, you're not going to go all the way back to, like,

[18:49]

why did they do that to me, isolated little... You're not going to go that far, but you're going to be like, well, how can we play with this? You know? I forgot, I had the thought to bring, I have a little, somebody gave me a little, a little, one of those little yellow ducks. That float in the bathtub. This duck has got, like, I think, a palm pilot. And a cell phone. I was going to bring that because somebody had a vision of a duck, and then they realized that they were, they came to practice Buddhism to learn how to play. Bodhisattvas are free of freedom. Bodhisattvas being those who want to be Buddhas

[19:51]

and who have attained the Four Samadhi, they're free of freedom, and therefore they can come and play in the world of bondage. And sometimes they can be like the ones, you know, you step on their toe and they just say, guess what? You're on my toe. My left toe. You know, they can play, they can, they can be cool, they can be hot, they can be whatever will wake people up. Because they don't see something that they're really, they don't really see that there really is something called freedom, and that there really is something called bondage, and that there really is something called misery, and there really is something called happiness. Bodhisattvas, these beings with these hearts of compassion,

[20:53]

have joined the heart of compassion with a realization of emptiness, a realization that things, you know, ultimately cannot be grasped. Therefore, because of that, anything can happen. And anything's possible. For example, it is possible that the way we are right now is not separate from being Buddha and not the same as being Buddha. But that's the way we actually are. In other words, we are the way Buddhas are. Buddhas are not separate from Buddhas, we're the same as Buddhas. Buddhas understand that there's no such thing as Buddha, and no such thing as suffering person.

[21:54]

But there is the appearance of suffering people all over the place, and once in a while there's the appearance of Buddhas. I'm not telling anybody that we have to practice samadhi number two, the yogic samadhis, but if you do practice them and calm down a little bit and feel a little breather in the meditation practice, then you might be ready to practice and you might be ready to start hearing the Buddha teaching. And one way to put it is, to study the Buddha way is to study the self. So once you calm down a little bit, or quite a bit, you can start studying the self. That means study the self

[23:00]

that you think is something, actually there, the self. Study that thing. Study this self which you think independently exists. Study the self that you believe independently exists. Study the self and the belief in the self that is the source of all your suffering. And studying that self means to forget the self, to forget that self. Forgetting that self and being settled in that forgetfulness of the self is samadhi number three. And this being absorbed and concentrated

[24:03]

and mentally one-pointed with this forgetfulness you attain personal liberation. Then, after forgetting the self, forgetting the self means then that you are enlightened by all things. Everything that happens wakes you up. And when everything that happens wakes you up, body and mind drop away and you enter samadhi number four. Entering samadhi number four, all traces of enlightenment drop away

[25:07]

and this traceless enlightenment goes on. The traceless enlightenment is kind of like what it's like to be here in this room now. Yeah, I'm just kidding. It's exactly like this. I mean, I'm kidding about kind of like. I just wanted to soften the blow. Enlightenment is just like this. Well, the problem is, what is this? What is this? Well, that's your job to pay attention to see what it is. It's just like this.

[26:08]

That's a traceless enlightenment. Traceless enlightenment is just like this. Enlightenment with a trace could be quite a bit different from this. Enlightenment with a trace could be like enlightenment with no anxiety, only good-looking people or only ugly people, only men or only women, or only people with shaved heads, or only people with robes on, or only people with you know, Buddhist identification cards or something. Those could be enlightenments with traces. But the traceless enlightenment is just like what's happening because there's no kind of thing that you're using to figure out that it's enlightenment. And because of emptiness,

[27:11]

anything is possible. Some people, well, I'm not laughing at that part, I'm laughing at the next part, which I didn't tell you about. Some people do not want everybody to love them. I mean, if you ask them, they say, No, I don't want everybody to love me, I don't want that person to love me. You know, like, you know, I don't know what that would be if they loved me, like they might want to come near me or something. But a lot of people, without thinking about it very carefully, if you ask them, or they might even just tell you, I would like everybody to love me. A lot of people say that. Anybody like that here? One person, two. There's six now. Okay, six people here. I would like everybody to love me. I don't think that's so funny.

[28:19]

What I think is funny is the people who don't want everybody to love them. That's what I think is funny. Because I don't think it's true. I think everybody does want everybody to love them, actually. And I don't think that's an unreasonable thing, because that's how I feel. And I mentioned before that somebody came to me and I asked him, What do you want? And he says, I want to be held. And I thought, Yeah. Sure you do. We all do. We all want to be held. We started out that way. Remember? You know, when we first, like, we were held. At the beginning, we were held. We were held, you know, very nicely. Because, look, we survived.

[29:25]

We were held all through that, those nine months, approximately. We were held. Very nicely. Look at the results. It's very nice. It worked. We were held. And then after we came out of our mothers, we kept being held. So we're here. We were held all through that time. Remember? We don't remember, actually. We don't have very good memories. We don't have very good memories, a lot of us. We forget that we were held for quite a while. And some of us remember, and then we think, and then we stop being held. Then a time came when there was no holding. Does anybody remember that time? And then some of us feel like, and I haven't been held for quite a while, and I would like to be held again someday. So one of the things, one of the amazing things that can happen when you realize emptiness is you can realize

[30:28]

that you are being held. You are being held, and not just once in a while, all the time. You can understand that. You can also, because of emptiness, understand that you're not held. Fine. No, you're not held. I'm totally not held. So not only are you held, but you're not held. So you're totally held, plus you're totally free of being held. Like, I'm not held at all. As a matter of fact, there's nothing here to hold. But when there's a me, it can be held. And it can be held really well because of emptiness. Because there's no such thing as me or being held. When compassion joins with emptiness, if anybody wants to be held, it's so. It's received, held as being received and used. And not only that, but I also would like to love everybody else, too. Not only do I want everybody to love me, I would like to love everybody else.

[31:28]

Now, part of me really thinks everybody does love me, and I love everybody. But when it comes down to it sometimes, I go, is that really love that they're doing to me? Is this really love I feel, or just respect? In Samadhi number four, okay, in Samadhi number four, it's just everybody loving you skillfully, and you loving everybody else. It's like total love fest in all directions. And there's no attachment to it. So, like, you don't get pushed around by it. That's Samadhi number four. And that is, that is what is possible according to this Mahayana teaching

[32:32]

of the Bodhisattva way, to love everyone and to understand that everyone loves you. Of course, the way we usually start is by practicing love ourselves, loving ourselves, loving others, being generous with ourselves, being generous with others, being patient with ourselves, being patient with others. Practicing precepts with ourselves, practicing precepts with others. Being enthusiastic about every meeting with ourselves and with others, being in Samadhi and practicing all these together in every meeting we learn how to do that. And the more we love, the more we feel loved. Not the other way around. The more we love, the less we feel loved. No. The more you love, the more you feel loved. The more you feel loved, the more you love. This is Samadhi number four. And it's possible because every idea that you have that is not possible, you have let go

[33:39]

of in Samadhi number four. And every idea that you have that it is possible, you've also let go of. If you think that Samadhi number four, if you think loving everyone and being loved by everyone, if you think that that's possible, if you want that to be realized, let go of that. If you think it's impossible, let go of it. Realizing emptiness means, when you fully realize it, it means you give up all your views. And it helps to practice all these other Samadhis, these earlier Samadhis, it helps to practice them so that you're ready to do this amazing thing of giving up all your views. You've already given up your view that you're separate from these other people, that you're separate from the world, but you have some other views too. Yeah, I've given up the view that I'm separate, but I still don't understand that everybody loves me and I love everybody. I

[34:42]

kind of realize I love everybody, but I don't see them loving me. And I don't see them loving each other, I see them at war. You can still see the war, but what about the other side? I'm ready to die. I've seen the promised land. And that's, you know, where everybody loves everybody and is loved by everybody. This is the Samadhi of the Bodhisattva that we're learning right here on this planet, in this farm. At the beginning of the practice period three weeks ago, some people came here and they looked at the other people who's here and they thought, I don't love these people, and these people don't love me. Or, I love

[35:49]

two of these people, I love two of these people, and one of them loves me. Some people thought like that. They confessed that to me. They knew I would think they should confess that. So they did. But you know, when they confessed it, they'd already started to lose their grip and were starting to love a few more people. And now some people, after only three weeks, they love almost everybody and think that almost everybody loves them. At the beginning, they thought, what have I done? I've got myself trapped in this valley with these other people, some of whom I did not choose to be here. Three weeks, huh? We also have three-month

[36:54]

practice periods. So at the beginning of those, people say, whoa, I voluntarily came into this space with these people. But by the end, you think, this is the greatest thing I've ever done. This is the greatest group of people I could possibly be with, which includes that they gave me a heart, that they behaved in such a way that I could have views that they weren't loving me. And then I could let go of those views and realize it's just my views that are getting in the way. And now I realize this is the best group of people to be with, and this is real love. Not easy love, because they act like you know how they act. You know, they act all these ways, you know, and none of them are sort of according to your plan. So then you have a chance to practice emptiness, which is like give up

[37:58]

your view. Not have a view, just give it up. After you give it up, it's kind of like you don't have one, but you've got some views to give up. And so now, you know, I can't say for sure that all the people in this training period, and I don't know about the people who just came this Sunday, if you've already like jumped into this Samadhi, but I can't say all the people are in this Samadhi, but everybody I think got a little bit of taste that their belief that they don't love everybody, and not everybody loves them, is a little bit less tightly gripped. And some people have almost completely let go of it, at least for moments. I remember one person was really having a hard time. He was scared to death, you know. He was in great pain, and he thought he was going to throw up in the meditation hall because of the pain. And he tried various tricks, but then he just kind of like said,

[38:59]

it's okay. I won't even say he said that, but the words came, it's okay. All these people love you, and they're going to take care of you. And you know, they're going to support you. And you know, it's true. If this person vomited, everybody would take care of them. They would. Now some people have, you know, not rushed over quite as fast as some others. We have different capacities for vomit. In my house, as you know, when my little brother and sister got sick and vomited, my mother would try to clean it up, but then she would vomit. And then she would ask me to come to clean up the vomit. I didn't need to vomit

[40:06]

when I got near the vomit, so I could clean up the vomit. So anyway, we got enough people here to take care of any of us. And different people like to help in different ways, but basically there's almost always somebody who can help in the way we need. So this person just thought, just thought of that, just thought of, these people will take care of me. Turns out this person didn't vomit, so couldn't test it, but anyway. What happened when the person realized that the people would help them? The person understood for a moment that all the people would help him if he did vomit out of pain, and be in pain out of vomit. Well the pain, of course the pain went away. Of course a great joy came in and flooded out the little pipsy squeak pain. And the vomit's not a problem anymore when you feel

[41:07]

this kind of love. It's not a problem. It's just a landing site. Now, that understanding didn't necessarily last, but there's a flash, a visitation of this Samadhi. The Samadhi where you receive your life. You don't grab it, you get it. It's given to you by all the Buddhas, all the loving, wise beings, all those who want to be loving, wise beings, and everybody else too, is giving you your life. You receive it and let it be used. So this is the Samadhi of the Bodhisattva, and in this Samadhi a whole bunch of other amazing things can happen. Amazing educational events can occur. All kinds of wonderful skills arise. Tremendous virtues abound in this Samadhi.

[42:14]

And this is what we've been studying the possibility of, studying various techniques for entering the various levels of Samadhi. And these techniques are generally kind of light. They're not big heavy techniques because we don't want to confuse ourselves to think that the Samadhi is like real far away, so we have to go a long ways away, because actually all this stuff is right under our nose. These Samadhis are already all around us. This concentration practice is not far away. It's just a total letting go away, but it takes some while to warm up to that. It's a little after 11, and I think I probably said enough, but just as a parting comment

[43:53]

I might mention some simple practices, which I mentioned before. But just, fortunately or unfortunately, we do tend to forget almost everything we hear that isn't part of our regular program. So these unusual behaviors have to be reiterated quite a few times. So the unusual behavior that I bring up to you as a way to begin to enter these Samadhis is to meet whatever comes. So first of all, meet whatever comes, okay? That's the first thing. First part of the practice is, meet whatever comes. Meet whoever comes? That's pretty hard. Like, some people come and we don't meet them, right? Or we

[44:55]

just sort of glance at them and then look away. Or we walk on the other side of the street. Or we don't leave our house because they might be out there. Or we take someone with us that can greet them for us. Anyway, we do have a little trouble meeting whatever comes, don't we? I do. But I love trying to meet whatever comes. It's really, I'm totally convinced that that's life to the fullest. To meet this person, and then that person, and that person, and me not choose who's going to come next. Basically, I'm not moving. And then, here they come. And meet them. Meet them. And then try to meet them, like, fully.

[46:01]

And then some of them will do you a favor, and when you try to meet them fully, they'll look away so you don't have to. But anyway, try to meet them fully. With your whole face and your whole body, your whole heart, your whole chest, your whole shoulders, your whole guts, your whole poor little legs, your whole eyes and ears. Just try to really meet what comes. And then it's over. And here comes the next one. Try to learn how to do that. And then in the meeting, once you're there and you're not trying to be someplace else, then this thing you're meeting, try to meet this with total relaxation. No tension under the armpits, in the wrists, in the knuckles and the thumbs, in various sphincters. Try

[47:11]

to learn how to meet fully and with total relaxation, physically. And then mentally also. Like, relax your ideas about who this is. This is, yeah, that's who it is. Well, let go of that. In other words, let go of body and mind in each meeting. And yet, be there. Like, if you're standing up, stand there or sit there, whatever posture you're in, be there completely and then relax completely. This is how to enter into these various Samadhis. One, two, three and four. The practice actually works all the way through, but different details come up. As you move through the Samadhis, some things which you've

[48:14]

never even known about meeting, you'll start to meet. Some of the things which you even thought were too wonderful to meet, you'll start to meet. And some of those wonderful things you'll have trouble meeting those. And then you'll have really some trouble relaxing with these wonderful things, because you're going to want to hold on to them. So for example, we have this practice period, this wonderful practice period. Has this been a wonderful practice period? This has been a wonderful practice period, and some of these people have never met such a wonderful practice period. Isn't that right? Partly because it's their first practice period. But some people, this is the first practice period, and they're really, really happy they came, it's really, really wonderful, and now it's time, this thing which they never thought that they would ever meet, they met this wonderful

[49:18]

thing, this wonderful person, this wonderful place, this wonderful practice, they met it, person, place, practice, they met it, and they really feel good, and now it's time to let go. Now it's coming, what they have to meet now is the end of the practice period. This is not easy to meet, but they have to meet that and relax with the end of the practice period. They're afraid, some of the people are afraid that the next thing that's going to happen is not going to be as nice as this practice period. And maybe it won't be. But I guess this is my message to the people in practice period, and to me too, to meet what comes after this practice period, whatever it is, in the way that you've met this practice period. Thank you.

[50:47]

Pardon? Well, is Vernon here? Well, I do like to sing, but I don't want to offend Vernon. You get to decide, Vernon. The first ten. Okay. There may be trouble ahead, but while there's music and moonlight and love and joy, there's

[52:00]

romance, let's face the music and dance. While there is still, no, no, before the fiddlers have fled, before they ask us to pay the bills. And while there's still a chance, let's face the music and dance. Is there anything you'd like to discuss? I just had something to add.

[53:14]

I was just thinking about taking what we've learned forward beyond closing our practice period. In the process of saying that, you mentioned forgiving ourselves when we were unable to do that. And what I wanted to ask you is, how do you learn to open yourself in this area of self-forgiveness that might be encouraging for you? She asked, what have I learned about self-forgiving that might be encouraging to the rest of you?

[54:31]

And so maybe I'll just answer the first part of the question, what have I learned about self-forgiving, rather than getting into whether that's going to be beneficial to you or encouraging to you. Because this might be discouraging to you, what I learned. And that is, I guess I easily forgive myself for unskillfulness. I kind of feel like this is nothing compared to how bad I could be. I mean, I'm basically so good. I mean, you have no idea how good I'm being compared to what I could be doing. So, you know, the things I have done, the bad things I've done, and I have done some

[55:37]

bad things, most of them I've forgiven myself. There are some things I've done which although I've forgiven myself, I still really feel bad about doing. But even those things, I forgive myself for. Because, you know, I could do a lot worse, and actually the more I forgive myself, the deeper the pain of feeling bad about it goes, and the more I don't want to do that anymore. But if I don't forgive myself, I keep myself on the surface of feeling bad about it. You know, I'm up in the part about being down on myself for doing it, which hurts a little bit, but I put that away, the feeling bad, not forgiving myself and being

[56:42]

down on myself for doing it, then I just look at how bad it feels, just the thing by itself. Then that goes deeper. So I kind of want to forgive myself as much as possible, as soon as possible, so I can let the impact of the unskillfulness really, really convince me that I do not want to do that. That's how I work with it. That's what I find. One time I had a roommate, and I was very cold to him, because I wanted him to move out. But I didn't just tell him I wanted him to move out, I just acted very cold, and he finally moved out. So I'm not so much down on myself as I am on the surface of

[57:48]

being down on myself for doing that, I just look at it, I just look at how I do not want to do that anymore, and how really cruel that was to be cold. But I'm not down on myself for doing it at all. I'm horrified, but not down on myself. I'm shocked that I could do that, but I'm not distracting myself by making comments on myself, or whatever. So that's how I work with it, I think, pretty much. It sounds as if, as a practice, that one would have to be pretty careful of distinguishing between feeling the impact of something when it's done, and with that the determination

[58:50]

to not do it again, and on the other hand, kind of more self-castigation of something. I think it would be a fine line, but I think I understand it. I don't find it in myself, what you say, and I don't find it in most people I talk to. Most people, maybe they can't tell, but it seems pretty clear, they say, I did this bad thing and I feel bad, and then they can see that they hate themselves for it. They seem to be able to tell two different things. Maybe after they stop talking to me, then they all get mushed together. But that's exactly what the self-castigation does. It just throws you into confusion, because the self-castigation doesn't do any good anyway. It's another harm.

[59:52]

You're cold to somebody else, then you're cold to yourself. So you're just making it muddier and muddier. But when people tell me about it, once you have the two out there, they're clear, they're very different. But if you stop talking to somebody and you're in your own head, then maybe they wash together. So I guess in that way I can see that they would just get very muddy. The thing that I think is hard to tell, the difference between, is forgiving yourself and really letting yourself go. Say, you're free, go back to work. You made a mistake? Okay, now get back on the path. The difference between saying, yeah, okay, okay, thanks for the confession, go back, and like, you know, I didn't do anything wrong. That's more confusing. That kind of like release after you confess, and the release, the superficial release of, well, that wasn't so bad. That's more confusing, and that's

[60:57]

more dangerous. I mean, I shouldn't say more dangerous. The other one is dangerous, too. To beat yourself up after you beat yourself up. To beat yourself up for beating yourself up. To beat yourself up because you beat other people up, and also to beat other people up because you beat yourself up. Those things, of course, are just confusion upon confusion. Once a person explains what they're doing, it's pretty easy to tell the difference between the two. This other one I have more trouble with, of like, hey, it's okay that you did that. Not okay that you did that. Okay, I hear you. You did it. Fine. Now let's do the right thing. Okay? That can be confused with, okay, no problem. That's pretty tricky. And if you're a priest or a Buddhist teacher and you hear people's confession, that's also like to listen to them and to register the complaint, the confession, the confession of unskillfulness, and to hear it and really forgive them without saying it wasn't bad, and without adding,

[62:02]

yes, it really was bad. Just like hear it and feel the impact and listen and hold it as it is without pushing it off either way. That's pretty subtle. You don't want to add anything to their confession. You want to help them become more aware of their confession. And so that's a skill. So sometimes people say, well, I did something, a lot of times people come to see me and they say, sorry, I'm a little late. And I often think, well, they just confessed that they're late and they're sorry, but then they said a little. So I often think, well, what about the little? Are you trying to excuse yourself? I don't

[63:07]

usually say so, though, I just see that they don't really want to say, sorry, I'm late, or I'm late, I'm sorry. They usually say, sorry, I'm a little late. Sorry, I am five minutes late. Because I don't hear that very often. But then I just sit there and I don't try to fix their confession and make it more unadorned and unprotected. Just let it be. And something might come out. Some kind of response might come out to help them get clearer. I think you mentioned letting go of you to have about how things should be and not asking

[64:23]

for things that you want, like everybody to love you. And it's interesting because my mother started meditation with me and stopped in part because she couldn't agree with that. That to her meant not being able to function in society. She couldn't understand. She argued with me about, well, how can you let go of your views and how can you let go of what you want in life and not be passive in your life, not let it just float by. She made her life the way she wanted it. In some way, you're saying, this is what I want and I'm going to get it. And she couldn't understand, well, how do you accept things the way they are but still not just let your life pass by. Honestly, I didn't know what to say to her about it. If you have a view of what would be good and then you hold to the view of what would

[65:41]

be good, then the holding to the view, the holding will undermine the realization of the thing if the thing is good. If it's actually good, then your holding to it will hinder and create disturbances, energetic disturbances around the realization of the good. If you think something would be beneficial, that's fine. If you hold to it, then you throw your whole system into agitation. Your energy starts leaking all over the place. You get upset and then when you talk to people about this thing that you think is beneficial, they feel assaulted by your energy that you're channeling into this thing. So, if they agree with you, they think, okay, okay, I agree with you, all right, all right. But if they don't agree with you, they feel like you're slapping them in the face or

[66:44]

you're giving them a shock. And they don't even hear what you're saying because all they feel is the energy of your attachment. So then this good thing, this beneficial thing, which you might actually, most people might agree even that it was beneficial, you undermine it, maybe not destroy it completely, but undermine it by the self-righteous charge you put on it. Now, on the other hand, if you have something beneficial and you offer it without attachment, then people can see its merits. Plus they also see that you're offering it without self-righteousness, so already they think it's probably pretty good. They say, oh, look at this un-self-righteous person, let's listen to her. She's this un-self-righteous person, this person who's not attached to them being right and everybody who disagrees with them being low-quality morons. This person is somebody to listen to, so they listen to you. So if it really is good, your non-attachment will bring it to fluorescence. Now, if it's not so good and you present

[67:54]

it without self-righteousness, then people feel open to discuss it because they're not scared that you're going to shock them. And they say, well, what about this and what about that? And maybe you find out, oh, yeah, there's some faults here. It can be improved this way or that way. And then the unwholesome sides of it, because you're not attached to it, they drop away and it becomes more and more skillful, and then again. So if it's mostly unskillful and unbeneficial and you offer it without attachment, then it will be revealed as mostly unbeneficial. So the unbeneficial things will just fall away when they're presented without attachment. And the beneficial things will grow and develop when presented without attachment. So if you really do think something is good, then letting go of it, but yet attending to it, presenting it with no attachment, doesn't mean that you don't keep presenting it, it just means you don't hold it. You still have your views,

[68:57]

you have your convictions, but the people who really successfully have the courage of their convictions, the courage of their conviction, the heart, they're the people who don't have attachment to it. They have real courage, they have a lot of energy, because they're not wasting their energy attaching, gripping, charging. Their energy is available to work to develop this thing. So basically, if the things your mother wants are wholesome and she lets go of them, they will prosper. If the things are unwholesome and she lets go of them, they won't prosper. So all the unwholesome things that we want to do, if you don't grasp them, they're not going to survive. But doesn't it mean forget? No, it means forgetting, yes. You forget, but like for example, let go of your name and forget your name. And then if you need it, it'll come back. But to go around all

[70:03]

the time, my name's Rev, my name's Rev, my name's Rev, my telephone number is area code 415, my social security number. This is what we call psychotically anxious. It's good not to kill, it's good not to steal. And always holding on to them, rather than, what about killing? No way. What about stealing? I'm convinced. It's no good. It's no good at all. But I don't know that, I just mind the way I feel about it. And I feel about it really deeply. I'm not going to do it. But if you are attached to it, then you're going to be able to be manipulated into doing it. Basically, if you're attached to doing good, you can be manipulated into doing bad. You get a group of people that are attached to being good, they're like puppets. You can get them to annihilate, you can get them into genocide, you can get

[71:09]

them to fly airplanes into buildings. They're just little puppets in the hands of somebody who knows that they're attached, and they'll do anything because they're stuck. Just pull the strings and they'll do anything. And some evil people, the thing about evil though, the nice thing about evil, is that if you are attached to evil, it prospers. So if you want to do harm, then attach to it and manipulate other people. And if you want to do harm, attach to doing harm and use other people, not too many people are attached to doing harm, but those who are, who know how evil works, and are attached to it, they know it will thrive if they're attached to it. And then you can use even people who are attached to good to be your servants. Look at some of the people in history that wanted to do evil, and then they found people who wanted to do good, and they used all these people who wanted to do good to do the evil. They could see the unconscious of these people.

[72:12]

So excuse me for saying the famous one, Hitler. Hitler had a way of getting to people's unconscious. He could find out where they were unconscious. And people who want to do good, who are attached to it unconsciously, you can use their unconscious attachment to do good to get them to do evil because they're not conscious. And some people have a sense of that, and they use it. So Hitler could use the intellectual's unconscious area, he could use the working class unconscious, he tuned into the shadow side and manipulated that, just like a great shaman for evil purposes. And of course, he was also being manipulated by his unconscious. So one big, huge unconscious, so all this stuff could happen to those people who, a lot of them, basically the Nazis wanted to make a pure country. They wanted a beautiful land with nothing ugly. That's what they wanted. They wanted beauty through violence. And they got some beautiful stuff, but through violence.

[73:20]

Got some beautiful buildings, some beautiful people, some beautiful tanks, some beautiful uniforms. It was like really nice looking. Everything was clean. They got rid of all the art that showed anything unconscious. They hid the unconscious, made it totally unconscious, and then just very nicely did violence. So coming back to the simple thing of a meditator, if you want to benefit beings, you'll be more successful if you let go of your idea, your view of what is beneficial, and then see what happens. And you'll find, I think usually, that your idea of what is beneficial will be more fully realized than if you try to make it happen by your own power and attachment. I'm not attached to getting you done with.

[74:25]

I think one of the main things is you hear the teaching that if you want something good, that attaching to it will undermine it. And then you accumulate lessons and examples of how that's so. For example, you want maybe your children to be happy, and you have some idea about what will make them happy. And then you hold to that idea about what makes them happy, and you notice that they become unhappy. And if you're mean enough, they'll just be unhappy and won't tell you why. And you might not ask them, if you're so attached to what you think is good for them, you don't even ask them, could I ask your opinion about the situation? What would you like to do? You don't even ask them. So they just get unhappier and unhappy because your empire is being extended over their lives,

[75:37]

and you're getting them to do what you think is good for them without consulting to see how they're feeling. So I just thought of an example. When my daughter was three and a half, her mother went away to France for a while. And she and I were together, and when her mother left, she suggested that I get her to stop using her pacifier. Her mother thought, and I kind of thought so too, it would probably be good for her to stop using it, because she's three and a half. So there we were, and so I said something like, I don't know if I said, your mother wants you to stop, but anyway. Somehow I conveyed to her the idea of giving up the pacifier. And she said, at three and a half, she said, Dad, it helps me sleep. So I'm praising myself, right? I did not attach to the idea of what was good for her.

[76:54]

Of course what you want is your child to be happy, and if your child actually would be happy with the pacifier and healthy with the pacifier, then why not? Is there any other, you know, maybe their teeth won't grow, but still. So she said, Dad, it helps me sleep. And it just crossed my mind, what other people, what adults do to help them sleep? They don't usually use pacifiers, but they use stuff which is much worse than pacifiers. So I thought, okay, you know, it's unreasonable. Now, if you're too self-righteous about this stuff, the person won't even say anything, they'll just say, you know, you should stop using the pacifier, and they'll just go, okay, you know, they feel that energy and they just shrivel up and crawl under the covers, you know, cry with just no pacifier and they stay up all night crying, you know, whatever, who knows what happens.

[78:00]

Anyway, it's not so nice, even though you think it's good and you're holding it. But fortunately, either my daughter's integrity or she hadn't been abused that way enough, so that she could express herself and say, Dad, it helps me sleep. And then I could hear that, because I wasn't sure that it was really good to stop using the pacifier and evil to use it. I wasn't on that trip, you know, so because I wasn't attached to that, it wasn't that difficult to say, okay, so she got to use it. But then, not too long after that, at this time, she and I were at Esalen Institute. I was teaching meditation there for two months, and we were there, and Esalen is like, you know, down the coast, and it's a long ways from pacifier stores, you know.

[79:01]

So one night, I came home from class, and she was with the person who was taking care of her, and she was crying because her pacifier broke. She broke her pacifier, you know, the little rubber thing, the top broke off of it, so it didn't feel too good to have this broken, this kind of, you know, ripped up piece of plastic in her mouth. So she accepted that it was broken and it didn't really work anymore. It didn't feel good. It wasn't soothing. It was broken. Now, some kids might have, who are really attached to it, might just keep sucking this broken one. But she said, it's broken, so would you go get me another one? Although, she's just a little girl, she had the concept of places you could buy more pacifiers. Her mother taught her about that. So anyway, I said, it's 10 o'clock at night, the nearest store is 25 miles down the coast road,

[80:14]

you know, I'm not going to drive 50 miles in the middle of the night to get you the pacifier. But if you remind me tomorrow during the day, either I'll go 50 miles to get you a pacifier, or I'll get somebody to get it for you. So the next day came, and she didn't remind me, and I didn't remember, and the night came and she said, where's my pacifier? And I said, I forgot, and you were supposed to remind me and you didn't, so if you remind me tomorrow, I'll go get the pacifier. And she didn't remind me. And I think the next night, she said, where's the pacifier? I said, I'm not going to go at night, if you remind me tomorrow, I'll go and get it. The next day came and she didn't remind me. And that night, she didn't ask for the pacifier. She got over it. But not because I overpowered her with my sense of what was right. As a matter of fact, she got over it by this way of us just working it out,

[81:18]

both of us doing what we thought was reasonable. And we worked it out, and nobody really won. It worked out for both of us. And I said what I did, I wasn't going to drive 50 miles, but I wasn't going to force her to stop using the pacifier either. So it worked out. And many things like that will work out very nicely when we relax with our sense of what was right. The most effective people who are working for good are those who have no attachments. Those are the Buddhas. The Buddhas are most effective. In other words, enlightened people are more successful at working for good than people who are self-righteous. But self-righteous people can do some good, but they often do tremendous damage. And the very thing that they're trying to do, benefit their own children, by imposing their idea of what's right on them,

[82:20]

severely harms them, inhibits their growth, because this huge person knows what's right. And that charge comes on their instructions, and the children can't stand to deal with that energy. And some children, of course, they do these weird things like commit suicide. That's the only way they can get to their parents. They can't fight back directly, but at least they can hurt themselves. And some children stand up and get beat down, and stand up and get beat down, and stand up and get beat down, and they're okay. But very few have the courage to stand up to a giant, a giant god or goddess. But those who do, well, those are the baby Bodhisattvas. These are beings that wake their parents up, finally.

[83:22]

But it's a lot to ask of a little tiny thing that would stand up to a giant, but some do. So let's not expect that of them. Let's make it a little easier on them and be more flexible. Let's not overpower people with our self-righteousness. And then the good will grow. That's my experience. Yes? A couple of weeks ago, I'd rather talk to them collectively, that they would know you better than you, meaning the other person in the room, better than we think we know ourselves. And it's a wonderful way to make the point. I'm asking if we could amplify on this, to use it as a springboard to talk to the others outside of the community.

[84:27]

Just that. There's nothing to amplify on that statement, but it's really a good point. Collectively, we know the individual better than he thinks he knows himself. We would call making the point we were talking about getting to the second level of survival. So you thought I said that you know more about me than I know about myself? That all of you know more about me than I know about myself? You think I said that? Well, if I did, do I think that's true? Well, I don't think I said that. And I'm not sure it's true. But I think what I did say, which I do think is true, is that you are more truly what I am than what I think I am.

[85:34]

Not that you know more about me than I... You individually, you individually, it's not that you know more about me than I do, but you all by yourself are almost more of what I really am than what I think I am. You all by yourself are almost more than I... But you and Narit are definitely more than what I think I am, more closer to what I am than what I think I am. And you and Narit and Jill are pretty much now getting way ahead. All of you, it's not so much that what you know about me is better, because actually what you know about me, what each of you plus all of you know about me is pretty much on a par with what I think about myself. The main thing is that what people are to me is more about me than what I think is about me. That's what I was saying. See the difference? So if I want to learn about myself,

[86:38]

well, part of it is looking at what I think I am, but another part of learning about myself is just looking at how I feel about you and what I think about you. And what I think about all of you plus what I actually think all of you are tells me more about myself. There's one little set of opinions I have about me. I do not have actually that big a repertoire of opinions about me. They're not that... They're pretty paltry, actually. For example, I think I'm more like a cow than a chipmunk. I mean, I do. I do think that. Pardon?

[87:40]

What? No, no, no, no. And if I think of the reason for that, I think, well, you know, especially now that I'm having a broken leg, I move kind of slowly, and I move kind of heavily, and I just think of myself more like a cow than, like I say, like a chipmunk. I don't have that kind of like... I don't have that... I don't express that kind of energy. That's what I think about myself. And maybe you agree with that. Do you? Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Maybe some of you think, oh, no, you're much more like a chipmunk. Okay? What? You're skinny. I'm skinny. She thinks I'm skinny. You don't have milk. I don't have... Okay, I said cow, not bull. I did. So we can get into that, too.

[88:44]

Okay. I think I'm more like a bull than a chipmunk. Male or female chipmunk. But some of you may think, no, no. No, no, you're a lot like a chipmunk. The way you eat nuts. I've seen you. But for me, to look at those of you who are like chipmunks, in my view, you help me understand who I really am. Because I'm not just a cow. I really am also a chipmunk. But I can't do the chipmunk thing like some of you can. So you help me understand that I'm not this little cow and you help me let go of the cow and the chipmunk. So I don't know. What I am and what you are, nobody knows.

[89:44]

Nobody knows who you are. Nobody knows who you are. Nobody knows who I am. We're all too vast and empty to be grasped. But the way I learn about who I really am is through you. Because I can like think, oh, you know, I'm not this, but it's really through saying, I'm not that, not that, not that, and to think that that's not me and to realize that is more me than what I think is me. That's how I start to realize emptiness. When I don't know, you know, what I am. When I don't know if I'm an eagle, a storm, or a great song. You know, when I don't know, then I start to learn what I am. And you all help me. You're my way. That's more what I mean. It's not to put down my view and put yours up.

[90:45]

It's just all of it together helps us let go of it. And I think, you know, maybe you should send your mother to a meditation instructor because it's hard for you to, you know, be in that position. You know? A meditation instructor? Yeah, right. It's kind of hard. Even if you are a professional meditation instructor. Professional meditation instructors usually are not too good on their mother. But you may have a friend you can refer her to, you know. I think other scheduling events are pressing, so if you'll excuse us, please excuse us.

[91:44]

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