May I mention that today is, in some people's calendar, is Father's Day. It's a good day to tell your father that you love him, even if your father is not alive. And it's a good day for fathers to feel ashamed at their shortcomings. But even an ashamed father and an ashamed grandfather still might want to talk with you about something. And last time I spoke here on Sunday, I think I talked about a very basic Buddhist practice,

[01:16]

a very basic ritual in the Buddha way of going for refuge in Buddha. Basic practice, the basic ritual of returning to Buddha. And, during that talk, I thought, I mentioned that if one wishes to practice going for refuge in Buddha, maybe it would be good to consider what Buddha is, and I talked about what Buddha is in the tradition of the great vehicle of the Bodhisattva, the universal vehicle of the being who is devoted to the welfare of all beings.

[02:21]

And I just mentioned briefly again that in the Mahayana, the Buddha is a being which is always not thinking, and a being which is always thinking simultaneously, a being which is always completely free of thinking, of thought construction, and of the world of suffering that arises from thought construction. Completely free, completely giving up all world-constructing thought. Simultaneously, the Buddha is always thinking, always involved in world-constructing thinking. Buddha is always thinking about how to make a world where all beings can enter the Buddha

[03:29]

way and quickly attain Buddhahood and freedom. Buddha is always not thinking and always thinking. Buddha doesn't abide in either and embraces both. This is the Buddha, limitlessly free and limitlessly involved to help beings. And it's this Buddha that in the Mahayana we return to by the practice of refuge. Today I'd like to talk about the practice of refuge and also just to say that I would use the word practice synonymously in this situation with ritual or ceremony. And I also just offer you the statement that not everyone who performs rituals understands

[04:44]

ultimate truth. But I would say that people who understand, or a person or a being that understands ultimate truth, that for such a being all of her actions are rituals. Once again, to perform a ritual does not necessarily mean you understand the ultimate truth. But when you understand the ultimate truth, you also understand that every action of your body, speech and mind is a ritual. Your whole life becomes ritual, your whole life becomes a ceremony. Everything you do, everything you think, which is a basic action, everything you say, every bodily posture you make, is a ceremony.

[05:48]

Which puts the ultimate truth as a form. Every form you understand is the ultimate truth. And ultimate truth is every form. If we don't understand that, we may think some form is the ultimate truth. Some forms are truth, and others are not. Also, if we don't understand ultimate truth, we think ultimate truth is something. If we don't understand ultimate truth, we might think ultimate truth is something. We might think that the ultimate truth of all things is another thing.

[06:56]

So, the basic definition of ritual is that it's synonymous with ceremony. It means it can be a religious ceremony, it can be religious rituals, or just solemn rituals, dignified forms of behavior within religion or not. Coming back to the ritual, the ceremony of going for refuge in Buddha. I go for refuge in Buddha, I say that with my voice.

[08:17]

I can sit here with you, try to sit upright and still, and make my upright stillness in posture. I make this sitting a physical ritual. This sitting is returning to Buddha. I return to Buddha's posture. I give my posture to Buddha, and thereby I return to Buddha by this posture. I think that I'm returning to Buddha. I make my thinking returning to Buddha. I spoke about this in Sacramento last week, and a woman came up to me and said,

[09:23]

Why ritual? Why do we have to do a ritual? She said ritual, but you could also say, why do we have to do a practice? The Buddha is totally pervading our lives, never separate from us. So why do we have to do the practice? Why do we have to do the ritual? The ritual of returning to Buddha. Returning to the Buddhas, who are always with us. Why? She said, and I simply would suggest that, although this is true, that Buddhas are with us always, unless we do the ritual, unless we perform the ceremony of making our actions of thought, speech, and posture, actions of returning to Buddha, we will not realize Buddha.

[10:31]

All Buddhas who have realized Buddhahood have done the ritual of returning to Buddha. None who do not return to Buddha realize Buddha, even though we're already there with Buddha. We're already surrounded by the understanding of the Dharma, which Buddhas are. Buddhas are the understanding of the truth. We live in the same truth. But unless we practice the ritual, the ceremony of returning to the truth, of returning to the Buddha, we do not realize the Buddha or the truth which Buddha realizes. We're always living in the midst of the great assembly of practitioners, of the ceremony of returning to Buddha. But unless we return to Buddha, we do not realize that we live in this community.

[11:37]

My thoughts, my speech, and my posture does not reach what the Buddha is. But they realize what the Buddha is. My thoughts, your thoughts, my actions, your actions are not separate from Buddha. Therefore, we can't reach what we're not separate from. But we can confuse what we're not separate from. We can think we are separate from it and try to reach it. This is a distraction, which is fine. Just give that distraction to the Buddha. While I was talking to this woman, I stumbled upon

[12:44]

her being herself. That she is who she is, that you are you, you are yourself. But if you don't practice returning to yourself, you will not realize yourself. Buddha is our true home, but if we don't do the ritual of returning to Buddha, we do not realize Buddha, we do not realize our true home. We exile ourselves by not practicing returning to our home. It seems kind of unfair in a way that we exile ourselves by not practicing being home. But actually I think that's necessary, that you can't just be an innocent bystander and not practice and then be left at home.

[13:57]

To forego celebrating your home, to forego celebrating your intimate relationship with the Buddhas is to eject yourself from your home by neglecting the performance of your relationship. The performance of your relationship. We, like a father, need to perform his relationship with his daughter and his son. Without performing it, it's not realized, and it's a sorrow. I love you, yes. I love you dearly, yes. But without practicing that, somebody doesn't realize it. For me, ritual also is my action in the context of relationship.

[15:09]

So when I brush my teeth, one meaning of ritual is something you do on a regular basis, invariably. Like you always brush your teeth, that could be a ritual. But for me, it's not just that I always brush my teeth, because in fact I don't always brush my teeth. But it's when I brush my teeth in relationship to all beings, I brush my teeth together with all Buddhas and all living beings, then my tooth brushing is a ritual. It's also going for refuge in Buddha, when I brush my teeth in relationship to all beings. And it is possible to learn to brush your teeth in relationship with all beings, every time you brush.

[16:12]

This is to realize Buddha's way while brushing the teeth. If you excuse me for saying so, I thought about this in the process of urinating. And I remembered a Zen teacher whose teacher told him, when you urinate, always sit down. Most people sit down when they do number two. Not all people, but most do. And not all women sit down when they do number one and number two. But most women do sit down. I think. I don't know, I haven't really watched. But I get that impression that mostly they sit down, whereas men sometimes stand. It's convenient.

[17:13]

And some women are jealous of men being able to stand. Especially little girls sometimes say, how come he gets to stand there like that? But I thought, if it's a ritual, if bodily functions like that are rituals of going for refuge in Buddha, then I felt it seems more better to sit down. Seems more solemn. Like rather than, OK, I'll just do it the easy way. I'm not saying you can't take refuge standing, but if you really meant this as a ritual, if you meant this bodily function as a ritual, wouldn't you take a dignified posture? Wouldn't you sit down and say, OK, here we go. And the other thing about ritual, well, I'll mention this later.

[18:16]

So, I suggest to this woman, you know, you are who you are, right now before me, but if you don't practice the ritual of being who you are, you miss that you're being who you are. And I say that to myself and I say that to you. If you don't practice being who you are, you will miss out on something called being you. And that will be something that will be a great sorrow to the whole world. Because that's your job, moment by moment, to be who you are. And you're only the way you are, I'm only the way I am right now, once. And now is the time for me to be this person. But if I don't practice being me, I miss it. And if I don't practice being me, I also don't practice going for refuge in Buddha. So, I stumbled upon the something that being yourself and returning to Buddha are synonymous.

[19:33]

If you really return to yourself, you will return to Buddha and you will realize that. If you really return to Buddha, you will realize that you're returning to yourself. And returning to yourself, I think maybe some people feel okay about that, it's non-sectarian. I like that. It's not really Buddhist. But I propose to you to consider that if you really return to yourself, you will realize you're returning to Buddha. And vice versa. But if you don't yet want to return to Buddha, start with yourself. If you return to the place where you are right now, if you come back here and find the place you are right now, if you practice that ritual, the ritual, the ceremony of being where you are right now in this place,

[20:41]

the practice of the Buddha will occur. And it will realize the truth. And again, realizing the truth will help you continue the practice of returning to where you are and finding your place, moment by moment. And while I was talking to this woman, a story came to my mind, which I wanted to tell, but I just didn't think there was going to be an opportunity to tell it. But when she brought this question to me, I realized what this story was about in a new way. And, oh, it wasn't when I was talking to her, it was when somebody else came up to me to talk to me.

[21:54]

And this person said that he came up to talk to me and he said he felt dread being there with me. He came up and he was really a tall man, about seven feet tall, and he said that he felt dread being with me. He said when he actually came up there and felt himself with me, he felt afraid. It was very difficult for him to actually be there with me. And then I thought of this story which connects these things. And the name of the story is Fear and Dread. It's the name of a scripture. And in this scripture, which is called Fear and Dread, the Buddha is approached by a Brahman.

[22:56]

The Indian Buddha, the Buddha who lived in India, is approached by a Brahman. And the Brahman says, the Brahman's name is Janusoli. The Brahman paid his respects to the Buddha and they had some amiable talk. And then he addressed the Buddha and he said, Are you the leader and the teacher and the guide for all these people here? Do they follow your example? And the Buddha said, yes, I am their teacher, I am their guide. And they do follow my example. And then the Brahman said, but don't you go out into the jungle thickets of the forest

[24:04]

and practice meditation out there? Don't you go into solitude in the dense jungle? And when you get there, doesn't that place give rise to fear and dread? And disturb your mind and make it difficult to enjoy solitude and be at peace and be concentrated? And if you do that, if you go out into the forest like that, and have in the past gone out into the forest, don't these people follow you and isn't that a bad example? Which if they follow, they won't be able to enjoy solitude and their minds will not calm down and they'll be just terribly scared. So how can you set that example, basically, is what he asked. And the Buddha said, well, you're right. When people go out into the forest, like into those forest areas I'm talking about,

[25:06]

they do become frightened, usually. And it's hard for them to enjoy solitude. But that's because their minds are not yet settled and purified. Before my mind was settled and purified, when I went out into the forest, my mind was actually full of dread and fear. And I couldn't enjoy solitude in the forest retreats. But my mind is no longer like that. My mind is purified. And therefore, for me, the jungle thickets are a place of joyful resort and peace. Before I realized the purified mind, when I went into the jungle

[26:13]

and I became frightened, I discovered a practice. If I was walking and fear and dread arose in me, I would continue to walk until the fear and dread passed away. If I was sitting in the forest and fear and dread arose in me, I would just continue to sit. If I was standing in the forest and fear and dread arose in me, I would continue to stand until they passed away. If I was reclining in the forest and fear and dread arose in me, I would continue to recline until they passed away. And now I would speak differently than the Buddha spoke.

[27:16]

In this way, I found my place in the forest. I returned to where I was and found my place. And the practice occurred and fear and dread were relieved. And I also found something else there. I found the Buddha. The Buddha, before being Buddha, returned to Buddha and realized Buddha. The Buddha took refuge in Buddha and realized Buddha. The Buddha returned to where he was in the jungle, in the dreadful situation, a situation well worthy to be frightened. Poisonous snakes and insects, wild carnivorous giants

[28:25]

inhabited those Indian jungles and he was out there with them. Not to mention demons and all kinds of disturbed spirits, untamed by their oppression of civilization. He went into that place and he found where he was and he found Buddha. And he became Buddha. He realized Buddha by going for refuge in Buddha. The Buddha goes for refuge in Buddha. All Buddhas have gone for refuge over and over until and thereby realized Buddhahood. They did the ritual, which is the same as returning to where you are and whatever comes up, do not move. If you're walking, do not move, which means keep walking.

[29:28]

As a ritual, to find your place right where you are. Every moment is an opportunity to find your place right where you are, to return to where Buddha is realized, which is here. We must practice being who we are, where we are now, in order to realize who we are, where we are now. At the end of this discourse on fear and dread and how to become free of them, the Buddha, well actually, Jana Soli says, thank you so much, Lord Buddha, may I take refuge in you,

[30:32]

may I become your disciple. And the Buddha says, you may, come, come home. And Jana Soli becomes the Buddha's disciple. And then the Buddha says, you may think, or one may think, that since I still do the practice of going into the forest, that I'm kind of dependent on it or attached to it, that I'm not free of the rituals that I performed to realize Buddhahood. But that wouldn't be true Buddhahood if I was attached to the forms. But I am Buddha and I'm not attached to the forms that I use to realize Buddhahood. I continue to do these forms for two reasons. One, because I like to. And two, to set an example for the future generations. We do need to return to Buddha in order to realize Buddha,

[31:39]

and when we realize Buddha, we don't have to return to Buddha anymore. We realize where we are. No longer need the ceremony, need the ritual. The ritual has served its purpose. However, once we don't need it anymore, now we practice it just for fun. And to show other people an example, a form that they can use to find themselves. Or to show them the form of finding themselves so they can find Buddha. Also recently an older person came to me and said that she was feeling some aversion to aging. Some aversion. She didn't say it but you can elaborate on that.

[32:42]

Dislike. Some people even hate getting old. Some people do all kinds of anti-aging type of activity. There's various anti-aging products that one can buy. Anti-aging skin cream, vitamins, exercise programs, anti-aging. Anyway, she said she was feeling some aversion to aging. And she said, kind of like a dread. I guess I kind of feel like a dread. The dread is more basic, I'd say. The dread of aging. Once you have the dread, you can try to find some way to avoid it. Or slow it down. Or go to some resort. Go to a spa. And she mentioned this to me in the context of our community where lots of people are sick,

[33:45]

aging, dying, injured. So many sick people in our community. So many people are aging. And she admitted she's not really that unhealthy right now. I shouldn't say she's not really that challenged, but she still felt some dread. And I thought again of this sutra. And I thought, well, you know, I was talking to her, I said, you know, I mentioned the sutra to her and I said, it's like we don't have to go in the jungle. We don't have to go in the jungle thicket where there's tigers and huge venomous snakes and elephants and lions and poisonous insects and malaria. We don't have to go. Our body is good enough. Our body is good enough place to have fear and dread come up.

[34:49]

But in this story, Janice really didn't come up to the Buddha and say, are you the example of these people? Are you their teacher? Yes. Well, how come you inhabit a human body Isn't that difficult to be at peace in a human body? You're setting a bad example. But he could have. Nowadays, when the teachers don't go into the jungle anymore, you can just say, well, how come you're in a human body? Isn't that like a dangerous place? Isn't it hard to be calm and joyful in a human body? And the Buddha would say, yeah, it actually is. It's like dreadful and frightening to be in a human body. And it was for me too before my mind was purified. But now my mind is purified.

[35:59]

So now a human body is a place of joy. A human body that's always in danger of being ripped to shreds and becoming sick. It's a place of joyful solitude. Because I found my place in the human body. And I stay in a human body. I don't need to. The Buddha doesn't need to. You can check out anytime she wants. Easy. Once you find your place, you can check out. But I keep coming back to this human body because I like to. I like to practice in a human body. I like to practice with my illness, with my aging, with my sickness, with my injuries, with my brokenness. I love to practice here. And so I do. And I also want to show other people a form

[37:04]

where they can practice the Buddha way. A human body with all its problems, all its impermanence. And again, when fear and dread arise in this body, don't move. If you're walking, keep walking. Don't move from the place you are. And you will find yourself, you will find Buddha. You will be practicing, going for refuge, which all Buddhas have done, by going for refuge, not just in a human body, but whatever body you have. I don't want to sell Buddhism.

[38:20]

I don't like selling Buddhism. But I'm happy to give Buddhism. I'm happy to give you the tradition. I don't want to sell it. But sometimes when I give it, it sounds like a sales pitch. Because some of the things that are given are so neat, so wonderful. So I caution you now. What is it called? Is it caveat emptor? Is that it? Caveat emptor? Buyer beware? But this isn't buying. This is just being given. Or maybe receiver. How would it be in Latin? Receiver beware. You are being given the Buddha's gifts. Now the gifts that I'm going to give to tell you about are the gifts that you receive when you go for refuge. Going for refuge is super simple, basic practice of being where you are. But it has extraordinary benefits and blessings.

[39:24]

And I can think of eight of them. Some people like numbers, some people don't. Here's eight virtues, eight merits of going for refuge in Buddha. One, you become a disciple of Buddha. When you return to Buddha, you become a disciple of Buddha. Two, you have a foundation in the precepts. Because the first precept of our tradition is going for refuge in Buddha. It's number one precept. When you go for refuge, you set your foundation. Three, karmic obstructions are reduced. Four, an ocean of blessing and merit is assembled.

[40:34]

Five, you do not fall into terrible destinies anymore. You happily visit those who are in terrible destinies without fear. You can enter any destiny fearlessly. Six, you will not be disturbed by human beings anymore. Also you will not be disturbed by non-human beings. Seven, you will accomplish good deeds easily. Eight, you will receive the ability to become Buddha. If we, if I can always be mindful

[41:38]

of these extraordinary merits of going for refuge and practice the ritual of going for refuge, we will easily enter the Buddha way and live it. So simple, so basic, going for refuge in the Buddha. Doing the ritual of being who you are right now, of finding your place now and again. I think Suzuki Goshi might recommend finding it on your exhale. On each exhale, come back to where you are. Now he might also say,

[42:40]

you can find your place where you are and inhale and exhale too. But inhaling and exhaling, find your place right where you are. Come back to where you are. Come back to Buddha. And if I forget to come back here, to come back to Buddha, I confess and repent. I'm ashamed I have not been present. That's one of the main things that I think I'm ashamed of as a father, of not being present. I loved my children, but I sometimes neglected to be present. And the same as a disciple of Buddha, as a Buddha's child,

[43:42]

and as a disciple of Buddha who is a father, I sometimes forget to be here. And that I confess and repent. I do not like missing the opportunity to be here and to practice going for refuge in Buddha. And the thing which I postponed earlier was that the ritual, that in practicing the ritual of returning here to Buddha, the merit of it is fully realized when you realize you're going for refuge in Buddha but you're doing it with Buddha. You're not going for refuge by yourself, you're doing it with the Buddha, together with the Buddha. A few days ago,

[44:50]

I guess it was like on... or I think it was like on... Tuesday, or Monday, before last, some of us were up with Michael Sawyer, who just... who died last Thursday. No, not this Thursday. The Thursday before last, he died, and we were with him, and I asked if I could sing a song, and people said, Oh no, I got it wrong. Got it wrong. It was after he died. Got it wrong. It was on Friday. Not this weekend, but Friday the 6th.

[45:52]

Friday the 6th. He had died on Thursday the 5th. So on Friday the 6th, we were sitting with him, and I asked if I could sing a song, and the living people said OK. So the song I sang was Old Man River. And after singing it, his brothers said that that was their father's favorite song. And so they grew up with that song, and his father used to sing that to them and play the organ to it at the same time. And particularly, their father loved Paul Robeson, who made the song famous. So shall we sing it? It seems like kind of a Father's Day song.

[46:55]

Now this song, as you may know, has very high notes and very low notes. Paul Robeson could sing really, really deep tones, way down there. So I don't know, it's hard to pick a place to start, but let's just kind of start high, because we've got to go low. The original lyrics maybe was tired of living and feared of dying, and he changed it to But I'll keep living until I'm dying. But I'll keep living until I'm dying. We could try that, see if we can do it. Old Man River, That old man river, He don't say nothing,

[48:05]

He must know something, He just keeps rolling, He keeps on rolling along. He don't plant taters, He don't plant cotton, And them that plants them Are soon forgotten. But old man river, He just keeps rolling along. You and me, We sweat and toil, Body all aching and wracked with pain. Tote that barge, Lift that bale, Get a little drunk and you land in jail.

[49:10]

I get weary and sick of trying, I'll keep on living while I'm dying. But old man river, He just keeps rolling along. Rolling along. Keep those doggies rolling. Keep those doggies rolling. One more thing I wanted to mention was that in going for refuge in Buddha, sometimes the way we say it is, you know, I take refuge in Buddha as the most honored one in the world of bipeds. The most honored two-footed one.

[50:16]

That's one way the Buddha is described. But I just learned that that's another way to translate it is I go for refuge in Buddha the most honored of those of two perfections. The words, the two perfections, the perfections can also be called feet. The feet or the foot, the foundation. And the two perfections of the Buddha are perfections of merit and perfections of wisdom. So, we take refuge in Buddha, the most honored, the world-honored one of the two-footed, but also the world-honored one of the two, of the merit and wisdom. And Buddha's wisdom is never thinking. I should say, always not thinking.

[51:17]

And the Buddha's merit is always thinking. Always thinking of the welfare of beings and generating a world of merit and always not thinking and generating the world of wisdom. These two feet of the Buddha are the most honored. And we return to these two feet, to these two perfections. So, keep those doggies rolling. Keep rolling.

[52:07]

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