it might be good for me to pack up the dharma equipment and get ready to hit the road. Practice periods, intensives, coming to its completion and So maybe summarize or something. And first of all, say, I feel great gratitude to each of you And I know from my observation of Dharma friends that you have been very helpful to them.

[01:04]

They may not have told you, but many people have told me how helpful others have been to them, how many of you have assisted many of you. And many of you felt assisted by me. For this I'm very grateful. and I feel great happiness and there is a dent in my happiness which is the pain I feel for those who are not happy. But this pain is much better than happiness.

[02:21]

I want to remind you that everything I say is provisional. It's, I hope, assisting you in practice, but I'm not saying that it's ultimate and correct. I offer you what I hope are fruitful fictions to help in practice becoming mature and bearing fruit. Not every day I bring what I feel is good news Again, it's just a story of good news.

[03:30]

But the good news comes along with the story. This good news is that we live in the inconceivably wondrous Dharma. It's a Dharma world that's not even yet a world. It's full of the light of Jnaparamita. It's full of the light of Buddha's wisdom. To me that's good news. Now the sad news is, it's not exactly bad, but kind of sad, is that karma has created, has constructed an enclosure obscuring the light of the wondrous Dharma in which we live.

[04:36]

Our cognitive activity have constructed an enclosure which wraps around us and makes it hard for us to see the light of Buddha's wisdom in which the Dharma is revealed. And all the time. The newer good news is that by giving wholehearted attention to the fabric of the enclosure, the fabric of the enclosure, which is ideas of self and other, of wrongdoing and rightdoing, which our mind has constructed by giving close attention to the threads of the fabric.

[05:46]

maybe first of all, to the broad swatches of fabric. And then as we look more and more carefully, we see the threads. And then we see the holes in the thread. You ever hold a fabric up to your eye, get closer and closer, and you can see through it? There's actually holes in there. It's mostly holes. But we have to look carefully sometimes to see through and fall through into what the fabric was obscuring. I've told you this over and over for 21 days. One more time I tell you. Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, when practicing deeply the Prajnaparamita clearly saw that the fabric is empty.

[06:55]

The fabric of thought constructions abounds and thus relieved all suffering and distress. Prajnaparamita, seeing clearly, requires uprighting we experience. Seeing clearly requires upright experiencing. And this uprighting requires quietly exploring the farthest reaches of the causes and conditions of our karma. This clear seeing requires quietly karmic causation, quietly exploring the conditions of experience

[08:09]

which is the conditions of life, which is the conditions of cognition. And we can explore this field. I should say, we can explore this fabric which is obscuring the field of inconceivable Dharma. It's lying graciously and intimately over the field of Dharma. As Rumi and I say, out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field.

[09:18]

I'll meet you there. There is a field far beyond form and emptiness, an inconceivable dharma field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down In that grass, the world is too full to talk about it, to talk about ideas, language, and even the phrase doesn't make any sense. And yet, when we're there, we sometimes become frightened because it doesn't make any sense. And so our mind constructs sense, the fabric of ideas of right and wrong doing.

[10:27]

But again, if you pay close attention to them, the fabric opens and the field is revealed. Maybe someday, when you go back to the field, you realize that you have a companion who's holding your hand and saying, it's okay, you can stay here with me. Wang Bo says, you know Wang Bo? He says, enlightenment is the silent between all beings. And that's it. Or let's leave it at that, as my grandson says.

[11:32]

The silent bond is already the case. Enlightenment is this silent bond of imperceptible mutual assistance before there's even a world or ideas of it. We live there. Or I live there too. With you. We live in love. We live in the inconceivable Dharma. We live in enlightenment, the silent bond between us. This is also called the realm of self-perceiving and employing. The Buddha's meditation is to be absorbed in this realm of love, this realm of mutual assistance, this realm of inconceivable Dharma, this realm of stillness and silence.

[13:02]

But we need to face the movement and the noise quietly, to the farthest reaches of the noise and movement in the fabric. We need to face the music and dance. We need to face the and relax and play and dance and create together, and then we will understand and we'll be free of the fabric of lies, but anyway, misinterpretations of our experience. And this quietly exploring conditions of experience in order to be, in order to go to the farthest reaches, in order to be thorough, we need joy.

[14:33]

We need relaxation and joy. Otherwise, The habits will come and get us. They're just waiting for us to, like, get pooped out because we're not having any fun. So instead of letting them get you, take a rest. On purpose, as a practice. Rest, rest and rest and rest until you feel rested, calm and buoyant, like a buoy on the boundless ocean. Or like those Bodhidharmas that they have, you punch them and they come back up. Hi, I'm Bodhidharma.

[15:34]

I'm here to practice with you. Where was I? Prajnaparamita. is the fruit of learning the backward step that turns the light around and shines it back to illuminate cognitive activity, to illuminate the causes and conditions of experience. So please, for the sake of realizing the inconceivable Dharma, learn the backward step. Learn to turn the light around and shine it back on moment by moment activity of consciousness.

[16:39]

And watch how it extends itself into speech and postures. Oh, one story more, and I can tell it later or now? Do you have any preference? No. No laters? Okay. Now and later. Actually, I want to tell it now so I can tell it later. I've got to exercise my storytelling. This is a long story. Well, actually, I'm going to tell the short story. Once upon a time, there was a monk.

[17:43]

His name was Shre Fung. And he had a Dharma brother named Yan To. And they traveled around together. And once they got stuck in and in during a snowstorm. Yantou, the elder of the two, just slept all day. Shui Fung practiced meditation day and night. I like to mention that he is famous for wearing out nine zafus. And I don't know how much he wore them out, I mean like totally or just, you know, unusable.

[18:52]

But anyway, nine is the record so far. After going on like this for I don't know how many days, Shreyfong yelled at Yanto and said, Elder Brother! Elder Brother! Get up! Yanto said, What is it? He said, Great knowledge is our constant companion. We must never forget it and realize it. How can you spend all the time sleeping Yantou said, just each go to sleep. Shui Fung said, there is unrest here in this heart.

[19:55]

I don't dare cheat myself by not practicing. Yantou said, if you sit like this all the time, you'll be like a clay statue in a villager's house. And then if they see you like this, they'll think you're like a clay statue and they'll be spooked, they'll be scared to see a thing like that. And Shui Fung said, I'm truly anxious. And Yantou said, okay, If it's like that, reveal your understanding to me." Well, you're correct, I'll affirm it. Well, you're not correct, I'll root it out. Shui Fung said, Yang Guan,

[21:00]

And he was expounding on form and emptiness. At that time, I found an entrance. Hmm, Yonto said, don't talk of this for 30 years. I heard Dung Shan's poem, Avoid seeking, otherwise you'll be far from it. I'm alone, and everywhere I meet it. I am exactly it, it's not me. I heard that. And Yanto said, if you're like this, you'll never be saved.

[22:11]

I asked Darshan, can a student understand the essence of the ancient teaching? And he hit me and said, what did you say? At that time it was like the bottom of a water bucket falling out. Yanto said, Haven't you heard that what comes in the front gate is not the family jewels? Just let it come out of your breast and flow over the whole world. At that, Shraithong woke up.

[23:24]

The diamond doesn't come in the front gate. It's already in the house. It's already in the house. and look at it. Or look at what you can see, namely the fabric of your activity. Keep looking at it and you will see the treasure of our family, of our Dharma, already in the house. The Buddha's talking to you and the Buddha's words which are coming into your ear are not the Dharma. They're telling you to look inside for the Dharma. That's our job. And then, let it come out. And then, go back home.

[24:30]

And then, let it come out. Keep checking in on the family jewels. and then let it out. Receive it and give it. But receive it from inside. It surrounds us and it's inside. I think it's a bit much to Now we study in the next period of time here today the fox koan, but for those of you who live in the Bay Area and also on this planet, I will continue to study this koan.

[25:37]

Please come if you want to study it some more later this spring. So once again, thank you very much for... You didn't exactly make me happy, but you did make me happy. I mean, you made me who's happy. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for giving me life. It's been a great one. And, you know, somehow that's enjoyable and humorous. And partly I'm talking about my story, that you've been helpful to me, but also I'm talking about the actuality of you helping me. I thank you. I thank you. I thank you. If there's anyone who wishes to come forth, it's part of our family style.

[27:09]

I think the thoughts, by his very nature, is a clever thief. They couldn't hear you. I think the fox, by his very nature, is a clever thief. Could you hear that? Can't hear you. I think the fox, by his very nature, is a clever thief. And I don't think he has read And I think the fact that he's not blind to his own foxiness makes him more miserable. I think. Did you just say that you think that him not being blind to his foxiness makes him more miserable?

[28:29]

I do. Okay. And I think the only hope for the fox is to give up his foxy kingdom and to face the wall for the next nine years. And maybe then some red whiskers will start growing. I have something else. Yes. A few years ago, in my household with my family, I would sometimes be in the kitchen cooking or something like that.

[29:37]

And we had a little ritual. I'd like to share that with you. And the ritual was one of us, one of the four of us, would say, who loves me? And someone, somewhere, would say, me. It had to be enthusiastic. It wasn't just me, me. It was me. Me. And then if I or the other person really wanted it reinforced, they would ask again. They would say, Who loves me? Me! Who loves me? Me! Who wants to come up and ask the question with me? Not me. Was that enthusiastic enough?

[30:45]

Very. One other thing. The other day I heard two words said to John, which were, avoid evil. And I've always learned from you to be not to lean into it and not lean away from it. Avoiding means leaning away. Wrong. It is? Yeah, it's wrong. Avoiding means not leaning into or away from. Leaning away from is evil. How about becoming intimate? Same as not leaning into or away from. It's the same as avoidance? Avoiding, when we say avoid evil, we mean be upright with it.

[31:49]

We mean don't lean into it or away from it. When we say avoid evil. If the devil comes up to you and says, come on, and you say, you know, and you say, no, and you lean away, the devil says, success, I got her. And of course, if the devil says, come with me, you say, okay, Either way, the devil gets you. But if you just remain upright and say, may I help you find your seat? The devil goes, darn, she's upright, I can't get her. So in that way you avoid the devil. That's what we mean by avoid. So we try to be upright with the devil, with evil. Not leaning in, not leaning away. So in this wickedness that is within all of us, we just sit with it.

[32:59]

We can walk with it and dance with it, too. But uprightly, balanced and relaxed and not holding on. not holding on to the wickedness. But the wickedness is basically leaning and closed. But do you agree that it is a part of us? I agree it's a part of us. I have a poem to offer. Oh, Bai Zhang's fox, so hard to meet.

[34:05]

And when I think I've caught his tail. Whoops. Is it Briar Rose? Or Virochana? No, no. It's Don Quixote. An old blind man. that learns to see what is it that turns the light that sets him free? Do you have a comment? Very good. Very good. Very good. Good morning.

[35:28]

Good morning. Did you want to have anybody hear you? Good morning, Rab. Good morning, Ray. It's you and me up here, all alone. And I've got a story to tell you. Okay. Linda, may I share the story about lost lives that we talked about yesterday? Whatever you'd like. Thank you. Yesterday, the abbess and I were talking about lives that are lost when we make choices. If I choose this, I lose that. If I choose that, I lose this. And this morning, over my coffee, I thought about a choice. I could stay here with you. How sweet. I don't mean up here.

[36:30]

I mean at Zen Center. Yeah. And I could study with you. Yeah. And I could study. You could become enlightened. Become enlightened and receive transmission. Yes, right. And then you'd go home and face your wife. Right. That would be a long time. Then I thought of Nancy at home, my beloved Nancy, whose... I'm going to cry. Whose voice and warmth and touch I miss so much here. And our long years of marriage are deep now. And... I think I'll go home and be with Nancy. And maybe we'll raise up a flower and I'll smile.

[37:44]

I'd like to touch my forehead to yours. May I do that? All's well that ends well. I've changed my story. Oh, you have that story still? I have a different story. No, but you have the story that you changed it? I have a story.

[38:48]

I have several stories. One is that it has changed. It has changed. It changed from I've changed it to it has changed. It's changed. It continues to change. Great! I'm glad you can see that. May I tell you about the changes? Yes. May she tell me about the changes? Yes. You have support. I was afraid to take that walk. That you just took? And then it changed to a walk of love from a walk of fear. It changed from walking the plank to walking on the sunny side.

[39:53]

So as I contemplate my intention to be fearless, I needed to actually do it. Thank you. You're welcome. How many times have I gone down into the green dragon's cave for you? I had the feeling as I was walking up here that you were coming to me. And I wanted to start by expressing gratitude for the one

[41:00]

And after Ray's comments, I'm feeling so fortunate that my wife does practice here so we can both hear the Dharma and be together. And maybe Nancy will come here someday, move in with me. But I did have a story that's been troubling me. of some pain that I was feeling while sitting on my cushion and listening to some of the presentations in the last couple of days. And it looks like my story might sound like perhaps negative feedback, so I wanted to ask you if it would be okay to talk about that a little bit. Do you think it would be helpful? I hope so. That's my intention, is to express this in hopes that... It could avoid unhappy circumstances.

[42:11]

In listening, in watching this format... Is this feedback towards me? Yes, towards your interaction with some of the people who have come up and made presentations. I ask that because if you're going to give somebody else feedback... No. We should ask them. No, it's not about feedback. You asked me, so... In listening to this format in the early days of it, it seemed like there were people who came up and had Dharma interactions. And that seemed safe, if you will. Later on, people to come up and express themselves, which is, this is my expression, my story of how I'm feeling. there were some people who brought personal circumstances up here that seemed, from watching from afar, to be quite painful to them.

[43:23]

And in some cases I heard responses to them that was wonderful Dharma. but I'm wondering whether we're feeling, let's say, perhaps more traumatized by the interaction than calmed, and maybe in their state of pain and upset. So I'm feeling pain watching this from afar, and I'm feeling responsible for it by and saying anything about it. So that's part of my reason to come up and talk is because I feel a responsibility if it's not said, it happens or it can continue. And so when somebody, in my experience and my story, is that someone feeling great emotional pain, it's sometimes more hurtful to hear an expression that, well, that's just a story.

[44:38]

And if you learn that it's disappear and your pain will go away. I feel like it might be adding painful karma to the situation rather than just allowing the expression to be made and just allowed to be. So I'm afraid sometimes that there could be a situation in this format where somebody is in a very serious situation and that the response could be interpreted by them in the wrong way and push them into greater difficulty, greater fear. That's a good point. So, what response to that? Sure, please. It's a good point. And sometimes when a person presents themselves, if they're not balanced enough,

[45:44]

and relaxed enough, or the teacher pushes too hard, they can fall over and hurt themselves, get knocked over by the intensity of the turning. They make mistakes of somebody who's... and they don't have to necessarily be expressing pain literally, but they're just expressing themselves and then the teacher tries to offer them a turn and they're not balanced enough, they can crack. And some really excellent teachers have pushed people who weren't able to turn and they broke. So in Being Upright there's an example of Hakuin Zenji pushing somebody who was expressing himself. Now he wasn't expressing his pain, he was expressing that he thought he was enlightened. And Hakuin, you know, gave him a big push and he didn't turn, he broke.

[46:49]

And Hakuin said, I made two mistakes in my teaching and that was one of them. So there is a danger that when the teacher... student will break. So the teacher has to watch to see, is the student relaxed enough to turn with this comment? And sometimes you may feel like they're not relaxed enough, so you don't say much. You say, uh-huh. Or you might talk to them a little bit and see if they can relax more and then suggest a turn. So in the story of the fox coming, perhaps the fox through 500 lifetimes got pretty ripe and soft. And so he was ready for the turning word. And it says in one commentary in the book of Serenity, it says that Bajang courageously and lightly turned him.

[47:55]

But there is a danger there. And he turned them and it was a success. But there are times when teachers try to help the student turn from their position where they're suffering and they break. So there is a danger. And if you're watching this kind of interactions, and you're worried, you're invited to ask right at that time, you know, are you okay? So somebody can ask him now if he's okay. If anybody's worried that he's okay, you can ask him, because somebody might be worried about you that same way. Yes? Are you okay? I'm fine. Is everybody else okay? Exactly. Are you okay? I'm having a wonderful time. It's out beyond okay and not okay.

[48:56]

I'm still okay. Yeah. So anyway, if you see something, that's part of the precepts of this kind of situation is any of you worried about somebody, you're welcome to come to their assistance, including if you're worried about me. So you're inviting us to speak up and let's say maybe even interrupt an interaction that's going on if there's a fear or concern. Yeah, I would ask you to invite that and help that. Sometimes when I'm dancing, I don't necessarily say to people while I'm dancing, everybody feel okay about this dance? I'm sometimes enjoying it so much, I don't so much ask for feedback from the people who are watching the dance. But I just want to say beforehand, if anybody doesn't like the way I'm dancing with somebody, come to comment. And you might find out the person says, this is fine for me.

[50:06]

And the person might say, thank you for asking. And just asking might be enough for them to not get, what do you call it, broken by it or not forced into a more rigid position. I have more comments on that, but That's a big... I hear a big shift because I felt not invited, I don't know, intervene or interrupt an interaction. Well, I don't think it's intervening or interrupting. Yeah, okay. It's more like contributing. Contributing. Huh? Yes, okay. What did you say? So it's part of being responsible for. It's expressing your responsibility. When you see people dancing... ...responsible for the dance, and so are they, of course. And you're not really interrupting it when you clap or say, good, or you say, I have a question.

[51:10]

They don't have to stop dancing. They can keep turning and say, what is your question? Sometimes children see their parents embrace them. They come over and they say, Mommy, are you okay? Daddy seems to be squeezing you really tightly. And she says, Mommy likes this. Or sometimes Mommy says, Thanks for asking. Daddy, please don't do that anymore. You're scaring the children. And sometimes Daddy says, And then the kids are okay. But it's not really interrupting. I think now if you can't think of a way to interact without acting on the story that you're interrupting, I guess, okay, you can do that. Okay. If you say, I'm going to interrupt. Okay. But really I'm inviting you to participate in such a way as to make it a success. So maybe I can make it a participation story. Yeah. And sometimes if the person... Either side, but anyway, if the teacher makes an offering to the person that the teacher's dancing with, the teacher's partner, and you're concerned, sometimes your expression of concern helps the person.

[52:25]

Just like sometimes when I would be dancing with my wife, the teacher would come over and say something to my wife, and she would take it in, and the dance would go more smoothly. Or like I think of this time in this Mao to Mozart? I don't know that. It's a movie about Isaac Stern. You know Isaac Stern? Isaac Stern goes to China and teaches violin and so on. Violinists. So he's up on the stage with 3,000 people watching, and this young man's playing the violin, and he's quite good. He's about 20. and he's quite good, you know, performing in front of 3,000 people with Isaac Stern right there, and Isaac Stern and he says, sing, sing, and Isaac Stern starts singing with him.

[53:28]

And he's not interrupting him, he keeps playing, but the playing leaps beyond where it was into music. ...playing well. But then he and Isaac Stern and the violin started singing. He just pushed him. He was concentrated enough so when Isaac Stern said, sing, he didn't tense up and break and drop his violin and feel like a failure. He moved beyond success and failure into music. Here, the music, it was like, it was wonderful. I can loan you the movie if you want. Okay, ready? This is a baseball bat. Pitch. Thank you for asking that question for the other people. This is not just for him. Thank you, Paul.

[54:31]

Thank you. You're welcome. I'm glad you didn't hit him with the baseball bat. That would have been okay, too. At least this one. Hey, they're all gone. Amazing. Oh, no, this one. Hello. Are you a dancer? Yes, are you? I'm learning. Thank you for this dance. You're welcome. So I have a story, but maybe I should turn around for this one. It's a story and then a question about the story? Express your story to the sangha. Thank you. About 11 years ago, when I was 25, I wanted to leave all my stories behind, and I moved to a village in Africa so I could ask about other stories, old stories.

[55:40]

the stories like you've been telling us. So I spent two years in a village and followed the healer around to ask about traditional stories and traditional healing and went through many forms and ceremonies and rituals like we do here. Anyway, I started learning things that were answers to these questions that I had about the stories I had left behind. After doing that for two years, I knew I couldn't return to academia to keep asking these questions, so I came to ask these questions. And the questions I wanted to ask in Africa were questions for the elders, because I don't really have elders that could give me this information. And that's the reason I came to Zen Center, too, was to ask the old story. And before I could even ask, I started as a guest student coming to the Dharma talks.

[56:46]

And there you were. Wow, he's speaking that language I've been looking for. And there was Linda Ruth and Norman and all these other teachers talking this language that I had known ever since. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that story. And it's a lot about what you've been talking about in the last month, I think, is the story that I've been looking for and thinking about all these years. from other traditions too and i'm wondering do you know about the like the mayan spirituality of 13 moon calendar and they have this whole anyway that's one of the other stories so there are these stories and these are stories everyone knows too there's like the story of the apocalypse and then there's a story of the perusia maybe the second coming of something and then The 13-moon calendar, basically in the year 2012, the whole Earth as we know it is going to change.

[57:47]

And all these stories, and then there's Virochana, what, 400 years from now? Is that what you were saying? That this embodiment of a Buddha, Virochana, will happen 400 years from now? No, I didn't say it's 400. I said it's potentially much longer. Okay, okay. A long time. Okay, so there are these stories about this kind of... Maybe we should set the date more specifically. More people would join Zen probably. Yes. So the worry about this going to happen in the future and looking through the holes in the fabric and seeing the light that's beyond these kind of constructs of meaning and understanding that we have about reality. But I'm wondering, isn't that Buddha that you're talking about that's going to happen or future thing? Isn't it already happening? Isn't this the Dharmakaya? Isn't this the Buddha that people talk about is going to be born later?

[58:51]

Isn't this the moment of realizing that there's space behind the fabric? I'm getting the story that something will happen later if we do what these teachings tell us right now. But isn't right now 500 years from now and 500 years ago? Yes. Okay. We are in the process of making a Buddha or making Buddhas. That's our job. But there's a technical meaning of Buddha in the sense that A Buddha is a being who expounds the Dharma for the first time in a world system, in a particular kind of like world enclosure created by sentient beings of a certain type.

[59:57]

So in the world enclosure of human history, the first person who proclaimed this Dharma we're talking about here is named Shakyamuni Buddha. Before that we have no records of anybody giving a teaching like this. And his teaching is about having studied with past Buddhas and being predicted in other world enclosures to come to this world enclosure and be Shakyamuni Buddha. Our historical Buddha talked like that. And he said that this world enclosure will come to an end because the factors which create it are our consciousness. Our consciousness in such a way that this enclosure will come to an end. Then another one will form. And in that one, somebody will come So Buddha, the Virochana Buddha, will take manifestation in that world, and that person, or whatever you want to call it, let's say a person, will expound the Dharma for the first time.

[61:03]

And that would be the Buddha in that particular historical enclosure. And that enclosure will also deteriorate, fall apart, and that will be the end there. Then another enclosure will occur, and there won't be a Buddha, and then Vairacchana will come. And for the first time in that world history, or the history of that world, a Buddha will teach, and that will be the first Buddha. The people after that keep making Buddhas, but they don't make the Buddha who taught that. They keep realizing Buddha. Aren't we all little tiny cells and elements of that Vairacchana Buddha? We're inseparable from Vajracana Buddha, and we're inseparable from each other, and we're inseparable from Shakyamuni Buddha. So he's just a little, a story, like a... Shakyamuni Buddha is a story. Okay. So an image, a symbol? An image, a symbol. He's Vajracana coming into a world created by consciousness and looking in a way that attracts people's attention, and then they listen to it, and while they're listening, they hear the Dharma.

[62:08]

And the first person to do that, that we have in history, is this guy who lived in India. And he started teaching and these people started waking up. And they understood what he was talking about. But they weren't, you know, and then they could teach it too, but they weren't the first one. And so our reverence for the first one is extremely big. But our reverence for his disciples, like Dogen and Suzuki Roshi and Hakuen and and even the fox is a disciple. Our reverence for these people is also immense. But there's a special place for the one who set the Dharma wheel rolling in this world and taught the middle way the first time in India. After that, it had happened. History had now the Dharma wheel turning. The first one is called the Buddha. And this world system will change in such a way that at some point it either disperses completely or anyway the Dharma disappears.

[63:10]

Then Vajracharya will come again and there will be a new Buddha. And we have already been told who it will be. That's the thing. We'll be the one who teaches the next time. There are so many other traditions saying the same thing. So isn't it just all part of the same story? I don't know about that, but I'm happy to discuss it at length. And one other little part of this question about evolution and the supraliminal and the subliminal. Could this have some result of us moving from the limbic brain into the higher regions of brain, thinking of theta waves, using theta waves more often, actually utilizing this more than the limbic or supraliminal aspect of the brain? Subliminal. Do you say could it be? Yeah. Yes. Okay. So can it be simply reduced to that?

[64:13]

Here's something that's actually informing my question. These neuroscientists on January... Robinson also makes a good point about useful reductionism and harmful reductionism. So sometimes reductionism can clarify a question, but sometimes it does disservice to beings and is disrespectful. So we have to be careful. Is it to clarify the question or does it narrow our vision? Does that mean it's maybe better that I not even ask myself those questions or look into that? I think that you have to watch when you're narrowing. Are you using it to clarify your vision or are you eliminating in order to get a Nobel Prize? Mm-hmm. And tell your friends, your Dhamma friends, to see, you know, is it compassionate? Are you reducing out of compassion?

[65:16]

There's no topic we can't discuss and operate about it. So I think that I think that we can couple the Dharma with neuroscience and things like that very, very nicely, that the discoveries of people who have studied in this way may be helpful to what Buddha was teaching or what the ancestors are teaching. So I think there's, I'm happy to have parallel study. I think it's very helpful. It educates us and it draws those who are into those fields into appreciating Dharma. So they can manifest their studies in their lives. So we could help them see that what they're finding out through their research actually implies that it would be good if they started doing the stuff with their body and speaking different ways and practicing precepts.

[66:19]

The potential of the process of evolution that they're seeing. Because the bodies are part of it. So I think, hopefully, I'll live a little longer to discuss this with you. Good. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Are you a dancer? What was that you just did? What's this? Did you say you have a fear of true stories? Oh, a tale of true stories. I have a fear of true stories. You have a question about... They didn't hear you. I have a new story this week.

[67:33]

A story that when someone does this, which I knew would happen because it happens all the time. I will not think I'm being criticized. And instead, I'm going to think that you don't care about me. You really don't care about me. Is that one of the stories? I have a gajillion stories, but I want to talk about these two conflicting stories. Okay. I'm trying to work with them. Okay. It's kind of like

[68:38]

I'm completely in one story or completely in the other story. And I've been playing with holding both stories at the same time. She's playing with holding both stories at the same time. If you come a little closer to me, it might help. And you might not. Hello. Hello. Is it different this way? Yeah. Okay. So... One story is a really beautiful story. And may I share the beautiful, wonderful story?

[69:47]

Yeah. Okay. And it goes something like this. Oh, and I invite everyone's help with this story because you do help with this story. Go farther away from me. You have to speak up now. Okay, I will. I will. That's my intention. I will. I've got Buddha, I've got my, I've got my, I don't think I've got anything more. I've got questions. So, sometimes I really feel that way.

[70:52]

And I can dance and sing and play. And it's great. And everything is great. And the abbess is Glinda the Good Witch. Actually, just this morning, you were Papa Smurf. What is that cloth that you put on the ground? Zagu. Zagu. brown, and she puts it on the ground and makes this like white cross, and it's like American Red Cross, and she appeared at home. And I'm dancing and singing and playing, and it's beautiful, and I feel really safe. And then I have this other that this is a really scary place, and I have to do lots of scary things, and the lower I stay, the more scary things that I'll have to do. And I have to give them up by myself.

[71:55]

And I want to go hide in a cave. And so I've been trying to work with these stories and look at them. And that's when I came up with the chicken story, which was beautiful. And so I was looking at this, okay, so instead of being this like really pathetic, scared little person, Maybe I'm a chicken. I'm a chicken. And maybe one day I'll get off my cell phone and there'll be some eggs. I'm like, maybe I'm a chicken. I don't see any. Maybe you're a frog. You know, I did.

[72:58]

That's part of the first story. So I had lots of opportunity to look at these stories this week because I had to do some really scary, scary, scary thing called serving. And So the fear started as soon as I saw my name on the serving table. And the first day, some point in the day, I said, oh, wait, what's tomorrow? Is tomorrow the day? Okay, no, not tomorrow. Okay, I have another day. And then it was okay. And then... It was okay, but then the second night, then my stomach started getting really tight, and I had a stomachache, and then the third day was when I was going to serve, and I woke up, and it was all tight, and I was really scared, and I sat on my zafu in the morning, and could only find the scary story, and

[74:04]

I thought about looking at our stories, and I asked, isn't there another story here, or is it just a scary story? And then I heard this other story. And it said, I get to search your day, I get to dance and play. And then I heard, oh my god, what will I do? Will I play, trip and fall, will I feel so good? And it kind of went back and forth like that. And it didn't feel so bad. And then I thought about what Tova had said one time about the word and, about not having to be either one thing or the other. And I said, okay, maybe I'm scared, and I think it'll be really fun. And then it was time, and my stories held hands together, and they walked into the Zendo, and it was scary, and it was fun.

[75:16]

I pray that you can continue on this path of having the stories hold hands. Sometimes the stories are so rich that it's a hindrance in It's a hindrance in being present. Sometimes I do silly things because I'm not really here. I'm dancing and singing or hiding in a cave. Shut me. It seems really helpful to look at the stories, but then it seems like maybe the stories are too here in my face.

[76:29]

Practice tranquility. Take a break from working on them. And just let go of it. Just keep letting go of it. Get involved. Let it go. And then when you're calm and flexible, you'll be able to deal with a very rich story. But some stories are too intense and deep to deal with. And then if you try to force them to be less subtle so you can deal with them, doesn't work. So then you have to, I think, check in with, that's why you have to bring your story work to talk to somebody and get feedback that you're getting that perhaps, you know, to agitate it to be successful. So then calm down, go back, find a joyful, flexible way of being, and then go back and start playing with the story again.

[77:31]

It makes it seem like it's... Like they can come up and say something like... It makes it seem like what? Like it's a choice? Like they come up and... Well, that's another story. That's another story. That's like a choice. And it's a story that's not like a choice. So the question is... regain your presence of mind, sister, in such a way that you do. If you think I'm saying that to you, you know, and you start to make a story out of that, then you probably won't... the teaching won't work. But you sort of have to sometimes... some stories are... practices are too advanced. Some stories are too advanced for some people. Like I often say to people, the last place to go is back home and try to deal with your parents. People think, oh, I'm practicing now, so I'll go home and practice with my parents. Which seems reasonable, but actually they're more challenging than most Dharma friends.

[78:39]

So, you know, to go back home too early is really hard. You just simply are trying something that's too advanced. Or, you know, I don't know, there's other stories which are really hard, really advanced. And if you would ask your teacher, your teacher would say, you're not ready for The Buddha told his disciples, usually, stay away from areas of conflict. Don't go into battles. Because almost none of his disciples were skillful enough to go into a battle and deal with that story and dance with it. He could do it. And bodhisattvas at a certain level can go into battles and help bring peace. And there are stories of some disciples of Buddha who walk right out into the battle and, you know, they get... So I heard you say, when the thing's really blah, blah, what do you do?

[79:45]

And I'm saying, check in about whether this assignment's too big for you at the time. Also, you know, we have beautiful people coming here, but we don't make them avid the first day. If we would, it would not do very well We can't be sure. Some could do it right away, but most of them require some training to be able to perform some of these jobs. It's too advanced. Too much energy in some situations. Is this too much? Or to ask somebody, is this too much? Am I biting off too much here? And the person might say, yeah, I think you're not calm enough for this particular story. This is too intense, too challenging. The story is a very challenging obstruction to reality. A story is a challenge, an obstruction to reality.

[80:46]

If you can study it, it gets out of the way. If you don't study it, I mean, if you don't study it effectively, it doesn't get out of the way. And then it's time to put it to rest, calm down, and come back another day to work with it. So in this case, your example of the serving thing, it sounded like that wasn't too advanced. Just about right, serving. And then the next more difficult thing is to be serving instructor. Yeah. Some sokus have some real, they have a hard time, they have new problems being soku that if we made them soku first, generally speaking, for most people it's too advanced to be soku at the beginning before you even know how to serve. So people serve many times, they watch the soku, they watch the soku, they watch the soku, and then they can do it. It's still maybe challenging. but they're warming up to it, and they learn to be relaxed serving, and then relaxed enough to watch all the other servers are doing, watch all the soka's doing, and then you say, now you'll be soka, and the person says, okay.

[81:58]

It's a challenge, but they're ready for it, because they've been doing it over and over in a relaxed and playful way, and now they're ready to do this next job. Then they say, now be the ino, now be the tanto, now be the abbas, now be the walrus. Now be the nobody. You're welcome. Now that is an easy act to follow. A little over a year ago, I telephoned an old friend of mine with whom I went to elementary school. He reminded me that even at the age of six, I was pompous and pedantic.

[83:04]

So I felt that was necessary because... Speak up, Fred. Did you hear the first part? Glenn, did you hear it? Okay. The previous speaker seems hard to beat in terms of liveliness. You're doing pretty well, Fred. Thank you. Tell more jokes about yourself. My story is like this. I'm being invited to leap beyond my stories. Yes. I felt in the past quite a few times, I heard a similar invitation, the same invitation in fact, but I always said, do I dare, do I dare, do I dare?

[84:10]

I must bring in an additional story element. There is a movie. I think it's the Ipcress File. in which the brainwashed central character gets a phone call. And all that the phone that the man at the other end says is, now listen to me, listen to me. And he is totally transported to another obeys that voice. So I feel that tomorrow I'm going out into the world where I will be getting these phone calls all the time and all they have to say at the other end is, now listen to me, listen to me. And I will not, it's my fear and that's my story. Do you have a turning word for me? Now, listen to me.

[85:13]

Listen to me. Listen to me. We're all spirits that are melted into air, into thin air. And like the baseless fabric of this vision, the cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, the solemn temples, the great globe itself, yea, all that it shall dissolve. And like this insubstantial pageant, faded, leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff as dreams are made on.

[86:15]

And our little life is wrapped with a sleep. I want to thank you for your kindness in being so funny the day when you bounce down on your butt to teach me what a turning word was.

[87:27]

And it was sublime. I felt I learned it. I felt I was enlightened. I was free. I was easy and joyful. And I was... so grateful to you for being so silly and so funny and so wonderful and maybe even doing it out of love for me as the others as well. So. That's what I thought too. I wasn't sure you understood and were enlightened by the turning word, but I thought maybe you were. I thought I was walking back there. I was enlightened. So please keep presenting yourself for turning. Thank you.

[88:31]

You're welcome. Thank you. Congratulations. Thank you. Good morning. Good morning. I would like to tell a story and perhaps recite a poem. That would be all right with everyone. The first story I'd like to tell is my father when he died three years ago. He had dementia, and he kept requiring me to change faces for him. I had to be a mother and a daughter. his dear grandmother. And as he progressed and got closer to death, he would look at me as if he didn't know who I was.

[89:32]

And then the day before that he died, the day before he looked at me, there was as if there was a huge question mark on his face. And all I could do was look back at him in love. That was all. And he was a great teacher. And I would like to share a poem that is probably very familiar to everyone. But I'd like to share it as I remembered it. OK. I had to scribble it down last night from memory. Do you want to face them when you do it? This poem, you probably know, but I'm nervous. I'm shaking. But I'd like to read it anyway. It's my interpretation of kindness by Naomi Shihab Nye that I scribbled last night.

[90:39]

So if you've heard this before, please savor this scribble. Before you know what kindness is, you must lose things. Watch the story. like salt in a weak broth. Before you know the tender gravity of kindness, you must go to where the fox lies dead over yonder hill." Really? That's how I remember the story. Wow. Maybe she's a Zen student. Maybe. how he too was one who journeyed through the answers and the questions and the stories with plans. You must ride the bus. You must ride the bus and see how the passengers eating tofu and rice stare out the windows forever at their stories.

[91:50]

And then you will know the depth of kindness. And to know this, you must know sorrow. Sorrow as the other deepest thing. You must wake up with sorrow. Know it so deeply until you can catch the thread of the cloth of all sorrows. And you see the size of it. Then it's only kindness that wakes you up and sends you into the zendo. It's only kindness that sends you out into the day to make bread and sow seeds and wash forks and greet guests. It's only kindness that goes with you as an intimate friend, a teacher, a lover, and perhaps a fox. Thank you.

[92:58]

She's practicing her backward step. And reach back, you know, when you step back, step back like this. Like this rather than like that. Yeah. So did you write that poem? This poem, Naomi Shihab not wrote parts of it. And then you? It was a memory of last night. So somehow your life has entered the poem? Somehow the stories have woven itself. And the stories of this poem. Thank you. So Yantou says to Shui Feng, let it flow from your heart over heaven and earth.

[94:42]

And there's one translation that says, for me. And you didn't say, for me, this morning. But you did say, how many times must I go down to the green dragon's cave for you? And I was, for you and for me. What is that? What is for me? Let it flow from your heart to cover heaven and earth for me. So I have a companion. You have a companion. a companion in expounding the great teaching. There's a song about a fox.

[95:52]

Do you know it? Burl Ives? I don't know the song by Burl Ives, but I did hear from somebody that Burl Ives had not very nice underwear. That's as close as it got to Burl Ives. Did some of you know the song about the fox by Burl Ives? Is that Fox 1 album? Yeah. Do you want to sing it with her? Can we... Oh, the fox went out on a chilly night. Give him light for many miles to go that night before he reached that town, oh, town, oh, town, oh. Many miles to go that night before he reached that town, oh. He ran till he came to a great big pen where they got ducks and the geese were kept there.

[96:58]

And a couple of you are going to agree. Before I leave this town, oh, town, oh, town, oh. Probably gonna be smudging before I leave this town, oh. He grabbed the gray goose by the neck. He threw the ducks across his back. He didn't mind their quack, quack, quack of the legs all dangling down, oh. down oh he didn't mind their quack quack quack for the legs all dangling down oh then old mother flipper flopper jumped out of bed out of the window she cocked her head she cried john john the gray goose is gone and the fox is on the town oh town oh town oh john john the gray fox is on the town oh then the fox He went to the top of a hill. No, John, he went to the top of a hill, blowed his horn both loud and shrill. Foxy said, I better flee with my kill, or they'll soon be on my trail.

[97:58]

Oh, trail, oh. Foxy said, I better flee with my kill, or they'll soon be on my trail. He ran till he came to his cozy den. There were the little ones, eight, nine, ten. They said, Daddy better go back again, cause it sure was a mighty fine town-o. Town-o, town-o. They said, Daddy better go back again. The mighty fine town. Last verse. Then the fox and his wife, without any strife, cut up the goose with a fork and a knife. They never had such a supper in their life, and the little ones chewed on the bones, oh. Bones, oh. Bones, oh. They never had such a supper in their life, and the little ones chewed on the bones, oh. The witch! The witch! The witch!

[98:58]

I stormed out a minute ago. And I wanted to apologize. And also, I just want to say in general that I'm holding a lot of anger lately. Very angry. I don't really quite know what to do with it sometimes. And I don't direct it. Well, I shouldn't direct it at all. But I don't... I'm not very skillful. And I grew up with a Vietnam vet, you know, and he was very angry. And I... I'm just really afraid when it happens. You're afraid? Yeah, I don't want to hurt anyone.

[100:05]

I'm very afraid of hurting someone. Yeah. So, anyway, I'm really sorry. I said something rude. Let them laugh at me. I just see myself becoming like my dad, and it's really scary. So that's what's going on with me. Before you got angry, were you in pain? Were you angry? I was. So when were... There was something about your interaction with Duane It was painful. I heard you say something that isn't really... I think you should say it now. Really? I think so. You said that you don't send people home at certain times in their practice.

[101:15]

I said I don't send people home? You said you... Oh, oh, oh, yeah. But if they want to go home to visit their parents, I sometimes say, be careful. You might not be ready to go back home. You might think it's easy to go back home. But I warn them that parents are more difficult than people at Green Gulch sometimes. People think, oh, no, I'm practicing, so I'll go home and be with my parents. But people don't expect that your parents would be some of the most difficult people to practice with because of all that past history and attachment. That's what I meant. So I've never sent anybody home, but people often... And I sometimes caution them. You haven't, but people do get sent home. And it is suggested that people go home. Okay. That's why I got angry. I see. Did you hear what she said? She got angry around the issue of people telling... Right?

[102:22]

Yes, when they're early in their practice and when it doesn't make sense. So that's painful to hear me say that I wouldn't send people home until they're stronger in their practice? Right. Actually, I've experienced something quite different. painful. Yes, it is. That's understandable. And then we need to, when we feel pain like that, we've got to go there and meet that pain and learn how to practice patience with it. Otherwise, we're at risk of getting angry and then if we're angry, we're at risk of becoming, hurting somebody, as you say, which you don't want to do. So since you don't want to hurt people, You need to learn how to get close to your pain quickly. So then you can, like, that's what we call first aid, right? Right away, get to that pain, learn how to be with it. It doesn't take it away, but learn how to be with it in this present way called patience.

[103:26]

Then we have a good chance to get more skillful, to not veer away from the pain and into anger and hurting people. So I have to really work on patience And I'm glad you brought this out so people know that this is a story you have a problem with about how to work with that kind of thing. Thank you. It says, let it flow from your heart, from your own heart to cover heaven and earth. I wanted to say that, you know, by practicing with all of you,

[104:29]

you know, I thought I could never let go of the story, oh, my mother and sister died and I wasn't good. And, you know, there were so many things that Red said to me and other people said to me, and I think one was, you know, in a way you do a disservice to everything else, to your whole existence with them by hanging on to that story, but go ahead, cry and tell You know, and with me last practice period, I was right there and just somehow getting that, just a little bit, that that was a story that I kept telling over and over again. My sister, my mother, and father died. But my life with them can't be touched by my words. You know, sometimes maybe by my feelings, but not by my words. And certainly not getting stuck in, you know, the last month, the last minute of their lives.

[105:35]

So I just say this. How patience does help. That's amazing. I would have never in a million years have thought so. And so all that past karma, these tears, I love that story. You know, that it's OK. Look at the clock. What time is it? It is? It's early. Yes. We have a lot of ceremonies today. So we probably should stop pretty soon. The story you told of the monks and the one who wore through nine zafus. This morning, Rev told the story of the monks and the one who wore through nine zafus.

[106:47]

And I feel great resonance with this monk. I feel great anxiety. And I don't know if I have a question. I do have a question. Can you turn a word for me? to see how rest is okay? Rest is necessary. My anxiety is... Did you see me turn okay to necessary? It didn't work. Do you have any... Have you stopped asking for turning words? Never. Do you want to ask for a turning word? Please.

[107:48]

Ask. Will you give me a turning word? It did work. I feel a little less heavy. Sorry to say this. It is a good thing. It's a very good thing. You're actually not heavy. You're just massive. It's attraction that makes you heavy. It's an attraction between you and the earth. But you're actually very light. and massive. That's... Thank you.

[108:49]

You're welcome. May I make a confession? May he make a confession? Yeah. If it's okay with the abbot. I want to make this confession because I noticed I didn't want anybody to know this. And this last night, after the abbess saw someone for dokusan, we were back, and she missed her step and fell, and I didn't catch it. I feel terrible about this. You feel terrible that you didn't catch her? I feel terrible that I didn't catch her. I feel terrible that I was not thinking about the abyss. I don't even know what I was thinking about, but I was not thinking about the abyss. I feel this great weight they have, how hard it is, how easily it slips by it.

[110:03]

and how important presence is to me with each other. And the davos fell and I didn't know. I'm sorry. Thank you. When you feel the sorrow fully, and express it fully, then your intention may become clearer. But you may have to, pardon? You may have to repent more before it's really clear to you that you'd rather be a bodyguard than anything else when you're a bodyguard. and that when you're a bodyguard you put aside everything else and you just take care of the body.

[111:06]

I didn't say it's not how you can do it. It's the intention will become clear. It doesn't mean that somebody won't fall and you'll miss catching them. It just means when they fall and you miss it won't be because you were distracted. You were there on the job not distracted because you have felt sorrow for being distracted until you get clear that you want to be present and do your job. So you may have to repent more on this point until you but you will become clear if you keep taking the medicine of the grief of you know this action which you was not Yeah, I don't want it to keep falling for me to get it, you know. But even today I saw that, you know, it was light out, so it was starting to wander again.

[112:14]

Yeah, yeah. Maybe you can just turn around and hit me. Wake up, wake up. It doesn't come in the front gate. I'm looking for it to come in. It comes from inside. Yeah. So when I was going with Suzuki Roshi to Portland in the airplane, he was speaking in Japanese. And so I did that. And then when I stopped counting, and then he would go to sleep when I started counting, and then when I stopped counting, he'd wake up. and tell me to stop counting again. So I didn't get distracted all the way to Portland after a while, just staying there counting. On the way back, he didn't ask me to count people in Japanese. On the way back, he was having his cancerous gallbladder attack. And I really was ashamed that I couldn't sit in the seat next to him and just be there with my teacher.

[113:16]

So I was about... What did you do? I felt bad not being able to just be there with my teacher in pain. And now I tell you this story so you can realize it's not easy to be present with anybody, maybe especially with people that are in pain. But we feel bad about that, especially if the person's our teacher, who we supposedly want to be with. and then we get there and we want to leave and go someplace else besides being right there in the place we want it to be and then we want to leave. It's very challenging. So the pain of not being present, if you handle it right, it will reform you into a present bodyguard. And you can become steady in your job.

[114:21]

more and more as the years go by. And also not greedy to be a bodyguard. No. Thank you. You know, now it's 12.15 about, so should we go on or should we? What do you think? Pardon? You said one more. So, should we receive this one? So, how many more should we do? Okay. And that's it? Really? You guys are not going to wimp out on that one? Linda, please come. They're willing to go on longer.

[115:26]

It's not very long. That's what you say. I always say that. I always say that. Oh, you always say it's not very long. Yeah, right. Oh, great. In a subtle way. Wow. First of all... Thank you. You asked for feedback two times in class. Yes. Please give me feedback if you want to. And I felt like the words were not adequate. And really all it is, is just thank you. Thank you. And I have been observing since I met with you and have an idea that I have a lot of positive stories and I like them quite a lot.

[116:36]

And it's actually for me to see that the sort of blissful or delighted stories are actually stories. And whereas the negative ones kind of grab, they send up a signal to me, and they're actually kind of like juicy to work with. But the positive ones, I get, you know, they cause problems, and I see that. They fool you more? They fool me, yeah, and I can just, you know, and then the problem is then I make them, maybe there is a delighted, blissful moment, and then I want to hold on to it. Not work with it. Other people. Forget about working with it. No. Just keep it. Yeah. Right. And so I have a little poem that's kind of about that. Okay. It's a very little poem. Beautiful, beautiful presence right here, now.

[117:46]

Skip away or linger here. The light is always on. Oh, spinning a yarn about. Now that's a story. I want to acknowledge and appreciate the sense of community that's grown over these three weeks and speak loudly so everyone can hear me. Thank you. And especially during these days of Sasheen. To say that I know that even though there's something effervescent about community and

[118:51]

I know we won't all be here next year at this time. And so it's just an acknowledgement that this is real right now, and that's all there is. And I want to thank everybody and thank you. And I also have a little song, if it's okay, which I'd like Marianne to sing with me, if you would. Can you come up? It's a silly song. It's not sentimental. Should we do it once together and then around? Black socks. Okay. Black socks, they never get dirty.

[119:54]

The longer you wear them, the stronger they get. Thumb down. I should longer them. Something keeps telling me don't wash them yet. Not yet, not yet, not yet. Black socks, the longer you wear them, the... Black socks, the longer you wear them, the... Black socks, the longer they... Sometimes I think I should... I think it's telling, don't wash them yet. Not yet, not yet, not yet. Now that I'm up here, can I add to your... Is that okay? You said only two. You said only two. Two and a half? Two and three-fourths? I was just wondering, and we sang in the winter solstice, and I wondered if there are any people here who know it.

[121:08]

Maybe we could sing it together. It means grant us peace. It's a Catholic hymn, actually. But it's beautiful. And I like to sing it. And it's beautiful. And beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe we could all sing it together. Maybe once in unison and then we'll break off. So... Thank you. Thank you.

[122:12]

Two and three-fourths? Buddha did not attract me to Zen. Buddha. Zazen did not attract me to Zen. Singing and dancing of Zen monks attracted me to Zen. And then I found out how they learn to dance by sitting.

[123:43]

still and quiet. And after many years of selfless sitting, they were singers and dancers. Not good ones, but they attracted me. Whereas Perry Como didn't. the genius of their singing and dancing, the beauty of their singing and dancing that comes from training. To sit still and quietly explore the farthest reaches of the causes and conditions of our karma.

[124:32]

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