At the beginning of the intensive, I offered some teachings from a Mahayana sutra, a teaching that the very condition of ascension being is what we call enlightenment or bodhi. Today I offer another teaching from a Mahayana Sutra, which is, the fundamental affliction of ignorance is itself the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas. To me that sounds like pretty much the same message.

[01:07]

someone told me that she appreciates these teachings of the non-duality of sentient beings and Buddhas, of sentient beings, karmic consciousness and enlightenment. And she hopes that she, she said she hopes that she could, she made some gestures with her arms like this and said, envelop I think she said, envelope? And I said, and be enveloped? She said, yes. And then I think she said something about stringing or threading the teachings around her. And then I thought of Judith saying that when she came to the practice period,

[02:18]

She felt like a mummy, like she was all tied up, couldn't move. But when this woman was talking to me about enveloping herself in the teachings, I felt like, well, in this case, she's consciously spinning her wrappings. When we put this robe on, we say, wearing the Tathagata's teaching, we wrap ourselves in the Tathagata's teaching consciously to save all beings. We wrap ourselves in the teachings of non-duality. And from there, within this robe, we, by wearing this robe of Buddha, this teaching of Buddha, we enter the practice of saving all beings.

[03:24]

But I thought the important thing is that we do it consciously, that we wrap ourselves consciously in the teachings. And then I also thought of a What do you call it when... Is it the larvae or the caterpillar? Is it the caterpillar of the butterfly that wraps herself in the thread? Is it the pupa that wraps herself or himself? And then when it's wrapped, it's called a chrysalis. Is that right? So we put on the robe, we wrap ourselves in the teaching, and then we, within the teaching, within that wrapping, we change. And then finally we break out of the teaching and become another, serve the world in another way.

[04:30]

But let's wrap ourselves on a daily basis with the teachings and then live inside them in stillness so that they don't confine us. They support us and protect us. And then finally, we come out of them. So I feel like some people have been sitting here quietly these three weeks, consciously wearing the Buddhist teachings and being transformed inside that. And that's another story, another story is

[05:39]

A student asked his teacher once in China, I think, what is the precious thing wrapped up in the robe? And the teacher said, intimacy. Intimacy. Or the teacher asks the student, what's the precious thing under the robe? The student comes to see the teacher wearing a robe, and the teacher says, what's the precious thing under the robe? And the student says, intimacy. Either way. intimacy with karmic consciousness that's wrapped in the teaching.

[06:47]

Caring for karmic consciousness, we also care for the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas. being intimate with karmic consciousness, we realize the intimacy of karmic consciousness and Buddha wisdom. Sometimes when we're weaving the cocoon, or breaking out of the cocoon, or sitting in the cocoon, we have wonderful experiences. Some people have mystical, extremely encouraging experiences of life.

[07:51]

These have been documented in many traditions with great reverence and appreciation. In this school we do not dismiss the value and beauty of such experiences. It's just that the point that's considered most important is that these experiences break loose from themselves and embrace all beings. That these experiences become integrated in daily life. So it is said quite frequently, both in Asia and the West, that Soto Zen puts emphasis on daily life. In other words, extending the ordinary and extraordinary experiences of practice into the daily life of karmic consciousness.

[09:06]

So, for example, in the book of Serenity, in the case where this teaching about the intimacy of fundamental affliction of ignorance and an immutable knowledge of all Buddhas is brought up, there's also another expression which is brought up, which is, all living beings, all sentient beings just have karmic consciousness boundless and unclear with no fundamental to rely on. In other words, all sentient beings just have daily life. Even if they live in a monastery, they have daily life in a monastery. And inside the monastery and outside the monasteries, they sometimes have amazing experiences. but all they have is karmic consciousness.

[10:22]

Boring karmic consciousness, amazing mystical karmic consciousness, transcendent karmic consciousness, top of the line, unbeatable karmic consciousness, etc. With no end. So how do we take care of it? And so the Zen ancestor Guishan asked his student Yangshan, if someone comes to you and asks you about this, how would you test it? In other words, I'm asking you about it. How do you test it? And he said, test it? Test what? Test the teaching. test to see, is this karmic consciousness?

[11:26]

And if so, how does the person, how does this ancient being take care of their karmic consciousness? Do they take care of it in such a way that they realize that karmic consciousness is itself bodhi? Or do they take care of it in such a way that they just get stuck in it? How would you test to see? Not so much whether this is karmic consciousness or bodhi, but how do they work with the dynamic? So Yangshan says, if someone comes, I say, hey you. If she turns her head, I say, what is it? If she hesitates, I say, karmic consciousness. And the teacher says, good.

[12:33]

That's a good test. When we say, hey, you, and she turns her head, we don't say anything, but that's enlightenment. Now, it could be. So, since it could be, because if you say hey you to a Buddha, they turn their heads. Say hey you to Bodhisattvas, they say what? They respond. They don't hesitate. They respond. They respond. If you call them, they respond. If you call the Buddhas, they respond. That's normal. When we act like that, we're acting like Buddhas. But let's just check again. What is it? That's a little harder. If they hesitate, in other words, if they hesitate, in other words, if their response is a response which they don't think is a response, understand?

[13:43]

They do respond, but they think they didn't. They think they're waiting to respond till later when they have a good answer to what is it. Does that make sense? You do respond, but when you turn your head, you know, yeah, I responded, that was a response. But then he said, what is it? And you go, oh, wait just a second. I'll be with you a little bit later when I'm ready to live with you. That's the fundamental affliction of ignorance, is to miss what's happening, to miss that you're alive, to miss that you gave a gift, to miss that you're on the ball of your life. Just like that. We don't know. He didn't say what. If he says, what is it? And I don't hesitate what he would do. He'd maybe just keep going all day, you know, hopping and a-bopping and singing his song.

[14:45]

And just keep calling and responding. In this case, the teacher's calling and the student's responding. But not really, because when the teacher calls and the student responds, the student's response is the teacher's call. As the teacher responds, the student responds. This is the communication of karmic consciousnesses which realize non-duality. So in that same case, they go over that next expression, The fundamental affliction is itself the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas. And they test that too with somebody in daily life. A boy sweeping the ground. Daily life, right? But in daily life you can test. You can test the Dharma. The boy's sweeping, he says, hey you.

[15:51]

The boy turns his head, and the teacher says to his friend, quietly, is this not the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas? A boy, sweeping, responds to a call. And then he says, what's Buddha? And the boy hesitates. starts shaking and chewing on his broom. Is this not the fundamental affliction of ignorance? You know, like, If we're jumping a rope together, somebody's swinging a rope for you, right? Two people are swinging a rope. It's your turn. Got to get with the swing. One, two, three, jump, [...] jump. Get into the call and the response of the moment.

[16:55]

And we have to be kind of still to find the time. wrapping ourselves in the teaching, and then enter the dance. The teaching says the dance is here. How can we be intimate with what's appearing as our own karmic consciousness? And our own karmic consciousness is our story about our relationship with everybody. I find it amazing that in this kind of teaching the knowledge of the Buddha is not in a hierarchical relationship with the fundamental affliction of ignorance.

[19:08]

Enlightenment is not better than karmic consciousness. and Karmic Consciousness is not better than enlightenment. They are both inconceivably beautiful. But the Karmic Consciousness thinks, isn't enlightenment a little bit better than delusion? But enlightenment doesn't think it's better than delusion or vice versa. And then someone will say, well, isn't that better? Can we stand that our goal is not better than where we are now?

[20:20]

that what we want for everyone, the peace and happiness we want for all beings, is not better than where we are now. So that we can take care of the way we are now with as much love and kindness and presence and gratitude as we would take care of the most exalted peace and happiness. And take care of, yeah, and take care of peace in the same way. Don't not take care of peace but take care of dis-ease and unrest as you would take care of the Buddha, the greatest bodhisattva, the most dear thing in the universe to you. Take care of everything that way. I think that's the message here.

[21:22]

And, of course, our karmic consciousness has some challenge there. And part of being kind is to be honest and say, I'm having trouble treating this karmic consciousness, I'm having trouble treating my story about this person with the same kindness that I treat my story about that other wonderful person. I admit it. That's part of compassion, is to admit that I can't yet practice compassion as wholeheartedly with this person as with that person. That's actually really part of kindness.

[22:26]

I'm leaning towards enlightenment. I feel myself leaning. I feel myself trying to grasp, trying to get the best possible state. that's taking care of the karmic consciousness which is yearning for enlightenment. But it's hard. So, So there's calmness, there's stillness, there's silence, and then there's caring for karmic consciousness. And also, part of caring is also to test it occasionally, or for it to be tested, for it to be questioned, to question it and let it be questioned.

[23:31]

And in that dynamic we get to notice if there's hesitation, if there's excitement. If we get excited, the common consciousness is a pitfall. If we hesitate, we just vibrate. So how can we stay close to this precious sentient being and be still, and in that stillness, dance with it, with the tension that's inherent in the dance. And if we tense up, oh, I tensed up, and take care of that. There's so many opportunities to practice together this way, moment by moment, to sense our own rhythm and others' rhythms, our own body, other bodies, and see if we can move together and sit together.

[25:03]

If anyone would like to test, test the Dharma. Pull it back. I don't know if I want to test it. Can I stand here? Yeah. No, I just want to offer a little gift as I got one this morning from Jerov. I forgot your name. Well, I want to thank anything for, yeah, and the conditions and circumstances that you all provide, that we provide for each other

[26:32]

for experiencing something remarkable this morning because when you grabbed me from behind, when I was about to do a mistake in the morning ritual, I don't know if you know Marcel Proust, and he entered the pass through a Madeleine cake. Now, I entered the pass through that, grabbing from behind, and it's like I entered my childhood because I was once caught for shoplifting. Grabbed from behind exactly that way. He was once caught for shoplifting. So he has entered the path by being grabbed from behind. And he also was once grabbed from behind when he was shoplifting. Anyway, I think this is a beautiful example of how karmic consciousness can operate and how these chains of events can lead to one another. And what it all led to for me was that when I entered that world of youth and childhood, I was sort of compassionate with myself for having those memories.

[27:48]

I was compassionate with that confused child. or scared, frightened child that harmed others. I was harmed by others, and I was also compassionate with the people I harmed, sort of. You were compassionate to that child? Yeah, yeah, and also to the people I harmed, because I've got many memories of that sort, too. All this because I was bred from behind. Pardon? All this because I was grabbed from behind and all the other causes and conditions. So I just wanted to share that in the hope that this might lead to some other reactions if other causes and conditions are in place. And if you have some comments, I would appreciate that too. Thank you, Carolyn, for grabbing him from behind. And don't mention that again, okay?

[28:54]

I would like it if you would say something about the difference between daily life and worldly affairs. We talked about worldly affairs this morning. When we are trying to get something from daily life, we're involved in worldly affairs. If we're trying to get something out of practicing in Zen monasteries, were involved in daily affairs. If you go shopping to try to get something, then your shopping becomes a worldly affair. If you go shopping to give yourself to the shoppers, and the checkout people, and the produce, then shopping is not worldly affairs, it is maintaining the Buddhadharma.

[30:36]

If you come to Zazen to get some enlightenment, to get some understanding, then you're entering the realm of worldly affairs. We're going to put a little sensor at the door for now on. And if anybody comes in here to get anything, it's going to go beep. They have to back out and come in to give themselves. And then they're going to have worldly affairs. Then it's the Buddha Dharma. So it kind of has to do with intention? It has to do with intention, yeah. It has to do with the intention to practice giving with no expectation, or to have the intention to try to get something from life.

[31:41]

One's continually entrapping beings and setting an example of entrapment. The other one's setting the example of helping beings. become free of clinging. Thank you. You're welcome. I'd like to stand also if I may. Yes you may. This question may be a matter of semantics, but I'm wondering, how is a delusion a delusion if you know it's a delusion? Of course, in mental health, we talk about delusions perhaps in a different way. But if a person has insight of the fact that they have a false belief, essentially it's not a delusion anymore.

[32:49]

So I'm just wondering, if we are aware of our stories being just stories, how they steal delusions seems different than when we believe in them. Yeah, I agree. If you have a misconception and you don't believe it, then it's just a misconception and it's not really a problem. But also it counts if you look at something And part of you agrees with it and another part of you says, I know that's not true. Like if you look at the wall and it looks like it's out there separate from you and you've heard the teaching that it's not and you say, so I don't agree with that. Part of your body kind of agrees with it. So it has to be like really that you don't agree with that appearance. And that goes really deep that we believe that things are actually out there separate from us.

[33:54]

But if we really don't, you know, and again, we can be tested so we can see our body doesn't either, then it's not really a delusion. It's just an appearance of something being out there separate from us or something. So in a sense, a fully enlightened Buddha, if you'll permit that language for a moment, would end delusion if the person sees... reality as it is apart from a false belief? Well, you could say and, or you could say not see it, not see things that way anymore. They just wouldn't see it. However, they can simultaneously see it so that they can interact with those who see it. So Buddhists can do both at the same time. More advanced practitioners can actually not see it, And then they can also switch to see it.

[34:56]

They just can't do it at both at the same time. So they can actually verify that things are not out there separate and actually really understand that in their whole body and mind. And then they can switch over to the illusion and actually see it but not believe it. They use the example of a magician who creates an illusion which people are watching and believe that it's there. The magician knows it's an illusion. However, the magician does see it. And they make their living from creating this illusion and seeing it. But the Buddha takes one more step, is that not only create it, know it's not real, but also not see it. So simultaneously creating it with people teaching them not to believe it, and then finally teaching them not to see it. I believe what you've just said.

[35:59]

This stuff is going to be working. Well then, you've got a good voice. Okay. But for me, I believe it's possible. For me, I'll have to acknowledge that it is inconceivable. It's working again. To me, I believe what you're saying. At the same time, it's at the same time inconceivable to me that I would not have a part of me that believes the separateness. As you say, it goes so deeply, it's very difficult to imagine a life where that's not there, even if there's another part of me that recognizes that it's not real. There's that separation. Well, also, you said Buddha ended delusion, but I didn't address that. Even if Buddha doesn't see things in this incorrect way, Buddha still engages with beings who do.

[37:09]

So if the beings who see things not the way they are, if there weren't any of them, there wouldn't be any Buddhas either. they don't really...Buddhas interact with delusion in such a way as to find peace. For deluded beings to find peace is possible without eliminating the deluded beings by caring for it in such a way that we act just like we would if we didn't see it. So it's no longer an obstacle It's more like an occasion for harmony. Thank you. Welcome. I have questions about one's dancing and another one is clinging.

[38:36]

You have a question about dancing? And clinging. And a question about clinging. if you say something to me and I get upset, but I don't tell you I'm upset, and I'm just making up the story about what you said, and that is dancing, or that is just consciousness? Your microphone has just pooped out again. I propose that, you know, when you interact with someone, that in reality you're dancing with them. Even you are not, even I'm not interacting with you directly in that moment.

[39:37]

I'm saying that in reality we are interacting with each other. However, we have to train to realize the interaction. So in your example again, what was your example was? You said something. I say something. And I get upset. And you get upset. So I say something and you respond. And then you say, you don't tell me. Okay, that's your response. That's another dance. That's another dance, you know. And I respond to that. I respond to you not telling me. And then you see me respond to you not telling me, and then you do the next thing. However, because you don't think you told me, it's because you maybe think you held back. You don't see that as a response, so you don't see that I respond to you. But if you, like, would say, okay, my response is I'm not going to tell him. That's going to be what I give him. Now watch and see what he does. And you may see he's going to sleep. Why is he going to sleep?

[40:37]

Oh, I know, because I didn't give him, you know, because I gave him the response of saying, I don't want to play. And then he says, well, if you don't want to play, I'll take a nap. Wake me up when you want to. And so then you poke me, and I wake up. But the dance is going on all the time, just like in the first example. The response is there, but if you're not present, you hesitate or you get excited, and then you miss the actual dance step. Even after first interaction, you said something, I get upset, and I don't see you another ten years, dance is still going on? Yes. Telescopic dancing. We're dancing with all beings, is the proposal. Even I forget, sometimes I get upset with you, but it's still that dance is going on, or it's a different dance now.

[41:42]

And it's a new dance every moment, a new dance. And our karmic consciousness has consequence. It doesn't last, but it's a condition for the next karmic consciousness. So dance itself is karmic consciousness, or the way I perceive dance is a karmic consciousness? The way we dance with karmic consciousness, the way we work with it, is not karmic consciousness. So dance is not karmic consciousness? Karmic consciousness is one of the dancers. One of the dancers is karmic consciousness. Another dancer is... is karmic consciousness which is not karmic consciousness. One of the dances is the emptiness of karmic consciousness. Karmic consciousness fully engaged realizes the insubstantiality of karmic consciousness. Everything's insubstantial.

[42:43]

Every element of karmic consciousness is insubstantial, can't be found. And karmic consciousness itself cannot be found. the unfindable, profound emptiness of karmic consciousness can be expressed as not-karmic consciousness, or karmic consciousness is not-karmic consciousness dances with karmic consciousness. And also we have something else, something that's interacting with this, which is not just emptiness, but the realization of emptiness. And we call this the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas who are also giving dance instruction, who are taking care of this dance. And the dancing instructor is not better than either one of the dancers, the karmic consciousness dancer or the not-karmic consciousness dancer. It's not better, it's just there's this dynamic between these three dimensions

[43:48]

of realization. Karmic consciousness, which has all kinds of opinions and so on, and something takes care of that and helps karmic consciousness become intimate with itself. And its intimacy is that it's not karmic consciousness. And they're dancing together. They're interacting all the time anyway. How can we tune into that? Well, the first way you do it is turn into the dharmic consciousness. That's the hard thing to turn into. To and into. Beware of. Something helps us do that. It comes to us, you know, of teachings from the ancestors saying, take care of karmic consciousness. Study karmic causation. Be intimate with it. Be with it without hesitation or excitement. Be still and soft and responsive. Be ready to respond from stillness.

[44:51]

These instructions are about how to be with karmic consciousness. And when that instruction is taken on fully, karmic consciousness is not eliminated, but we realize karmic consciousness is partner. And the partner and karmic consciousness have received the instruction to do this. So all these things working together Next one is clinging. Yesterday in the lecture you said not to cling is intimate. And sometimes I have sometimes difficulty to distinguish. Sometimes I don't care something easy to not to cling. Something I do really care, like then I have a hard time to let go or not clinging. Well, when you don't care, you may not notice the clinging, but you're actually probably clinging to not caring.

[45:56]

Clinging to not caring. It's not clinging to... usually when we don't care about something, we're clinging to the idea that something's more important than this thing. I don't care about this thing. It's not that important. But I do care about this thing. And because I cling to this thing being more important, I don't care about this thing. So not caring about things, I think, almost always comes from clinging. Now, if I would say to you, you know, stop taking care of this important thing and go take care of this unimportant thing, then you could see that you have clinging. Like, I do not want to take care of this thing. I do not want to do this job. It's not important. And then you can see how you're clinging to this. This is not important. This doesn't deserve your care. Or you maybe think something is important. You say, I think it's important and I'd like to take care of it, but I'm not clinging to it. But gradually you notice as you take care of it maybe, yes, it is important, yes.

[47:02]

I am taking care of it, that's fine. But I'm taking care of it too much. I'm putting too much energy into it. I'm being too careful. I'm being excessive in my care. And also, nobody should take this important thing away from me. This is mine to take care of. But when we first start taking care of it, we may not notice it. So we have all these opportunities in Zen Center, many things to take care of here. And how can we care 100% for each thing and not care too much for anything or too little? Usually we care too much or too little for something. My last question about clinging is that like a something like a feeling of want to love, want to understand, want to be loved, want to be understood, those are clinging also?

[48:09]

No. Not necessarily. A desire is not clinging necessarily. It's just something to take care of. Something to be compassionate towards. And if you're compassionate towards it fully, you won't cling to it. You just say, I want people to like me, and let's move on to the next thing now. And it might be again, I want people to like me. That's fine. Other people want them to like them, and you can love those people, and not try to get them to stop wanting something. Do the same with yourself. And if you can do that wholeheartedly you will not be stuck in this wanting people to like you. But you may still keep feeling that way because you're a human being and they often feel that way.

[49:18]

And if you don't cling to it, you'll realize the way it really is. Namely, it's insubstantial. And then you can go back and again say, would you please like me? You can go around to everybody and ask them to like you. No, you don't want to do that? No, you don't want to do it now, but after later you'll be able to do it. Hi, I'm Yuki, like me? You can do that, but not yet. You have to have no clinging. Sounds like it's clinging. It sounds like it's clinging. Yeah, that's why you don't want to do it, because it sounds like it's clinging. But if you're not clinging, you can go around looking like you're clinging and not worry about it. One of the first stories I heard Karagira Roshi tell was after the Second World War in Japan, he knew this Zen teacher.

[50:24]

And this Zen teacher was receiving a visit from, I think, an American general came to visit him. And they were friends. And when the American general came, the Zen master said, did you bring me some cakes? And I thought, Zen master trying to get cakes from the general? And I think Kadagiri Roshi told that story because he also thought Zen master trying to get cake from a general. So when you're a Zen mistress and somebody comes, you can say, do you like me? You're not afraid. You're not thinking, I'm a Zen master. I don't need people to like me. I don't care about that. And if you don't, fine. Fine. If you don't want cake, don't say, give me cake because Zen Master said that. Just if you want cake, say, do you have some cake? I need some cake. You're not afraid.

[51:29]

If I ask them, they'll think I'm not a Zen Master. They'll get really discouraged. No. Hi. Oh, you brought cake last time. Did you bring it again? Can I have some? Please? Please. I love cake. In other words, be authentically deluded. Wholeheartedly deluded, if you're deluded, if you happen to be. Probably we are. So we have to train for a long time to just say, I'm hungry. I want you to like me. I want you to be my friend. I want you to stand up. But you do these things not to try to get anything, You say, would you please like me? But you don't say that to try to get them to like you. Then why have to say that in the first place? To give them a gift. To give them a gift.

[52:29]

What kind of gift is that? You. To give the gift of who you are at that moment. Rather than, well, who I am now is not a very good gift, so I'll wait till later to give them a gift. No. Give people who you are right now. I'm afraid. I'm in pain. I'm hungry. I want you to like me. Who you are right now, give that to them. That's the best thing to give is who you are right now. And who we are is often a deluded person, so we give a deluded person. That's part of being authentically deluded. Deluded. But if we're deluded and we try to hide it, then we should say, I'm trying to hide my delusion. But if we don't give our delusion away, or if we ask someone to do something to get them to do it, rather than, I have a gift for you, I want you to do this. And I really don't, I really feel fine if you don't do it.

[53:34]

I really do. I just want you to know I'd like you to do this. I'd just like you to be a great person. That's all. That's who I am. That's what I want from you. And if you don't do it, I'll probably feel the same way later, but I'm not disappointed. I'll just ask you again when I feel like it. If I want you to help me with something, I want you to know about me who wants you to help. But I'm not saying that to get you to do it. And you can test if you want to by not doing anything I ask you to do. And some people maybe test over and over to find out, is this person really giving themselves to me or are they trying to control me? Thank you very much. You're very welcome. Past emptiness. The koan, it says, karmic consciousness boundless and unclear with no fundamental to rely on.

[54:54]

Could you talk about that last part, no fundamental what? I never understood that last part. it's not like it's based on something substantial. It's not like it's based on some reality. It has a reality, and its reality is that it's not based on anything fundamental. It's based on innumerable causes and conditions, all of which also don't have a fundamental. So you've been talking about... And that's fundamental. But you can't rely on that, because if you rely on it, if you cling to it, that's not how it's supposed to be used. It's supposed to be used, that comment, to release us from grasping at karmic consciousness. So the emptiness, the emptiness of karmic consciousness. Does this work?

[55:56]

No. You could say it's emptiness. The emptiness would be pretty much the same thing. But the emptiness, you can't even rely on its emptiness. can't rely on emptiness any more than on form. What you can rely on, in a sense, is not relying on emptiness and form. You were teaching this koan when I walked into Zen Center, and every seven or eight years it keeps coming up, and slowly, each time, it's starting to make no sense. Yeah, you're welcome. Just keep wrapping yourself with it. And you can't rely on a rechargeable battery. Here's another attempt. Why don't you come such a closer?

[57:01]

Yeah, why don't you wait for the microphone? Carlos, you can use this. You can use this guy. I'll hold it for you. I vow never to rest from the effort of awareness until all beings are truly happy.

[58:28]

Please witness this vow. We're all responding to you. You said early on in the classes that the reason the Buddha didn't want to teach about insubstantiality was he was worried about how people might behave as a consequence of that teaching. Can I say something?

[59:31]

Yes. The Buddha did teach about insubstantiality, he was kind of reserved about it to some extent because he didn't want to undermine people's practice of virtue. He was pointing to the insubstantiality of independent self. He thought he could do that, but he didn't point out the insubstantiality of the precepts too strongly because he thought it might undermine the ethical discipline of his community. that's what's been coming up for me as a concern. What about evil? What about unwholesome acts? And I was thinking that maybe it's because I have been confusing insubstantiality with with lack of consequences. That insubstantial equals inconsequential. So confusing lack of consequences with insubstantiality.

[60:37]

If they're confused, you should cool it on the insubstantiality and go back to consequences. And commit to do things that have good consequences. Commit to avoid things that have bad consequence. Commit to that wholeheartedly, and then see if you can open to the insubstantiality of things without weakening your commitment. And if your commitment's weakening, you need some help to not grasp or trust your understanding of insubstantiality. Insubstantiality, when realized properly, frees your commitment to doing good from any reservation, frees your commitment to doing good, but it opens you to some humility about what it might be. You're kind of open to not being the only one who gets to decide what's good.

[61:39]

But my karmic consciousness observes acts and their consequences. So my karmic consciousness is helping me see... You observe your acts. That you're observing your acts means you're observing your karmic consciousness. So you do do that, you can do that, and you commit to do that. So committing to do good and avoid evil is the same as committing to observing your karmic consciousness. And if you find out about insubstantiality to some extent, and then you think it's not so important to watch my karmic consciousness anymore, then that's an incorrect understanding of insubstantiality. Well, I vow to refrain from evil and to do all that is good. I had my beginning line and I forgot what it is.

[63:20]

You just said it. Even though you forgot, you said it. Well, it's related because it was something to do with that. I didn't have a question, but I just wanted to appear here for a moment and do whatever happens, say hello or Apparently you're appearing. And did you say hello? Yeah, yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm holding this like this because I didn't wash my hands recently. I want to thank you for your teaching yesterday.

[64:48]

You put some things together that made seeing the way something works, made it happen. And that was that quietness or the non-thinking. and karma consciousness. And you've always kept saying, I love karma consciousness. And then you put together the dance as partners. And it was in that quietness, which to me was just sort of simple awareness, that the karma consciousness was dancing with the with that awareness and it was a wonderful, it was love fest and it's just like they're just hanging out but karma consciousness was always changing and it never got a chance to be a thing. It never got a chance to solidify and it was the dance that was just constantly going and they were just

[65:51]

They had no time even to think that it was a dance. It was just going. And so it was that response that was just happening there. And I just had a sense of, like all the other stuff, it's like holding on to it, just sort of disappeared. And it just became the dance of what was just coming up. And the response was immediate. And I keep thinking, I was like, as you said the other day, it's like there's no gap between the cause and the effect. So it was just like the immediate response. There's no time in between. And they were just dancing together. And I just had the sense that... How is it now? Well, it's a little scary. Dumb dancing was scary. So now the dance, the scary dance? Scary, very scary dance, very scary dance. And so all of yesterday afternoon and evening was just this going over and just... How is it now?

[66:55]

Watching the dance, being in the dance. It was just like, it's like, you know, not stepping back from it. How about stepping back? And now step forward. I can go back and forth. Yeah, go back and forth. Yeah, it's just whatever's happening. It's just like, it was sweet. It was sweet. I mean, it is sweet. It is sweet. Yeah. I mean, it was, you know, like several hours of thinking this. And now it's just one moment of sweet. Yeah. Sweet. It's kind of a mess. It's kind of, oh, and messy, too. It's messy. It's a mess. Yeah, it's a mess. All screwed up. All screwed up. It's fun. Yeah, all screwed up. There it was. I mean, there it is. Here it is. Here it is, Luca. So, thank you.

[67:57]

You're welcome. Really. You're welcome, really. And thanks for making it clear and taking it out of the academic stuff. It's just, what you said was vibrant. I could hold on to that. I mean, not cling to it. It was a gate? It was a Dharma gate or a handle? Is there a Dharma gate now? I have no idea. Thank you. You're welcome. A little bit ago, when Bank told his story, your last remark, I think, was never mention that again.

[69:13]

I'm confused. I was confused by that. He asked me if I had any comment. And I said, never mention it again. That was my comment. He looked like he forgot that he had asked me for a comment or maybe he thought some other comment than that, please. But anyway, I hope he never mentions it again. And I hope when he goes back to Sweden he doesn't tell people. Why not? Huh? Why not? I want him to move forward on the path and not be dwelling on past wonderful experiences and weave them into daily life watch how they work in daily life rather than bringing them up again. Thank you. If someone asks us for our understanding and we refer back, it's okay.

[70:19]

Once is enough. Let's not talk about it again. Let's talk about now. What's coming from Jeff now? Clarity. A little bit. A little bit. Thanks for the clarity. Yes. Thank you. Now how is it? Yeah. May I stand? Yes, yes. This meditation, as I understand it, that you've been recommending, is to, when delusion surfaces, to surround it with graciousness, calm,

[71:35]

Compassion. Honesty. Honesty. Gentleness. Gentleness. Patience. I wrote some other words down in my notes. Giving up trying to control it. Right. Yeah. So this meditation seems, the word that came up for me was active meditation. It's active. It's active. It's active. And it occurs in stillness. It's the kind of activity that occurs in stillness. You can't do this, you know, when you're running away from yourself. You've got to be right there. Something comes, you're right there with it, not moving. And then you notice, oh, this moving, this presence is welcoming this thing. The stillness is not trying to control it. The stillness is gentle.

[72:39]

The stillness is calm. The stillness is honest. All these virtues of compassion are there in the stillness with this delusion. And then we realize that this action that we're doing of compassion in the stillness This action is a kind of action which doesn't create any attachment to the thing we're caring for. In your example, delusion. If we're not still with our delusion and we're not kind to our delusion, we might cling to it. But if we're still, and actually the stillness includes this great compassion with these many dimensions, then we won't dwell in the delusion. And when we don't dwell in the delusion, the delusion will take off its mask and show us reality.

[73:42]

And then we can teach the Dharma and continue that practice that you mentioned. It just seemed to me that I had to... in this action that I had to apply myself, that there was some thinking involved and there was some effort or thinking involved in applying those factors to the delusion. Right. And in terms of non-thinking, non-thinking is guiding your karmic consciousness to think of giving patience, precepts, gentleness, concentration, giving up control. All those teachings are now being used by your karmic consciousness to be intimate with itself, to be intimate with its delusions.

[74:47]

And something which is not just karmic consciousness is encouraging you to care for karmic consciousness. And that something is called non-thinking, or you can call enlightenment, whatever you want. But it's also in there. But the karmic consciousness, the thinking, there is some thinking applied to the situation, like thinking to say, thank you very much. Thinking to say, give up trying to control. Thinking to say, gentle, gentle, gentle, gentle. That's karmic consciousness. But it's not being used to deal with itself in a kind way. And something's guiding it. Some teachings are guiding it, which have been translated into a way that it can understand. And there can be awareness about whether it's practicing that or not. Thank you.

[75:50]

You're welcome. I think it's the first time I ever came up here and was not so nervous that I could actually hear your answer. Thank you very much. You're welcome. Ooh. That's really... That's quite extraordinary. It's like this whole experience has been so ordinary, but in it are moments of absolute extraordinariness. Whereas one of the old masters at Peterhouse would say, extraordinary! It really is. Um... silence is such a safe place, or my story is.

[76:56]

And I believe that silence is a safe place for me. And talking becomes, opens up. It's just sort of like karmic consciousness kind of running amok, really. And as I enter the realm of talking, in my act of leaving here tomorrow. I wondered if you could help with that transition. I have difficult struggles in my ordinary life at home too with expression and sort of always feels a bit My teaching, my lifelong teaching is on this Rakusu, which is a song of practice fully expressed, which I don't see very clearly a lot of the time, but I think that's probably why it's there.

[78:10]

Yeah, so I agree silence is kind of, in a sense, safety. So I feel that my speech will be more likely to be able to be done mindfully if there's silence surrounding my speech. Silence is kind of like mindfulness surrounding my speech. And also, sometimes in silence here, people really start to notice, as you're saying, the very active verbal karmic consciousness. And if you don't tap into silence, you're chattering away without even noticing how talkative. Sitting in silence, we realize how talkative we are, how noisy we are, People lots of times come to a Zen center and expect to sit down and have everything be quiet.

[79:21]

They're quite surprised they sit down and everything's really noisy. But they noticed even more how noisy it was when they were quiet and how even more movement there is when you're still. But that's like now the silence and stillness have been an occasion for you to see the vitality of your life. So we need you when you go back to your life on the beautiful island to be still and silent and then from the stillness and silence express yourself. I don't actually, it's that expressing myself without doing. You can express, you will do something, but you may not say anything.

[80:25]

If what you want to offer is silence, if you want to give a big, beautiful silence, well, give it. But give it from silence. See if, when you're really silent and still, see if what you want to give is no speech. but just your body. You know, just your body. I give this body, who's not talking out loud. Maybe that's what you... I mean, that's what we do here a lot. We give our bodies without saying anything. But sometimes we, if we're not still and quiet, we don't realize that we're giving our body. We miss the expression of generosity. We miss the expression that this body is given to you. I'm giving my body to you. We miss that if we're running around too much. So I think we need you to be still and silent and from there to give yourself completely to all beings.

[81:36]

We need that. We want you to do that. And we don't know what that body and what that voice will be and what those thoughts will be. The things you think when you're still are also gifts. Like you can think, oh, I'd like to say this to so-and-so. That's already a... I'd like to give this gift. You're already giving it. You already want to give it. You already are giving it. And in stillness you can see that you're giving it. And then you might want to say, I think now I want to give it verbally, out loud. Now's the time. There are difficult things, too, that I might want to say. There's a lot of silence that I have that is wanting to get something. I confess that I want a response. That's one of the difficult things to say, is I want to give you the information about me that I'm trying to get something from you.

[82:40]

I just want you to know that. I'm not even going to tell you what it is. I just want you to know. If you beg me, I'll tell you. But I'm not basically wanting to tell you what I want you to give me because I'm trying to get. So first I want to confess that I'm trying to get. But I'm not going to tell you what it is. I'm going to wait until I can say this to you without trying to get it. But for now, I can say this. I can say, I give you the gift of letting you know that I try and sometimes try to get things from you. I get distracted from giving myself to you into what I can get from you. I just want you to know that's how I am sometimes. In fact, I'm that way right now. But I'm not caught by it. I'm turning it into a gift, which it really is. In reality, you are a gift. You're not a getter. You're a receiver. Things are given to you. You don't get them. You don't take what's not given in reality.

[83:44]

But you sometimes think of taking something that's not given. You sometimes think of trying to get something rather than accept what's given. So you give that gift to us when you feel that way. Tell us. And then maybe later you say, okay, now I can ask for that thing, but I'm just doing it as a gift, I think. I want to test myself to see if I can say this and really say it without any expectation and say it and say, I think it happened. I think it was actually a gift. And the person says, that's good that it was because you're not going to get it. And I'm so happy that I can say that to you and that won't be a problem for you. And then you say... And it's not. Hallelujah. It's not a problem that you're not giving it to me. And guess what? I want to ask you again. And it's the same this time, too. I just want to ask you again and again. What does that look on your face mean?

[84:56]

It's impossible. It's impossible. No, I just confess how challenging that feels, how there's resistance to that and go, oh, yeah, right. But yet, at that other level, I know. Yeah, it is really challenging to the point that karmic consciousness would think impossible. Like some people say, why would I go to the grocery store to buy fruit if I wasn't trying to get the fruit? They just can't conceive that you'd go to the grocery store to give yourself to the people at the grocery store. Why would I go to the dental hygienist except to get better teeth? They just can't believe that you'd go to the dental hygienist to give them the gift of of your presence, of your excellent dental hygiene, to encourage them in their practice. Say, look what I've done for you here.

[86:00]

In England, that's not hard, actually. So, yeah, it's really strange to people to think of turning from getting from life to giving. It's really like impossible for some people to get it. But that's what I'm talking about here. Impossible to get it? Impossible to, yeah, to get it. And so they say, it's impossible. Since I can't get it, it's impossible. They think in those terms and everything else seems impossible. So the giving is a... I'm not giving, but it is... As we get more... It is active. As we get more and more into giving... we also get into that there really isn't any giving. But that's what the giving practice is like, is to realize that there really isn't any.

[87:05]

It's just giving is a word to help us understand our actual relationship of mutual support. And we're both doing it, so there's not one who's doing it and the other one who's receiving it, really. And yet both of us are receivers and both of us are givers and both of us are gifts. And if that's the case, then there's insubstantiality of all the parts and the whole process. And that's the way giving really is. And that's the way things really are. And karmic consciousness can say various things about it. I've been saying things about it just now. Thank you. I fully, I vow to fully and freely express all that is Wendy.

[88:12]

All that is Wendy. All that is Wendy. You vow to fully express it. and make it all a gift with no expectation. And when you fully express it, and when you fully express it, there won't be any expectation at that moment. And when you fully express an expectation, there's no expectation. And when you fully express a desire, there's no desire. Your life is complete. You are a success. thank you I hear you vow we're rooting for you and this is my opportunity to before we leave tomorrow morning to deeply deeply thank the community dear Dharma brothers and sisters this wonderful temple this precious the precious teachings from our precious teacher and

[89:19]

The benefits are boundariless and measureless and vast beyond. And I just bow deeply to all of you. Thank you. I'm staying in the Wheelwright Center.

[90:33]

During the intensive, Jean Robinson moved in because she had a fall. Can you hear her? Could you speak up, please? Could you speak up, please? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So during the intensive, Jean Robinson moved into the Wheelwright Center near my room. And with her, there was kind of a flurry because she had fallen, she needed help, she had cancer. And I said to myself, I don't want to get involved in all that. I just want to do the intensive. I don't want to help anybody. I don't want to save anybody. I don't want to be Florence Nightingale. I already try saving beings all the time.

[91:39]

I want a little break at the intensive. I just want to do the intensive. So I pretty much ignored her. And then I moved rooms one room closer. So it got even a little harder to do. And all the kind of nice people are going in and out of her room, being attentive, and I'm just kind of being a self-centered Zen student, doing the intensive, thinking I deserve a break. You do. No. No. Yes. All sentient beings, including the one in the next room. All sentient beings, including the one in the next room. Right. That's the story. And you're one of them.

[92:40]

And you deserve a break. And so do they. So give them a break if they want one and they need one. They may not want it, They may not need it, but they deserve it. And you deserve it too. And if you deserve a break and you want a break, it may be time for a break. But when you take a break, you take that break for the sake of all sentient beings. And you're not attached to it, but you receive it and you deserve it. Everybody here deserves a break. Innumerable breaks. Innumerable rests in the dance. And all of our rests are for the sake of all sentient beings. And it's our job to be mindful of that when we're resting.

[93:43]

I rest now as an act of intimacy with my neighbors. And if my neighbor comes into my room when I'm resting, I watch to see if there's any attachment to my resting. Maybe there is. That's part of what I have to learn. I deserve to learn about that too. Everybody deserves everything good. So let's give it to them when it's the right time. And you're one of them. Thank you. You're welcome. Guess what? The story doesn't end there. Oh, really? No. Because I came into my room yesterday and there was a note, a card from Jean. And it said the kindest things about me that I would ever wish anyone would ever think about me in my whole life.

[94:47]

the most insightful, generous remark about me. And I was kind of flabbergasted. I am flabbergasted. That's who you are. Flabbergasted. Well, I mean, I think... I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed. Okay. And I feel, yesterday you talked about honesty, and I feel like there's something I'm not honest about. When someone has cancer, it terrifies me. I try to keep away, because I'm afraid that my fear will harm her, so that I should stay away. So I feel like there's this layer between me I know it's my story.

[95:49]

I have no idea what's going on with her, but I'm... It's a good story. Be kind to that story. Be calm with that story. Be gentle with the story that if you're afraid, maybe you should stay away from someone who might actually be distracted and have to take care of your fear. We don't know. But first of all, be kind to your story. of, I'm afraid I should stay away, or I'm afraid I shouldn't be afraid, or whatever it is, be kind to it. And if you can be kind to it, you can not cling to it. And if you don't cling to it, you can teach the Dharma for the sake of the beings that you're afraid of, that you used to be afraid of. If you're kind to your fear, you won't dwell on it anymore. Is confessing part of it, an important part of it?

[96:50]

Confessing is an important part of compassion. Honesty. I'm afraid. Noticing it, acknowledging it, confessing it. Do you need to confess it to the other person? Can you just confess it to yourself or do you need to confess it to the other person in this case? You do not need to go and tell people that you're afraid of that you're afraid of them. However, if they're in front of you and you're afraid, even though you don't need to, it might be something you'd like to give them because it's who you are. So you say, I'm afraid. Can I have some cake? So if you're really skillful, you can tell people how you are, you know, it's wonderful, as a gift. But you don't, you know, you don't have to go track them down and tell them. But if they show up and that's who you are, you might say, I've got a gift for you.

[97:52]

It's who I am. Would you like to receive it now? And they say, yes. You say, I'm afraid of you. And maybe they can say, thank you very much for telling me that. Jean, thank you for an extraordinary communication. So there's a story from the Green Dragon Cave Collection and it's number 23, but I can't remember the end.

[99:24]

I can't remember the capping phrase or the story very well either, but it goes something like this. For 13 years, the monk went to her teacher to formally say, good morning. And one morning, the monk came into the room and said, good morning. And the teacher said, good morning. And then the teacher said, go fetch the Eno. And the monk felt this stab of pain and danced with that and had all sorts of ideas about what was going on and what the pain was about.

[100:32]

And so the next day she asked the teacher, her teacher, what was that? And the teacher said, I can't remember. Would you fetch the Eno? No. How about now? I'll ask my Jisha to go and fetch the Eno. Who am I?

[101:43]

Who are you? Who are you? I don't know. Can you prove that? Yes. Who will you prove it to? No one. Can I come along? Will you help me? That has been... My gift. Thank you. By the way, do you think it would be better to ask the Jisha to go get the Eno than to ask the visitor?

[102:46]

I don't know about better. I don't really know what it means. each morning for just about the last year, that good morning and that bow has happened across the Anja's head and has rained down like blessings.

[103:56]

And I think I could use all the help I can get. So thank you very much. I have no complaints. Thank you very much.

[104:59]

Deep gratitude flows. Thank you for taking such good care of me, sickly, but very happy. I want to apologize to Linda for laughing at the beginning of her story of case 23 from the Green Dragon Cave records.

[106:50]

Because I didn't realize it was going to be a painful story. I was feeling like a humorous story was coming. And of course it referred to the Eno. So the Eno left. So I'm sorry about that. Because I realized as the story unfolded that there was some pain in the story. Thank you. While the microphone's being resistant, I apologize for the microphone trouble. If Paul Page were here, we could ask him about these batteries. Does it work?

[108:16]

Okay. I also don't know if it would be better for me as my teacher, Asciisha, to fetch the Eno. There's a lot that I'd have to confess that I don't know, and try to be intimate with that not knowing. I feel what's going on a lot for me is to try to understand what Dogen talks about, about sincere practice.

[109:22]

And part of my daily life as Jisha here is really a lot about not knowing. about the people that I interact with or who interacts with me, and sometimes really not knowing the steps of the dance. And just to say that I'm actually really loving it all. So thank you. And thank you to my teachers. Any comments? Someone told me that she teaches her children

[110:38]

that if they do something and someone says it's painful, that it would be good to apologize. To say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know what number that case is.

[111:57]

May our intention equally extend to every being and place with the true Mary.

[112:55]

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