Maybe now is a good time to bring it up. Do you want to take your cushion with you? And this image comes from a poem by a person named Rumi. And in English, the poem goes like this. I think the poem is written in Farsi. and go something like this.

[01:05]

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. You have to say what you really want. Don't go back to sleep. Everyone is walking back and forth on the threshold or at the threshold where the two worlds meet. The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep. There's various versions of what the two worlds are. One could be enlightenment and delusion, could be two worlds, or, you know, two worlds.

[02:16]

Another one could be nirvana and samsara. freedom and bondage, or peace and suffering. These are different words. Conventional truth and ultimate truth, language and freedom from the realm of language. And in terms of this morning's discussion, it could be one world is I'm here a priori and then I do things. I'm here and I practice everything. I recognize you but I'm here and then I relate to you.

[03:17]

The other one is you come and then there's me. One is I'm here and I count you one by one, I meet you one by one. The other is, I'm counting, and the other is sort of, there's counting, and then there's me. That's, oh, I'm here. Those two worlds. And they, they, they meet at the self. There's like two kinds of conscious, two kinds of conscious activity. One is things come and there's consciousness with the self. The other is there's self-consciousness and then you do things. Those two worlds meet at a threshold. And everybody actually lives at that threshold. And for a long time, when I heard that story about the two worlds meeting with the door open, I kind of thought, oh, so if I'm in birth and death, if I'm at the threshold of birth and death and the door's open, I can walk into nirvana.

[04:39]

But now I feel more like, no, I don't walk into nirvana. and I don't walk into samsara. I'm at the threshold. People may think they're walking into birth and death and suffering. They may think they're walking into it through that door, but really they're not walking into it. They're still at the threshold. They're just leaning. They're just off balance. Or they may think they walk into nirvana, into peace and freedom, but they're not really leaving the threshold. They're just leaning into nirvana. Just a second.

[06:09]

Just a second. Just a second. So this quote from Descartes, I think therefore I am, is more the enlightened point of view Or maybe a better way to say it, one world is thinking, therefore I am. Thinking, therefore I am. When there's thinking, I'm born in that thinking. I think, therefore I am. The I think part doesn't point out that I'm not, it sounds like I am here and then I think. So thinking therefore I am is like enlightenment. And I think is more like delusion.

[07:14]

But then the next part, therefore I am, kind of implies that I shouldn't have said I think in the first place. It should have been thinking therefore I am. Thinking therefore I am Thinking therefore I am. Yeah. Thinking therefore I am. I think. You don't have to say therefore I am. Just say I think. You've already established that you are. So that the therefore I am actually in some sense has the potential to undo the delusion of I am here before I think. So it's interesting. And... So it's kind of at the threshold. So it's not so much that we turn towards one side or the other, but that we're at the threshold and we have a chance to pivot. So we look, oh, I'm thinking.

[08:19]

Oh, thinking I am. I'm talking. Talking, therefore I am. to look either way. So it's not so much that you look one way or the other, but that you pivot. You pivot on that threshold. You can see enlightenment and delusion from the same place. And so part of the practice might be to be flexible and upright, not to be leaning. Some people who are suffering, they would like to lean, they would like to go to nirvana. maybe not lean into nirvana, but they like to go to nirvana, but they want to go to nirvana and leave samsara behind. But we somehow go to nirvana without leaving samsara behind. You just look at nirvana, welcome it, enjoy it, and give it up, and then turn and look at samsara.

[09:26]

Welcome it, suffer and give it up. Giving it up by turning to nirvana. So we turn to nirvana but we don't lean into it or we certainly don't jump in and stay there. But we enjoy it. But because of our flexible position at the threshold, we naturally get turned by the situation. We don't stay in nirvana and we don't stay in samsara. We are free of samsara, which is nirvana. But we don't stay in freedom from samsara without looking away from it. So we turn back and look at it again. So we pivot at the threshold. So the practice is to be with, for example, if you're looking at samsara, which is quite common, if you're looking at samsara, which means consciousness, where there's a self before events, that's samsara.

[10:29]

The self before events is like you're holding on to the self. You're not with the self, you're with the self that's there that you've got and then you do things. That's birth and death. And holding on to that is stressful. And the stress can propagate itself immensely. So we look at that world where there's a potential for suffering but we don't lean into it and we don't lean away from it or turn away from it and go into freedom from it. And when we look at freedom, we are free. But we don't lean into it and also we don't lean away from it. You don't have to lean away from it, you just turn. If you want to see samsara, just turn. It's just change a phrase. I do it. That's all it takes. And then sort of grasp that a little bit.

[11:30]

I don't think anybody taught that little girl who calls me granddaddy, I don't think anybody taught her, I did it. She figured that out by herself. unconscious process supported her to turn action into, I did that. Her parents don't go walking around saying, I did it. They don't say that out loud. I don't think they probably ever said it out loud. Maybe she learned it from other kids, but one of the first sentences I heard her say was, I did it. I did it. Nobody said, you have a self before your action. Therefore, all the actions associated with you, you're the doer of those actions. Nobody taught us. It's innate that I'm here doing those things, rather than noticing when those things are done, somebody's here, which is normal.

[12:44]

So anyway... I mentioned this recently in somebody who has studied Sufism, and I don't know if this etymology is correct, but he told me that the word dervish means somebody who stands at the threshold. And I don't know if the word dervish comes from Rumi's talking about this threshold, and the people who stand there are the dervishes. I don't know. Or if the word dervish was there before and he made this poem incorporating this concept of threshold. And then the additional thing is, I think from him come the whirling dervishes. that he would walk around a pillar, I think, and these poems would come out.

[13:51]

And his disciples would write the poems down while he was spinning around the pole. So this spinning that they do, I imagine they're doing this thing, they're standing at that threshold between freedom and bondage, between ease and suffering, and they're not leaning into either one. All the deuce, the kind of deuce, maybe they go a little bit like this, but not too much because those hats will fall off. The whirling dervish. Okay, John. Yes. What I like to work on the sickness of suffering. Because now that I look in my cultural background and my own background, all the background, is in the Iranian culture, I sometimes see suffering as like nowhere else to go but just to be in the suffering.

[15:08]

And to me, that's more of a sickness. So I'd like to be that . Yeah. Buying into suffering is leaning into it. We don't want to buy into suffering. Actually, suffering is buying into delusion. So we want to be upright with suffering. So the part of there's nowhere to go, I think that there's some wisdom in that, that you don't have to go someplace when there's suffering. Just be upright with it and relaxed, and there will be a pivot. You'll spin, and you'll be looking at nirvana. But again, that pivoting requires training at the threshold.

[16:15]

We have to train ourselves so that we're soft and flexible and we can be turned by events. And we also need to listen to the teachings. And as our mind, as our conscious mind is is attending, is acting in relationship to the teachings by making the effort to learn them and listen to them. That transforms the root of leaning. That transforms the root of being unbalanced and the root of being stuck in one position. And then also, as I said yesterday, serving all Buddhas means in the process of doing these practices you serve your good friends. This is all done in the context of friendship. You don't do it alone, which also resonates with we're born in the advent of events.

[17:24]

We can't be on our own, we're born in the advent of our relationships. But we need to not just hear that teaching, we hear that teaching that transforms the basis of our consciousness so that it makes it possible for us to remember to cultivate good friendships. Friendships that help us face suffering uprightly, help others face suffering uprightly, and also help others see nirvana, realize nirvana, and not stick there. We want to be a friend to people so that we can take them to nirvana without moving, to make them realize it's right here and without attaching to it. Yes? Would you say it louder, please? ...

[18:25]

Yeah, enter Dharma gates without leaning into them. And realize that when you're at the Dharma gate, you don't have to move to enter it. You don't have to move to realize the truth. A story comes to my mind of one of the people who taught gardening and farming at Green Gulch was a person who I think he was part Yurok Indian, I think. And he actually spent some time studying with a Yurok teacher, Yurok shaman, I don't know. And the way that this shaman taught was basically he taught people about plants. That was one of his main teachings. And I heard that when people came to study with him, He would say, OK, you want to study with me? Bring me 20 kinds of native plant grasses.

[19:36]

And if the person went away, walked away, he wouldn't accept him as a student. The people who would accept would be people who would just look right down at their feet to see the native grasses. They might not be able to find 20 right at their feet, especially if they're standing in a supermarket parking lot. But still, he wanted them to look where they were first and not walk away from here to try to find something. And I don't know if he had any students. But that's kind of very much in accord with this teaching is you want to study? Bring me the truth and see if the person can go someplace to find it.

[20:39]

If they do, maybe see you later. That's like hesitating, right? Bring me the truth. Okay, I'll see you later. I'll come back later and give it to you. Yes? Did you have your hand raised? Mm-hmm. You say my. You say my.

[21:41]

I say my. You say my. You say my for both samsara and nirvana. My samsara, my nirvana. It's easy to say my. It's easy to say my. And it's easy to say his. Yes, and I have an interest in learning at all positions. And so, it's a challenge to practice the firm leaders and to aspire. What are you confessing?

[22:54]

I didn't hear a confession about any shortcoming. To say it's hard isn't really... You're confessing... You're confessing a self? Okay. You can confess a self. But how is that a shortcoming when you confess a self? What's the shortcoming there? So that I have this self that has owned, that finds things that are mine. And I attach to them. So are you confessing attachment based on self? Okay. Whenever I feel pain, I feel constant fear, I feel pain, you know, feeling pain, and I'm always saying, why?

[24:03]

Because I'm grasping. So you're confessing grasping the self. You're confessing a lack of not abiding in self, not abiding in the self. You're abiding in the self, you're confessing that. So in a sense you're confessing a shortcoming of wisdom. I confess a shortcoming in the realization of the mind of no-bode. And I wish to cultivate a mind of no-bode. How's Elizabeth doing, do you know?

[25:11]

She's doing OK? Could you hear that? Yes? The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. You have to say what you really want. Don't go back to sleep. Everyone's walking back and forth at the threshold where the two worlds meet. The door is round and open.

[26:15]

Don't go back to sleep. You realized what? You realize all you are is distraction and you don't know how to let go of that. Is that what you said? Distraction plus stubbornness.

[27:30]

Well, in a way, I can accept the statement, all I am is distraction. Because in a sense, consciousness is pretty much a distraction But sometimes in order to, I don't know what, in order to like pile up, again thinking of a child, in order to pile up blocks, you know, especially sometimes these little fingers can pick up tiny little blocks and pile them up, in order to perform some of these actions in the workshop, we sort of have to distract ourself from the vast world of the universe. We sort of have to put aside how the dynamic, inconceivable process by which all beings are supporting us to bring our thumb and forefinger together around a little piece of material.

[28:40]

we sort of have to distract ourselves from the vast interdependence of our life and the way everybody's supporting us and the way we're supporting everybody. We kind of need to distract ourselves into this world of consciousness. We're where I am. In the totality of my life I cannot find myself. So in a sense I am a distraction from all that makes me. Yeah. But the stubborn part, we can get over that. And we can temporarily open to not being able to do anything, not being able to, you know, me not be able to bring my thumb and forefinger together, but open to actually how the whole universe makes this thumb and forefinger come together. Open to that. and then I'm here, rather than I'm here and I'm going to do this.

[29:44]

That's a distraction from the whole universe is doing this and I'm here. So in a sense the world of delusion, all I am when I'm here already is a distraction from everything functioning and then there's me. The stubbornness is the the part we can work on. And be kind to the stubbornness and realize it's there because, for good reasons, for lots of reasons, making the stubbornness, too. I don't make the stubbornness by myself. So I want to be kind to the stubbornness and be stubborn as long as I have to be stubborn. Let the stubbornness be there as long as it needs to be there. And when it's done its job, then there can be a pivoting. I also see the addiction of delusion and studying the delusion and finding there's nothing.

[30:50]

There's this joy, there's this play, which I just think, I don't want to play anymore, but I keep playing it. Yeah, part of you doesn't want to play anymore, but you keep playing there, yeah. So addiction, again, is like Addiction is like doing something as a distraction. So the Buddha taught at the beginning, she said, I found a middle way between addiction to sense pleasure and addiction to self-mortification. He didn't say I found a middle way between sense pleasure and self-mortification. He didn't say I found a middle way between doing what's good for me and sacrificing myself for what's good for other people.

[31:52]

He didn't say that. Because sometimes it's good to do what's good for you, and sometimes it's good to do what's good for others and isn't necessarily good for you. He didn't say those are the extremes. He said the addiction to it, the addiction to sense pleasure and the addiction to self-mortification or self-denial. So to do self, I want to call it, to do what's good for yourself while distracting yourself from what's good for others and to do what's good for others, distracting yourself from what's good for you. That addiction, that's the problem. Again, it's like leaning to one side or the other. So the word distracting, addictions are distracting yourself from the other side, or distracting yourself.

[32:57]

They're leaning. And you can lean from one side to the other. So some people, generally speaking, are like distracted into serving others. They're addicted to serving others because they like the situation where nobody could fault them for being not a servant to others. So they make sure that they've got that down. And others are willing to be accused of being selfish because they just really like to constantly keep their eye on the ball of pleasure for themselves. But they know there's a risk that people will call them self-centered, but their addiction keeps them over there. And also they are distracted from those voices that are calling from the other side. What we want to do is hear both. We want to hear the cries from self and the cry from others. Hear both of them and not lean into either one. Listening to both.

[34:05]

You say not leaning into either one? You're listening to both. And part of what we're afraid of is one of them saying, you're not taking care of me. You shouldn't be listening to the other. If you really cared about me, you wouldn't be listening to the other. So that's one of the voices we do not like to hear. If you really cared about me, you would have no concern for yourself." People can talk like that to us. And also, there's another one is, don't listen to them, you know. Just forget about them, that voice too, when you're helping people. You know, you're sacrificing yourself in an unhealthy way, such a voice. Anything that basically says, don't pay attention to the other side. It's hard to hear that.

[35:07]

And there's all kinds of skillful ways to be drawn into leaning one way or the other. Like, you're unfeeling. You're unfeeling. You don't care. Like, again, it's like bodhisattva's I've recently been saying that when I hear jokes in my mind, I should tell people, and I laugh in public, I should tell people what the joke is because they don't necessarily know what it is. So I was going to say Bodhisattva's carolot, and that's what, that's Care Bear Heaven, is carolot, which is a pun on Camelot, right? The care bearers care a lot. That's their bliss. So bodhisattvas care a lot, but they don't care too much. They care enormously, but not too much.

[36:13]

Of course not too little, but not too much. They do not go into caring too much. And some people, I know quite a few people tell me they care for their mother, but they confess they care too much for their mother. They feel bad about how, you know, it's stressful how much they care about their mother. And then sometimes they come back and they said, yesterday I found a place where I cared for my mother but not too much and I felt really good. It was like just the right amount of care, which was a lot, but not excessive care. And my mother said, you don't care about me anymore. Because she's used to this excessive care, so when you come back to the right amount, she thinks you're abandoning her. That's part of the pain of shifting from leaning to uprightness. There's a picture over there on the wall of Buddha's parinirvana.

[37:23]

And I haven't looked closely at that, but I have another picture of Buddha's parinirvana. And in front of him are the lay people and the monks, the monastics and the lay people in front of him. And the monastics are crying because the Buddha's dying. And behind him are all the bodhisattvas who are They're not laughing, but they're almost smiling to be so happy to be with the Buddha, to be with their teacher. And they're not crying. They're in the Dharma with the Buddha, which is where they always want to be. They're not distressed. by this passing. And the Buddha's not distressed, but some beings are distressed. They're caring too much about their dear teacher. It doesn't mean that if you cry you care too much, though.

[38:25]

I'm not saying that. As a matter of fact, sometimes crying is an indication that you care just the right amount. Like when, at certain points when Susie Gershi was dying, I didn't cry when the other people were crying. And I cried other times, and I couldn't figure out why I was crying, you know? Just I'd be crying. Where is these tears coming from? It wasn't the right time, but they came. And I really felt good about that, that I wasn't crying when I was supposed to, you know? That's excessive. You cry when all the conditions come together. And also, did I tell you a story about when my dad died? So I was in the bathtub in San Francisco. I think I was probably giving my daughter a bath too. I didn't usually take baths except with her.

[39:27]

And my brother called me and my wife brought me the phone and he said, Dad died. And I said, okay, I'll come to Minnesota. But I didn't cry. I wasn't even upset. I was like, I knew any minute. And when I was with him, I just thought, I guess this is the last breath. And I was just right there with him when I was with him. And then I went away. And then when I was far away, he died and I heard. And I just received it and said, oh, I'll come. And I went. And I went into the room where he was, and I walked up to him, and just this huge, wonderful sobs came up out of me. Just wonderful, wonderful sobs that I wasn't supposed to do or not supposed to do. And I just felt so great because it felt so much I wasn't doing it. It was just coming from I didn't know where.

[40:30]

I was just in this... great sweetness of my father's kindness to me and my father's love of me. There was nothing about loss. It was just all about how sweet he was. And the tears coming. And my uncle came over to me and kind of told me to stop. Because he, you know, he thought something was wrong with me. He wanted me to stop. And I, for my uncle, I stopped. But he And I didn't say, well, I'm just going to keep crying. So I stopped. But before he stopped me, before he told me that I could stop and I should stop, I was having a great time. I never cried like that that I could remember. It was so great. It was so alive, so real. And I didn't do it. I didn't expect it.

[41:31]

I did not expect it. It was like non-abiding crying. And I didn't attach to it. So when I was told, time to stop, I stopped. Yes? You're going to go check her out? Okay. Anything else this morning? Yes? I was just going to comment on Like, I feel that everybody, I really respect everybody's desire to understand the mechanics of all this. But for me, it's like, I don't want to know how a telephone works. I don't need to know. I just know it works. So it's really helpful when you just describe what it looks like. Like, every time you help describe, like, oh, in this situation, this is what they did.

[42:34]

And then that feels really so at once. Thank you. Yes. I would like to report a message for the New Year's Eve. I would strive to thank all that we stood and bowed and She was so delighted to see that we actually support, that she asked me to bow back immediately. And to say that she loves you. The little voices, yeah. I hear the voices of younger people.

[43:37]

OK. Well, anything else this morning? I'd just like to make a I'd like to announce that next month, on Saturday, April 18th, Dr. Roshi will be leading a one-day meditation retreat in Sacramento. We have brought one client to Minnesota and we have to get on the bulletin board and they're waiting there for only four minutes. So there's probably any detail being made if you are interested in registering for that on the flyer, but it should also please feel comfortable if I'm asking if they have any plans on it. I think the flyer says if you can register online with FDMG, Sathya Mahabuddha's Meditation Guide website, But you could also register just by giving me the contact information and saying you are the party to the treaty and then you'll be registered.

[44:42]

Oh, yeah? Well, it may, might be, that the OTA is going to Carmel. 19th? It's the 19th, isn't it? Exactly. Well, it seems surprising that it would be the same, that two Saturdays in a row would be on the 19th. Is it the 17th? April. April. April. May 17th, April 19th. Okay, that sounds more reasonable. Okay. Oh yeah? Oh yeah? And also there's a Bill Bradley for president thing in there too. Well, it's still an object in my consciousness, which I intend to be upright with. How about you?

[45:46]

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