I thought I would say a few things at the beginning and then have some discussion. However, when I thought about what I wanted to say, I realized that I'd probably go on several hours, so I have to restrain myself. Please help me. Thank you. Did you read this article? Yes. If anybody does not wish to keep the article, would you put it on the table here afterwards? I can use it again if you don't need to keep it. But if you want to keep it, you can keep it. I have talked many times to you about uprightness and how that's kind of the central attitude from which this inconceivable thing called right action spontaneously emerges.

[01:32]

Uprightness is is the source of the Eightfold Path. In our uprightness, our uprightness is our Buddha nature. Our Buddha nature is our uprightness. When we practice uprightness, we're kind of celebrating our Buddha nature. And I said to someone, the thing about uprightness is you don't, there's no kind of like, there's no practices which are conducive to uprightness. Any practice that you would use to be upright would throw you off.

[02:36]

And then someone said, what about the Eightfold Path? The Eightfold Path is uprightness. It's not like the Eightfold Path helps you be upright. It's the same thing. Uprightness is right action, is right intention, is right mindfulness, is right view, is right conduct, is right speech, is right livelihood, is right concentration. Those are all what we mean by uprightness. Right action does not have a sign. There's no characteristic that you can use to identify right action. Right action is what's happening, and there's no characteristic of what's happening.

[03:40]

So they say, you know, the path of peace or the middle way has no sign. Of course, everything that happens, all things that happen are signs, have signs. But the peacefulness of a thing is not its sign. In order to walk the path of peace, The enlightening being, the bodhisattva, is supposed to produce a thought that has no abode. It doesn't have the abode of having certain characteristics and not having other characteristics. It's a mind that has no abode, including, you know, like not having an abode. It doesn't even have that. That's what uprightness is. And so we have... We have our colon that we've been studying, Lu Pu, saying, if you say this is so, if you say this is the path of peace, or this is the path of peace, or this is the middle way, or this is right action, if you say that, or rather, if you say this is the right action and you say this is so, it's true that what I just said is true, this is right action and it's true, if you say that, you add a head on top of your head.

[05:06]

In other words, you're being self-righteous. If you say this is not right action, and you say that's so, you also add a head on top of your head. If things are so, they don't require you to believe in them. As a matter of fact, when things are so, you're totally enmeshed in the situation. You can't separate yourself from what's happening and judge it. Now, what's so is that you're separating yourself from things and judging it. But you can't judge and look at what's so. However, it is so that human beings separate themselves from what they're aware of and judge half themselves as existing or non-existing or being true and false. People do that. That can be what's so. In the fundamental stanzas on the Middle Way, Nagarjuna said, if the way to enlightenment possessed self-nature, then its practice would not be possible.

[06:26]

But if the way is practiced, the assertion that it involves self-nature is inadmissible, To practice the way partly means that you cultivate it, you bring it into being. The middle way is not something that's there before you practice it or after you practice it. If you have anything to do with practice, if practice had its own nature, it wouldn't be possible to practice. If the path had an essence, cultivation would be inappropriate. If this path is indeed cultivated, it cannot have an essence. You can't cultivate something that has an essence. If the middle way has an essence, you wouldn't be able to cultivate it.

[07:32]

You wouldn't be able to bring it into being. It wouldn't be able to be manifested. it would already be so as much as it ever could be so. And there would be no point in practicing. If the path of release is self-existent, then there is no way of bringing it into existence. And the way of bringing something into existence is called practice. If the path is brought into existence, then self-existence does not exist. And the Diamond Sutra says, not only does the Diamond Sutra say that the bodhisattva should produce a mind which has no abode, but it also says, what do you think, Sabudhi?

[08:33]

Is there any dharma? Is there anything, is there any criterion, is there any standard, is there anything by which the Tathagata has fully known the utmost right and perfect enlightenment? Is there anything, any Dharma by which the Tathagata has known the utmost right and perfect Dharma? And Sabudhi replied, No indeed, O Lord, there is not any dharma by which the Tathagata has fully known the utmost right and perfect enlightenment. The Buddha said, So it is, Sabudhi, so it is. Not even the least dharma is there found or got at. Therefore, it is called the utmost right and perfect dharma. Therefore it is called the utmost right perfect enlightenment. If the path is brought about by anything, it's not the Buddhist path.

[09:39]

The Buddhist path is not brought about by anything. Which means that no matter what's happening, no matter what's happening, no matter what characteristics are manifesting in this world, the Buddhist path is there. It can be there. But if it's self-existent, then it has a quality of self-existence. There's nothing that can be done with it. Furthermore, Subhuti, self-identical is that Dharma, and nothing is at variance with it. Therefore, it is called utmost right and perfect enlightenment. Self-identical is that Dharma, and nothing is at variance with it. Therefore, it is the utmost right and perfect enlightenment. Self-identical, self-identical through the absence of self.

[10:48]

The utmost right and perfect enlightenment is fully known as the totality of wholesome dharmas. Wholesome dharmas, wholesome dharmas, yet as no dharmas have they been taught by the Jatagita. Therefore, they are wholesome dharmas. Now, I could say that uprightness is avoiding these extremes. On one side, it is and it isn't. that I can say things exist or don't exist. This is the true path. That's not the true path. That's one side. And to talk that way and believe that what you're talking about is true I call self-righteousness. The other side would be, oh, I'm not supposed to do this. Buddhists don't get caught by that stuff, and I'll avoid that. That's called cutting your head off. So avoiding self-righteousness and nihilism, that's the middle way.

[11:52]

But, in fact, we often do fall into these extremes, and so in actual practice, we're constantly making that mistake. Dogen says the practice is one continuous mistake. And The Buddha's vows are, even after acquiring complete perfect enlightenment, even after you realize the utmost right and perfect enlightenment which depends on nothing, which depends on no thing or no characteristic, even after you walk the path which has no signs, still you vow to continue this pure practice of confession. that even on the path of no sign, you still keep falling into error. Can you make a vow to confess that error? So the actual process is basically you start with confessing error.

[13:04]

You confess that you're being self-righteous. Most people are self-righteous almost all the time, but some people find out how bad that is and slip over into nihilism. Then students spend more time over nihilism than the average person. Which means to substantiate or grasp emptiness. Rather than being just purely liberated by it, they then grab it. So anyway, we grab these extremes and then what we need to do is confess it, to admit it. when you admit it, you're right. Even if you're lying when you admit it, you're right. As soon as you admit it, you're purified, and if you wish, you then can take refuge in uprightness.

[14:08]

How do you take refuge in uprightness? You say, I take refuge in uprightness. How do you take refuge in uprightness? You say, I take refuge in uprightness. How do you take refuge in Buddha? You say, I take refuge in Buddha. How do you take refuge in Buddha? You think, I take refuge in Buddha. How do you take refuge in Buddha? You throw your body onto the earth as an expression of taking refuge in Buddha. With your body, your voice, and your thought, you take refuge in Buddha. And that makes sense once you've admitted that you just veered off from that. Because Buddha can't be grasped. Because Buddha cannot be grasped. Because there's no sign by which you can grasp it. Because it doesn't depend on anything. You can't grasp it. But we do anyway. And then we admit it. We confess it, and when we confess it, now we're ready again to take refuge in the inconceivable practice of Buddha. The inconceivable practice of Zazen is we take refuge in it. There's no way to take refuge in it. If you have a way to take refuge in it, then you're grasping the extreme again, and if you do, then you confess it, and then take refuge again.

[15:17]

But take refuge before you even have a way. And if someone says to you, do you take refuge in Buddha, you say yes. Before you think about how you're going to do it, whether you're going to be able to or not, blah, blah, blah, you just say yes. And when you say yes, that's it. Your voice has just accorded with the conceivable. Because of course, if you think about it, you have no idea how to do that, what that means, whether it's true or false. But if you think about it for a second, you can say, I wonder if it's true or false. I think it's false. I think it's true. I think it's both. I think it's neither. You can do that very fast. But before you have a chance to figure out what it is, how to do it, whether you're doing it, you say yes with your voice, with your mind, and with your body. You're on the path. You have no way to prove it or to disprove it at that moment. Then something happens, and whatever happens is the proof, is the verification.

[16:23]

There is verification in this practice. You don't just enter the inconceivable and not know what's happening. It then is proved, and it's proved by the arrival of all things. Then things come forward. I don't know what, case 42 in the Blue Cliff Record, a snowflake could use. And he said, good snowflake. Something happens anyway, and that is the manifestation, that is the proof of the pudding. If you didn't really say yes, if you didn't take refuge before you thought about it, if you hesitated or leaned ahead a little bit, you weren't upright. You thought, and then you blew it. Then you should admit it again, confess it, and you're back again, and you're back again, you're ready to try again. Then once it's manifested, or even before it's manifested, you will grab it, probably. It's pretty hard not to grab proof of enlightenment when it happens.

[17:26]

Pretty hard. Basically, don't expect not to for a while. Some of you may not even expect to see it for a while. But anyway, it's under your nose all the time. Every time you act from the inconceivable, Every time you do something that's not based on you being able to do it, what happens next is your peace. You may have missed eight trillion examples of that, but if you ever happen to see one, then you'll probably grab it. When you grab it, you're back into these extremes again, you confess it, and you start over. So it's confession, purity, refuge, uprightness, realization, defilement of the realization, confession, purification, uprightness, entry into the way, realization, defilement, confession.

[18:29]

So I don't have to tell you how to defile it. Everybody knows how. I just tell you, don't get bogged down in the defilement. Then you immediately practice confession. Then you purify yourself and you're ready to start practicing again the practice of uprightness. The practice of operating means you're ready to produce again a thought which has no abode. And people say, well, you said produce. Well, it doesn't even have that characteristic or that abode. It isn't qualified by being produced by you. But we say you produce it. Anyway, you must enter into the mind which has no abode. You must walk the path which has no sign. and there's no way to do it, but there is ways to think you are doing it, and those are errors, which you then confess. And then you're pure, and then you have a chance now to say, I take revision Buddha before you know what you're talking about, and mean it.

[19:42]

If you don't do it wholeheartedly, you can feel that, and then you know you didn't do it. You know you really don't want to travel a path which has no signs, you want to travel a path which has signs. You do. Most of us do. This is a path we can use. A path which has signs. We can use it. We can say, hey, come on over here. It's over here. I can show you where it is. Come on, you guys. It's over here. See, isn't it a nice path? You say, yeah, it is a great path, but it has a sign. I'm looking for the sign in this path. See you later. I ain't gonna hang around with you anymore. And I don't think that me not hanging around with you anymore is a path either. You know that Mutt and Jeff cartoon? They're on a street in San Francisco, and they're standing on a street lamp, and they're down on the ground, and a policeman comes over and says, what you looking for, boys? He said, we're looking for Mutt's watch.

[20:45]

He said, well, did he drop it around here? And he said, no, no. We dropped it up the street, but it's dark up there, and the light's good here. Where the light is, light's shining, you can use the light to find the keys or whatever it is, you wash. But the path of no sign is the path where you value what is over what you can use. You can't use the path of no sign because you don't know where, how, you have no access to it. You've got to check yourself and enter. And you have no way to know how to do it, but There's somebody who knows exactly how to do it and is sitting there waiting for you to let it function. That's called your upright Buddha nature. Then it starts to like do its thing. And its thing will be the next thing that the universe delivers. The Buddha nature's thing is a snowflake falls. The lights go on.

[21:45]

Somebody winks. Your voice starts to emanate from your mouth. These are the ways Okay, now that is my introduction. So let's have a discussion before it's too late. Pat? Excuse me, did you have something? Some people didn't read it? Oh, some people didn't read it? Oh, really? Oh, well, what should we do? Should we have a reading break? Pat? A few minutes ago, when we were talking about no path, I was reminded of Allison... Did you say no path? Yeah. No, it's not that there's no path. If there was no path, the path would have a sign. The sign would be no path. This is the image I had when I did a point in Allison Wonderland when she was skipping along the path. Yes. And this wonderful little creature comes out who becomes a whisk broom.

[22:47]

So the broom begins whisking in front of her and behind her. But she's still finding her way on the path with herself back. And all of a sudden I got that very loose. All of a sudden it was and then it wasn't. Jeanette? Is that what you were doing at the end of your last lecture? You mean when I left? From being mean? When I left? No, your last words. I'm sorry for being mean. Is that what that was? What was it? An apology or a... Confession. Confession in the end. Was that a confession? No, it wasn't a confession. It was almost a boast. But I really did feel sorry, so it was a sad boast. When you're yourself, there's no sighing.

[23:55]

To produce a thought which has no abode means you be yourself. What I mean by I'm sorry is I'm sorry that when I'm myself, it bothers you. Because when you're yourself, when you're a person who has a mind which has no abode, a lot of people have problems with you. You're kind of like somebody who doesn't have an abode who they don't like. Now, some people have abode and they're popular. Some people have abode and they're unpopular. But a person who has no abode can be quite unpopular. Huh? You mean how? I don't know. I don't know how it works exactly. All I know is that My teacher, when he gave me my name, he said, your name is Tenshin, thank you.

[25:00]

And Tenshin means Reb is Reb. And that's the way it is for you. And people will have trouble with that. And I knew what he said, Reb is Reb, that would be my name, meaning Reb is Reb. I thought, he really understands me. Okay. Now, I guess everybody could think that if their teacher said, your name means Katie is Katie. But I really felt like that, yeah, that's really where I'm at, because I'm me. That's kind of my style. And so when he said people have a problem with that, I didn't know what he meant, but now I do. But I thought that was sort of brilliant. I mean, I made it like... Sort of brilliant? You covered your bases. I mean... You covered your bases. You made your... What is that thing? And then you start again, just like you start being you.

[26:09]

And then I made the mistake, and I thought you said, sorry for being mean. And so then I said, that is a major cool thing to do. So I went to you, and I said, I'm sorry for being mean, too. He's going to do it. I thought I said, me? And I said, oh, no difference. Even if you said, I'm sorry for being good, I would have come later and said, sorry for being good. Because you just hover yourself. In a way, it is me to be yourself. But, you know, again, hey, I'm sorry. Everybody's doing that. But to then say, that's so, then you've gone too far. You don't have to say, when you're yourself, you don't have to say, and that's the way it is, or that isn't the way it is. You don't have to do that. That's optional. However, we do, and that's the part we confess.

[27:09]

We don't confess being ourself. That's okay. That's unavoidable. You're not yourself on your own troublesome volition. You're yourself because we're all making you be yourself. We're doing that by not being you. So, that's okay. It's really okay and it's beautiful that everybody is who they are, exactly. And Buddha looks at each of you and says, this is Buddha. This is perfect. You can't be any other way. Buddha looks at you and says, good snowflake. Good snowflake. You don't fall any other place. And... It's always been that way through your whole life. It's that way now, and it'll always be that way. But then we say, then we think, oh, good snowflake, that's true. That's not necessary. But we do it.

[28:12]

So then we confess that part. We don't confess that all dharmas came forward and confirmed us and created us. We don't confess that. That's not our trip. The universe makes us. We accept that, and that's enough. You don't have to then say, this is so. You also don't have to react to that and say, it's not so. Or to say, hey, this whole thing is relative. It is all relative, but if you grab that, you get flipped by that too. So we should be ourselves because we are. That's the only reason. If we weren't that way, and somebody said it would really be good to be yourself, you shouldn't then switch over to be good yourself because that would be useful or profit-making or whatever. only reason why you should be yourself is because that's who you are. It's the only reason. And it's useless. Being yourself is useless. And if you're yourself in a useful way, that's not yourself. That's a little bit off to the side, so you can use yourself. You can just get over a little bit side, then you can go back to that.

[29:15]

The slightest little difference between you and yourself, then you become a useful thing. But when you really settle on yourself, there's no point to it. That's what it means to take refuge in Buddha. And people may have trouble with you. They may have trouble with you. The trouble they may have with you may include that they have great respect for you, that they love you, that they think you're Buddha. That may be the trouble they have with you. But when they think that you're Buddha and say that that's true, then pretty soon they're going to have trouble with that. because they're making you into something. And then you're not going to be that way because you can't be something because you're constantly being who you are. And then you can upset them if they're holding to you. And everybody upsets you too, but the problem is most people don't think that they're not going to get in trouble for being themselves.

[30:17]

And when you're completely yourself, It seems almost like you get in more trouble, but anyway, you don't get in less. However, right there is the path of peace. It's right there. This is the peaceful path. But it doesn't have any signs. It doesn't have any signs. However, it can be proved. But it isn't proved by signs. Bernd? I think just a second ago I was tempted to say I agree. Okay, you have opened the window. You tended to agree? Yeah, I was tempted to say I agree with what you said, but then I thought it was not that I agree for the moment when I listen, but I accept and agreement or disagreement is like a fraction of a second later before.

[31:27]

maybe a day later. But what I want to say now is how do I come from this, maybe from this acceptance and from here, from being here now to this Nevada test site. Why do I get there? That's a major thing for me and I can only say I'm in complete darkness because almost everybody i've ever met including myself being at Nevada Test Science want to put up signs and these signs said of course things like Glutonium is evil and we want to have a world without Glutonium but right now I have major doubts that this is right action How do we get there? How do we get where? To the test side. I mean, that's... You mean, how do you act?

[32:31]

What do you need? Yeah, how do you act? Having the background that you just presented. Well, so for example, let's take this thing about plutonium is evil, all right? So some people, when they hear talk like this, they think, well, I'd better not say plutonium is evil anymore. Right? Plutonium is evil. It has something to do with your head. Right? It has to do with your whole being, but it has something to do with your head and your brain coming up with this idea, plutonium is evil. So you hear about, you read the Diamond Scripture and you think, whoa, this doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound like the unsurpassed perfect enlightenment for me to go around talking like that and say, so I'll cut my head off. I'll like get a lobotomy. And I won't think like that anymore.

[33:35]

That doesn't work either, okay? The way to do it is, if you hear about lobotomies, or you hear about Nevada test site, or you hear about plutonium, given what you hear, thought might arise in your mind, that's evil. All right? But the thought that's evil, that's not an evil thought. That's just a thought. It's very similar to, that's good. All right? Everybody following me so far? And that is a thought. Yeah, and that is a thought. The thought that's evil or that's good are very similar. They're not in themselves. They're not yet evil or good in themselves. All right? These thoughts are... Now the question is how do you handle this thought when it occurs? If you say that the thought plutonium is evil, if you say that thought is true, and you believe that thought is true, that's evil.

[34:41]

If you say that thought is false, that's evil. If you say plutonium's good, like they do in those ads from the Japanese government, and those people think that's true, that thought that that's true is evil. Or if we look at it and say that's false, and believe that that's false, that's evil. Now, if you think plutonium's evil and you think it's true, your mind is evil. You have just been inhabited by a demon. You're demonically possessed. If then you make a sign, for example, Plutonium is evil, based on that, that will be the expression of evil and will cause all kinds of problems. However, if you If you hear about plutonium and you think plutonium is evil, and you watch how that happened, how that thought arose, if you watch how you heard about people getting sick and all the damage it might be doing, if you watch the causes and conditions which led to your thought, it's evil.

[35:50]

And then you watch the causes and conditions which would lead you to believe that thought. Then you avoid the evil of believing your own thinking. If you see how, like now I'm telling you how evil is created, I'm explaining to you a story about how evil is created. If you listen to that story and then you watch and see how in your own mind evil is created, if you watch the causes and conditions of evil and you completely are upright with those causes and conditions of evil, those causes and conditions of evil are what is meant by avoiding evil. When you avoid evil, even while you're thinking plutonium is evil, you avoid yourself becoming evil, then you act. And you might make the same sign, but making the sign will be good. And you'll make it at the right moment. And you'll make it with the right posture and the right presence, and the sign will be good. And there'll be no sign by which you can tell that the sign is good.

[36:56]

But there will be celestial music at that time. And people will be rejoicing at the goodness all over the universe of what you did. And you'll understand that. And they may come and lock you up for doing that. But you'll understand that it's good. The Buddha will see it's good, and you'll understand it's good, and it will be good. That's what I'm suggesting. It's not the same act, but it looks very similar, but there's a big, big difference in the understanding. In one case, your understanding is very crude and superficial. You have a thought, you don't watch how it came, you don't see how it happened, and then you say it's true, and you act from that naive sense, in that arrogant sense, in self-righteous sense, and you just cause trouble. I have not seen that helpful. in my dealings and observations of people. But to watch and understand how your mind works, and you become liberated from your thinking, and then you act.

[38:01]

And that action, that liberation, is an uprightness. And from that uprightness, your actions are right and good. You cannot figure out good, because good is not something you do. Good is what is happening. And when you join what's happening, goodness naturally comes up. And part of what you have to join is your mind thinking in terms of good and bad, and you have to join how you then come to believe your mind thinking good and bad. How do you come to believe that reality is your thoughts rather than they're just thoughts? Can you watch that? Can you see that thoughts are one thing and believing that they're real is another? When they don't overlap, when they don't overlap, that's called the serene body of release. That's the doctrine of the Sai Divinity.

[39:02]

When they overlap, then that's self-righteousness, nihilism, outflows, you know, whatever. A person can be made to be cruel from that overlapping. Grace? Could you just repeat what the they, I spaced out. The they? What the they that overlap or don't overlap are. One is your thoughts. Your thoughts, which are produced by various causes and conditions and are far beyond existence and non-existence. They're dependently co-arisen. They're inconceivable, just like everything is. We also have the ability to imagine that things are true and false and to concatenate or to confound your thinking with the idea of truth and existence and subsubstance that's unnecessary, but we do it.

[40:04]

And when we do it, we got what we call problems. We call self-righteousness. We got thinking we're God. We don't have to listen to anybody anymore. We know what's true. That's the problem. But actually, there's another way of looking at it, almost like it's kind of like this, you know, and if you turn sideways, you see, well, actually, they're separate. It's almost like that. So the ability to imagine things are real is endemic to our consciousness. It's sort of always there. But to have it be in the realm where they're separate, where imagining truth is separate from our thinking, then we're liberated and we're peaceful and also we're extremely skillful. Because if you come upon some people who are doing some cruelty, like if I come upon Jesse and Katie and I think, I look and I think Jesse's be cruel to Katie, that thought comes to my mind, and I don't respect what I'm seeing here.

[41:09]

In other words, respect means look again. If I don't look again and say, well, it looks like cruelty, but I wonder what's really going on. You know, so some people come to me and spit in my face, and then I sometimes say, well, sometimes I think, well, that's cruel. And I sometimes say, that's true. And then I sometimes get upset. But sometimes I spit in my face and I think, that's cruel. And then I sometimes think, well, what's really going on? What are you driving at? What are you trying to tell me? What are you really saying about that? But that's when I don't go over into spit in my face, that's crude or rude, and then believe it. And I told that story to you before, haven't I? But one time I was at Tassajara and I was talking to this little lady in the courtyard of my cabin and I started jumping up and down. I do not believe what I'm thinking of you. I started screaming at her like that, saying, I don't believe what I'm thinking of you, because I was on the verge of believing what I was thinking of her.

[42:09]

In this case, if I had believed what I was thinking of her, if that was true what I was thinking of her, well, it wouldn't have been good what I would have done. I might have been very rude. And as I jumped up and down, actually, she started changing anyway, which helped me. She started to quiet down and kind of like go, hmm, this is awesome. What's this guy jumping up and down screaming for? But I wasn't really talking about her yet. I was telling her that I'm not going to believe what I was thinking of her. And it passed. my temptation to believe it. And then I realized, that's just my view of her. My view of her was, I won't say what it was, but anyway, it wasn't true. It was just a thing I thought about her. And now, years later, I can see she's not just that. And she's gonna come to visit here pretty soon, I'll introduce you to her. But I always remembered that, that I had enough training to stop myself from, this is one I should not fall into.

[43:12]

I should not believe this one. I know sometimes when we really, most of all, shouldn't believe what we think of ourself. If you think you're enlightened and you start to believe that, it's very, very dangerous. If you think you're terrible and you start to believe that, it's very dangerous. It's okay to think you're enlightened or think you're terrible. It's okay as long as you don't believe it. It's okay to think somebody's wonderful or terrible as long as you don't believe it. When you believe it, you've got a problem. So if I come upon them and I look and I say, oh, it looks like Jesse's being mean to Katie, but I have respect and I say, hmm, hey, what's going on here? And Katie says, well, Jesse is giving me a massage. Oh, how do you feel? I say, well, it's actually, she's pushing kind of hard, but actually I like really hard massages, that's why I'm screaming. Wow, that's interesting. Okay, well. See you later. Also, I've had the experience myself.

[44:17]

Like the story I told you the other day, you know, at the beginning of lecture on Sunday. That guy didn't look down his nose at me. Bad boy. He looked me straight ahead, although he was 6'4". He looked me straight ahead. He loved me. I knew it. And he wasn't saying, I'm better than you. He's saying, I'm as bad as you. I'm no better. But I'll tell you, I know something more interesting than that. And I sometimes run into bad boys in the street and I go up to them and I don't say, you creepy little bad boys. I say, you know, this is beneath you. You want to do something bad? Come on with me, I'll show you something bad. Come on, let's go. Here, sit down there. Just try to sit still. It's only bad. This is like super, super bad. When you don't have a fixed view of what's happening, you have tremendous flexibility.

[45:20]

You can try all kinds of stuff. You can lay down on the ground and roll and start drooling. You can pull out money and throw it in the air. You can take your clothes off. Or you can put them back on. You can do all kinds of creative things because you're not set on what's going on. And then when you're not set on going off, it's not that you're so creative. The creativity of the universe comes through you to bring all this tremendous fruition of possibility at the moment. And what mainly comes in is what we call love. And that person can see it. And I told you that story too about that guy that turned me towards Zen, Hakuin. When he was criticized, he didn't get into it. Here there are people accusing me falsely of doing this. In fact, it was not true what they were accusing him, but he didn't get into that and say, I didn't do that, you creeps.

[46:21]

He said, well, what is this about? Is that so? What's going on? For two years, he took care of the baby, wondering and wondering, what is a baby, and what's milk, and who am I, and what are those people, and what's Mount Fuji, and what's Zen? You know, what is going on? Rather than, of course he was thinking, you know, that's Mount Fuji, but what is Mount Fuji? Of course he's thinking, this is a baby, of course he's thinking, baby's crying, baby's red, baby stinks. He's like, what is it? And usually we say, I don't have time for this, it's this. That's not necessary. You don't have to do that. And then what you say is this, you're stuck. You can't move. Because if it's reality, you can't be a hypocrite. If it's true, you've got to go with it. But if you don't know what's going on, you don't have to go with anything. You can just watch and know what's happening. Just like somebody said to me,

[47:22]

When we were studying case 41, someone said, don't people realize that this story's about rib? And she said, do you know, did you know consciously that it was about you? And I said, of course I knew. And I know the salmon's about me too. But I didn't arrange for the rain to come so I could talk about the salmon and show you about me. It just happened to be that the salmon are coming right at the right time for me to be encouraged by the salmon. And I didn't arrange for Luopu to show up. It just happened to be on case 41. It's not that I'm so brilliant. It's just that things come together at a certain time and it just happens to be me. What a coincidence. that there's a story about me right when I'm like that. Isn't it funny? It's not that it's not brilliant or not brilliant, but that is our brilliance. Our brilliance is the way things are coming together for us right now.

[48:26]

I don't know how that happened. When the Gulf War happened, I didn't like, you know, I could have, and nothing wrong with this, I didn't like, you know, shuffle through my Koan books to see where's this next story about this. I didn't do that. I could have, but I didn't. And if I had, I don't shuffle through. I usually just put the book out and open it, and that's the case. But it turns out that at that moment, we just happened to be on Case 9. That was the case we were on when the golf course started. And Case 9 is holding up the cap. Can you say something? If you can't, we're going to cut the cap. We just happened to be that case. Things are working for us if we pay attention. If you're upright, the perfect example is coming to you. People being cruel, there it is. Now, what are you going to do? What's your response? What's right action? Don't figure it out. But don't cut your head off not to figure it out. Just be present and watch what happens.

[49:27]

And if you start saying this is right and wrong, then confess it. Come back to the place, the path which has no sign, and then watch what happens. And you'll see it right there. But we like crutches. You know, we want our flashcards, you know, take the precepts out and read them. But you don't have to do it that way. You just, you know, it's okay. You can put the precepts right in front of you, but you don't have to look down at them. You can just sit up straight and they'll come up one after another. The rain, when the snowflake falls, it is the Bodhisattva precept. It is taking refuge in Buddha. It is not killing. It is not stealing. It is not lying. All those precepts are there. You don't look back to see where they are because you're just interpreting them. It's revealed to you. So we do have precepts. The question is, how are they manifesting right now? What do you think?

[50:32]

And you think something, you always think something if you ask that question, and then you veer off into some extreme interpretation of how they're manifesting. Or are you just wondering all the time, just wonder all the time, what is not killing? What does not steal mean? Now what people like to do is say, I'm not killing, I'm not stealing, I'm not lying, I'm a good guy. I follow the precepts, I don't violate, and we like that. But that's self-righteousness. Better, I think, although I don't really believe this, it's better to just wonder. What is not killing now? Nobody knows. They say they know. All the Buddhas in ten directions don't know what not killing is. They can't measure not killing. They can't measure zazen. But they're always wondering, what is zazen? What is not killing? They're always wondering, but they're not trying to measure. They don't have a little kit with little things on it so they can measure not killing.

[51:38]

They put aside all devices and just open up and wonder. All the time they're always wondering, what is not killing? And then after they wonder, when they're in a state of pure wonder, they make a sound and they say how they feel about not killing at that time. And they say how they feel about not lying and not stealing. They're always talking about their present understanding of what those precepts are. They're always talking about that. But the talk comes from not deciding that what they're about to say is not killing. It comes from wondering. You look at the situation. You enter the situation. You operate the situation and then you speak or you think. And you watch because this is an experiment in right action. You watch. How did it work? Did it help people? Did people get encouraged by that to be more present? Sometimes you say things and everybody goes limp.

[52:44]

Sometimes you say something and everybody gets tense. Sometimes you say something and everybody gets just right. Maybe that was helpful. Maybe. I wonder, was that helpful? Don't be so sure, but keep wondering. So, we wonder. We wonder about this. This is part of having a mind which doesn't have an abode. You're wondering. It can be proved? Well, like Buddha. Buddha was trying to practice a path that had a sign and he tried for many years, many lifetimes. He never really got what he wanted. He wanted liberation from suffering for himself and all being.

[53:46]

And then finally he said, I'm going to sit still until I realize what I want, until I realize my ultimate concern. He sat there and then the dance started to happen right before him. The causes and conditions of evil started to demonstrate themselves to him. He saw how evil came to be. how life was formed and how it became sick and how it died and how it started again. He saw this. And he was in wonder of that. And then he was released from all suffering. And the proof of it was, when he saw Venus, he saw that Venus was wonderful. And he saw that all living beings were wonderful and that all living beings were actually free.

[54:52]

That everybody is free. Everybody is free by their current nature. He saw that. That was proof of his practice. He felt greatly relieved, greatly encouraged, greatly joyful at being alive. He had no idea that he could be helpful to people at that time. This idea of a bodhisattva wasn't around yet. He had no idea that he had found the path or the way. He didn't know that the way he did that was going to be the way for millions of people for thousands of years. He didn't have that idea because nobody knew before that he had discovered the way. He had no idea like that. The path didn't have any sign for him. He kind of stumbled upon it. How did he stumble upon it? By being himself. What kind of person was he? He was like us, just like us. What kind of person? He was anxious, he was afraid, he was lustful, he was disturbed, he was in pain.

[55:59]

He had these qualities, big time. So when they went away, when he became free of them, there was quite a difference for him. Big difference. He actually experienced release. and peace, which they call it nirvana. However, nirvana itself isn't proof. Nirvana is just release. Release is just release. But then there's a proof. The proof was a star. And then when he saw a star, everything lined up with that. He saw everybody say, fantastic, every living being is Buddha and has all the wisdom and virtues of Buddha. And he also could see that they don't understand it because they have fixed ideas about what that would look like. Just like he used to, before he saw how his idea came to be. And how the way his ideas came to be was such that his ideas were such that he believed them. And when he believed them, he was miserable.

[56:59]

He was miserable his whole life until that moment. And from then on, he still had pain. Matter of fact, Buddha had back problems. Which is a big encouragement to me, because I do too. He has back problems, and when he got sick at the end of his life, he actually got sick. He wasn't so pretty. He really got sick, just like us. You understand? About the proof? Something happens anyway. The star, you see the star, you see a little kid, you see a plum blossom open, somebody says, excuse me, something happened in this world. Until something happens, there's no way to, there's no, there's no like, you know, approval means like, a seal of approval means evidence, evidence, you know, like there's a scar on your face. You're a different person. He was different.

[58:01]

He was a cool, he was a famous yogi before he was enlightened, but after he was enlightened, he was different. Little by little, the people came and said, what is going on with you? And he said, well, I'm different. They couldn't tell what it was exactly, and he couldn't exactly tell them because he didn't really have any idea about it, because it has no sign. But he said, I guess what I'd like to say is, I guess the best thing to say is I'm awake. I'm bud. I'm bud. I guess you should call me bud. Buddha. He woke up. Bud. Bodhi. So the past participle of that is Buddha. So he had to admit he was a Buddha. But he didn't rethink that. He wasn't very enough thinking on Buddha, but when you ask him what happened, he said he woke up. And then people say, well, and I like this one story I like about, this is just a story, okay? One story about him is his previous cronies who were yogis with him, they said, well, you know, he never lied before.

[59:06]

He was just one of us, but he was all told the truth, so maybe he's telling the truth this time. Let's hear him out. So what did you find out? So he told them about what he saw. And they listened, and they woke up too. They just listened to what he had to say. And he just told them what he said to say, and he taught them the Dharma, and they woke up. And then a layperson came, and he told the layperson, and the layperson woke up. Actually, the first one who came was a layperson, and then his old friends came. And he just explained how things were, and people woke up. I don't know how many exactly, but a lot of them woke up. He was different. You know, something happens. There's proof. Unfortunately, you're unfortunate. There's proof. But the release is not, the release is what we want, but then there's proof of the release. When you enter another world, that's basically what you wanted. But it turns out that when you actually enter there, there's some mark on you, there's some evidence.

[60:11]

You're different. Is there proof for somebody who isn't woken up? The Buddha sees the proof. The way you are is your awakenedness. The Buddha sees that. But you have some idea of what the proof would look like, so all the proofs are coming up on your face, but you hesitate to say thank you. Don't we hesitate to say thank you sometimes? Every day? Every moment. Almost, we hesitate to say thank you. That's the reason why we get overwhelmed and say thank you. Well, that time, then we woke up. And that's a proof. Every time you say that you're grateful, you just prove that you're enlightened. Now, if you're grateful because of some reason, that's why you're grateful, then you dilute it. Because then you're not really grateful. You're only grateful because it's this way. But when you're grateful, just the gratefulness itself is, you know, is your enlightenment.

[61:17]

So you already do what you know. You're not in a very good job of restraining you. As far as having a discussion. You don't have a job. See how ironic that was. In fact. Do you want to see something? No, no, no. Mary? I can't think how to phrase this exactly, and it's not too close. I'm sitting here feeling kind of... Sad, but I've been thinking about, for me, what comes up with Proposition 180, which I found appalling. I'm attached to that notion. Which notion are you attached to, being appalled? And I would feel self-righteous about it. And I guess I don't think that I can wait until I'm not those things to take action about it.

[62:26]

I mean, the best I could do is confess it and then do it anyway. And I may act from the wrong place, but I was going to act nevertheless. That's right. You can't wait until you're fully enlightened to act. You're not going to wait even for a flash of a second before you act. All of us are going to continue to act from now on, just like we always have been. Now that you've heard about Buddhism, you're not going to stop acting. And if you did hear about Buddhism and stop acting, that would be an action. That's called cutting your head off. When you hear about self-righteousness and how horrible it is, you might think, well, I'll just stop doing things until I'm not self-righteous anymore. But that's the other extreme. That's the shadow of self-righteousness. It's called cutting your head off. So in fact, you cannot stop acting. And you're going to continue, we're going to continue to act based on our current level of understanding. So if you see the proposition 187 was harmful to people, and you think that, and you think it's true, then you're going to be self-righteous, and you're going to act from that self-righteousness, or act against it, or whatever.

[63:40]

All I ask you to do is consider checking out what it would be like First of all, what is it like to think that 187 is harmful and to believe that? What does that do for you and how does that work? And then think of 187 as harmful and not believe it and see how that works. Basically, I propose that you'll be more effective in working against 187 if you don't believe it's real. then you will if you do. But if you believe it is and you're stuck, well then you do your best during those circumstances. But if you could just for an experiment, just as an experiment, for one period of Zazen, experiment with catching, seeing, you could see 187 up there and the thought, it's true. or, you know, it's harmful. You know, the truth is separated. And then see if you become more buoyant, flexible, energetic, and creative in response to working against what you think is not good. I propose you become more effective. Your energy, I mean, that's my experience.

[64:42]

I went to a time on a very small thing. I thought, you know, well, actually, to me it's a big thing. Like, my teacher's memorial hall at Tassajara was going to, they're going to do something to it, which I thought would not be so good. Plus, I also thought it would offend my friend who built it. That was my thought. And I attached to that thought, and I was immediately incapacitated for the discussion. I tried, you know, once I had that thought, and I grabbed a hold of it, then I realized whenever I talked to anybody, they kind of wilted. You know? It's kind of like, okay, okay, okay! Okay? But it's like this. Okay, okay, okay, okay. And then you go away and they say, let's get him. You see what he did to us? That bastard. They don't even know what you're talking about. They just want to kill you. Because your self-righteousness mowed him down. They didn't hear, Kaisando what?

[65:42]

I don't know. Get the guy. Let's spray. Does he like the Kaisando? Let's ruin the building. Okay. So I realized my efforts to protect this building are going to ruin the building and going to hurt a lot of people, and I'm going to get strung up here trying to protect this building. And my mind was in seething turmoil. And I remember this phrase from our ancestor Deng Shan where he said, there's three kinds of outflow, and one of the kinds of outflow is called the outflow of fixed views. When you see something, it's evil or good, and you hold it. And as soon as you hold to that, you get thrown into a poisonous sea. And I was in a poisonous sea. And I sat as I was very embarrassed. You know, here I am to have it. My mind's just sealing with all this poison. You know, about protecting my teacher's house. Right?

[66:44]

Self-righteousness. That was poisoning me. Now that was clear, I knew that. And I disqualified myself from the discussions because I realized not only will my words and actions not promote what I'd like to see happen, but it will ruin the whole process. I just stopped talking about it to people. And I only said about three words before I realized that I disqualified myself from that discussion. But still I was really upset. I sat there in this evening. I sat there and The words from the first case of the Book of Serenity just bubbled up from some deep place. Clearly observed. The ocean was flat. I was no longer holding the view. That was it. However, I still thought, and my aesthetics are exactly the same as they were before, it would be better not to spray stucco on the building, and handmade mud would be better if there was some way to do it.

[67:47]

And in fact, I didn't say one more word other than that little beep I made and made that person wilt. And it all worked out. And they did just like I wanted it to. And I didn't just say one more word and I was calm again. But, you know, before my mind was seething, there's nothing I could do about it. However, it's possible that we should disqualify ourselves from certain things. As long as we realize, if we want to help something along, sometimes the best thing we can do is get out of there because we've got such a charge. We'll ruin the project. And that's good action based on recognizing that I'm crazy. Self-righteousness is insanity. You could say it's in mild form, but basically, you know, that's what it is. To think that you're Jesus is not so bad, to think that you're Mary Magdalene is not so bad, but to think that it's true is considered insane.

[68:54]

Like, if you think right now, think you're Jesus, it's not going to hurt you, I don't think. Or to think you're not Jesus doesn't hurt you either, which you do most of the times. But if you think it's true that you're not Jesus, you're insane. Now, maybe you don't think it's true that you're not easy, but if you do think that and you hold to that, you're insane. Like if you hold to that you're not Buddha, you're insane. You're hurting yourself. Buddha wouldn't agree with you. Buddha would say, oh, yes, you are, sweetheart. You're Buddha. Don't say that. Don't talk badly of yourself like that. Grace. You know, there's something that's, I guess what I'm realizing in the course of this conversation is that I have this certain joy against learning more holistic about things.

[69:55]

And I don't really give up that pleasure. There's actually no pleasure about holistic. And that always involves a certain amount of self-righteousness. I justify it. I mean, I have to act a lot without thinking. And there's a lot of space for self-righteousness because I sort of get it. Kind of a compensation for all the time when you're enlightened? But it's, I don't know, I don't know exactly what my... This is fine for the world of thinking, and I can't quite make a translation into the world of doing it. Well, how about my example I just gave, about rebuilding the Kaisanda, or resurfacing the Kaisanda. That's an example of action. They came to me and said, what should we do? Should we do the mud, which is cracking off? Or should we just spray stucco on it?

[71:00]

Take the mud off, put plywood up, and spray it. What should we do? And at first I was open-minded. By the way, I watched the causation of this. At first I was open-minded. And people said various things and gradually this idea formed, you know. Ooh, that would really be ugly. And the other way would really be beautiful. But we'd have to find some way, is there some way to put the mud up so it won't just dry and fall off like it was doing, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. And finally I found there is, there maybe was a way, add a chemical to the mud so it wouldn't dry up and crack off. And I saw, not only would that be not as beautiful, but there's an alternative that would be beautiful. So gradually this idea formed, I saw, this is better than that. And then I went too far, look. I didn't watch carefully how it performed, and I just slipped over into believing that that was better. Because who knows, still, maybe the stucco would have been better. But who knows if you haven't done that, and you haven't willed something in the course of the discussion about the honor, if the outcome, if the truth,

[72:09]

of the beautiful Kaisano land would have been altered. I think the wilting was good because now I can give you an example. I got on this trip. This is a case of realization. I can show you. I have direct proof. from my own experience of how self-righteousness is anti-productive, how it upsets me. So it was useful. Everything is useful. But if I had continued to not understand it was useful, maybe that would have been useful too. But in fact, if I had continued, probably it just would have wasted a lot of people and I wouldn't have had that insight, which is really helpful to me. This is about action. There's three kinds of action. Mental, verbal, and physical. And I did all three around that thing. And finally, the way I did it was just to be an amiable guy strolling around Tassajara and let people figure it out for themselves. And they did a nice job. But even if they'd done stucco, it would have been all right.

[73:14]

But I don't know, it wouldn't have been so good, I don't think. If I had stopped them from doing the stucco. But I didn't stop the new stuff. They figured it out by themselves. Again, I value what is rather than what is useful. So I, what is is what happened rather than what I made happen. I just somehow got out of the way and things manifested very nicely. But, Grace, you very kindly admitted that we love to use our mental powers to such an extent that it is like ballistic. We have a powerful mind. And part of what's involved here is, do you want to get off on your mental powers and how you can use things, or do you want to give that up for what is? And I think we hesitate to be wimps. And when it comes to the realm of non-action, When it comes to the realm of harmonizing with all beings, we're like little kids, we're like little beginners.

[74:20]

We don't have PhDs in that. We're feeling our way in this new world of doing things with all beings rather than doing things to all beings. We're very good at practicing and confirming everything that happens. We're very strong. And sometimes we do things very powerfully. Each of us has our realm where we're very powerful. The kitchen, the garden, the doctor's office, the fields, the Buddhist study, the sitting, we all have our strength. But our strength should be evened out so that there's almost no sign of strength. And that means no ballistic activity. except as the whole world makes it happen, and then you can be ballistic. Sometimes ballistic is right, and that's when you see that it wasn't your trip that the whole world asked Grace to be a bullet.

[75:23]

You see, that's my question. Seriously. Yes. I was in a situation yesterday where it actually felt like the world was asking me to be ballistic, and I went. Yeah, well, that's not what people mean by ballistic, usually. But there is a time, like I often use the example of when my daughter went into the street the first time, walking the street when she was two, and I became ballistic. But one of the characteristics of that kind of thing was that she didn't, it wasn't a trauma for her, she just stopped going in the street until she was eight years old and could walk across. And afterwards there was no shuddering in me. There was no regret. I knew that that was out of protecting her life. And again, one of the characteristics of a person who is acting on behalf of us all is there's no trace in their behavior. In the commentary on not being angry, the precept of not being angry, it says it is violating the precept of not being angry

[76:30]

when you don't get angry at what you should get angry at and it is violating the precept of not being angry when you get angry at what you shouldn't get angry at when you're angry for the whole assembly that is not anger but when you're a little bit angry with good justification on your part And it's your decision. That's your karma. That's your decision. You're self-righteous. And that's when you shouldn't get angry. And we get angry at people we love. We shouldn't get angry at people we love. It's not appropriate. We should get angry at people we hate. And sometimes it's right that way.

[77:34]

That's the way it really is. And the whole universe is coming together to be creative. And when you see it that way, it is not you doing it anymore. It is the whole world coming forth, all dharmas realizing themselves as you as angry. And you act on behalf of the entire world. And you do not think yourself righteous. You don't have a shred of energy to look at yourself and say, I'm right. That's a radically reversed attitude of, I am angry, or I am angry because of this. And everybody comes up to you and says, Grace, you really should be angry about this. That's not it either. It's when you're angry without anybody telling you, without even saying it to you.

[78:35]

At the moment they arrive to tell you, at the moment everybody comes and says, Grace, you should be angry. At that very moment, just as they want to speak, you're angry. It's kind of like, yeah, I know, I am. Thanks for delivering the message right when I got, right when I understood it myself. And then Grace, we want you to be ballistic for us. We want you to storm in here and tell everybody here that they should, you know, get a hepatitis shot. And you can do it with the energy of those Zen stories where the teacher came in and ran at the students with his staff and chased them out of the room. I've always wanted to do that. But the time hasn't been right yet. And it's not just the chasing them out of the room. When they get to the door, you yell at them, what is it? That's what I'm looking, waiting for that story to happen. You know, the big stick, you know, I start swinging it in the room, you know. And I actually run out, you know, they don't say, oh, he's acting on something.

[79:40]

They say, actually, he's gone crazy. He's totally, he's totally lost it. You know, let's get out of here. I never thought this would happen, but it has, let's go. And then, what is it? You know, but the time hasn't been right. So I don't do it. I'm waiting for that moment. Will you all give me the signal? And I just happen to have this big, long stick in my hand. Well, you can tell, you'll know it's going to happen when I have that big stick. Can we give you a big stick? You can give me one, since I already have one, you can give it to me. Okay. It's in my office. I had it the other day. Remember that one, the big ugly dragon head on toes? That's the one I want to use. But it has to be the right time. And everybody gets to vote. Anything else?

[80:45]

Any other points of discussion? Do you understand? Or are you just sleeping? Both. Well, if you ever are awake again and have any more questions, please ask them. Just to give you some forewarning of my next idea is that now I would like to talk, if you have this view, now I'd like to talk about how it happens that the interplay between how it is that they come forward to, you know, realize you acting. How it happens, you know, to discuss how the water and the trees and the gravel and the gravity of the flow of the stream and the cages of salmon and how it all works together to, you know, to communicate between us and the environment and how the environment kind of shows us

[81:52]

how it's asking us to do what we're doing. That's the next thing I'd like to start to look at. How to meditate on this, what do you call it, this very active and alive mind that has no abode, and how that no abodeness has no limits either. In other words, it extends through all of nature, and yet it's here, in this place. That's what I'd like to... I'm going to tell you this so that you'll remind me that I hope to do this because this will be hard to, what do you call it, to give birth to this next unfoldment. It'll be difficult because it hasn't happened yet. But I feel encouraged to bring this out. It's like, what do you call it, it's like a baby that wants you to get born. Lord, I'll drink instead.

[83:01]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_89.6