Dear attendant, would you come here please? Thank you. In the summer, the Tassajara residents work very hard taking care of the guest season, so they like to go to bed early, and so last time I was here I advertised that my talk

[01:03]

would be short and a lot of people came, and it was short, about 35 minutes. I did not advertise this as a short one, but some people came anyway. I'll try not to make it too long, but unfortunately I have a great deal I want to talk to you about. So relax. There's a chance that I'll forget everything. This week I've been here with the regular residents and with a special group of people doing a retreat, some new to Zen practice, some with some experience with Zen practice.

[02:06]

This week I've been sort of emphasizing a formal ritual way of entering into the practice of awakening, a formal way of initiation into the practice of awakening, which is formless confession or formless admission of our human nature, and then receiving the precepts, the sixteen bodhisattva precepts, and vowing to practice them. This is what I've been kind of the central issue, and part of the reason for emphasizing it this week is that this day after tomorrow, or day after the day after tomorrow, the day after [...] tomorrow, there will be a formal ceremony in

[03:14]

San Francisco, and twelve people will enter this gate, this formal way of entering Buddha's way. So I've been putting a lot of emphasis this week on admitting what we are, being actually just plain honest about who we are in all our particularity, in all our neuroses, in all our delusion. And I've been very happy with the way you have responded to this initially bad news. And I promised that if one is willing to admit who he or she is, that then you can receive

[04:24]

the precepts of the Buddha, and when you receive the precepts of the Buddha you can actually enter into real Zen practice, that upon receiving these precepts you are on a par with the Buddha. All Buddhas do this, and all Buddhas use this way of entering their own way. Before the talk tonight I went over to the dining room and I asked the people in the retreat what they wanted me to talk about tonight. This is a group of, most of the people in the retreat are, all the people in the retreat I think are over thirty. Are they all over forty? Huh?

[05:24]

No. How old are you? Thirty-five. Thirty-five. Are you the youngest? Huh? Good question. Anyway, they range from thirty-five to, what, sixty? Oh, sorry. Are they thirty-five and up? I heard, when I was just starting practicing Zen, I heard that Zen priests can do stuff like go up to women and say, how old are you? Anyway, these are serious people, I mean, you know, they have big responsibilities in the world. Like, two of them work in an emergency ward of a hospital in Watts, I believe, is that right? No. Partly right?

[06:26]

Yeah. They work in, you know, that's where they work, so you can imagine they have some stress and they're out in the world dealing with life and death issues. Some of the other people teach teenagers, and several of them have teenagers right in their own house, quite a few actually. Some of them have survived teenagers growing up and leaving home. Some of them have even been real estate salespeople. They're into computers, you name it. They're out in the world teaching in universities and stuff like that. So they kind of have some major concerns about the welfare of the world and they come here with these kinds of questions about, you know, what do we do about these big problems in

[07:27]

the world. And actually today we had meditation at five o'clock and after meditation I went to my room to do some calligraphy for this ordination and I heard a lot of noise outside. I think it was these people in this retreat and they were laughing a lot. Was that you guys? They were laughing a lot. Actually I was wondering if the Tassajara people were disturbed by the laughing so much. I won't ask if you were. And one of the people in the retreat, a rather serious person, told me that one of the things he likes about these retreats is there's so much laughter. And I guess the reason why he likes laughter is because maybe he feels some relief when he's laughing. I don't know. Maybe he just likes to laugh. But you know, in some ways this person is rather serious, so I can imagine he likes to laugh

[08:31]

now and then. So, they're a serious group of people who like to be relieved of their seriousness and so I went to ask them what they wanted me to talk about. And they told me a whole bunch of stuff and I'll tell you the stuff they said. So then I'll talk about it. They didn't say anything more about this confession and admission stuff. I mean, they've heard enough from me about it. I don't know if they've had enough of doing it, actually. But they didn't bring that up. What they did bring up was they wanted me to talk about the first vow of the bodhisattva, the first vow of the enlightenment worker, which is, living beings are innumerable, uncountable.

[09:37]

I vow to save them all. That's the first vow. They asked me to talk about happiness and compassion and stages and unsupported thought. And they asked me, and of course, they said, of course, the precepts. And they also wanted to know about how Tassajara was 25 years ago. And they wanted to know about the one who's not busy. If you have busy people, they want to know about who's not busy. And let's see, what else did they want to know about? I guess that was what they said. And part of the reason why I went to ask them, because I wanted some ideas for the talk tonight, and also I wanted to know what they wanted to talk about, but mostly I went to talk to them because I find that getting some new, unexpected information just before I give a talk is often much more important than what I have to think, say, and do.

[10:40]

There's something very important about the timing of the cosmos. So what these people have asked me to say, in some ways, has that quality. Of course, the problem is it was a while ago. So, see, I'm not really talking about, I'm just sort of telling you something that happened. Now then, as I would, then a little bit later, I asked the Ino to turn the lights up so I could see you people. And then the head of practice said, bring a flashlight, so I brought a flashlight. Is that rude? I'm sorry. If I can see you, I'll just shine it below, underneath your chins. This is the first time I ever brought a flashlight. So, that's it. So now I'm going to talk about all that stuff.

[11:49]

I'm going to start by, again, saying that there's this thing. Let's see if Jim's awake. He was. So I want to talk about this kind of being. You don't have to be sincere. I mean, you don't have to be serious when you're practicing Buddhism. You do not have to be serious. Fortunately or unfortunately, almost everyone gets serious, particularly about their own welfare, or their possessions and stuff.

[12:53]

But you don't have to be serious in practicing Buddhism. I don't think so, except the fact that you are. It's okay to laugh. It's okay to laugh your head off. It's okay to laugh your body off. At least that's what I think. This is about getting free. This is not about holding on to your body, which is such a serious matter. This is about forgetting about your body and your mind, about giving the whole thing up, and also giving up the idea of giving up. And I'm not kidding. And I'm not serious. But I am trying to be sincere. It is necessary to be sincere. You must be completely sincere, otherwise it won't work. It'll work a little, but you've got to be sincere. You can be sincerely laugh.

[13:54]

You can also be sincerely serious. You can be sincerely whatever it is. So, receiving, admitting who you are, being sincere about who you are, including being sincere about being serious about what you are, or be sincerely laughing, or be sincerely confused, or be sincerely whatever, and then receive Buddhist precepts, you enter this Buddha's world. And it's like being in the ocean. They say it's like being in the ocean. You're swimming around the ocean. We're all swimming around the ocean. It's kind of like being fish swimming in the ocean. And in the middle of the ocean somewhere, and it's actually moving around all the time, there's these gates. And these gates are receiving Buddha's precepts. And being sincere as you approach this gate. Admitting who you are, and then swimming through this gate in the ocean. And when you swim through the gate, little fishy swim through the gate,

[14:56]

you swim through the gate, and when you get to the other side of the gate, you turn into a dragon. You know what dragons are like? Did you ever draw a picture of a fish? I drew a picture of a fish just before. As a matter of fact, it's right here. Can you see the fish? It's a simple fish. It looks like those fishes on the back of those cars. And I tried to draw a more complicated fish, but it's difficult to draw a more complicated fish, so I drew a simple one. I tried a more complicated one. Right here. See that one there? It actually looks like a sperm whale. It doesn't look like a fish. But this fish, this simple one, easy to see as a fish, and so we swim around like fish, and when you go through the gate of receiving the precepts, you become a dragon. Ever try to draw a dragon?

[15:57]

You know if you draw a dragon, it can look like anything. Right? Dragons got these tails that go all over the place, and they got these bumps all over them, and horns every which way, and their arms can be going, all this stuff, right? Dragons are totally unpredictable wild critters. They're free and happy, compassionate beings. They can realize this unbelievable thing of benefiting every single living being. You become a dragon. You become just... whatever you need to be to help people. You don't have to just be a dumb fish anymore. But if that helps, you can be a dumb fish. But if you are a dumb fish, you got to admit you're a dumb fish in order to go through the gate. And then you can be free. This gate is where everything turns around.

[17:00]

You know, like we say, you take the light, and you turn it around, and shine it on yourself, and illuminate yourself. A Buddhist monk said, how sad this world has a flowing river of passing days through which to steer the heart to paradise. How do you steer the heart to paradise? You enter this gate, and you let the pivot turn. You don't turn.

[18:03]

In the subtle round mouth of the pivot, the spiritual work turns. You turn into a dragon. Your Buddha nature turns you. You switch from doing things from a point of view of what? I don't know what. One thing that's important, though, is before you admit who you are, and before you receive Buddhist precepts, also it's good to make this first vow, this compassionate vow, so that when you turn into this weird thing that you're going to become,

[19:05]

that completely free person who's practicing meditation in this way, which is liberated from the practice of meditation, that that's united with this vow, so that compassion and concern for the welfare of all beings, even a little bit of welfare for all beings, not to mention a great deal of welfare for each one, that that vow is united with this mind that doesn't have any support. And therefore, since it doesn't have any support, it can turn and adapt according to the circumstances appropriately. It can respond appropriately, not according to any predetermined knowledge, by improvisation. Improvisation. Unforeseen.

[20:08]

After you go through this gate and become a dragon, you do a practice which is liberated from practice. You start doing a practice which is liberated from spiritual practice. You can give up all your ideas of pure spiritual practice and use your actual life to realize Buddha's way. Your life, as you, to realize Buddha's way. So, I have some examples of this. One is,

[21:23]

I was driving around San Francisco. Well, actually, first of all, I went to pick my wife up at the dentist. And I parked the car and went up to the dentist's office and just as I got there, she was just about done. And she came out and into the waiting room. And I think she said she wanted to sit down and rest for a little while because it was a pretty, am I talking loudly enough? It was a pretty, you know, extensive work that she had. So she came out and rested. And then this guy came in the office who she knew and they entered into this fairly long conversation. And I just, I mean, he seemed like a nice guy and I wasn't bored or anything with the conversation, but she and I both knew we had lots of errands to do after that. And it was already like three o'clock or something. But I, you know,

[22:29]

I just let it go on and it went on and on for quite a long time. And finally it ended and we left. And so I think we did like one errand and then we did the other errand. Things were going quite well. However, the third errand was at a, was to get a car parked and I thought the car park, the car place, the parts department might close before we got there. And the thought crossed my mind, I hope it doesn't close before we get there. This is an example of a thought that occurs to a human being. Just a little thought, right? I hope we get there before it closes.

[23:30]

And then another thought, I don't remember exactly what happened, but then another thought that happens to human beings, like, well, I hope we get there before it closes because actually here I am driving around all over San Francisco to get to this place. And I'd rather not have spent all this time driving around to figure, you know, San Francisco's got all these one-way streets and stuff. You know, I didn't really know where it was. And as I put more and more time in to find this place, I more and more hoped that it wouldn't be closed. I kept thinking how unfortunate it would be if it got closed. Then I started thinking, well, and also kind of like if it is closed, it's sort of a little bit like my wife's fault. A little bit, kind of like that. Which would be another reason why I'd be good if it wasn't closed. Because I might kind of, like, blame her. All this is going on inside of my head, inside of my body.

[24:44]

I'm still being fairly civil to her. She has not been, you know, she's still innocent. And then I noticed that I was thinking these not very nice things about my dear little wife. Because I also knew, you know, it's not really her fault, exactly. I could have rushed that conversation a little bit. I could have reminded her. But I noticed that I was getting prepared to look for who to blame just in case we didn't make it. I wasn't, I was also considering just not getting the part and letting it go at that. Various thoughts were occurring to me, but all these thoughts had the potential to drive me into some state. But I was watching, ladies and gentlemen.

[25:50]

I'm not exactly bragging now, I'm just saying I did what I told you to do. I was watching what I was thinking. I was noticing my mind function. I was seeing what a dirty little machine it is. And how it could actually lead me into start feeling like something wrong with my wife. That she wasn't a good person or something, at least in that case. Anyway, I got into it. But I was also keeping abreast of the times and noticing what I was doing. And then at some point, you see, this is what I say will happen to you. At some point, by my awareness of this human mind that thinks it's trashy stuff, my awareness being kind of like right there with it, something shifted. And it shifted kind of like, well, so what if I don't get there? You know. And this part was for her car anyway.

[26:52]

So what if I don't get there? What am I doing? I'm riding around. I'm riding around with Rusa. Ride with Rusa. I get to be in the car with this person. Who is that person? This is my wife. It's hard to make appointments with her. Some people would pay money to ride in a car with her. I get to ride around a car with this great person. Who cares if the car breaks down? Who cares if the place is open? Who cares if there is a place? And I just, and I, then I started talking out loud. I started, you know, I started, you know, I started saying, you know, hey, thanks for riding with me. you know, I'm really lucky to be riding around with you. This is great. She's not an arrogant person either,

[28:04]

but she just sat there and said, she didn't demur. Anyway, it shifted and I got out of that bag by just admitting I was in that bag. You get to the pivot by admitting that you're a human. It's at the place of being a human that humans turn. You don't turn from some other place. You turn not only from being a human, but being you, human. Exactly like you are at that moment. It might not be like my mind. It might be like your mind. As a matter of fact, it will be like, you might not have the kind of thoughts I have. You have your kind of thoughts, your kind of feelings, and that's where the spiritual works turn. Right at that place where you are,

[29:06]

in minute detail, not approximately, but honestly, all the way honest, that's where it turns. And you don't turn it, and I don't turn it. It just turns. And then after it turns, you're released. And then after you're released, then you got to admit you're released, and let that turn. Otherwise, that gets real stinky, and turns into what we call Zen sickness. What I had in the car was pre-Zen sickness. Then I got Zen, little Zen treat, and well, I don't know if I got Zen sickness after that or not. Maybe a little. But we'll see. So you understand? And another example, some of the people in this workshop told some other cases, like one of the doctors was talking to a patient and telling a patient what was best for the patient, and the doctor noticed that the doctor was starting to get sick, telling the patient what was good for the patient. By noticing that he was sick,

[30:07]

and admitting that he was sick from the way he was talking to the patient, he kind of was able to drop that whole way of being, and I forgot what happened, but it was something really nice. Okay, so, I talked about the first vow, didn't I? Did I talk about compassion? Did I talk about happiness? Did I? Yes, I did. If you're miserable, and you admit you're miserable, and you receive Buddha's precepts, it turns, and you get un-miserable, you get happy. Did I talk about happy now? Now, there's a basic, there's a kind of, what do you call it, I can see Jantjana is smiling, even without my flashlight. All right. Anybody sleeping?

[31:14]

Okay. So, what was that? Happiness. And I was, if anybody doesn't agree that I talked about happiness, you can say so now. Want more of that talk? Is that enough? Okay, more? What do you want? What more do you want about happiness? There's going to be more happiness in general, but not specifically. But if you want more specifically, there's going to be more happiness during this talk. But if you want me to talk more, yes? You want more than, can you just wait for a little while? Or do you want me to talk specifically about happiness? Okay. Okay. But now that you mentioned it, what I propose as real happiness is that you become free of happiness, that you also give that up.

[32:21]

Okay? That's what I believe. Not that you're not happy, but if you want to really be happy, forget about happiness. Not that, if you want to be happy, forget about it. That'll make you happier. Don't forget about it by denying that you want it. Admit you want it, and then forget about it. But also, as soon as you admit you want it completely, you do forget about it, and then you laugh, and then you're happy. Do you agree? Okay, next thing is precepts. I already talked about that. Stages. Okay? You know what I'm recommending about stages? I'm recommending if you're into stages, okay, you're into stages, and admit you're into stages, and then you'll be released from being into stages. I'm recommending a practice which is after stages. Okay?

[33:25]

I'm recommending a practice which is to be liberated from being into stages. It doesn't mean you're not into stages, it means what you do about stages is you confess you're into stages. It's kind of something you should confess, because no matter what stage it is, no matter how high it is, or how low it is, well, first of all, I guess you know that a low stage, if you're stuck in a low stage, that's not so good, right? But to be stuck in a high stage is worse, because nobody can help you, because there's almost no doctors who know how to get you out of a high stage of being stuck, because it looks great, and you think so too. So no matter what stage it is, the point is to go beyond it. How do you go beyond it? You admit you're in that stage, and that you're attached to it to whatever extent you're attached, or even if you're not attached, that's the problem, when you're in the high stages, there are high stages of non-attachment, so you don't even see that you're attached. All you got to do is just admit you're in that stage, and as soon as you completely admit it, get beyond it.

[34:27]

Simpler way is not to get into any stages in the first place, but in case you ever do get into them, that's what to do about them. Do you agree? Doesn't mean you don't go into stages though, it just makes things more complicated. You can go through stages, they're fun. For example, if you're in a mountain monastery, and it's raining all the time, it's good entertainment stages. We don't have TV here, but you can go through various meditation stages, and also stages of other kinds of devotional practices, and certain program learning courses we have, and all kinds of stuff like that, correspondence courses, you can make all kinds of progress in spiritual practice, and go through stages. It's wholesome work basically, if it's stages of, you know. Basically what we're talking about is, what is it again? Turning. We're talking about getting beyond all this stuff, by admitting that we're into it.

[35:30]

So I think I took care of everything. Oh, the one who's not busy. And what else was there? Is that it? 25 years ago. Oh, 25 years ago, oh yeah. Well, hey. 25 years ago. Well, I wasn't here 25 years ago. I was only here 24 years and 10 months ago. I came in August of 67, and this building wasn't here. But there were a lot of flies. And they had really good homemade bread. And I didn't like the place. But then after that, not quite 25 years ago, maybe more like 23 years ago, I was heavy into stage practice myself. And I could tell some stories

[36:35]

about the stages I got into. But I'll tell you, when I finally became somewhat successful with some of the stage stuff I got into, you know, I didn't like it. Some people like that stuff. I didn't like it. Because I felt like basically it was an insult to my life. So I kind of gave up stage practices approximately 23 years ago. Although I still practice in stages, I just do it for entertainment, like some people play golf. I don't really like... It's not really the way I'm... I try to do it without insulting myself, like playing golf, you know. You can go to golf, play golf, because you think you're not a good person, and golf's not so good for you. But if you go to play golf because you enjoy it, whatever score you get, and you enjoy getting a bad score, and you enjoy feeling bad about getting a bad score, that's fine. But you've got to be careful not to insult yourself, because if you insult yourself,

[37:36]

it's not good to insult yourself, because Buddha doesn't like that, because Buddha loves you. Buddha doesn't want you to be disrespectful to yourself, so... It's okay to play golf, it's okay to do stage practices, but don't do them in such a way that, like, you're trashing yourself as you move up the stages, just saying, well, I used to be just done at that stage. Because if you do that, the more successful you get, the more you're going to be angry at yourself, and the more you're going to rebel. At least that's what I found. So that's what Tassajara was like, at least a little bit of what it was like. Also, the people here were really much wilder than they are now. We had two armed bank robbers in the first practice period. Yeah. Also, 100% of the men in the first practice period had taken LSD, except for the Japanese.

[38:39]

And almost all the women had. How many people here have taken LSD? See? Not 100%. Even the men. We did that again, the men. See? Quite a few of the men haven't. Things have changed. Is that enough on 25 years ago? I mean, there's endless stories. I don't want to keep you up too late. Is that enough? Huh? What? What? Pardon? Oh, thank you!

[39:41]

Thank you very much. Yeah, you know, I sometimes, people say, you leave out the most important parts. I like, I want to make clear, too, that before we got to the car place, that turning happened before we got to the car place. The car place was open. And I walked into the wrong door, and a really friendly guy says, are you looking for the parts place? And I said, yeah. He said, it's next door. And I went in there, and I met this really nice young lady who, while she was looking for my part, got a telephone call, where it sounded like she got a date that she was hoping for, and she got my car part, and for the first time, the first time that I ever can remember, I got a car part for less than I was expecting it would cost. It was $1.74. You know what I mean?

[40:43]

You ever buy a car part? You go in, and you buy these little tiny things, and they say $16.95. Or you buy something approximately this size, they say $125. And what can you do, you know? Go searching around the mission somewhere? It was $1.74. $1.74. But that thing with my wife, of appreciating her, happened before that. Thank you, Josie. That was an important part. Okay, so I would like to sing one song about compassion, and then one song about happiness. Not busy. Pardon? Oh, not busy. Oh, thank you. Well, the thing about the not, the one who's not busy, the one who's not busy. Okay. How are you?

[41:51]

How are you? Thank you. That's true. Anyway, when you, when you're you, you know, you being you, is what's called not being busy. And you're always that way. The fact that you're having the thought that you're having, and no other thought than you're having, the fact that you have the feelings that you have, and the emotions that you have, the fact of them being that way, is what we call not producing a single thought. When you hear the sound of the crickets, the hearing of the sound of the crickets, as such, is called not being busy. There's always this not being busy with every busyness. And when you accept what you're hearing

[42:54]

as what you're hearing, and accept what you're seeing as what you're seeing, and accept what you're thinking as what you're thinking, and accept what you're, what's the other one? What you're cognizing as what you're cognizing, when you're just that way, that's called the unbusy one. You're busy, but the fact of the way you're busy is unbusy. And if you appreciate that quality that always accompanies your hectic life, then things can turn. And one of the things that people who come to retreats almost always ask is, how does this meditation relate to daily life? That's primarily how it does. No matter how busy you are, no matter how stressed you are, right at the stressed being stressed, right at the busy being busy, just the way it's busy, there's no movement, there's no busyness.

[43:55]

And at that no busyness, things turn. In your daily life, it can turn. When people first practice Zen meditation, they sometimes go into the meditation hall and they feel calmer when they're sitting than when they're running around hysterically doing their life in the street. And then they hear about, well the point of Zen is not just to go into Zen Do and be calm and still, it's to extend that practice and that stillness into the street. That's the point. So when you first hear about that, or when I first heard about it, I thought, well, let's see now, how can I take this calmness off the cushion and walk it out the door into the street? Good luck. If you can do it, swell. But I think actually it don't work for most people. For some people it does. They get off their cushion, they glide down the entryway, out the door,

[44:57]

into the street, and various bad things happen to them there. People tease them, people run over them, etc. If they stay inside Zen Center and go to the office or something, start answering the telephone, their co-workers say, would you please stop following your breath and answer the phone. Would you please listen to what I'm saying to you? etc. And then, of course, since they're lazy, they hold on to their state until somebody starts really pushing them. This is not how to extend Zen meditation, although it's a perfectly sweet way to try to do it. It isn't what's meant. The way to do it is this way I'm talking about. That's the way to do it in the Zen Dojo and that's the way you can take it out the door because no matter what you're doing, it's always sitting right on itself. No matter what you're doing, that itself is completely

[46:01]

liberated from itself. That itself is not moving and it can turn. That you can bring into your daily life. And no matter how hysterical you are, that hysteria is precisely liberation. Not, excuse me, it's not the hysteria that's liberation. The fact that hysteria is hysteria is where the pivot turns. That is the pivot and that is daily life and that is giving up your idea about what meditation is and using what's happening as your meditation. And it takes faith because we have a very difficult time believing that this is our meditation practice. That driving around a car, maybe not getting to the right place on time, this is my meditation practice.

[47:02]

And the thoughts I'm having, this is my meditation practice. This is where. of

[47:09]

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