last week we set an agenda
for the series of meetings
and i etymology i it at the earliest etymology i found was it comes from
okay
which means to agree and a later a later etymology is
what is to be done
so the the agenda that i thought we started west who cares to continue to practice
compassion
and now to in along with practicing it
study it
examine examiner
question it
explore it
and ah this kind of x this kind of study this kind of examination
to do it with observing it
and
i'm experimenting with it
so and again i i offer this agenda reflecting a definition of science which is
to study
phenomenon
ah
to study phenomena and now i'm observing and experimenting way
to examine to explore phenomena
physical phenomena like rocks and suns and moons and
and trees and ocean but also living beings
ah like humans animals and so on and also to study the mind
or the minds of living beings
these things can be studied
so compassion is a body mind
practice
which can be studied and we can also study that which compassion
ah embraces
and there's different kinds of compassion which we've talked about their small medium and more or less infinite compassion
some people almost everyone has compassion for something for somebody
like some people do not want to practice compassion towards humans but they are happy to do it with dogs
so that's that's good
are some people practice the towards plants that's good
ah that's one type of compassion
and then there's other kinds to which we talked about leading up to the great compassion which is compassion for all things
all the time
and
someone could be practicing compassion we can we can see some are practicing compassion and we could we could be deeply touched and encouraged by how kind they were too
animals and plants and even the earth and how respectful they were water
like their ancestor dogan he encouraged when you're at if you have water and you're gonna pour back into the river or into the sink you pour it towards yourself rather than away
can get that picture see a tip to tip the ball back toward yourself as you poured into the back into the stream
as as a more respectful way rather than the other way we kind of tossing it away turning it back such an expression of compassion and kindness and respect for the water that we've used
so again you you could i could and i have seen many people who are really compassionate and as very touching very encouraging however if that person asked me on
about their compassion practice i might say it's great on but in know i don't think you're examining it
i don't think you're questioning it
i don't i mean you you're doing a great thing but i don't see you exploring it
i don't you investigating it
so to discover the full and deepest significance of the practicing compassion
i think we are called by the buddha's by the awakened ones patiently called to practice compassion but also
question it

and the questioning is not just you questioning your compassion
it's also questioning other people's compassion but most importantly it is others questioning my compassion
so i want to practice compassion but i want to question it i want to investigate it i want to on
explore it
and again i would say
you can explore to some extent but you can explore more deeply if you question your exploration
you can investigate but questioning enhances the investigation and a similarly
questioning
is enhanced by making the questioning and exploration ah making the question playful and creative
now i find practicing compassion
if i'm trying to practice compassion and maybe i feel somewhat successful and and again other people might say you're doing pretty well practicing compassion
but arm yeah also your compassion there certain areas where your compassion is
you know quite limited their certain areas where you're you're not looking
there are certain areas where there are certain areas where you could be practicing compassion but you're ignoring those areas
it doesn't mean you're not practicing compassion it means that your compassion or has been called into question
and someone might even say called into question so much that they might be upset with you and they might say you're not compassionate
and now i think go it i would like to learn to welcomes are questioning or it questioning of my compassion in that very kind of strong or you could say even angry way
saying you your compassion could be deeper they just say you're not compassionate you're cruel they might say but this is the dutch that that's their way of calling my compassion into question
that's their way of stimulating me to look at my practice
it also can i be compassionate to them when they angrily tell me i'm not been compassionate
and i would say i aspire to learn that
so i'm trying to brag his compassion and i aspire to learn to practice compassion
when people tell me that i'm not
two generously received that
negative feedback
with and remembered that i need i need feedback
to have a fully developed compassion practice and sometimes people are pointing out to me what i'm ignoring
i think we're all sometimes ignore some opportunities
for compassion there's some people sometimes we miss the chance we ignore there's a chance there to be kind to this this being this animal
this human-animal this nonhuman animal or even i don't know the weather
so tonight here in california it looked like we're gonna get some rain
but when that when there's fires and the air's bad it out
we may forget that this bad air is it is calling for compassion
of course all the people who are suffering in at are too but anyway the point is that
we all have some ignorance there's some things we all are ignoring
and generally speaking
it's hard to face
what we're ignoring it's hard to face our ignorance it's not it's often very uncomfortable
and then then again we have trouble embracing that discomfort
of observing
our
discomfort with noticing our ignorance
whether we noticed it on our own which is great but again we can't just depend on noticing it on her own
we need others to point help us cause they can notice things we're overlooking that we will never notice
so i confess i confess that i have been ignorant of some
i have been ignorant
have some things in my life for example i did not i mean i grew up
in a very fortunate situation where i was not
ha
i was not attach
and belittled because i was white
and i yeah i was just stop there
and i had so many privileges and still do
and i didn't even ike i was ignorant
i was ignorant not completely but greatly ignorant about other people who did not have my good fortune and the privileges that i had from childhood
i have been and to some extent still am ignorant
of my my privilege ignorant of the of the extent of it and ignorant
of the back side of it
namely
my privilege means somebody else's disadvantaged
if everybody i would i had the not nobody would be disadvantaged but does not everybody doesn't have what i have
and
i'm not trying to face that
which i had been ignoring
i wanna be compassionate i do not want to disrespect any beings i do not want to be a racist and have looked down on or judge people based on race i do not want to but probably to some ext
dent i am and not only that but i am probably ignorant of some of the way is that i am
and other people can help me see the ways that i am
by pointing it out to me are criticizing me when i miss my up when i missed seeing what i've done
that doesn't mean that i'm not trying to be respectful of all beings it just means i sometimes fail
and the scientists do sometimes fail
they observe things
ah and they don't see what they are and they do experiments
and they fail to
they failed to affirm their observations
and
sometimes they give up but sometimes they don't think keep trying
so yeah i don't know how many times today i actually i'm i confess to you
that i didn't nobody told me today
about you not today about the way i was today nobody told me that i missed chances to be compassionate that there was a chance for me to be compassionate to someone and i missed it nobody told me that today and i didn't notice
some opportunity where i could have been kind to someone and i wasn't
so that i went to the whole day i probably missed i was probably ignorant
have some of my failures today
but i'm not always ignorant because i do sometimes notice as i told you i am i am looking and i'm asked and i'm asking for you and others to help me look
at on my privileges
to look at what i'm ignoring around them
and i don't expect that to be pleasant
but i would like to i would like to do that difficult work i would like to share
the burden
of racism in this country
with you and with all the people who are harmed by racism which is in a sense all of us
so i want to share them there is the burden it's a burden we have racism it's a burden
and it's a burden which is going to be there and tell
everybody learns to respect everybody
deeply everybody is compassionate to everybody until that time we are going to have this burden in this world and i want to share it with you and i want you to share it with all beings

and this applies to again our relationship with other humans but also without other animals with plants and it also applies to are dealing with their own mind
and so last week i gave you example what i thought were of a buddha as the as a scientist buddha
observing his situation
questioning it
and then coming up with an experiment
questioning his situation of being afraid
and wondering if there's some way he could become free of it and then hypothesizing that if he did a certain experiment it might
pacify and liberate him from his suffering and then he did the experiment and experiment and misc in in several cases many cases was successful and led him to discover the truth he discovered the dharma in this way of studying his
his his suffering his anxiety his dread his fear
by observing it and experimenting with it
this week i'd like to offer another experiment that buddha did
but in this particular rendition of it he'd already done this experiment i think on his own and he was giving this experiment to somebody else
and i think got this i think the name of this scripture is the bar here suitor
b a h i y a i think it's how you spell it bahia
i think he's this person's bahia think i think they call them the
the bark robed bark robed monk because road was made a park
you know from a tree so to stitch bark together to make clock to make a robe so he was a a mendicant in india at the time of the buddha
and i'm he was a like like this in last story he was a well respected person in this case he was a well respected mendicant
yogi
bahia was
and a lot of people thought by here was a wonderful teacher
and but by i wasn't super arrogant
so he actually questioned himself
he wondered to himself i wonder if i actually have understood the truth
or am i just kidding myself my really arrogant in a in a very much the word refined away so a lot of people think i'm are a good teacher am i somewhat arrogant dry heaves is it is if somebody who knows what's going on
better than me he had that that question in his in his practice
and one night
ah a deity came to him and said ah buyer thanks for asking you do not understand
however fortunately there is somebody who does
somebody who is a
who studied himself and has found the reality of the self
the reality of our body and mind and his name's go to he's a buddha
and
i think right now he's staying in a noisy spending on itinerary you don't actually anyway he was staying someplace and so so this
incomplete
wise person this wise person who is wisdom was not complete and penetrating completely
he decided to go study was shocked many buddhists or is he he headed out and he found out where the buddha was and went toward the buddha was
and he went to the town where the buddha was supposed to be stang and the people the town said or the buddhas out in such as such a grove
and with with his students you can find him there so you went out there but the buddha was there and he as well where is the buddha and said well he went to town begging he's doing his his a food begging rounds this at this time
so then by i went to town and found the buddha begging
and he went to the buddha knee surgeon out ah
i've come a long way ah i understand that you have realized the truth please teach me
and the buddha in the midst of his arms round said
sorry this is not a good time by here

he didn't say sorry you said this is not a good time by there
and then why i said excuse me sir but
we don't know what's gonna happen later today
so please
please give me teacher
and the border said
sir this this is not a good time
and again by yeah i said excuse me
lesson one
this world is very uncertain
we may die this afternoon please
give me the teaching
and the buddhist or while since you've asked three times i cannot refuse
and he said okay
train yourself like this
are you could say study yourself like this explore your mind explore your body and mind like this explore your sense organs
and your and your your sense consciousnesses and year sense fields he didn't say this i'm just i'm elaborating that he he's sending him to study the way his sense organs work in relationship to the physical world he's gonna tell them how to do that
it's telling him what to study in high school charm how gay so all this is missing the buddha said train yourself thus
in the scene

there will be just the scene
in the heard
there will be just a heard

and i think it said in the sensed
and that's a short that's the summary of in the smelled
in the tasted
and in the touched
so in the touched
there'll be just touched
in the tasted
there will be just tasted and in the smelled there will be just the smelled
and then he said and in the
mentally imagined
there will be just the mentally imagined like pain pleasure
fear dread
confusion
ill will attachment in these mental phenomena
in those mental phenomena there will just those mental phenomena

so that's what do you want his train yourself like the that in all these realms
these objects of awareness there will be just these objects of awareness
that was the that was the experiment which is also an experiment to observe
to observe if things could be that way for you
so then the buddhist says
when for you
it's like this
for example went for you
in the scene
there's just a scene

in the heard there's just to her
in the touched there's just a touched
and so on when that's the way it is
when that's how it is
then there will be not here
or there

then there will be no identifying with for example the scene
there'll be no identifying with the heard
yet what he said there'll be an identifying with it
but it also it i would add that they will be no this identify
so you look of if for example if you looked at a pictures if you looked at yourself in the mirror you would see the picture and there were just be the that there would just be the image
you wouldn't identify with and you wouldn't decide nfi with if you look at somebody else there were just be the image of the person there will be no decide unification
there would just be the scene
and then there will be no here
or there
or in between
and this will be the end of suffer

not in this story
pretty much by the time the buddha said that
baja had already arrived at the instruction
he by the time the buddha was talks done talking he already was able
two in the scene haven't just be the sea
with no buyer in addition to the sea
with no by here wanting to get the scene or get away from the sea in the heard there were just heard there was no bahia in addition to it was heard
heaves able to do that almost instantly
and later in history he got the nickname are bit of the fastest learning monk
and ah and the buddha could see that he
he or he realized the non identification and non decide unification with everything
that he was aware of
and he realized that there's no here or there are in between he realized the end of suffering
and realizing this wisdom
doing this experiment
which the buddha had already done and verified that this if you do this experiment fully you will you'll realize and of suffer

he's still he he somehow somehow he indicated that he had understood to the buddha the buddha understood that he understood and he said the buddha i would like now to become one of your students i would like to join your community
he had not yet entered the buddhist community he was a newcomer
an amazing newcomer
a highly evolved humble newcomer
with great powers of hearing the instruction and applying it
and he now he wanted to join the community of this great teacher
and the buddha is said to him do you have the requisites so when you get it in those days when you joined at the time of bohai anyway not not in the beginning in the first time scripture there was not yet at a community so people those first
five students
didn't actually follow this procedure this this teaching this story comes some time after that so by this time when you joined a community you would bring the buddha or robe
which they had specified the way the rob should be and you'd bring the buddha a bowl which you'd use to beg with in those recalled the requisites so the bullet he wanted to join the buddhist community in that time to join your supposed to bring the buddha requisites and you given to the buddha and a
that and gives them to you
and then you receive them and that's how you join the community so many of you have asked to join a community of bodhisattvas and part of the joining his you gave somebody may be me a robe and then i gave the rogue
to you and that was a way that you formally joined the sanga i joined the community following that early example
so the buddha is said to buy i do you have the requisite number what do you have a robe to give to me and i'll get back to you and you will then become a member and by said no i don't have the requisites but said well get the requisite come back and we will than you
you can do you can join the community
and then just like by i said
we might die this afternoon
ba yung got hit got between ah
ha
a cow and her calf in the car killed him
so he did die but he received the teaching and he understood the teaching before he died
and when this people in the community heard about that they were of course very shocked and and aggrieved to hear that this wonderful person had been killed by the a cow the buddhist or don't worry he attained
wisdom he's fine
but again i fell off or this to you as an example of
buddha science of the science of awakening
of the study of the body and mind and again this is a body mind study because they're studying this the the body the sense organs with skin
the eyes the ears this is a physical practice and it's a mental practices as a body mind observation and experiment with the hypothesis that if you do this experiment
to the extent that i said you will realize that and suffering
so they are get is my m
oh my
my ancient example of buddha being a science scientist and also be as being a science teacher some scientists may be hard science teachers produce both practicing and teaching science

and he had long history of trying to practice science and been criticised by other scientists
which he tells stories but that
so again on
for example we may be trying to alleviate the suffering of racism in this country
to deconstruct the systems which re enact it and reinforce it we may be working on that and also we need to be called into question in this effort so ah it's gonna be it's gonna continue it's been
difficult
somewhat and there's more difficulties in our compassion practice coming up there's more difficulties in studying racism
in ourselves in our relationship for others and in the system of this country
so and now i also left you with a fellow a number of homework assignments one of them was can you could you find any examples in the buddhist literature
of exemplifying scientific research
about life in general but also specifically about buddhist practice as a scientific endeavor did anybody find anything that the care to share this evening
or muscle equally important good to have examples in your daily life when you discovered something
ha or or not or were you observe something where you experimented with something in order to understand it

did you forget your homework
the dog ate my homework
i wrapped
can you hear me i can okay hum do you and i can see you i can see you next job
i had ah
an interesting experience around this and i found this teaching very helpful ah i have had on
i'm a long discourse with as my daughter about vaccinating her daughter's ah against call it and i'm
we don't agree on that so ah i attended
ah i debate ah from of an organization called braver angels and they debate and and it was on vaccinate and that happened this last week and they had people on both sides give their opinion ah
and it was very helpful the purpose of this group is to get families talking to one another again and i'm in he i heard one thing that kind of struck me because one of the people that was against vaccinating children are taught
about the fact that the research was
was going to take years before they knew
ah the results of vaccinating children whether it's safe or not
so then i practiced with my daughter i called her and i said i think i'm understanding
where you're coming from on is it that because she wasn't really telling me so when i asked her she said yes she said i'm i'm afraid ah that the the results aren't any ads and that
there could be some harmful results from the vaccine now i don't agree with her but it got us talking and on it was really helpful so i felt like i was exploring the other side and it got us to a point where we can talk on
go
and then when i really listened to your lecture i thought since the the it's exactly that it's it's the exploration yeah so you explored her dj explored her side yes yeah and did you explore your side
well i've been exploring my side every day thinking and why forever scale since the pandemic started so i was pretty familiar with that but it it helped me on
explore deep more deeply explore my other side of my discomfort my fear when you talked about fear and dread and on that was helpful
and i'm not i don't feel the fear and dread anymore
thank you for your doing your homework
and i also i saw it interesting report of us a doctor on cnn
i was having a conversation with a man who
kind of is encouraging people to decide for themselves whether they should get vaccinated or not you know he himself
doesn't think he doesn't want to get vaccinated and also he he got the call video but he survived so for himself he thinks i just take care of my health and that's the way i want to do it and they say he was talking with his doctor who has different point of view
and after this long conversation some
some of the commentators on cnn asked the doctor they said he think he got through to him
and he kind of said i don't know i don't find enough i did
the when he said that they didn't say to him did he get through to you
but in a way somebody got through to you
to show you that there are some marriage may be in the other view time
i think it's not for us to get through to them but also for them to get through us
but getting through to us doesn't mean that which can necessarily we agree with them now it just that they get through to us
and get same getting through to them doesn't mean that they agree with us the thing is to get through to each other that's where the most important thing that's where the compassion is not that we all become democrats
all become republicans are all become communists
it's that we get through to each other
and we let people to get through to us and on but that's hard it's hard to let people get through to as whole we might be destroyed if everything they get through to us there might be nothing left of us but you let some be less something to get through to you that you didn't liked that didn't get through to you before it
yeah thank you
and if they if they can get through to you maybe they'll let you get through to them
i know
oh to i hope we get through to each other rather than just a skinny through to them
thank you around again

it's it's the michelle and linda show
the
you keeps talking to us here oh unmute my
we can hear you
well last week had raised my hand briefly because i wanted to ask you about on i want to hear more examples of as in addition to the one you gave about the buddha and sitting with his dread and fear
and then i took my hand down and as i thought more and more about it and the next day michelle and i talked on
and i bought more i felt like well that was for me at least
like the perfect perfect example ah because it seemed to me i i started to see possible experiments everywhere and it seemed to me that the consistent parts to that were saying hey
in this posture which is not little me
and then through like through yet the one that i thought i was a lot when at fortunately we were talking and like by yes that's was listening through all the way through what someone has to sell or because in i know
this in my mind there's often an alternate view it comes forward and i often think they're you know okay pretty good at the expense
and so to to stay stay in this posture and hear how the way through an answer from there so that was the one that i said when myself to sweet and i
i put that sometimes have a pinch and especially when i became an amazing but oh yeah and then there there are others like of course staying with this pain and discomfort
stay you mentioned tonight questioning do i understand anything
you know what am i what is this hum
and staying with that may be just comfort us
i have not known for thank you and to gear and page you like a this is really the seem to me a really helpful check to take with you know the idea of an experiment of an exploit
aeration and setting at for yourself on any way for me it was and also ah thank you for being here with us when we're spinning going on
the

oh hello hope your knees okay
it's it's okay
i'm so this is very brave hearing from you and keeping turning things
am i ever question i the kind of compassion i experienced from you is have a high end because it's not the way i show compassion which has to do with i think what the buddhists describing of a
the a real facility to see and to here and to know seeing as seeing and hearing his hearing and so i perceive you as having a real ability to stick through on things that i would run across the room in not even be there
so i sort of aspire to that and the way i experience working on my whiteness has to do with identifying it's actually going the opposite of that which is identifying with the black experience of the trauma of
you know like i was just at the african american museum and d c that the middle passage was laid out in really horrific ah comprehend a ball you know the iron chains that were around two peoples
chained together in their own excrement you know it was really horrific so i identify and that that's not exactly the same as so
i don't know if there's you know and then people talk about like identity identity on
like you can't have non-duality and to you have identity politics or whatever anyway
i'm
so what do you think about i
is that sentimental compassion
home or maybe a burglar just go back to the
the instruction would be in train yourself thus in the whiteness there will be
just the whiteness
and when in the whiteness are just the whiteness than you will not identify with the whiteness
and you want this identify with the whiteness
so it's not that you've flipped from instead of identifying with whiteness you flip to decide delphi but this identifying isn't really letting the whiteness just be whiteness
in the blackness they'll be just the blackness
that's the traci the whiteness and blankets are things we can see the buddha's instruction is in the whiteness there will be just whiteness
rather than in the whiteness identify with it and i think whiteness as bettors and blackness or vet or blackness is better than whiteness either of those are common
but they're not neither are are realizing this instruction
if we can let in the whiteness they're just be whiteness than there will be no here or there in between
between us another white people between austin black people
but it takes a lot of compassion
to really just let whiteness be whiteness and also i might think i'm just letting white and be by whiteness and you might help me see i'm not too i haven't really arrived at that
deep place where white is just wait
in the story this person was able to let white just be white
and then he didn't identify with it or dis identify with it
then he didn't locate himself in it
when i let white be white i won't locate myself in white are located myself outside of being white
but i have to have a conversation with whiteness
when i let the
a white privilege just be white privilege then i will not locate my self in it or outside of it but in the meantime i might be ignoring the white privilege
so i can't just let the white privilege be white privilege
until i accept you know really accepted and see it and observe it and observers so thoroughly is just white privilege
there it is and has got a dark side
but there it is
and i'm not in its per outside of it
and this is very hard is very hard to
the intimate with white privilege to really fully
acknowledge it and look at it
easy to ignore it
but if the pain of any and the pain of fate of facing it
the pain of facing that we've been at it that we've been ignoring it is pretty strong but as it's a greater pain to not acknowledge it
so we we want to acknowledge white privilege so thoroughly that in the white privilege there's just white privilege
or in or in the black
disadvantage there's just the black disadvantage and you're totally there for that and feeling the pain of that
ensuring the burden of that

in my experience in talking about things that come up that reveal privilege that i have like a way i relate to the world that's really conditioned and
i'm
would you describe the just it's just that it to me that kind of like a meditative
place but usually when i mean i peel this white stuff in a group and so it's an it's an it's it's more relational not as much
just as sensation on my eye or something it's like you know this happened at work and it was really revealed to how much how i relate to the world like i'm entitled whatever anyway it feels it
it's not like the quiet moment of sensing yeah you need you the is asking you to find a quiet moment of sensing
a moment of privilege to fully be there with it and feel that way and and feel them and feel the other side of it which is painful
yeah to feel the shame of it
to just be quietly there with the shame of view having something that others don't have
i guess i don't think shames that helpful at this point it's everybody has racism it's all condition the point is to look at it and know chambers in helpful hundred he has his or his prevailing is pervading is all over the place and so it and white privilege is goes right along with it and
so we're trying to be quiet with it and be fully there with it and we need to help each other we can talk to each other to be able to be fully present not so we're doing right now
thank you

hello hello
so i'd like to carry that a little further
because when i think of white privilege or when i think of male privilege
there's a lot of stuff that comes up
and am i don't think either them or you know i'm really a good idea
oh that i had a bit how how to be with those thoughts and feelings and let them just be those thoughts and feelings about the topic i guess is my question i find that really difficult
oh well as it is really difficult to let the thought in the thought to let the park just be the thought that is difficult until you master that exercise and it's difficult it's difficult to just lie
we just to feel him
yeah
in in the emotional be just the emotion so that again we have to be very present and quiet with maybe something that's very very was a vibrant and dynamic and painful so it is ah it's like it's a it's a steep cliff
to climb to be completely there with a full and let a feeling be a feeling
like slack girl who sang it like linda was saying to really listen to somebody when they're crying out in pain or anger to like really let that cried just be that cry which you give yourself to had completely that is buddha said train yourself thus
he didn't say be that way said train yourself because and but this person in the story this escape was able to
do it really fast but most of us they were take us a long time to let the feeling just be a feeling
to fully feel it to to let the cry of pain to listen to it so that it's all consuming there's nobody there's nobody in addition to it
that requires training
and in fact in the reality is there is nobody in addition to it you're not in addition to your feeling or you're not an addition to other people's feelings
you are totally consumed by that and they are totally consumed in you we have to train to get to that realization that since of that's thus the experiment that's an experiment there it is we can do it we can do that and i also think of
what's his name thomas edison
he he wasn't the one that discovered that if you pass a current through certain metals they they become bright
he wasn't the one that discovered that
but he he and he went on think he was the one that discovered that you had to have that thing inside of a vacuum in order for didn't burst into flames but he did an experiment with many many with i heard thousands and thousands of times he did different materials until i find a material that would we
work to perform that thing he didn't give up it was extremely
was extremely challenging
but i ain't what i don't think learning this exercise is as hard i want to get any ten thousand of these but a lot you have to do this over and over i don't agree i think it's really hard and even to enter into this conversation well and i'm not saying if not really hard i'm just saying you might not have to do it
ten thousand type through
you've we have we we have not done this experiment millions of times but we might not have to do these the buddhist instruction ten thousand times to get the hang of it but if we do cave than maybe do will do a ten thousand times
well i know i didn't we decided mean to say i wasn't hard count me out a little here because as this conversation goes on i feel my local of agitation goes up and then it subsided aids and when it comes out to nedved subsides your and i start myself for my centers just calm yourself
alf jazz breathes you know
that's going on in the background of this conversation
and i don't know a find out which they bring out into the foreground well that's what i'm trying to do
and arms i don't know if i'm trying to control the agitation or if i'm trying to be with it
well not knowing which which you're doing is good that will help you look and see which are you doing are you trying to control the agitation or are you trying to let the in the agitation or just be agitation to look and see
the mood would say train yourself thus in the agitation there will just be agitation and you look can you see who does not just agitation there's trendy this trying to control that okay in the trying to control the agitation there will be just trying to control the agitation

i'm trying to be calm with it is that homes contra indicated that i would say in the trying to become
they will just be trying to become

in the nodding of the head though we just the nodding of the head

i think that my pin

deborah

using my phone and don't know what the press so i tried the experiments and where i struggle
and where i find most my prejudice is with white and title match you know eleven the town i grew up and and it's very it evident on i encounter in a lot
with my son's school not at his school but other schools that we play like for soccer are on you know i've had instances where i've seen people hurt racial slurs many things happened and i was hit a couple of months ago by a man wearing a donald trump sir
and another story but you know and still am trying to to
and i do get angry and a chance to
it seems my pattern is an initially i feel like i have to say something i have to approach that not try and a compassionate way but i don't know if i'm really compassionate i think i may be maybe i am a i'm trying but ah
i'm
yeah i'm trying to still you know for me where i'm coming from his i start on the other satta in i wasn't brought up wealthy or in others there's a real divide in this community am and i guess i don't know how to work with it and often took helpful way
i feel i can
i hear what you're saying just let the privilege to be the privilege that my difficult feelings that they're just their feelings am
i guess it's it's painful very painful when i see these things are encounter at and i feel like i have to try to do something that doesn't really help you shall i am i guess i don't know how to be genera turban
i get stuck when i see when it becomes their
violence against another person it's others me someone else
i don't
i can put myself at you know i can think back okay why are they act as firearm was this happening on it's hard for me to find and put a lot of empathy
did you have any suggestions

i guess i don't know how to
i guess it and i'm having trouble connecting note the assign met with
when it becomes violent
some accents
the assignment isn't telling you what to do about the violence
the assignment is saying
to be a sign saying be intimate with the violence
and it and also the assignment is actually done does not designed the simon is train yourself to be intimate with the violence
that's the same
and it saying if you can be intimate with the violence
then you will not locate yourself in it or outside of it
you will and identify with it or not identify with it there will be not here or there are in between
and in being with the violence in that way the end of suffering will be discovered
but it says train yourself us and i hear you saying it's i'm having trouble being intimate with violence
and i think almost all of us
i have trouble being intimate with violence that's what martial arts classes are about his people go to the class and they cannot be intimate with the violence a train and train and train in order to learn how to be intimate with that how to relax with it in order to be intimate with
violence
and to disarm it and free people from the harm of it we need to be intimate with crushing violence does not and violence is just more of the same
the intimate with violence is nonviolence
but it's difficult to be intimate with violence especially if you're traumatized
if you're traumatized and you see violence is you probably just freeze
the buddhist saying okay this is a teaching for people who are
not frozen so maybe this teaching isn't for people who are frozen by violence this is a teaching for those who can are ready to
be there with it completely and it's a training thing we don't most of us cannot do it right away
a nice writer ways or a vast ah got underestimation takes us a long time to be present with violence
but
we can be present with the little violence is and on the small ones start with those see if it can be present with the ones that don't like paralyze you
and we can build up from those to be able to be present with more and more violent situations and meet them in a way that disarms the situation
the that passer bys it
that makes everybody relax and c n n be a peace but somebody has to be intimate with it in order to find the peace that's where the pieces
and you say your have trouble so do i
i aspire to learn this but there's some situations where
i confess i fail i fail at letting the violence just be the violence i fail at being intimate with it
rather than running away from better trying to control it
both of which are reasonable try to stop at okay run away from it okay this is an instruction about how to become free of it and bring others along with you and you're saying i have trouble with this and i'm saying yes we all do
we all do
it's an aspiration here to find a way to do this
and i feel you have an aspiration and you're saying i'm having trouble realizing my aspiration okay yeah
your aspire to something really challenging

and
so our exercise is so it's not about accent is just been intimate it's for the action may com that it's actually rd with will come the question is is the action coming from the interested
if it's prior to intimacy it's you know it's like trying to stop it or running away from it or again like
in trauma did just like going into going into a trance and i just like going numb
this is getting in with it
and in in in with finding the resolution and the peace
so on my senses going in n with it as long as it's taller ball
what and taking a very important part of the work is developing
you're you're taught your tolerance as part of it
it's development do in order to let it be you have to also be able to tolerate it that's where the compassion is in order to let it be you have to be able to tolerate the pain of it in order to let the white
a privileged the pain of that beat you have to be able to feel the pain of it and the pain of admitting our white privilege
it's not as great as the pain and of ignoring it
but it's still painful to feel the consequences of our white privilege it is painful for other people who don't have it to feel it too
it's painful for those who habit and those who don't and the ones who don't they also you know might try to ignore it but in their cases it may be impossible to ignore it whereas the privileged person one of their privileges as they have the privilege to ignore their privilege
which is
really harmful if we ignore a privilege that hurts people privilege or people ignoring her people and we need to have the patience to feel the pain of our privilege
that's that's another part of our our assignment is to develop that kind of patience
and do not say i can't stand to keep paying attention to my ignorance and my and my in my pay my harmful privilege
i give up okay well let's try again tomorrow
thank you you

rem
no charlie
i'm
so i tried to do the homework and i am a kind of thought to myself i i really i got it all messed up on and ah ah but is valuable because i've been pondering this for the past week since this experiment
and i i was going i was flying from seattle bound to here and going through the tsa security check and arm there was a african american gentleman in front of me and i and he and i both putting her stuff in
bins to go through the x-ray and i asked the tsa in there like okay do we take our shoes off his jacket off to take my belt off and she says you can leave your belts on so the two of us we went through and we get there and then the other asian at the you know
x-ray scanner thing i is like i take your mailbox you know okay next guy take it with so he tells me take my belt off and i say is that the rule or is that just a your discretion and he says it's because i said so ah and om you know and i felt sorry for the well dressed older gentleman in front of me i felt i am i
some injustice there when the guy told him to take his belt off so that's why i asked when i got there and i was conscious of my white privilege in that moment even that you could ask well and then i felt that i know and i am because i'm imagining like of course he could have asked to yeah
right and so what was it the me that i thought well i'm gonna ask because you know i'm not afraid but i don't know i feel like i messed it all up there i guess because it's late in with that in the white privilege there is just the way privilege or was that me that that that definitely could be that because your why you dared to do that
that could be that could be coming from and it whether you meant it or not in fact you did ask it and you didn't get torn in jail for it
be able to ask a question like that and to not be thrown in jail that's a privilege which you should have you should be i think you should be able to ask that question
and i think black people should be it will ask that question too
and so i was a privilege
ah when you know and and since your white every all your privileges or white privileges
and and it may be some black people would not dare ask because you think all they're gonna think i'm not i'm a walk you know i'm am angry black man asking pray and you can be angry white men but they don't think to aggravate me than just the gang were man
yeah such a good that's a really good example of where that's in that's kind of painful that you could ask but maybe he didn't dare even though he should be able to ask to because it's a reasonable question in the moment it hurt me that i felt like i could ask it to the admin should hurt that you can ask and some other people can't that that showed her
hurt us that's part of that's part of facing their ignorance that's facing what we have ignored in the past
you know like i can go up to a police back and i could set you know who's just on the street like say is it ok to cross that line you know you know
and i don't think is gonna like attack me if i asked the question yeah
and i thought your walk in a heat i have a question about traffic rules so i might just ask him where am i said i may say you know how for how far over the speed limit on the freeway can you go with are getting a ticket i might ask him if you're just you know from from person to person
and i'm not afraid to do that in most situations
because i'm white and as painful
as painful that not everybody can just ask a simple question because they're interested you know not because you're trying to break the law they want to know what what is the policemen think the law is
it is painful that you can ask that and i can ask that and some other people can't because of their skin color
none is now shooter is not that they can't is they're afraid to because they they know that there's a better chance that they'll get in trouble for asking them than we would we might get in trouble true if the guys have blown low blood sugar
but we're not as were not as afraid that's a great privilege so is it wrong to use that i mean or is there are guidelines doing that without
going around being bad guy i mean notice if some point you're just using your white privilege possibly and people will just point a year and see you know like how annoying you are
i think there's i think to probably as times when white privileges is very helpful for why prove the use to protect people
it's still a privilege to be able to protect people is a privilege and we should sometimes use it yes
and it's painful that not everybody could be able to protect people the way we could
as painful but was published dose should do it
it's gotta keep the light on this privilege and out and as is painful to keep the light on it
but then that's that's one of the ways we share the burden of racism is to keep eye on her keep our eye on our privilege
i'm so the end of the story is that it really an really bothered me the way this jerk you never told me it's will you do whatever i say and and i got into it with him racing and i said no we follow rules together in a where harmonizing here it he says
well yeah than the i don't remember what we said but iconic a candidate i definitely i didn't get myself thrown in jail but i i was i was not shy and telling him you know like how i felt we should do things you know which is to have rules that we follow together and on and i got i got worked up and
but i made it either and i got my stuff and i was sitting down putting my shoes on next to the gentleman in front of me it was putting his shoes on and who witnessed that interaction and any any he just me and i wished i was heated but unit to said to me is like don't want to
get to you
and i felt very touched by somebody who i presume has had to deal with this crap a lot more than i have ah given me a little advice on it's touching he was observing you
and i was grateful he was aware of you and
no
thank you for the story thank you everybody and if some people did not get a chance to ask questions that they wanted to ask i hope you write him down and bring him up next week
so again i'd like you to i didn't hear it nobody reported any stories from the scriptures it's okay but if you want to you know do some research in the buddhist tradition in in the ancient indian tradition or the chinese or japanese zen tradition there is lots of stories about
about people doing experiments ah to verify what's going on if you can find him i appreciate you bringing them all bring some art bring another one next week and also i appreciate that you brought ones from your daily life they're just as good just want to remind you i'm i'm asking
you to do some research and bring your
research findings to the next class
and one more thing i wanted to put it seat i'd put out as that on
november second which is the meeting after next i think i'll be in houston and one way to do it as we just do the clash at the regular time which is kind of late for me
another way to do it to other ways to do it is postponed that class and had the class go on longer
so the last meeting would be on november thirtieth rather than november twenty third
or start later or started the right same time so if you have any thoughts like that please let us know is that okay gave the estate and say what they like to do

guess as great obscenity and so i am okay with going ahead but it's a little hard on me to stay up that late in houston and then get up early in the morning for the session for the session amen
which i'm gonna try to do in two weeks we'll see what happens i don't know what's gonna happen and
oh or or i can just do it the regular time if that's the inconvenience so the other option is start earlier than or postpone and make the class and later so i'll come much earlier read one hour two hours earlier one hour earlier
so there would be start at six o'clock and
west coast and be starting at seven o'clock mountain time he'll be starting at eight o'clock central time you will be starting at nine o'clock for were like were deborah just your starting at ten o'clock right
as so it be easier on some of you and harder and others that's the question would you like to start an hour earlier or just not have a class that week and then have additional wanted to end that's basically the the things i'm suggesting that and i appreciate your feedback and after i get your feedback will let you know next
wait what we're gonna do okay

mayor intention he will expand to every being and place with the true merit a buddhist way and may we together with all beings realize freedom from racism
beings are numberless we vowed to save them
a are inexhaustible we've our to cut through dharma gates are boundless we vowed to enter them but away is unsurpassable we vowed to become at
thank you everybody
the night and teller
good night when asked