Zen Stories 

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There are a number of people who have missed the first two classes.
The first class, the koan which we studied, it's a koan which is on the side that has the colored print,
the multicolored print, and that case is offered as a basic meditation instruction on life in general,
but also life in particular.
The questions around the paper are different translations of the question,
but the question is an instruction about how to practice.
The answer in the center is the teacher's response to how it is a verbal response to express how it is to live
according to those meditation instructions.
If you have questions about that koan, you can bring it up throughout this class,
but that's why I offered that first koan for that purpose, and also because it's a koan about March and flowers.
It's a poem about springtime flowers, which generally characterizes life.
Life in samsaric existence is constantly having a springtime and an autumn,
and in between there are some flowers, which are worth the flowers.
And then another koan is the koan on the other side of the paper,
which is the lineage, the tradition which I have joined,
which I practice alignment with and allegiance to.
We started looking at this story of this lineage last week.
This, in a sense, is a story of a lineage, a story of a tradition.
Clearly it could be seen as a mythological story,
because clearly the first six names are names before the historical Buddha.
You could also say that this is a mysterious tradition,
that it's a tradition that includes non-historical beings,
beings which are ancestors to this lineage that existed before the historical Buddha,
which existed before the first Buddha in this world's history.
Further on there are various mythical elements.
For example, the last name on the list, or the second to the last name on the list,
is me, and I'm actually also a mythical.
And then the next character is you, and you are also mythical.
There is a myth about who you are, which you might be quite familiar with.
I propose that each of you walk around with a myth about who you are, a story.
And we also have stories about you.
We have a phrase that we often say in this tradition.
We often quote ancestors in this tradition.
This is a tradition of quoting ancestors,
or quoting what we've heard the ancestors said.
It's that kind of a tradition.
It's a tradition of studying the stories of the ancestors,
and wondering about them, and trying to understand them.
Not so much taking them literally as truth,
but taking them literally as literal things.
Taking the words literally, and wondering what the meaning of those words is.
That's the kind of tradition this is.
There's many stories in this tradition about asking about stories of the tradition.
And one of the stories is that one of these ancestors said, in Japanese, something like,
仏道の習うことは、自己習うです。
To study the Buddha way is to study the self.
And to study the self is to forget the self, or get over the self.
To study yourself and get over yourself.
That's what it's like to study the Buddha way.
But for this class, I would change it slightly and say,
to study the Buddha way is to study the koan of yourself.
To study yourself is to study the story of yourself.
But also, now, study the story of yourself as a koan.
Study the story of yourself in terms of, is the story you have reality?
Or how is the story, what's true about the story you have of yourself?
Or what is the meaning of the story you have about yourself?
See the story, contemplate the story, investigate the story about yourself,
which you have every moment, and which is evolving, more or less,
sometimes dramatically, like in one day, sometimes it dramatically changes.
For example, I went to a Pilates teacher yesterday morning,
and afterwards, my story of my intelligence was dramatically changed.
I really saw, in a way, if you excuse me for saying so,
I was not, to put it gently, I was not very intelligent
about how my body works in certain activities.
I couldn't say stupid, but I'm not going to say stupid.
And that's another characteristic of this tradition,
is to say what you're not going to say.
That's called, I believe, apophatic.
In Zen you say, we're not going to talk about emptiness,
we're not going to talk about religion,
we're not going to talk about Buddha,
and we're not going to say that I'm stupid, for good reason.
So this class could be stated as a class in studying the Buddha way,
or learning the Buddha way, studying the stories about yourself.
You have stories that you're this, or you're that.
You have stories that you're better than other people,
or not as good as them.
You have stories that you've been unjust,
or you've been treated unjustly.
You have many stories about yourself, all of us do.
Some of us think we've been treated well, and so on.
But in this class, let's look at these stories,
and see what is the meaning that we have this story about ourselves.
And what's the truth of this story?
So, in particular, I ask you,
is this lineage, is this tradition, your story?
So my name's on this list.
So in a way, this is my story.
It's a story about me.
It's a story that I'm in this lineage.
That I'm a receiver and a transmitter of this lineage.
That's part of this story here.
And I do play that game,
of a receiver and a transmitter of this lineage.
And then another aspect of the story is,
how amazing or outrageous,
how could I dare to receive such a lineage,
which has a Buddha in it, and before that, six Buddhas.
How could I receive such a lineage and transmit it?
So, I have a story about how I could and how I do.
And there's a process of training by which I received,
and a process of training by which I transmit.
And this class is part of the process of training to transmit.
So again, at the bottom I wrote, how about you?
Is this your lineage?
And if this isn't your lineage, do you have one?
And if you have one, what is yours?
And if you've got a story about your lineage,
that's different from this, or that is this one,
what's the truth of that?
What's the meaning of your story of being in this lineage or not?
Or aspiring to be in this lineage or not?
What's your story?
That's my question to you.
And I invited you in the first class to write poems
about your meditation in general,
and also specifically about this class.
To write poems about the first case,
which many of you did.
And by the way, in the case,
in the book of The Gateless Gate,
the compiler of the stories wrote a verse.
I didn't give that to you,
because I didn't want to bother you with it.
But maybe later I'll tell you
what the compiler of the Book of Koans wrote in response
as a poem for this case.
So again, it's part of the tradition
to write poems about your meditation practice.
And you can write prose too,
but I would say generally speaking,
there is the observation that
when you comment on your practice
from a meditative state,
from a concentrated state,
your language has the intensity of poetry.
Prose can have the intensity of poetry.
And some people's attempt at poetry
can have not the intensity of poetry,
because the poet isn't concentrated enough.
So I invite you to concentrate on the first koan,
concentrate on the koan of this,
to concentrate on the koan,
how about you?
Concentrate on the koan of your life story
and write a poem about it
and send it to Santa Claus.
Santa Claus's address is
rebassistant at sfzc.org
King asked the question,
in response to,
Is this your lineage?
And he said,
Could it be that it is my lineage,
but I don't know it?
Could this be your story,
but you don't know it?
So when he said that,
I kind of laughed
because it reminded me of a story.
And I started to tell the story,
but it was a long one
and I didn't finish.
So today I could finish the story,
if you'd like.
And those of you who didn't hear the beginning,
you can hear the elaborate beginning.
You can hear the abbreviated beginning now.
This is a story about,
I think,
a man who is considered the founder
of Hasidic Buddhism.
Hasidic Judaism in Poland.
Bala Shem Tov is one way to say his name.
And I just want to parenthetically mention
that there's an article in the New Yorker
which has a picture of an Egyptian Oscar statue.
And the name of the picture is
A Moment of Triumph.
And in that issue,
there's an article about
some Israeli journalists
who want the Israeli people
to be compassionate towards the Palestinians.
Yeah, and it's very, to me,
these are Jewish people
who are trying to help the Israeli people
be compassionate to the Palestinians.
Very moving article.
I recommend it.
Now we have another compassionate figure tonight
named Bala Shem Tov.
And when he was about to die,
he gathered his disciples,
the successors in his lineage,
and he gave them all teaching assignments.
And the littlest angel got the assignment
of going around Europe
and telling stories of his teacher, Bala Shem Tov.
And he traveled around Europe for years.
And finally he said,
well I think I've been everywhere,
so I'm done.
And he was on his way back to Poland
and he heard that there was a wealthy nobleman in Italy
who would offer a gold ducat,
I don't know how much a ducat is,
but a gold ducat
for anybody who would tell a new story.
A story he had not heard, I guess.
He himself actually also put it
that he wanted to hear stories of Bala Shem Tov.
So the young disciple said,
okay, I'll go to Italy.
So he went to Italy
and went to the castle of the nobleman
and told him he had stories,
stories of Bala Shem Tov.
And the nobleman was very happy to hear this
and invited him to tell the story.
And as he was about to tell the story,
his many stories of his teacher,
he was unable to remember any of them.
And the nobleman asked him to stay on
and maybe his memory would be recovered.
And he stayed on three or four days,
but finally he was so embarrassed
he just felt like he had to leave.
And as he was leaving the castle grounds,
he remembered a story.
And it wasn't a very good story
and it was a story that involved he himself,
the disciple.
So he went back and told the nobleman
he remembered one not very good story
and the nobleman was very happy and said,
please tell it.
So then he told the story.
And I didn't get to the story, right?
Okay, so the story starts out,
Bala Shem Tov says to this young man,
saddle our horses,
this is in Poland,
saddle our horses, we're going to Turkey.
And they were going to Turkey,
I think in like November or December, Christmas time.
And they were going to a part of Turkey
where there were lots of Christians
and where during Christmas time,
they really decorated the town
and had lots of elaborate services.
But also it was a time of year
when they would often kill one Jew
in recompense for the death of the Savior.
Or they would try to kill one Jew.
So the disciple,
I don't know if the disciple said,
but the disciple thought,
this is crazy to go to that town.
That town with lots of Christians and some Jews.
But Bala Shem Tov had made his decision
and the disciple did not argue
and they went from Poland to Turkey
on horseback, I guess.
When they got to the town,
sure enough, the streets were full of
celebrating Christians
and they managed to get to the Jewish quarter
and they entered the Jewish quarter
and in the Jewish quarter,
all the Jewish people were huddled inside their houses
with the shutters closed
so as not to be safe
and not provoke the Christians
to attack one of them or more.
So they entered one of the houses
which was actually on a square
where the Christians had big
celebrations.
And Bala Shem Tov went into the house,
I get the impression, second story window,
opened the window and stood at the window
showing himself, the Rabbi showing himself
to the crowd of Christians
and he asked his disciple to come to the window.
The disciple didn't want to go to the window
but the disciple did.
Can you hear me okay?
And he said,
look out there, see the procession?
And there was a procession moving through the crowd.
And the procession was led by
what looked like a bishop
with the big, is it called a mitre?
One of those tall hats
and covered with
gorgeous jewels
and also carrying a diamond studded staff.
He said, see the bishop?
Go down into the square,
go up to the bishop
and tell him to come and see me.
So you can imagine that the disciple thought
that this was really endangering his life
which it was.
But still, his teacher wanted him to do this
so he did.
And he went up to the procession
and he went up to the bishop
as the bishop was ascending the platform
to give his sermon.
As he was going up the stairs
he got behind him and he said,
excuse me,
Baal Shem Tov wants to see you.
Baal Shem Tov wants to see you.
And the bishop was
startled and hesitant
but I think indicated that he would go.
And after his sermon
the disciple brought him to Baal Shem Tov.
And when he came into Baal Shem Tov's presence
Baal Shem Tov took him into a back room.
The two of them.
And they stayed there for three hours.
And after that the bishop came out
and left and Baal Shem Tov said
saddle the horses, back to Poland.
And so the disciple said to the nobleman
well that's my story
and I'm kind of embarrassed
it's not a very important story
of the life of Baal Shem Tov
but that's all I've got.
Please excuse me.
And as he was apologizing
he looked at the man
and saw that the man was
immensely
impressed by this story
and was dissolved in tears.
And the man said
uh
your story
has saved
my soul.
Your story has saved my spirit.
I was the bishop.
I am a Jew.
I am a Jew.
And I was a leader of the Jews
but out of fear
I converted to Christianity.
I was a leading rabbi
and out of fear
I converted to Christianity.
And the Christians were very happy
to see a leading rabbi convert.
And in appreciation
they gradually made me into a bishop
and gave me great wealth.
In addition to the wealth I already had
I was a wealthy rabbi.
And I
allowed them
to be cruel to Jews.
Baal Shem Tov heard about me
and came all the way.
I'm adding this.
He didn't say all the way.
Baal Shem Tov came to me.
But I'm saying
would you go
from Poland to Turkey on horseback
to save somebody?
To save somebody's life?
That's great compassion.
Really great compassion.
To make that effort
and not only that
but going into a dangerous place to help him.
This is certainly the spirit of the bodhisattva.
I don't want to co-opt anybody
but Baal Shem Tov looks like a bodhisattva.
So anyway
Baal Shem Tov came
to tell me
in case I hadn't noticed
I was in pretty much
I was pretty much done for.
There was almost no hope for me
because of what I had done.
But he said it's possible
that if you from now on
behave in a certain way
you may be able
to become free.
What you need to do now is
give back all the wealth that was given to you
in this unwholesome way.
Leave this town
and go live somewhere else
and take all the resources you have
to do good.
All your wealth
and all your intelligence and energy
to help people.
And also put the word out
to invite people to come
to tell you stories.
And if someday
someone comes to you
and tells you
the story of your life
you will be saved.
And an old man said to the disciple
Oh good disciple
when you told me
that you couldn't remember any of the stories
which you had been telling
I thought
this is God's judgment.
And when you said
when you remembered one story
I thought
I saw that this was Baal Shem Tov
interceding for me
giving me one more chance.
And it was my story.
So when we hear other people
when we hear stories
and we think they're not our own
these are maybe the most
valuable stories to look at.
To look at this is not my story
this is somebody else's story
and look at that
and among the stories
that are not your stories
among the stories
that are not my story
when I realize that they are
something very significant
will shift
in my
or my karma
my habit
my being stuck.
I'm not pressuring you
to change
your story
I'm not pressuring you to look at your story
I'm just saying
that there may be great value
in examining your stories
over and over
until you realize
that they're the story of other people.
And examine the stories of other people
when you hear them
to realize that they're yours.
And it's really hard sometimes
when people tell you
that you are
something really bad
that's their story.
They come and tell you
you are pretty bad
you are a lousy something or other.
It's hard to tell
it's hard to like
see that as your story.
It is their story, it's true
that is their story
but it's hard to see that that's your story.
So, just keep inviting stories
and maybe somebody else will come
and tell you a story about you
that you can see is yours.
It will be their story
because they'll be telling it to you.
When the disciple told him the story
he thought he was telling him a story
about Baal Shem Tov and himself.
He didn't know he was telling the man his story.
So anyway, that's the story
that I thought of when King said
could it be that
we don't think it's our story
but it is?
What was he saved from?
What's your story?
What was he saved from?
You don't know?
Is there anything you need to be saved from?
Would you like to tell us?
It might be the same thing.
But let's hear first
before we come to any hasty conclusions.
The limitations of your story are you?
The limitations your story has put on you.
So that's something you might be saved from.
Or saved of.
So that's what he was saved from.
He was saved from the limitations
put on him by
denying his tradition,
denying his commitments
to protect himself.
And in some ways
accruing some wealth as a result.
That's the story
which put a great limitation on him.
And somehow sometimes when the story
about us puts a great limitation on us
sometimes some really kind person
goes out of their way to come
to tell us
something we could do that would help us
become free of the limitations
that our stories put on us.
So your way of putting it
I think applies perfectly well
to the bishop's story.
And the disciple also had a story
about what he was doing.
He got saved from his story too.
He didn't know,
he thought, he didn't realize
what he was doing.
He didn't realize that he was enacting.
He thought he had a pint-sized job.
But he had to travel all over Europe
in order to perform
this immense service
that his teacher
wanted him to perform.
His teacher couldn't tell him,
just go tell that guy.
He had to go all over Europe
make this big effort to get ready
to perform this
act of saving
a sentient being.
And a sentient being is somebody who is
limited by their story
of their life.
So Buddhas are not
limited by the stories of their life.
Buddhas can tell stories.
Shakyamuni Buddha, as you may have heard,
told many stories about himself.
I just heard one
that I'll tell you later
if you remind me.
I heard this story
referred to many times before,
but I recently heard the whole story.
And it's a great story
that Shakyamuni Buddha
told about himself.
And it's a story about his process
of becoming free.
It's a story of the stories
he had about himself.
And if I tell you this story,
that will give you an opportunity
to think about, is this your story?
But before I do that,
is there anything you'd like to bring up?
Yes?
Can a person
have more than one lineage?
Can a person have more than one lineage?
Yes.
Do we know...
Are you going to say something else?
Do we know...
Do we know if the disciple
became free of his stories,
or
just had a new story to believe in?
I don't know anything more about this disciple.
However, I vow to learn
all about Hasidic Buddhism
and let you know afterwards.
I was just thinking
it's interesting
that both
the disciple and man
have their stories
overtake their
quest for gain.
The disciple comes
to the man to get money
and tell the story.
And the man, who is in the role
of the bishop, is seeking gain.
And their stories,
their backstories, come back to them.
And it has the power
of overcoming gain in mind.
Yeah.
Our stories have the power
to overcome our stories.
Creation has the power
to overcome
the limitations of creation.
The key is we have to practice
with these creations
wholeheartedly.
Anything else you want to bring up?
Yes.
One thing I've been thinking about is...
There's a little square right there.
Four people.
There's an intensal area right there.
It seems like
in the first koan,
and with any koan,
what I've been thinking about is
it's not exactly in the words
that the teacher demonstrates
reality or something.
It's something that happens between them.
It seems like to me.
I go two different ways with that.
One is
it makes me think about how hard it is
to explain
when something happens to me
that wakes me up
in a small or big way.
It's hard to explain
why it worked.
Not completely impossible,
but you know what I mean?
I disagree. It is completely impossible.
Even if all the Buddhas
in ten directions gathered
all their Buddha wisdom,
they would not be able to measure
the merit of one person waking up.
It is not possible.
You can explain all you want.
It's not going to do it.
But I think
the important point you make is that
when the teacher said that,
I always think of
March in Hunan.
The partridges chirping
among the
hundred fragrant flowers.
It's not just the words.
The meaning is not in the words.
The meaning is those words
in the context of that question.
The meaning is those words
in the context of his body.
It's not just the words.
And the question.
And the disciple who asked it.
And where he was at.
The meaning is in the context of the tradition
which led the disciple to ask the question.
And the person,
the teacher who led the disciple
to ask the question.
And the student who led the teacher to respond.
And Hunan
in springtime.
And the partridges chirping.
All that
is in those words.
And part of the reason
why we know it was
a moment of reality,
a waking up kind of moment of reality,
is that we still have the story.
Not only do we still have the story,
but our hair
still stands on end
hearing
this old Chinese story.
We still feel
springtime when we look at the story.
It's just
that we don't,
if we don't look at the story,
if we don't want to
be totally
overwhelmed by springtime,
we can stop it.
But when we don't,
and when the story moves us,
then it's like we're there.
Like this TV show I often
referred to, it was called You Are There.
It's from the 50s.
And they would reenact historical events
like Socrates
eating hemlock
or
Cleopatra putting a snake
up her sleeve.
They'd do these
classical stories
and then afterwards Walter Cronkite would
say, and everything was
just as it was then
except you are there.
So that's what
koans are like. We tell these stories
and we sort of pretend like
this is China in the Tang Dynasty
up in the mountains
and Zen people are talking
and they just had a vegetarian feast
and it's all,
it's just like it used to be
except you're there.
And it's a big production
to have you are there.
Got to have Walter
Cronkite.
Which I believe means
good health,
doesn't it?
Opposite?
Bad health? Cronkite means sickness?
So you got to be sick.
Got to be sick.
Yes, was there some hand?
More in the center there.
It's okay, something's going on there.
Next will be Vera.
It's a gift to the teacher
and who else is it a gift to?
It's to you.
In the Mahayana Scriptures
these bodhisattvas ask questions
they know, they're not trying to get the answer.
They're asking the question
to make the Buddha famous, yeah.
But they're asking questions for all
living beings and not just all living beings
now, but all living
beings forever.
That's what their questions are for.
And that's what
these great koans are about,
when people ask questions for us
and then we feel grateful
to the teacher, yeah, great teacher,
thank you, but to the bodhisattva
who asks the question as a gift
to us. And there were
some other questions that were asked that could also
have been gifts, but the
disciple might not have been concentrated enough
to help the teacher answer
in such a way that the gift made
it all the way, you know,
to us
thousands of years later.
But then you have
the disciple with the man
and he's not really aware that he's giving
the gift to the man.
No, he's not, but he finds out that he was.
He finds out that he was and then he goes back home
and tells everybody
about this great gift he gave.
Yeah.
And he might even think,
oh my god, this is a story
for the ages.
I've got to go back and tell everybody
about this, how great our teacher
was.
Yes.
Thank you for your offering
tonight.
This past couple of days,
a few days, I've been
buying into
a story that I
thought other people had
of me. You were buying into
a story that you had about the story
people had about you? Yeah.
So this kind of
helped me not buy into it.
Great.
And
as far as the ancestors,
there is also
one of the men
in our
heritage.
His name is Dung-Shan.
Yes.
Dung-Shan.
And you told
a story once about
one of his stories.
So Dung-Shan in this list here,
the Japanese way of saying his name is
Tozan Ryokai. He's kind of in the middle
there. Tozan Ryokai.
His name starts on the
left-hand column in the middle.
And now Jackie's bringing up his
Chinese way of saying his name
is Dung-Shan.
Liang-Jie.
Yes.
I thought his story was really
beautiful when he saw
his image in the
creek.
And he
woke up. It was like
just this is
it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
He didn't say it then.
His teacher said it to him.
When he left his teacher, he said to his
teacher,
what teaching do you have for me? And his teacher
said,
literally, just this is it, but that's
abbreviation for
just this person is it.
And he didn't understand.
And then he traveled quite a long ways
and when he was crossing the river, he saw his picture.
I mean, he saw his reflection
in the water. At that time, he understood
his teacher's teaching.
Just this person is it.
Or just
this person.
Which to me means, like, you're okay.
It means you're okay.
Does it?
It means you are
free of the story.
You're okay.
And you're also
free of the story you're not okay.
And you're also free of the story of
I'm not okay.
Or
I am okay.
When you become
enlightened, you become free of stories.
But
particularly stories
about yourself.
Because those
are the ones we feel most
tenacious about.
And what does
this
mean?
What does this mean?
This means
in one sense,
that story means,
it's interesting because that expression the teacher
used is an abbreviation
of a formal
statement that you would make in court
when you're confessing that you're guilty of a crime.
The Chinese expression
when you're in a Chinese court and you're
being indicted for a
crime, you would say that phrase
just this person as it means
just this person is guilty.
So in one sense
the story is saying
admit that you're who you are
and when you
admit who you are
you will be free
of your story of who you are.
And it, just this person as it
you can say that it is
not in addition
to the person.
It could be
reality.
In this case it is the
teaching the teacher gave.
What is the
teaching of the teacher? The teaching of the teacher
is just this
person.
Wherever you go,
just this person. That's the teaching of the teacher.
Of Dongshan's teacher.
And usually
you look at a
river and you don't think it's you.
Usually even you look at a reflection
of you and you don't think it's you.
But he saw that is me.
Of course it's also not me.
You are me and you're not me.
Or you're not me but in reality you are me.
But what about
the good and the bad?
That we're always
weighing good, bad,
judging.
So we have a story.
We have a story now, this is good.
We have a story now, this is bad.
So how does that incorporate with
just this is it?
Well, when you have this story
of this is bad,
then this story
is it.
That's what you should be studying.
Is this story of this is bad.
Or how about just letting the story
drop away by saying
just this is it.
That might work.
Try it.
Next time you have a story that you're having trouble
dropping, just say that and maybe
you'll drop the story and become free of it.
It might work.
You're handy dandy.
What do you call it?
Liberation kit.
Just this is it.
Apply that in the middle of whatever
story you feel caught by.
And also apply it to stories where you don't feel caught.
Yes?
I have a story that I'm not free of.
That's the
story that the
lineage
and I've been
with this a lot this past week
that the lineage is
about
freedom
and it's also
about
being stuck on that
eight and a half by eleven piece of
paper that's filled with black
and white names of
guys that are
stuck on the paper.
So it's about freedom.
It's about
non-freedom.
And that
doesn't seem
resolvable.
And that
contradiction doesn't seem resolvable.
So that's my story.
So you have a story that
this lineage
presents an
unsolvable
situation?
So I'm proposing to you
that if you become
intimate with that story that's unsolvable
you'll be
released from the story that it's unsolvable.
But that doesn't mean you'll jump
into the story that it is solvable.
You might.
That's called jumping
from the frying pan into the fire.
Did you hear
that, Nancy?
But if you
jump
from
freedom
from that story
and then you wind up in a different story
then you might jump
into intimacy
with that story and be free of that one.
We have to become intimate
with our stories in order to be free of them.
And
there's a proposal, there's a story in this
lineage that when you become
intimate with the stories that are limiting
you, that are confining you, that are
choking you
and the root of the word anxiety
is to be choked or suffocated
the root of the word is to be
choked. The stories that are
choking us, if we become intimate
with the choking we will
become free. That's one of the main
stories in this tradition.
Intimacy with bondage
realizes
freedom. But
intimacy with bondage that realizes
freedom doesn't mean that
freedom eliminates bondage.
Liberation and bondage
are
inseparable.
If you become intimate with
bondage you will become intimate
with freedom.
And vice versa, if you're
intimate with freedom you won't
be afraid of being
intimate with bondage anymore.
So not only do you
become intimate with bondage and
become free, but you again
then plunge back
into bondage to teach others
who have not learned how to be intimate
to be
But it's not easy to be
intimate with bondage.
It's not easy
to be intimate with being choked.
It's hard.
It's hard to
be ourselves.
So if you
think it's hard, you're right.
All the ancestors in this lineage say
the most difficult thing
is to be just this person.
Is there an agenda to be liberated?
Maybe I just will be in bondage
all because the rest of my life
I don't have an agenda
for it, I'll just be
intimate with where I'm at right now.
Yeah, that's the practice.
And you can have an agenda or not.
But there is
kind of an agenda. The agenda is
to free all beings so that
all beings can be at peace. That's the agenda
of this lineage.
But the actual
practice is just to be intimate.
Not to get caught
by the agenda, in other words.
Don't let the agenda stop you
from the work.
Don't let the goal
interfere with
the hard thing
of being yourself.
Yes?
Welcome bondage.
Welcome bondage.
What else?
Sing.
Sing.
Sing.
Sing. Sing a song.
Sing it loud.
Sing it strong.
What else?
Be careful.
Be careful of your singing.
Be vigilant of
your singing.
Be impeccable when you sing.
And be patient
with the bondage.
And be calm with the bondage.
And be enthusiastic
about being intimate with the bondage.
And be enthusiastic about
all those practices
which I just mentioned.
And then
you can really
study.
And not grasp
the bondage.
But it's hard.
So be patient.
I think that story
that Jackie was telling
about just this person or just this event.
Didn't he also say
now I see that
the same story
I see that I am not him
and he's not me.
That everywhere I go I see.
Yeah.
That's what he said at the river.
Yeah.
It seemed like
our then story
the Baal Shem Tov
story
where everywhere
that he went that he saw
the stories for him.
I'm not sure
if I'm him.
Even if you're not, it must be true.
The Dung Shan story must apply
to the Baal Shem Tov story.
Did I say it correctly?
What did you say?
It doesn't say he or she
or it.
Everywhere I go
I'm never apart from her.
Everywhere I go
I meet her.
Now
she is not me.
But in truth, I am her.
Or you can say
him or it.
You could also say
just this person is her.
Yes, Nancy.
When I saw
what got you at the end of the lineage
when I came here
my story about myself
is that I'm not part of the group.
You're not part of this group.
Yes.
But I also have it about
a lot of different groups.
Oh, you do that with a lot of groups.
Most of the group.
And so when I came here
the first night
it was really powerful.
I'm not part of the group.
That was your story at the beginning.
My story.
I don't go to Green Gulch.
This is a portkey to Green Gulch.
Do you know what a portkey is?
It's a thing from Harry Potter.
It's a thing from Harry Potter.
You go to this place
and there's like a shoe
lying on the ground.
You pick up the shoe
and then, boom, you're someplace else.
So anyway, I had that story
and then you read this
sheet the second night.
And then I thought,
oh my gosh,
I have been coming to these classes
for so long.
And I used to take
the attendance at one time
and I had a picture
in my computer
and I saw that I was taking
attendance in 2011.
I don't know, maybe I came to class
I'm sure I came to classes
before that.
And I think I did it for about five years.
And yet I still came
on the first night
when I'm not part of the group.
So anyway,
when it said
what about you,
I really got that
I am part of this lineage.
So thank you for that.
You're welcome.
And thank you for being part of the lineage.
Somebody said to me,
somebody who comes regularly
to no abode
hermitage for one day sittings.
She comes regularly
and she's been coming to other things
for years and she goes to
Green Gulch for intensives and stuff like that.
I won't say anymore
so she won't be identified
but she said to me on Saturday,
last Saturday she said,
I'm getting more and more comfortable
being here but I still feel like
I'm an outsider.
I said, you know, some people feel
like they're insiders.
There are some stories
in this lineage of people who felt like they were outsiders
and there are stories in this lineage
of people who thought they were insiders.
This is a lineage
of being free,
of insider and outsider.
That's what this is a lineage of.
But these people thought
they were not
in the lineage or that they were.
The ones who thought
they were,
you know,
they got some response to that.
The ones who thought they weren't
got some response to that.
So that they became
not attached to being insider or outsider.
There are stories of
people in this lineage
who said to their
disciples who are in the lineage,
you are not in this lineage.
But they don't go around telling that
to just anybody.
They tell it to people
in the lineage
to help them be free
of being insider
or outsider.
So struggling with that
is normal
and wonderful.
That's why I gave you this column.
So you can struggle
with this one.
But there are lots of other ones to struggle with.
You can be in other lineages and have the same struggle.
So you said,
can you be in more than one lineage? Yes.
Can you be an outsider in more than one lineage?
Yes.
You can be an insider
in innumerable lineages
and you can be an outsider
in innumerable lineages.
But the key in this lineage
is to be free.
But I think that's really
what all lineages are about.
For people to be free of their lineage.
I think so.
I think everybody's heading
in the same direction
towards freeing beings
from suffering.
I don't know exactly where
my thought is going with this.
Because America is a young
country.
Very often people say,
compared to Europe and
the East, there's not very much
history here.
Also, Americans
tend to reinvent themselves
over and over and over again.
And I was thinking about that
on a personal level.
We can also reinvent
ourselves over and over
and change our mythology.
But I'm not clear on that.
Yeah.
So that would be something that would
really be good to get clear on that.
To get clear on how
you reinvent yourself
moment by moment.
That's another part
of being ourselves.
Another way to say it is
to study how you're inventing yourself
moment after moment.
Which is the same as saying
to study how you're telling a story about yourself.
Or how the mind
constructs a story of itself.
How the mind continually
reinvents itself
in similar ways,
in different ways.
How the mind says,
this is the same person that used to be here.
Even though I'm saying it in a different way.
Yeah.
This is another way to say it.
That story?
Oh, yeah.
That will be for next week, I guess.
Because it's another
long one, but I will just tell you briefly.
Actually,
I'll try to find out where it is.
In the Diamond Sutra,
which is a Mahayana text,
there's a place in the Diamond Sutra,
I believe,
where the Buddha says,
When King Kalinga
was chopping me up in little pieces,
I did not give rise
to ill will towards him.
That story?
So those of you who have read the Diamond Sutra
know that.
But I just ran upon the whole story.
And I also
found out
that in that story
that Shakyamuni Buddha told about himself
in a previous life,
he had a different name.
And his
name was...
Walter Crockett.
What?
I said Walter Crockett.
In a way, it was.
It was like...
His name was
The Path of the Practitioner
of Patience.
His name was
Kshanti...
Yeah, Kshanti
Vadan.
A practitioner of patience.
That was his name, and that was his practice.
And the story is about his patience,
which I'll tell next week.
And I was very happy
to find that story.
It's another koan!
Yes, Sharon?
In talking about
bondage and freedom
and intimacy,
you know what I was saying that
may be supreme.
Love is bondage
willingly accepted
by the free.
Yep.
Love is
graciously welcoming,
not liking or disliking.
Graciously welcoming.
And those who graciously welcome are free.
Welcoming bondage.
Welcoming terrible stories.
But also welcoming freedom.
Well,
thank you for coming.
And...
Oh, one more thing I just want to say
about this lineage.
Are there any women in this lineage?
Thank you very much.