With your support, perhaps, there can be more discussion of the statement, from the first time you meet a master without engaging in incense offering, bowing, chanting Buddha's name, confession and repentance, or reading scriptures, just wholeheartedly sit and thus drop away body and mind. In looking into this teaching, I got this resonance with the form of our Bodhisattva Initiation Ceremony, and we're planning

[01:06]

to have a Bodhisattva Initiation Ceremony at the end of this retreat, at the end of this machine. And in that ceremony, at the beginning there's offerings made and prostrations, there's incense offering, and bowing, and then the first particular part of the ceremony is an invocation, an invitation to all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to come, and come and join the ceremony, join the practice. After they hopefully come and get settled,

[02:13]

the next step is the practice of renunciation. Again, there's this echo from what you just chanted, I vow with all beings from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma, that upon hearing it, I will renounce worldly affairs. It may be that the renouncing of worldly affairs can occur or depends on hearing the true Dharma, and hearing the true Dharma depends on inviting the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to come. Or if

[03:19]

you didn't invite them and they happen to already be here, with the assistance of all beings, including all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, we may be able to hear the true Dharma. When we hear the true Dharma, we are able to renounce worldly affairs. When the first time you meet a Master, in other words, when the first time you go to meet somebody and you invite that person, you invite that person, or you invite not necessarily that person, you go meet a person and you invite the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to come into the room. In the meeting with the Master, why not invite all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to be there too?

[04:25]

They're already there, why don't you invite them to join you and the teacher? When the first time you meet a Master, together with all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, invoking the presence of all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas in the meeting, in that meeting, then it says, without engaging in incense offering and so on, just wholeheartedly sit and drop away body and mind. Another way to say it is, just renounce worldly affairs. Incense offering and so on are not necessarily worldly affairs, but the first thing is to renounce worldly affairs. Before, without engaging in incense offering, bowing, chanting

[05:41]

the Buddha's name, or even before meditating, renounce worldly affairs. Renounce worldly affairs and just sit. Or, just sit, just sit, as an expression, as a way to express giving up worldly affairs. Just sit, but not just sit by you sitting, by yourself, just sit in the awareness that all beings are supporting you to sit. For me to sit, for

[06:43]

me to have myself here, for me to be here and me to sit, this is not just to sit. Just to sit means just to sit through the support of all beings. Through the support of all beings there is sitting, that's just sitting. This is to renounce the worldly affair, the I live a life. That's the basic worldly affair. Sometimes in Buddhist meditation manuals, what they do is they have you offer incense, bow, chant Buddha's name, recite scriptures, practice confession, and then after all that, give up worldly affairs. With that warm-up

[07:46]

of all those practices, then sit through the support of all beings. Through all those practices, wash away the idea, the view that you practice by yourself, and then after doing all that, let the sitting happen. But here, Dogen says, let's immediately, as soon as we have a chance, while we still have a chance, let there be sitting through the support of all beings, for the support of all beings. And this sitting will not be to get anything. The sitting will be the sitting which is dropping worldly affairs of trying to get something from the sitting. It will be the sitting which is Buddha, not the sitting

[08:47]

to get Buddha. Then, we can practice incense offering, bowing, chanting Buddha's name, reciting scriptures, repentance, etc. We can do all this study, but first of all, let's renounce the worldly affair of trying to get something from spiritual practice. Let's renounce the worldly affair of practicing based on me doing the practice. Let's renounce that perspective in practice. From the first time you have a chance, renounce that. And in Soto Zen that means just sit. It means sit non-dualistically. Sit. Supporting all beings and being supported by beings. Sit, after inviting all the Buddhas to come and support you, let there be sitting. Or as they say, let there be light. The light of renouncing the darkness of individual activity,

[09:57]

of independent activity. Renounce the worldly affairs, renounce the individual activity of offering incense, bowing, chanting Buddha's name. Don't do any more of that. Individual isolated independent activity. Just sit in interdependent activity. And just sitting in interdependent activity is dropping off body and mind. And then, once body and mind is dropped off, sitting in the midst of this awareness, this self-fulfilling awareness, then please offer incense, chant Buddha's name, practice repentance and confession, read scriptures, write scriptures, copy scriptures, support your local Buddhist bookstore. They'll probably have a sale at the end of Session. But before you go to the bookstore, renounce worldly affairs. Don't try to get anything

[11:12]

from the bookstore for yourself. But with the support of all beings, and to support all beings, go buy some books. And if the bookstore is closed, look at the door. The first step, in a way, as I said in the ordinations, in the Bodhisattva Initiation, in a sense, the first step is renunciation of worldly affairs. In some sense, the first step in the Initiation Ceremony is just to sit there. However, the first step is to deliver. Actually, before we practice just sitting there, we invoke the presence of the

[12:12]

Buddhas because, again, we cannot just sit there by ourselves. That's not what we mean by it. So we invoke and we sit. From the first time you meet the Buddha, just sit. From the first time you invite the Buddhas and the Bodhisattvas to come and practice with you and assist you, just sit. And this can be done every single period of meditation, at the beginning of every period of meditation. You can just quickly say, okay, come on, help, please come, sit with me.

[13:13]

I heard a story about one of the disciples of the Tibetan teacher, Tsongkhapa, I think it was, from. On one occasion, he saw one of his elders and he said, it makes my heart glad, uncle, to see you walk around this holy place, paying your respects. And he said, how much gladder would I be if you practiced something spiritual. And then he would like

[14:35]

to see his elder brother, maybe offering incense and he would say, oh, how glad it makes my heart to see you offering incense. Or he would see him meditating and say, oh, how glad it makes me to see you meditating. Or he would see him prostrating and say, oh, how glad it is to see you prostrating. Or he would see him reading scriptures, oh, how, reciting scriptures, oh, it's wonderful, or reciting prayers and mantrams, oh, how glad my heart is to see you doing these practices. How much gladder I would be if you did something spiritual. So finally, the uncle says, well, you know, how am I to practice? And he said, give up on trying to get something out of this life. And he said it three times, loud. And he said,

[15:41]

give up on trying to get something out of this life. Give up on trying to get something out of this life, this spiritual life, this pious practice life. Give up trying to get something out of it. So this, up there in those high, highlands of Central Asia, same teaching as the Japanese ancestor. Practice about trying to get something. Give up the perspective of you and the practice. Enter the practice of the self-fulfilling samadhi, where you practice together with everybody, and everybody practices together with you, and there's nothing to get. Renounce worldly affairs in your spiritual practice.

[16:53]

In one sense, some people might feel, oh, how cold and extremely, what extreme poverty that sounds like, not getting anything. But I assuage that that's not the case. That thought, by thinking, although I'm not getting anything out of the practice, I am practicing together with all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas who are also not getting anything out of the practice. So I don't get anything, but I'm now joined a club of the great ones who don't get anything. They don't seem to be too worried about that. Buddhas are the ones who have given up trying to get something out of life. Like they say, like Buddha said, Reverend Subuddhi, when I attained supreme, perfect, unsurpassable enlightenment, was there anything I got? And Subuddhi says, No, Lord, you didn't get a thing. Not one

[18:22]

thing did you get when you attained supreme, perfect, unsurpassable enlightenment. That's why we call it supreme, perfect enlightenment, because you didn't get anything. Like, you're totally cool, dude. I turned, I wanted the lights to be on, and just not to be too bright, and I succeeded. There are 8 million stories about this point in the Zen tradition. I don't know how many there are in the Central Asian Plateau tradition. In the lofty plateau tradition. But there are many stories in Zen about this simple

[19:30]

point of purifying the practice of the worldly, dualistic, gaining perspective, renouncing that perspective in the practice, and that being the main practice. But maybe I should have said enough for now. I see two hands there. Frederick? Yes? And Will? Yes? I have a question about the Buddha, about the master. If someone is able to see with the eyes of which you are talking, then what they are seeing arises as a vision of the future, and the future is endless. I've heard a lot of talk about that. But what if anything that they would see would be Buddha nature, and wouldn't that be like a master? Or wouldn't

[20:37]

that be the same as a master as anything that one would see? It's actually the floor and the wall that keeps things moving. Did you say, how is that different from seeing a master? You mean if we have some eyes, some

[21:44]

wisdom eyes that can see interdependence? How is that vision of seeing interdependence different from seeing a master? Is that what you're saying? If there was the vision, it would be a vision, as it says in this text, we've been talking about in reciting, it would be a vision where nothing in the vision would appear within perception. There would be no recognition of the interdependence when the interdependence is seen. So seeing means seeing in a non-dual way. If you see interdependence in a way that

[22:49]

you can recognize, that's not interdependence itself, that's making interdependence into an object. But there is a possibility of the seeing or the cognition of interdependence, but in the cognition of interdependence, there's no recognition, there's no recognition, there's just cognition, and that cognition is not cognition of an external object. It's a cognition which understands and realizes and knows interdependence. So if you're saying, well, wouldn't that be seeing the master? Well, you wouldn't really be seeing a recognizable master, but you would be realizing the master, who we call the awakened one, the master would be realized in that vision, but you wouldn't see the master exactly out there, because you don't see anything

[23:55]

that way when you cognize correctly interdependence, you don't see some recognizable object or the object called interdependence, you don't see that. Well, you don't have to hear it that way, there is a master, you can have a master, a teacher that you go see, you don't have to objectify the master, but the master is still there, it's just that the master never was really an object, the master never was separate from you, but the first time you meet a master, means the first time you meet the person who is your teacher, but you don't have to objectify that, it's not necessary, but you can if you want to, but again, that object you make out of your master, the master

[25:00]

isn't really an object, actually in and of herself, she is something that you can use as a condition to create an object. The sitting can arise through the auspicious occasion of meeting a master. That's right, one is already doing that, we are already just sitting, that's what we are already doing, and of course the sitting has nothing to do with the posture of sitting,

[26:02]

because we are just sitting, what we mean by just sitting is the way we are all the time, the way we are all the time is that we are actually dropping off body and mind, that's the way we really are, that's our true nature, so we are trying to not interfere with our true nature in this practice, so if we try to get something out of life, it's like we are saying, well my nature is not quite good enough, I've got to get some more, I've got to get some additional stuff here, or our nature is that we are already complete, so we've got to train ourselves to not try to get anything and paste it on top of our completion, our completeness, because we have a habit of thinking we are not complete, we think we are kind of like separate from the rest of the universe, so we feel kind of, we want part of that universe, the good part generally, to be stuck on to us, or belong

[27:06]

to us, or tag along with us, but we are already complete, so if we don't completely understand that, it may be hard to understand what just sitting is, but once we practice just sitting a long time, gradually it sinks in, what just sitting is, namely, it's the way to not undermine or defile or disrespect our true nature, which is that we are something that's made by the whole universe and something upon which the whole universe is based. This is our true nature, which we are devoted to the practice of realizing that. Will? Could you speak up, Will, since you are way in the back and you don't have an amplifier? Worldly affairs? Yeah, worldly affairs means

[28:12]

activities that are sponsored by the wish to get something out of the activity. That's one way to elucidate worldly affairs. Another way would be, worldly affairs are activities which arise in dependence on the view that I'm going to do this activity, that I'm going to come forward and do the activity of sitting or bowing or making lunch. Then my lunch-making and my bowing and my sitting are worldly affairs. Even though they are so-called religious, they are defiled by the perspective of being separate from me. They are defiled by the perspective that I exist independent of my activity, or your activity, or somebody's activity. When I have that perspective, the activities which arise from that perspective and depending on that perspective are worldly affairs. But any activity that arises from renouncing that

[29:21]

perspective and entering into the Samadhi of interdependence, the awareness that I am of how my self is born of all beings and supports all beings, that awareness is the ground of so-called liberating spiritual activity. Same action, but instead of an enchaining effect, there's a liberating effect. Okay? Is that like real clear? Hard to practice though. Martin? Not getting rid of gaining anything. That would be gaining something. No, we're not really getting rid of gaining anything. We're letting go of that habit,

[30:23]

but not getting rid of it. It's still available if you ever need it. The whole universe goes to a lot of trouble to make this kind of like gaining motivation. So we don't get rid of that. We don't get rid of people who are trying to gain something. What's the relationship between the awareness of practicing with all beings and the feeling of being completely alone? What's the relationship between the awareness of practicing with all beings and the feeling of being completely alone? I think sometimes when teachers and disciples speak of being completely alone, what they mean is the awareness

[31:26]

that you're practicing together with all beings, that there's nobody else in the world. There's nobody who's separate from you. There's just one mind, and that's it. That's what they mean by completely alone. There's not like you and then over there some Buddhas and some other people. It's not that way. There's you, all the Buddhas, all other living beings, and that's it. There's nobody else. You're all alone. And you're totally dependent, and everybody else depends on you. I think that's what a lot of people mean when they say realize you're completely alone. Not separate, but completely alone. Yes, would you tell me your name again? Lane? Yes, Lane?

[32:28]

I have a question about yesterday's dharma talk. I heard you talk about crisis and danger. Yes, and opportunity. But I'm not sure what the danger was. The opportunity, would that be related to losing your mind or insanity? Yes, one of the dangers is insanity, which is closely related to losing your mind, and also it's related to losing your marbles. And it's also related to losing it, and meltdown, etc. There is the danger of losing your mind. Practicing doesn't mean that that danger goes away. Bye-bye, no, I can't go crazy anymore. And there's the danger of death. There's the danger of losing your good reputation. There's the danger of losing your health. And there's

[33:34]

the danger of hurting people as you start to reorient to a new way of practicing. There's the danger of being discouraged. There's the danger of betraying the trust that you have that people give you in this environment of openness and sincerity. Lots of dangers of difficult situations are opening up here. It doesn't mean that there aren't dangers when you don't enter into this process. But in some sense, what a lot of people do is they stay away from commitment because they sense that it's going to either intensify or make them more aware of these dangers. So they kind of sell out on the opportunity of commitment because they don't want to deal with the dangers that are constellated by this taking up a place where you are. But without commitment, the dangers don't go away.

[34:42]

It's just that they kind of just are lurking there. And if you don't have a commitment, should happen to make a commitment, they'll come and get you. But you know, as long as you're like totally wasting your time, the dangers kind of go, well, we're successful. He's like wasting his life, losing his marbles, blah, you know. But if you commit to practice a path of virtue, then you get tested. And there's some dangers around those tests. You know, the Buddha did not actually say whether it's less or more dangerous to practice

[35:44]

the way. He didn't say. You might be right. But my experience is that people think it's going to be more dangerous if they commit. So like people say to me, I love the Bodhisattva precepts and I'm practicing them and I think I'm getting a little bit more skillful at them and I say, great. But I don't feel like I want to make a commitment. And then they start crying sometimes, you know, because they kind of sense that if they would step from this nice practice they have with the precepts, which is going pretty well, and they really love the precepts, their life in some ways seems safer and healthier, but they sense that if they would commit, there's some dangers that will come forward. And one of the dangers is that when you commit, if you are practicing the Bodhisattva precepts and you're successful, you feel good, and if you're unsuccessful, you feel maybe a little bit bad. But maybe not, because you say, well, I never said I was going to do them, I never

[36:45]

committed. So it's good when I do them and when I don't do them, well, it's not that bad. But if you commit, then you're endangering yourself to have a much harder time with not following them. And not only do you feel somewhat worse when you make this commitment, but other people feel worse about you when you make that commitment. They kind of said, hey, Ling, you committed to blah blah, what are you doing, man? You know, and you kind of go, oh yeah, right, gee, I'm sorry, you know. But that's a normal part of the process. It's not a bad thing, it's just, and the danger is not so much that you feel bad, actually, the danger is that you would maybe say, this is too hard, I can't stand this, or don't bother me, I don't want to hear any more feedback from you, this kind of thing. But people won't give you much feedback if you don't commit. So that, well, I shouldn't say they won't,

[37:48]

but they might not give you as intense a feedback. So I don't know if it's more or less danger, but what I do feel, what I am proposing to you, is that whether it's more dangerous or less dangerous, you're not taking this path to avoid danger. That's not the point. You're taking this path knowing that it still might be dangerous and you're still going it, not because it's dangerous, but you're willing to pay the price of walking a path that's dangerous because it is the path of liberation. The other path is the path of trying to avoid dangers, even at the cost of never getting liberated. I think maybe if I just don't tell the truth right now, I won't get in trouble. If I say the truth, I might get in trouble, so I think maybe I'm going to avoid that difficulty, and I didn't vow to practice telling the truth, so I'll just kind of like not say it the true way, and sure enough, it seems like that wasn't

[38:52]

too bad, it got by, you know, nobody busted me for practicing the precept, but that way although it kind of like avoids certain dangers, you're spending all your time avoiding dangers. The other way, you're not primarily trying to avoid dangers, you're primarily trying to practice, for example, the precepts, or just sitting, and then when you do that, I'm just saying beforehand, don't be surprised if the dangers are looming big around you while you're doing that, that doesn't mean there's something wrong. And again, some people before they make commitments, they're very smart and they know, they kind of can sense, maybe because they made past commitments, that life gets in some sense more difficult when you commit, not right away necessarily, but eventually, like if you spend some time with somebody and you're having a good time and then you are not having a good time, you

[39:55]

can just say, well, I'm not having a good time, is it okay if I leave? And sometimes they say, yeah, I'm not having a good time either, let's split. You know, it was nice having some good times with you, but it's not fun now, so let's just go away from each other. Okay? Ever heard that story? But if you make a commitment to be with somebody for a certain long time, if it's before that time is up and you try to get away, it's a little bit more difficult to walk away, and if you don't walk away, then you walk into sometimes more and more intense difficulty in the relationship, like I was talking about yesterday, committing to a student-teacher relationship. It's not fun anymore, I want to leave, yeah, but you committed to stay in this relationship for three months or six months or ten lifetimes or whatever, and so the commitment supports you to stay in

[41:00]

it even when it gets difficult. The commitment doesn't exactly make it more difficult, the commitment supports you to keep going when it does get difficult. And if you don't jump around from boat to boat, from practice to practice, from situation to situation, every time it gets difficult, because you've made commitments, then when the difficulty comes, you follow through, and so a big part of the practice is like following through on certain things, but there's dangers in that. Okay? By the way, can I ask you a personal question? I've noticed you come to Zazen quite a bit, is that true? Yeah. Are you trying to get anything? No. Thank you. Yes, Jackie? About dangers, I have often felt that when

[42:05]

I was teaching in danger, I would feel my own presence. Uh-huh, you felt danger, yes. And if I had let go of the fear of danger to feel the fear of myself, I would not have a lot of opportunity to listen to you. And I can't see how you can fully participate in the process of listening to me. I don't know if I understand your question, but I would like to respond to one part of it, which I appreciate you bringing up. I did not say fear of danger. The fear of danger is not the point. I'm just saying that there are dangers, but I do not want anybody to be afraid of the dangers. So, for example,

[43:10]

you are in danger of death right now, okay? And so am I. We are in danger of death. I think it's good to be aware of that, to open to that fact of life that we are in danger of death. There is a danger of death. But I do not say, please be afraid of death. I just say, if you clearly see that you are in danger of death, that will be good. Clearly seeing the danger of death will promote wholesome activity. Fear of death, however, I do not recommend. But if you are afraid, well, we can work with that, but that's not really the point. When you are afraid of death, you don't see so clearly. When you are afraid of death, that often goes with unwholesome activity, with unskillful activity. People who are afraid of death will do cruel things if they are told that doing a cruel thing would reduce the danger of death. Now, if I'm told that doing a cruel thing will reduce

[44:15]

the danger of death, and I clearly see the danger of death, then I'm less likely to do the cruel thing. But if I'm afraid of death, then that fear can be used to manipulate me into unwholesome activities. And unwholesome activities are activities which interfere with intimacy. Yes? I think I know the answer, but I want to ask. Go ahead. So if Rusa died and your reputation fell into complete disrepute, and you were fired, how to leave the Sangha? That's already happened. I mean, not the Rusa dead part, but actually, Rusa, the girl I married has died. That young cute thing is gone. I lost the Rusa I married, and also

[45:21]

I've been fired, and my reputation is shot. Any further questions? It could be shot more, I know, but ... So what's the answer? What's the answer? I don't know. I'm having fun. Since you're wise enough to answer, I'm going to point out that you probably aren't the same whippersnapper that I am. I won't say I've never been so insulted in my life. I have been more insulted than that, actually. But is that really true, that I'm not the whippersnapper anymore? I don't know. It's something like that I'm getting older. People say, no, you're not getting old. No, they don't say that anymore. They don't argue

[46:23]

with, you know. Yeah, he's getting old. The old gray mayor, the old gray stallion. Yeah, thanks for pointing that out, that was really nice of you. I appreciate your support. I didn't have feelings, did I? You really did not. Yes, Stefan? It's all about gaining hair too, man.

[47:26]

These instructions are for people inside and outside of the temple, but particularly for the people in the temple, because they actually want to attain the Buddha way, realize the Buddha way. So for them, this is a key point. The people who do not want to realize the Buddha way, this teaching is not really for them, because if they don't want to achieve peace and harmony, then what's the point of telling them to give up worldly affairs? Gaining ideas. If they want to cause trouble, then they're on the right track. But if we want peace and harmony, we have to do this. So the people who come to the temple, it's a teaching for them. There is gaining idea, like Lane said, sometimes he even slips into it, right? Or used to, anyway. There are people in this place who are in danger of slipping into death and gaining idea, or gaining idea and then death. So the teaching is for those

[48:31]

who wish to practice the Buddha way. If there's anybody outside the temple who does not want to practice the Buddha way, and there may be such people that have not seen that desire, this teaching is not for them. They're into gaining idea. But if there's people outside who wish to attain the Buddha way, then this teaching is for them. But inside and outside, people are into trying to get something out of life, trying to get something out of the life of practice. Like, even the elders of some teachers are trying to get something out of practice. Reverend Uncle. Yes? Well, I see that. I think the difference is, or I think the difference is that the forms in the temple are trying to get help, whereas the forms outside the temple are

[49:32]

not trying to get help. They're trying to promote the idea. Some of them are, but some of them are not. For example, I think law courts, a lot of the laws of the land are not promoted for gaining idea. They're promoted to protect people from being overwhelmed by some people who are into gaining idea. They're meant to mollify the damage that's caused by people being into gaining idea. So there is some structures in society which are aware that people are selfish and trying to gain stuff for themselves and their friends, and there's some attempt to mollify the ill effects of that orientation. But you can say, well, even there they're trying to gain the mollification. And I would say, yeah, maybe so. But there is some wisdom, some wisdom has penetrated

[50:37]

to some extent our general society, to some extent. Like I saw this thing when I was flying back on the airplane. It was a show about the Harlem Globetrotters, and you know them? And so in 1936 when Jesse Owens went to Berlin, I think it was 36, he went to Berlin for the Olympics and he got quite a few gold medals and set some world records, I think in the 100-yard dash and the broad jump, and Adolf Hitler would not even shake his hand because he's African-American, right? But then Jesse Owens went back to Berlin, West Berlin in I think 1950 with the Harlem Globetrotters, and one of the things that happened was as

[51:44]

the Harlem Globetrotters were heading towards the Olympic Stadium, their road was blocked, you know, the roads were overrun with people and they're blocked and they thought the people were going to hurt them, but actually the people were just there to try to get their autograph because they loved the Harlem Globetrotters, and they went to do an exhibition at the Olympic Stadium and they thought maybe 10,000 people would come, but 65,000 people came and completely packed the Olympic Stadium, which hadn't been bombed. The Americans did not bomb the Olympic Stadium, for whatever reason, maybe so this could happen. And then Jesse Owens was there with them and he was in a suit. He's 15 years older now, but still in really great shape and he took off his suit and he had his Olympic outfit underneath

[52:46]

and he ran around the track and those German people, you know, they just totally loved him, they just totally loved him, and he looked like a happy guy. And then the mayor of Berlin went over to him and said, I now do what Adolf Hitler didn't do, I take your hand with both my hands and say, you know, we love you. So wisdom does sometimes, you know, reach where we don't, you know, where we really do realize sometimes in the forms of society, a moment that we're not trying to get anything, moments of realization, there are moments and there are structures, and in a way Olympic Stadiums are there in some sense to realize that we're all, you know, working together with one mind, so that we will let athletes come and break through people's sense of separation and break through

[53:50]

people's sense of, you know, we're not working together. But, of course, a tremendous amount of human society is built up from delusion of separation, and we get stuff from me, it's true, that's our innate, but some work has been done over the centuries to transform our society, and all these forms which are trying to express interdependence, they're all very fragile, right? Like emissions regulations on cars are trying to protect the environment, but it doesn't seem to be quite working. So it's not a hundred percent that out there there's no penetration, no realization, no extension of the practice and the principles, it's just, we need a lot more, I agree. And also in the Zen centers, where it's set up

[54:59]

for that purpose, we need more too. Okay? Yes? For me, it's sometimes like a contradiction of making the practice, not trying to get something while I really want to get something out of it, being authentic, so I'm not trying to get out of it, I'm trying to be authentic while I really want to get something out of it. Yeah, I agree, when we want to get something out of it, we should be authentic, we are authentically a person who wants to get something out of the practice, and please authentically express that, and one way to authentically express it is to practice confession and repentance.

[56:01]

So it's not, you didn't make, I didn't make myself into somebody who authentically wants to get something out of life. Because of karmic accumulations, there's now some obstruction to this realization, and by confessing and repenting that, we melt away the root of this wanting to get something out of life. So every time you see this kind of like, oh, get something, get something, that's an opportunity to practice, wow, here it is again, an opportunity to practice confession of gaining, gaining, gaining, yay, gaining, yay, gaining, yay, there it is again. And I feel, you know, not terrible about it, but kind of embarrassed, or maybe terrible, but somewhere between embarrassed and terrible, there's a range there. And this is part, this is the medium in which we have a chance to

[57:06]

like, when there's like gain, it's like, okay, it's not like gain, happy, loss, unhappy, it's more like gain, loss, praise, blame, spoken well of, spoken badly of, little by little, people telling you that you're not a spring chicken, people telling you, you look 20 years younger than you are, little by little there's equanimity, you look like you're on the verge of death, you've got a lot of good years ahead of you, and I'm a doctor

[58:07]

and I know you're going to live to be old and you're going to be healthy and rich, we can approach that, but in the meantime it's more like, you're going to be healthy and rich, yay, you're going to die soon, ooh, ooh, that really hurt, ooh, yeah, you're just an old fuddy-duddy, you know, you're a fool, ooh, so by noticing when I get up from the gain, down from the loss, by confessing and repenting around these awareness, these events, authentically be the person who's like, ooh, I really feel good about this, this gain is like really great, I really am that way, or I really don't feel good about this loss, I mean I'm really like twisted into an uncomfortable position around this thing being taken from me, rather than, hey, I gave it, it didn't get taken, no problem, but if I am feeling

[59:13]

like it was taken, I should authentically admit that, yes, it was taken before I saw how to make it a gift, I missed the chance, I confess it, I'm authentically in a retarded state of practice right now, I admit it, I confess it, and I repent it. Yes? Yeah? Do you have another confession besides that one? You were right. You're a success. Yes? Pardon?

[60:13]

Yeah? Did you say temple danger? Is there a person named Temple Granger? Yes. Yeah. There's Temple Granger and Temple Danger. All right. So yesterday... It's so good. We were having food for lunch, we were hanging out there to be out of time, I didn't want everybody to have to wait for their meal, and someone from the kitchen who had a very compassionate intention came up and asked me something, which was, do you know anything about sin? And Soku said, no. And then Soku, out of these mixed dangers of wanting to fulfill the obligation and joy

[61:23]

of providing a meal on time, and the obligation to not cause pain to another person, in that stress, this dangerous energy of that with comfort came forth to the person asking the compassionate question in a way that was forceful and unkind, and the actual words were, why would I? And the person from the kitchen started to explain, and I came in and got a meal, and afterwards I realized why he even asked me, which I didn't understand at all, and I found him and I apologized to him. But there were other people around when I made this expression, it wasn't just the person that I caught to express my sorrow for the past, but I think it came up when David was

[62:24]

asking, and also earlier with this discussion of, well, is this more dangerous or not? Every one of these small things seems quite big in the context of this life. Yeah. They seem like small things. Mine are not as big as their appearance is. I don't know what their size is, but they are important. These small things are important. If you're practicing, they don't cause much problem, because you can confess the next day in Dharma talk, or in the next second, and when you're practicing you can confess faster and faster. But if you're not practicing, then these things are not exactly more important, it's just that they can blow up into super tragedies.

[63:26]

But if you're practicing, they can fulfill themselves quite quickly, like apologize to that person later in the day, for example, and then say a little bit more the next day in the Dharma talk. Just recently, quite recently, I was spending some time with this beautiful woman that I'm married to, this beautiful old lady. She's so old. Yeah, her birthday is tomorrow. She's getting close to 60. And so she offered me some yogurt. No, she offered me, she said, you want this tea? And I said, yeah. And I wanted to receive that tea from her and put it with some other tea which she gave me the day before. I'm collecting all her old teas in this container. And she was going to go pour the tea into another cup.

[64:35]

And I said, you know, give me the tea. And I said it again, forcefully. And so finally she did give me the tea. And I poured it in the thing. And I said, I wanted to do it this way because I didn't want to wash another dish for you. And she said, you didn't have to say it so stiffly, though. And I said, how about if I said, Rosa, Rosa, please, please, please, give me the, please, please, please. She said, that would have been a lot better. So again, here you are, like, got this big crew here and an ocean of people waiting for you to feed them. And you want to give them the food right on time. And somebody comes up to you and says, is it okay to say the Woody Allen line now? So you're there in the entryway and a person comes up to you from the kitchen and says,

[65:50]

do you have a light? And you say, what? And they say, I'm just kidding. Do you have the time? And you say, what? And they say, I'm just kidding. And you say, please, please, please let me. Service me on time. Please. I know you have a good reason for asking me these questions. But please let me do this heroic deed, which I'm sort of planning on doing for the welfare of this massive crowd of hungry people. We have to be ready. We have to be ready all the time for somebody to come up to you and say, could I just derail this whole project that you're... And kind of like, what? Is this happening to me? Wait a second here. Oh, yeah, it is happening to me. Oh, yeah. Hey, guess what?

[66:53]

I got this project. No, I don't want you to do it. Really? And then all the servers are watching and they get to see the show. It's wonderful. You can open the doors and we can all see. Just sit, wholeheartedly, and drop away body and mind. And then they come to test you. And then you fail and then you confess and repent. But sometimes, sometimes it's beautiful. Sometimes it's really like, oh, that was so great that you derailed me so that I could fall so low in such a beautiful way and you could catch me and everybody could see. It was like really great how we did that together and everybody supported it. And it was like such a mess and so beautiful

[67:54]

because we're ready to have what we're doing together take over and what I was planning to do by myself to drop away. So we come in the room to practice meditation. We have this idea. Maybe I'm going to go sit down. Well, okay. But how about at the doorway when you step in, if not before, watch and see how all beings support you to float to your seat with your feet on the ground every step of the way. All beings, including the earth, which pulls you so strongly down to its surface so you can walk along the ground to your seat with the support of the whole earth. Just listen to that teaching. Remember how the whole earth and all living beings are born together with you every step of the way. And if you forget, then confess. And if you feel bad, repent.

[68:58]

And the more we do that, the more we're doing the pure and simple color of true practice, the true mind of faith, the true body of faith. May our intention be great extent. May we be embraced with the true merit of this way. Beings are numberless. I vow to take them. Beings are inexhaustible. I vow to take them. Beings are countless. I vow to take them.

[70:01]

This way is unsurpassable. I vow to become.

[70:10]

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