As many of you know, starting last fall and starting many years ago, I have been studying the Lotus Sutra and reading the Lotus Sutra and reciting the Lotus Sutra and discussing the Lotus Sutra Yeah, for more than 50 years. And recently, I've been doing it together with lots of people. And in particular, we had an intense study of it in January. I was at Green Gulch for all of January. five days a week for three weeks, and also on the weekends in dharma talks and small groups.

[01:10]

So seven days a week we were studying the Lotus Sutra. And the reverberations, the echoes, the aftershocks of this study, of this amazing thing we call the Lotus Sutra, whatever it is, has continued. And I'd like to share with you these aftershocks and these afterglows and these after effects and resonances. Are you ready for this? For example, last Tuesday night, I had a meeting with a group of people like this group, and on the platform called the Yoga Room.

[02:25]

And so I was discussing Zen meditation with that group of living beings. I was discussing Zen meditation with that group of bodhisattvas. And I brought up the Lotus Sutra. And in particular, I brought up the expression which I've used over and over, the expression which is only Buddha, together with Buddha, that expression. And that's from the Lotus Sutra. And that expression is followed by, can thoroughly understand the true nature of all things. Only a Buddha together with a Buddha can thoroughly understand the true characteristics of all things.

[03:34]

So what I'm proposing now is that only Buddha together with Buddha is an expression for what we call in the Zen school, Zen meditation. What I mean by Zen meditation is only a Buddha together with Buddha. What I mean by Zen meditation is deeply and thoroughly understanding the true nature of all things. So we talked about Zen meditation in terms of that expression or using that term to help us understand what our practice is. what our Zen meditation practice is.

[04:38]

Our Zen meditation practice is the practice of the Lotus Sutra. It is the practice of only a Buddha together with Buddha. It is the intimacy of only a Buddha and together with Buddha. It is a solitary Buddha and a social Buddha. intimately relating. So that's one of the after effects of studying the Lotus Sutra. Now to tie it back in more deeply with our ordinary Zen practice, our ordinary Zen meditation, and also to tie our extraordinary and marvelous Zen meditation to bring that into resonance with the ordinary, only a Buddha together with Buddha.

[05:41]

Now today, I also want to talk about the Lotus Sutra and bring up a new fold in the discussion. So there is an expression called the threefold Lotus Sutra. The Threefold Lotus Sutra. So the Threefold Lotus Sutra is three different sutras. The first one is called the Sutra of Innumerable Meanings. The second one is what people usually think of as the Lotus Sutra of the True Dharma. And the third sutra is called Contemplating Samantabhadra Sutra. Samantabhadra is the name of a great bodhisattva who we call the Shining Practice Bodhisattva.

[06:55]

Today I'd like to talk about this third Sutra of the Threefold Lotus Sutra. In our studies of the group before, we basically got to Chapter 22, and then from Chapter 22 to the end, there's of the Sutra, the main Lotus Sutra, there are Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28. Six more chapters. The last chapter of the 28 chapters of the Lotus Sutra, the last chapter is called Entrustment of Samantabhadra. Entrustment of the Bodhisattva of Universal Virtue. And then that sets up this new sutra called Contemplation of Samantabhadra, Contemplation of Universal Virtue Bodhisattva, also sometimes translated as Universal Goodness Bodhisattva.

[08:23]

In that sutra, the third part of the Lotus Sutra, there's some discussion about who and what kind of a being this enlightening being of universal goodness is. But in a sense, the main message of that sutra is a teaching about confession and repentance. Now, some people when they read the Lotus Sutra, the first 28 chapters, and also maybe read the Sutra of Innumerable Meanings, which leads into the 28 chapters of the Lotus Sutra.

[09:33]

When they deeply enter this great sutra, they often feel very clear, full of joy, uplifted, clear, clean, free, inspired, amazed, and so on. And then they enter into their daily life and have trouble orienting to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. And also, I don't know if there's slings and arrows of rageous fortune, but anyway, re-entering daily life is a major transition from meditating in the realm of the Lotus Sutra, which is also sometimes called the Lotus Samadhi.

[10:38]

And yeah, we as a group have entered the Lotus Samadhi on a number of occasions and we have been amazed. We have been amazed and uplifted by the experience of a great assembly of people and other beings gathering together and contemplating these teachings and discussing these teachings and questioning these teachings and bringing forth our difficulty with these teachings and working together, we have been uplifted and amazed and inspired and joyful and amazed and troubled challenged and amazed and so on. It was very, it is very wonderful. And then there's daily life following that. So today I see the third sutra, the sutra on Samantabhadra, the sutra on confession and repentance as a way to re-engage with the troubles of daily life.

[11:51]

a way to a practice to do as we enter from the Lotus Sutra Samadhi, we leave the Samadhi and we enter the turbulence. We enter the realm where we are besieged by emotional and other cognitive challenges and difficulties, disorienting events of daily life. This sutra I see as helping us make that transition and become grounded again in the ordinary life after studying the Lotus Sutra. After being in the Lotus Sutra, mind and repentance is the practice to settle into the chaos and turbulence and challenges of daily life.

[12:57]

I propose that to you. And again, that third sutra is teaching repentance for this purpose, so we can apply the teachings of Zen meditation to daily life struggles. Part of the confession and repentance is, I'm having trouble applying the teachings of the Lotus Sutra to my daily life struggles. I confess that, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry about having missed some opportunities to apply the teachings of the Sutra to my daily life. For example, the Lotus Sutra teaches those who practice all virtues, which means all virtues, again, that's the name in a way of Samantabhadra, universal virtues.

[14:13]

Those who practice Samantabhadra's way, who engage in all the difficulties of daily life, who are flexible, and gentle and tender in the flow of all these turbulences, who are harmonious with it all, who are upright with it all, and who are honest about it all, like, I'm having trouble now. This is hard. I forgot to practice being upright. I'm sorry. I was leaning this way or that way. I'm sorry. I confess. I was not paying attention. I confess. I was not being diligent. I confess. I honestly admit that I was not kind, that I was not gentle.

[15:15]

And I'm sorry. That confession that we're not practicing the teaching of the Lotus Sutra grounds us in our daily life so we can practice the Lotus Sutra. The confession settles us down so we can re-enter the Samadhi. How wonderful. It was wonderful to be in the Samadhi, but then we, like in the Lotus Sutra, the Buddha enters Samadhi and then the Buddha comes out of Samadhi and teaches. The Buddha comes out of Samadhi and enters the world of turbulence of all sentient beings. And it doesn't say so, but the Buddha comes out of Samadhi and enters the world of suffering. and confesses in repentance and repents in the process of the Buddha settles into the world of suffering through the practice of confession and repentance.

[16:26]

And then teaches. I got this image this morning, little gift. It came to me, I remembered seeing these mostly women, women and quite young women doing floor exercises or also called the trampoline, where they run at high speeds on mats. And they do various kinds of flips and turns in the air as they're running. And then at the end, I think at the end, they jump onto a trampoline and then fly into the air and then they land. And most of the women, as they're running down these mats, doing these amazing flips and turns and twists,

[17:37]

most of what I've seen, they do them, as far as I can see, almost perfectly. And in a way, it's not daily life. It's like the Lotus Sutra, what they do. And then they jump into this air and then jump onto a trampoline and then they fly higher into the air and then they land. When they land, almost none of them land very well. Some of them just plain fall down or fall over or fly all over the place. But some of them, occasionally, some of them land, they just go boom. And then everybody just is totally amazed that they can land so simply and uprightly. Because when you come back to earth, if you're a little bit off and you're coming from such a height, it really shows.

[18:48]

And so the same, when we enter the heights of the Lotus Sutra Samadhi, when we re-engage in daily life, we can see the little or big imperfections in our adjustments. And noticing that is repentance. getting us back on the ground and saying, there were some shortcomings in my landing in this world. Every moment we land in this world and maybe we notice some shortcoming, we feel some shortcoming in our landing. Okay, this is not the end of the world, this is the beginning of the bodhisattva practice of confession and repentance. And by the power of confession and repentance, we will settle into this world. And this practice of confession and repentance, Dogen says, is the pure and simple color of true practice.

[19:56]

This is re-entering and practicing all virtues and noticing shortcomings in our practice of virtues and confessing, and perhaps if we do feel it, saying, I'm sorry. One might notice as one's practice deepens, or one might notice one's practice deepening as one practices confession and repentance. As one matures, one may notice, I say I'm sorry more often than I used to. In the book, Being Upright, I mentioned a couple times a sutra,

[21:07]

Another sutra, besides the Lotus Sutra, another sutra, which is called in Sanskrit, get ready for Sanskrit, here it comes, Brahma Jala Sutra. Mahayana Brahma Jala Sutra. Or this could be in English, The Great Vehicle. Brahmanet scripture. And this scripture I mentioned a couple times in Being Upright. But what I don't mention in Being Upright, which if I ever revise it, if we ever revise it, is that the text that inspired Being Upright is a Japanese text on bodhisattva precepts. in Japanese is called Zen Kaisho, Essence of Zen Precepts, Essence of Zen Bodhisattva Precepts.

[22:18]

So back in the early 90s, I helped Kaz Tanahashi translate that text. What text? Essence of Zen Precepts. That text, The Essence of Zen Precepts, is based on, to a great extent, Dogen Zenji and his two disciples, Senei and Kyogo, their understanding of this Brahman-Net Sutra. Brahman-Net Sutra is in the background or on the ground from which the Zen precepts arise. Brahman-Net Sutra.

[23:24]

At the beginning of Brahman-Net Sutra, at the beginning of this Brahman-Net Sutra, which again is what? It's one of the sources or the main scriptural source of the text, which is the main source for the teachings in being upright. So part of the lineage of being upright is this sutra, the Mahayana Sutra Brahmanet. Dogen Zenji's understanding of it Dogen Zenji's students' understanding of it, and then later Zen teachers' comments on this lineage of study of the Bodhisattva precepts. In the beginning of the precepts section of this sutra, it says, members, if the members of the Great Assembly will quietly listen,

[24:26]

and they see that they have been unskillful, they will repent. They will confess and repent. If the members of the Great Assembly quietly listen and they see that they have been unskillful, they will confess and repent. If they confess and repent, then they will be at ease. If they do not confess and repent, their unskillfulness will grow more grievous. And then a little later in the sutra, it says, don't take as being a waste of time, the effort to deepen your confession and repentance.

[25:49]

So I have talked quite a long time and yeah, I could go on and I think I'll go on a little bit longer. I have been impressed by some news that I've been following. It's news about a governor of a great state of the United States who has been accused of sexual harassment, of violating the Bodhisattva precept of not misusing sexual energy.

[26:58]

So this person has been accused of this. And then this person, after some time, this person attempted an apology. However, apparently this person has not done much apology practice. This person is not well trained, well practiced in apology. So when the person made this apology, many people thought that was really a lousy

[28:03]

apology. That apology just made me feel worse. If we have not been practicing confession and repentance, when we start, we may not be very skillful. We may say something which really isn't a confession. but a kind of protection of ourself or a kind of blaming other people. Like, I'm sorry you're so, I don't know, unenlightened that you think I did something bad. I'm really sorry that you think I did something bad. I'm really sorry that the way you see me makes you feel bad. That's talking about the other person's problems and you're sorry about them having problems.

[29:09]

Anyway, I'm happy to see that many people are looking at somebody trying to learn how to make apologies and teaching that person that they haven't learned how to do it yet. And hopefully, I hope that the person keeps trying to learn how to make apologies Because when the person really does make an apology, the people who feel harmed, they will feel heard, and they will feel respected, and they will feel uplifted and appreciated. Thank you for pointing out to me my shortcomings. That was great of you to do so, and I'm really sorry for my shortcomings. Many years ago, when I was actually driving home from a class at the yoga room in Berkeley, I heard a man on the radio who lived in South Africa, and he was tortured during apartheid years.

[30:18]

And then during the process called, I think, truth and reconciliation, his torturer confessed to the torturing and did it in a way that seemed true and said he was sorry. He confessed and he confessed skillfully. He found a way to confess that sounded like he actually saw something about what he did and he was sincerely sorry. And the interviewer who was talking to the person who had been tortured said, Do you think he should get amnesty now that he's confessed so skillfully?" And the man said, totally. He's done his job. He should receive amnesty. And the interviewer was amazed, but that's how the man felt.

[31:23]

When that torturer learned to do this practice, They both found a way to be at peace with each other and found reconciliation through truth, through truth and confessing shortcomings and feeling sincerely and appropriately sorry. I often use the example of sometimes people come to a meeting with me and they say, sorry, I'm a little bit late. And I think, why did you say a little bit? Why don't you say, I'm sorry, I'm late? The little bit isn't, you're not, you're not really sorry for the little bit, you're sorry for being late. And the little bit maybe would like take away that you're late, because it was just a little bit. Why don't you say, I'm late, I'm sorry, I was late, I'm sorry.

[32:26]

Just learn how, we're in the process of learning how to make confessions that bring peace and ease to people who are not always on the Buddha way behavior path. Okay, so now I really have talked a long time and I just set the table for discussion, right? And yeah. The Great Assembly is invited. Raise your hand. Katie. Hi, Rob. Hello, Katie. Thanks for sharing everything you shared this morning. You're welcome. I guess I wanted to bring up that when you were talking about confessing and repenting where there's been great harm caused, I noticed my heart rate started to rise and my body felt hot because

[33:51]

In my understanding of restorative justice, repairing harm as a final step is a really important part of that process of truth and reconciliation, of reconciling the facts and taking accountability and showing understanding of impact. the repenting is so, I find it really hard. And so it can be really easy to get stuck there and stuck in, was that apology sincere enough? Am I connected enough to the apology? But I worry that both for myself and for the healing that's needed in the world, it's also important to continue that process and get through to looking at how not only to sincerely repent, but actually to repair the harm.

[34:57]

And so I just, I wanted to hear you comment on that as part of, at least as I understand it, a restorative justice process. Well, I agree that it's an ongoing process. It isn't like I confess and repent and my job is done. I confess, if I'm able to confess, then I put myself out there and you get to give me feedback on whether that confession addressed the issue. I might confess and you say, no, you didn't yet. And for you to be in dialogue with me and teach me how to confess heals both of us. For you to learn how to help somebody say the truth. They're trying to say the truth of what they did, and you don't feel that they did.

[36:02]

So then you help them. As you help them, you heal, and you heal the relationship. after they confess, if they repent, if they express their sorrow, and you feel that they didn't really say they're sorry, then you can help them with that. You helping them, the helper heals the helper too. The helper heals the person who was harming by teaching them how to get in touch with their own shortcomings, which at first they usually don't know how to do. Not always, but often. you helping them, you become Avalokiteshvara. And you becoming Avalokiteshvara, you become healed. But you have to be patient with this person who did something, which actually they think something's wrong with it too, but they don't quite see it yet. And the way they say it, or even if they see it, they don't wanna say it. And you helping them, and you helping them,

[37:09]

heals the harm. And it may take a lot of interaction before they learn how to... We have seen examples of over... People try again and again to apologize and people say, nope, nope, you're not getting it. And a lot of people just walk off, they won't even try anymore. So how can you say, no, you're not getting it in a way that they try again, that they want to learn? This is part of the process. When you or I help somebody learn how to confess and repent skillfully, or when somebody helps you or I, there's healing. When we teach others and are taught by others, there's healing. This is the process of healing. So if you're the one, If you're the one who's confessing, you need to be taught, but you also need to teach.

[38:16]

And one of the ways you teach is by showing people your understanding is not mature. That's part of how you teach them so they can see what they need to do to help you. How you doing? I'm struggling. I mean, I feel like in the absolute sense, I totally get how the healing has to happen completely in an inner penetrated way. And at the same time, there's a part of me that just feels really impatient around the idea that it's the job of people who have been deeply harmed to teach the harmers how to repair that. I feel like that's what the dominant paradigm in our society is doing over and over and over again, is asking the people who are most impacted to clean up the mess that we're making.

[39:19]

Yeah, you could ask the people who are most deeply impacted, but you could also have people who are not most deeply impacted also help the impactor. The one who is impacted most doesn't have to be the only person to teach this person. So, if somebody makes a public confession, it's not just the person who was hurt that gets his job, it's everybody's job. Everybody can say, that was not a good confession. not just the person who was hurt, but if that person could join the education process, they would grow. They would become more whole if they could do that, but they don't have to start it. Somebody else can start it. Somebody who maybe either has more skill at interrogating people who are confessing and pointing out their shortcomings or somebody who is currently not in a state of trauma but feels, you know, kind of whole and healed.

[40:21]

And then they enter the fray with the person who is trying to learn how to admit what they've done and find their sorrow for it. It doesn't have to be just the person, but the person who was hurt maybe has to help the people who are interacting with that person. And the person who's interacting with them might turn to the one who was hurt and saying, you feel that he heard you? Did he feel something that he recognized something there? And they might say, no, or they might say, yeah. Yeah, he's on the right track. Keep questioning him. He doesn't quite get it yet. To not include the person who's harmed, well, that's kind of disrespectful. They should be part of the team that judges whether the harm has been addressed. And they might feel it's addressed before some other people do. Like the person who was tortured, he felt that it was addressed.

[41:24]

He was satisfied. He felt there was healing. And before that, he did not. Before that process started, he did not feel the healing. And the interviewer couldn't quite see the healing. But by talking to the person who had been harmed, the interview kind of got it. And the person who was harmed taught me too. And I'm sharing that with you. The one who is harmed eventually, in order for it to be healing, eventually the one who was harmed needs to become a teacher too. They don't have to be the first teacher in the process. They can watch somebody else teach the person who harmed them how to see what they did. So I feel harmed, but this person interrogates or interviews or inquires into the person who harmed me. And the way they inquire heals me. The way they inquire heals me. And then I learn how to do that too.

[42:26]

And if I would learn how to do that, that would heal me. But this confession and repentance work, it's the work of entering challenge But there's no point in entering challenge if we don't feel any enthusiasm. We need to realize that this is the way to apply dharma in daily life. Thank you. Farnoosh. Hi. I didn't realize I was going to be called so soon. Thank you though. Um, uh, I have, um, I, since the Lotus Sutra intensive, um, I have felt, um, an opening to practice confession and repentance and, and, um,

[43:28]

in my life, and I definitely feel like I'm not practiced or trained in it. I'm not even sure sometimes if I'm confessing, if something I'm saying is necessitates confession, I'm just kind of confessing all over the place. And, you know, part of that, the challenge for me, with any new practice, whether it's the practice of compassion, you know, am I being compassionate with it? Or, you know, is this an opportunity? You know, I feel so supported by the concreteness and the sort of profundity of the teachings that you offer that they are, so I can apply them. But then I find myself, if I'm not applying them, if I'm not aware that I'm applying them, then there is a sense in which I have a hard time confessing that I feel I've been missing some opportunities, because I have this perception that I haven't been applying this practice.

[44:41]

It's been hours since I've confessed or repented or since I've checked to see how I'm doing or how someone else is doing. So part of my question is, how can I hold this idea that there are sort of conditions? I struggle with this idea or view that there are necessary conditions for practice and that I need to be able to recognize them, that I'm either doing this thing or I'm not doing it, that I'm sort of all or I'm nothing. I feel that that is an impediment for me in my progress. Before you say too much for me to respond to, could I? Sorry. So you said you're sorry. You didn't say too much, okay? But you're getting to a point where you said many things I wanted to respond to. The last one was, if you have the thought that the conditions aren't right for you to

[45:44]

to practice confession, if you have that thought, then that would be something to confess. I confess that I think that I'm using my current situation as a reason to not practice, because it's not a good situation to practice. I confess that and I'm sorry, I'm saying situations now, I'm using the situation as an excuse not to practice. I see that I did that, and I see that as an impediment. Thinking that now is not a good time to practice, that thought is a challenging thought. However, if I treat it with compassion, the compassionate way to treat impediments is to confess them. I just saw an impediment. I just saw a thought that said, I can't practice now. I confess that, and I'm sorry that I kind of believed that. But now that I'm confessing, I'm practicing.

[46:48]

Now that I confess that I thought now's not a good time, and that I'm sorry about thinking that way, now I'm practicing again. Confession and repentance is a compassion practice. And it's a compassion practice so we can apply compassion to our daily life, which includes It's been several hours since I remembered to practice compassion. Yeah, I haven't, I forgot. I forgot that I wanted to practice compassion this morning and I forgot, but I noticed now and I confess it and I'm sorry, but now I'm practicing. To confess that there's been quite a while since I've practiced compassion, to confess that and to feel sorry is the pure and simple color of true practice. I guess what I mean by the specific conditions, because I think what's happening is as I'm entering what I call daily life, somehow it feels like too tall of an order for myself, perhaps maybe there's not enough spaciousness or compassion with it, to do my daily life and at every moment do my practice.

[48:13]

Right there, you have this thought, this is a tall order. Yes. Now, does that thought, this is a tall order, is that something that you just address with compassion? Or do you say, no, I don't... I'm going to skip over the thought that this is a tall order. I'm going to skip over the thought, this is too much. Or do you practice compassion with all your thoughts, including, this is too much, this is too advanced for me? Yes, I think I do, and I'm not... So you missed a chance to be compassionate. to the thought that this is too much. And when I am compassionate to it, it sort of relieves, it relieves things. Relieves. Compassion is good stuff. I know, but I'm left with the question and I'm left with the question, I think of, can we recognize when we are practicing? Do we need to always be able to recognize that we are practicing?

[49:15]

Recognizing your compassion, practicing, it's okay. It's okay. If you're dancing, it's okay that you recognize that you're dancing. It's okay. But you don't have to recognize you're dancing to dance. You can dance without thinking, I'm dancing. And you're dancing. You can practice compassion without thinking. I'm practicing compassion. It's okay. That's what I think is what I need to hear because I... You heard it. You can practice compassion without thinking. I am practicing. I personally, I do not walk around thinking I'm practicing compassion. Like right now, I don't think I'm practicing compassion with you. I don't think that. I could, but I don't. And you're not trying to, you just are. I am trying to. You are. I'm trying to be compassionate to you. I want to be compassionate to you. I'm screaming that I want to be compassionate to you. I want to be compassionate to me. I want to have a compassionate relationship. That's what I want. And when I remember that, I feel fine.

[50:21]

But I don't think, well, I am. Now somebody else must say, that was pretty compassionate of you. I say, oh yeah, great. When Buddhas are truly Buddhas, they do not think I am compassionate. They might. might think, oh, I'm compassionate. That's okay. But that's not being thinking that walking around thinking that you're compassionate is just a thought. It's being compassionate is that you're kind to your all your thoughts. Each one. When you're being kind to something, when you're being kind to a human or a dog, right? At that moment, you don't have to think, I'm being kind. It's not so much that I want to think that I'm being kind. I recognize that I'm being kind. But many people have an impediment or a challenge, you could say, is they want to know that they're being kind. That's another thing to be kind to. When they're dancing, they want to know that they're dancing.

[51:25]

When I say, which is it that you want? Do you want to dance or know that you're dancing? Well, I'd like to know. That's more important than dancing, is to know that I'm dancing. Which is most important? Yes. To be compassionate or to know you're compassionate. Yes, yes. I'd say being compassionate is where it's at. And knowing that you are is secondary, optional. If you give somebody some water and help them drink it, that's not the same as thinking, I'm helping them drink it. Right. You can help somebody, you can give them water and help them drink it. You can be kind to somebody without thinking, I'm being kind. Again, it's okay, but many people want to know when they're trying to be kind, when they're trying to be patient, they want to know, I'm patient. That's another thing to be kind to.

[52:27]

So many Zen students want to know, they actually are Zen students. Yeah, want to know I'm doing it right or what, you know, that's definitely there. But wanting to do it right is one thing, wanting to practice the bodhisattva way is one thing, and wanting to know that you are is another. The second point is optional. It's okay, but I'm not into it myself. I do not walk around thinking I am helping people. I walk around thinking, I want to. I want to. And I want to know that I'm doing everything that I can do. And so when I don't know that, then I... You slipped. You slipped. You want to know that you're doing everything that you can do. That's a slip. It's not really a slip. It's just a thought. And you should be compassionate to wanting to know you're doing everything that you could do. If you're doing everything you could do, That's what counts, not knowing that you do.

[53:32]

Thank you. Steven. Hey, Rob. Good afternoon, Steven. Well, on the governor in question, it just seems to me that he's well aware that he's, wherever else he is, he's in a pond full of alligators and confession among the alligators, you know, is in some ways unwise. I think the brilliance of the genius of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission was We're all alligators here and no one's going to bite. And until you have that dynamic, you know, I happen to have practiced some law in my life.

[54:33]

Until you have that dynamic, you're a fool to confess and you would be wise to take yourself to something like a closet and pray with the contrite heart or a therapist and say, what am I getting wrong here with, you know, in the governor in question's case, women. So I don't know, it seems to me your model is maybe could use some refinement. Yeah, I would say that the practice of confession and repentance can be deepened and refined without end. So I'm introducing it, but I'm not saying that I'm done refining it, okay? And if when you first start practicing confession and repentance, it may be that you need to do it in this environment rather than that one, because you don't know how to do it in that one.

[55:37]

Do it in a place where you can learn something, but start the process someplace, if you can, and then maybe then you can do it in wider and wider contexts. But refinement, don't take as being a waste of time your effort to refine and deepen your practice of confession and repentance. It's an ongoing thing. Thank you, Stephen. Karen. Thou art muted. I unmuted and then I kind of fell out of that state again.

[56:42]

It seems to me that you're talking about this process of confession and repentance, and it's an interpersonal process. And I'm... It's both. You can confess and repent by yourself, with nobody, no people around. You can confess and repent in front of a Buddhist statue, where you maybe don't feel like the Buddha's giving you any feedback. And you can confess and repent with a confessor, a professional confessor, and you can also eventually confess and repent with people that you feel you've been unskillful with. So it's both intrapsychic and interpersonal. Like you could have a dream, and in your dream you could confess and repent, and then you wake up and you realize that wasn't a very good confession. You can see the shortcomings of your own confession sometimes.

[57:46]

So it can be within your own psyche, but really where it's at. The place where we really learned how to have liberating conversations is by being called into account by others. So the interpersonal is really like fulfillment of the practice. We need others to give us feedback on our behavior in order for our behavior to live in the world in a beneficial way. Are you saying that that's true even if it looks like both the the party who's doing the injury and the recipient of the injury is us. You know, sometimes we harm ourselves. And I'm wondering how this process then would work if, if you if you accidentally hurt yourself, you mean, or habitually?

[58:58]

If you habitually hurt yourself? Yeah. Well, like when people do various things, right? uh, eat poison, uh, take various kinds of drugs that they, they, they know are hurting. Yeah. So then, yeah. When I like eat too much of something, or if I eat poison, I, excuse me for saying so, I'm not real hard on myself. I kind of say, That was really unnecessary. You didn't have to eat that. What did you eat that for? You weren't really hungry. That wasn't really good for you. I often say, silly boy. I'm kind to myself when I notice myself doing things to myself that aren't really beneficial. I'm kind to myself in the form of saying, that was kind of silly.

[60:07]

That was kind of inattentive. You weren't really mindful when you, the way you ate that, the way you're eating right now is not really mindful. And I kind of like, thank you for pointing that out. Thank you, Reb, for pointing that out about Reb. You can be kind to yourself when you notice your unskillfulness and your inattentiveness and your lack of mindfulness and your impulsiveness with yourself. you can notice it and be kind to yourself. I don't know if you can stand the story again. One time my grandson was with me at Tassajara. How many people have heard that story? Yes, yeah. Yeah, so I was with him at Tassajara. It's the first time he was away from his mother and he, in order to miss her after a couple of days. And he said, I want my mom, [...] I want my mom.

[61:11]

Started doing it super fast, faster than I can say. And I listened to him and I said, I'll take you home tomorrow. And he calmed down. And the next morning when we were getting ready to leave, he said, remember yesterday when I was saying, I want my mom, I want my mom, I want my mom, I want my mom. That was kind of silly, wasn't it? I didn't tell him he was being silly. I didn't tell him to be a big boy. I didn't tell him he shouldn't want to go back to his mother. I listened to him. And he listened to himself. And he saw. But he didn't punch himself in the face for saying that. He just said, that was silly, wasn't it? So I feel like being gentle with ourselves, when we notice our shortcomings towards ourselves, encourage us to do that more. That wasn't so bad that I noticed that I was not careful. I'm going to try that again sometime.

[62:14]

I'm being aware when I'm not being aware and pointing that out to myself and saying, yeah, I kind of, I don't particularly want to do that anymore. I probably will, but right now I don't really, I don't want to do it more. I actually, I'm almost ready to give that up and not do that anymore. Because I don't think it's good for me. I don't think X is good for me. And I did it. And I wasn't really present when I did it. And I didn't stop and think, do you really want to do this? And the answer is, yes, I do. But that might happen sometimes. Do you really want to do this? Yes, I do. OK, let's do it. The example that was in my mind asking that question is, having had multiple days of when I sit noticing that I'm making lists, you know, I'm just wasting that time. And it's, it's a little frustrating. And I really don't want to do that.

[63:15]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, confession, repentance will deepen and refine and get you more in line with the way you want to live in terms of your own taking care of yourself. the way you want to take care of your body and mind, the way you take care of your body and mind is part of your responsibility to us. We can't take care of you in certain ways all day long. You do. We want you to. We want you to be skillful. And yeah, it would be good for you to be skillful taking care of yourself. That would help us. For you to learn how to acknowledge and express sorrow for your unskillfulness would help us. And then you could do the same with your relationship with us. Thank you. You're welcome. Enrique.

[64:17]

Good day. Good day. It's afternoon here, I think it may be morning here still. Yesterday, I reached out to a friend who I noticed was suffering. And I told them, hey, I know you have a lot of people to talk to, but if you run out of options, you can talk to me, I'll be glad to listen. And they said, I don't really want to talk about it. I'd rather just forget about it. And realizing today that there's a relationship between forgetting or wanting to forget as a means to deal with pain. Yes.

[65:27]

Can I make one comment there? I'm sorry? May I make a comment in the middle of this? Yes. So when your friend tells you, I don't want, what didn't he want? They didn't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to forget about it. Right. So that was a confession that he made to you. He confessed that he did not want to talk and he wanted to forget about it. That was a confession. But he didn't feel bad about, he didn't feel sorrow about that. Not yet. But if you listen to him when he says that, he could realize that trying to forget about his suffering is unskillful. And also trying to forget about other people's suffering, like I hurt someone else, I want to forget about it. Trying to forget about my suffering is unskillful.

[66:28]

but when I first confess that I'm trying to forget about mine or forget about yours, I may not feel sorrow about that. But in a way, the Buddha would feel sorrow if the Buddha wanted to forget about people's suffering, including her own. So right at that point, you were helping that person learn how to practice because you offered something and then they confessed to you. They confessed unskillfulness to you, but they didn't take the next step. And then it's their job to take the next step, not for you to get them to do it. But I just want to point out that the process started there in that conversation. So now, please continue if you wish. I realize that I want, or I confess that I, have a lot of pain and wish to forget it.

[67:31]

I hear you. And I relate to today's theme in that confessing and repenting is a major obstacle, at least for me, is how painful it is. And I imagine in the example of the tortured person and the torturer, it's painful for both of them. It's painful for the torturer to admit what they had done, and that that is why they don't confess or repent, because they have to admit a horrible thing they've done. And then for the person who is tortured, it's triggering, it brings back the memory of what happened. Maybe they'd forgotten. And now, in listening to this confession, they're remembering that all over again.

[68:32]

And so the pain is what I feel right now is my biggest hurdle in confessing and repenting and refining that practice. You could say the pain you said is an obstacle. It feels like an obstacle. It feels like I can't get there because it hurts. So then it sounds like the job now is to try to practice, maybe not get into the confession and repentance, but practice compassion towards your fear of the pain and the pain. Because if you can't practice compassion with the pain, may, it's not that the pain isn't the obstacle. The inability to be compassionate to it is the obstacle. So we need to practice compassion towards the fear and anticipation or presence of pain in regard to our behavior.

[69:41]

So the pain is opportunity. The obstacle is not being compassionate to it. And most people feel at least some bitterness is involved in the process of confessing and repenting. So, repentance is usually translated first as sorrow, but you could also say it could be translated as bitterness. Repentance is kind of bitter. It's not sweet. However, if we practice with that bitterness and that sorrow and that pain, we will taste the Dharma. But first of all, we have to open to this bitterness and this pain, compassionately open to it. And that is hard for us. And that's how confession and repentance make it possible to apply the Dharma

[70:49]

to our daily life of being an ordinary person who makes mistakes. Thank you. Thank you. Homer. Good morning, Rob. The word inability is what I like to be intimate with. And the reason of my intimacy with inability is my liberation, my freedom. I have seen over and over Being with what is, is freedom.

[72:01]

And I totally confess, I lack that presence. I lack that here-ness. And I don't know how to deal with this lack. That's my question. I don't know how to deal with it. Yes, please. Thank you. You just dealt with it by confessing it. You just confessed it. That's confession. And then, if you feel any sorrow about not being completely present, then say, I'm sorry. If you feel it. I'm sorry I'm not completely present. Thank you. No, the word saying I'm sorry is not being sorry.

[73:05]

And I don't want to, yes. True, the word is not being it. So if you don't feel it, don't say it. You don't have to say it. I don't want to say it, but I want to. I want that. I long that sorrow. I long that unity. Okay, if you feel that sorrow, okay? I feel it, yes. You confess and you feel the sorrow, okay? Confessing and feeling the sorrow is a way of dealing with the way you want to be, which is present and intimate. That's the way you want to be. And when you're not that way and you notice it, the way you can deal with that not being present is by confessing it. And if you feel sorrow, you have just done confession and repentance. You just did it.

[74:08]

And that is a way to deal with it. However, One more step is, if you say it to somebody, especially somebody you're practicing with, they can maybe say, do you really feel sorry? Or something like that. And that may help you, not so much the word, but help you get in touch with the feeling more deeply by asking you a question about it. Yes, thank you. So my question is, that I actually don't want to be sorry. I want to be more in touch with it. And when I'm in touch with sorrow, when I'm actually, actually in touch with it, there's this joy. When I'm in touch, there's joy. That's right. That's what the Sutra says. When you repent, you're at ease.

[75:13]

When you repent, you're joyful. That's what the sutra said. So that's what, okay. Now I understand what repentance is. Before it was a word. Now I understand it. Thank you. The definition of repentance, the first definition in the English dictionary is sorrow. When you feel sorrow about what you've done, you become at ease with what you've done. It doesn't mean take it away. You become intimate with it. And then without getting rid of it and you still are responsible, you're free. Thank you. [...] I wish to go further into Panushi's knowing

[76:18]

question. So, um, many times I feel that I, um, that I am trying to practice, um, generosity and compassion, um, in when I'm interacting with, uh, another person, another being. And then, um, I suddenly received something that feels very painful as a response, anger even, maybe. So, if I'm trying to practice generosity with someone, In order to really realize generosity, I need others to call me into question.

[77:27]

I'm trying to practice compassion with you. I need you and others to call me into question. If I'm trying to practice compassion with you and nobody calls me into question, Something's funny about my compassion practice. I must be living in some kind of a bubble. I must be telling people, you're not giving me any feedback on my compassion practice. But hopefully, while I'm trying to learn how to practice compassion, people will give me the gift of questioning me. And the questioning may be painful. So if I try to be kind to you and you say to me, do you think that was being kind? Or were you trying to be kind just now? Or were you trying to be cruel just now? I tried to open my heart and then you questioned me.

[78:31]

That could be painful for me. But that's how our conversation becomes liberating. It's for you to question my attempts to practice compassion. My question on that is, is there a way for me, for one to be aware of the way that one is offering what one believes to be compassion? is affecting or being received by the person one's trying to offer it to, that will enable, for instance, me to realize, oh, this isn't being received how I'm trying to offer it, before the person is so affected by it, that actually they're hurt and respond like that.

[79:41]

Do you certainly understand? Thank you. Well, before you before you use the word before, I was saying, there is a way to become aware or to understand our effect on other people. There is a way and the way is conversation. However, it's not before you have an effect on them. You may hurt them a lot before you have a chance to get any feedback, which is really sad that I might really hurt you because I don't understand how I affect you. After I've hurt you, hopefully you will help me and tell me that really hurt. And then I had the opportunity of saying, thank you for telling me, and I'm really sorry.

[80:49]

I learn about my effect on people with the help people telling me. I might think, oh, I just had a good effect on so-and-so. I might think that. And they might say, no, I don't agree with you. It really felt painful. I'm not so sure you're helping me. It's the conversation. But if I'm trying to help you and you say that was not helpful, that could be quite painful for me. I just did some, I just like gave you my, I thought I gave you my best and you said not good enough. That could be quite painful to me. But that's how I learn. That's how we become free together. And that is another example of how difficult it is to apply the teachings in our daily life. And that's another example of confession and repentance. I tried to help. I didn't notice the shortcoming. You pointed it out.

[81:53]

Now I, and I feel it, now I confess, now I get it, and I'm sorry. This process, we're in the process of deepening this practice. And it will be painful. But it will also be set us at ease and be joyful if we do it. Thank you. You're welcome. Angela. I'd like to share that last month with our Zoom No Abode community. My heart is racing now.

[82:56]

I'm just kidding. I said something about the Lotus Sutra that we were, that it maybe, I don't think I used the word lack, but that's coming to me right now, lacked discrimination. And you said, actually, it is with discrimination. I think that's what you said. And then I noticed, which happens frequently, I'm confessing, I get stuck. Like it's, I have a sticking point. And I listen to the community converse with you and share so openly and freely, it seems. And I aspire to be able to share so freely

[84:07]

and be free of this sticking point. And so I find it interesting and wonderful that we're talking today about confession and repentance. Because since last month, when we had that conversation, when I would go to sit my daily sitting, I would notice as I do the physical sticking like a sticking point in my body where there isn't a free flow as I wish for conversation and for within my body. And so then what arose in my mind was the question lacking faith and practice. And so I do confess and I feel sorrow. my lack of faith in practice.

[85:11]

And so practicing, confessing and repenting, and practicing with the Bodhisattva precepts, 16 and more, I cultivate faith in practice. When you said several things which I'd like to comment on, may I? Yes, please. Being stuck or feeling stuck is a consequence of a lack in practice. Not being able to pivot and flow is a consequence of not practicing. However, if you feel stuck or unable to turn, in conversation, if you feel unable to flow, okay? And you practice confessing, oh, I feel stuck.

[86:22]

And I feel kind of some sorrow about being stuck. Then you're practicing again. Then, in fact, you do flow with, you flow with the being stuck into the practice of confessing, I feel stuck. And I'm sorry, I'm kind of like not with the flow. I want to be with the flow. I'm not with the flow. Yeah, I'm not with the flow is it shows a shortcoming in my flowing practice. And I and I'm sorry about that. But now I'm practicing again, by noticing it, admitting it and feeling kind of uncomfortable about it. So you just said if you feel stuck, That's a practice. You had the faith to do that practice. And you didn't say so, but I think you felt a little discomfort with being stuck, and sorry about it. And you have aspiration to flow freely with all beings.

[87:24]

But sometimes, because you don't practice in some, you know, compassion with some situation, you get stuck, or we get stuck. But again, once we're stuck, repent, confession and repentance come. And when confession and repentance come, the practice is back in operation. And then there can be ease even before the stuckness goes away. Because your fact you are flowing with the stuckness. You're giving the stuckness just what it wants. It wants recognition, and it wants sorrow. Justin. Hi Rob.

[88:31]

Hi Justin. I confess, I feel a little bit guilty about asking this question because the flow of the conversation has been mainly around confession and repentance, but I would imagine there's a way this relates and it goes back to how you opened up your talk by talking about only a Buddha and a Buddha and in Zazen, And I find myself feeling alternately like I have a glimpse of understanding what you're saying about a Buddha and a Buddha. And then sometimes feeling like I have no idea and feeling totally confused by that statement. And it seems like a very important thing that you would like us to understand. And I think there's a reason that you say it a lot.

[89:34]

And while I was sitting here trying to know, in my mind trying to refine my question, and I'm asking you, please, yeah. So, when you have a thought like, I have no idea what this is about, do you have a thought like that sometimes? Uh-huh. When you have a thought like, I'm confused, For you to be compassionate towards that thought, I have no idea what's going on, is appropriate to only a Buddha. Your job is to be only a Buddha, to be yourself completely, including that your mind is sometimes given thoughts like, I'm confused, I have no idea what this practice is, So you said that, and it sounds like you feel some discomfort with the thought, I have no idea what this practice is.

[90:46]

Well, I do, but I also, I think I feel more with the idea of only a Buddha and a Buddha because in my mind, it promotes otherness. You gotta start with, first of all, start with only a Buddha. Okay. You being you. Once you're you being you, then you can meet the other. All the Buddhas interacting with each other is other. You're yourself, you're only a Buddha. You're a solitary Buddha. And you're also in relationship to something other. Your relationship with others is half of what you are. So other doesn't mean separate. It's the complement of self. So you're self and you're other. You're only a Buddha and you're together with Buddhas.

[91:50]

And the together is other than the only. So is another way of saying it, when you're Buddha, all beings are Buddhas? Is that a buddha and a buddha? When you're a buddha and you encounter another being, you're a buddha with a buddha? You're only a buddha. All beings are together with you. But first of all, I have to do your job to then open to the other, which is your relationship with all other beings. But you got this hard job of being you and dealing with your thoughts and your opinions about your practice and other people's practice. That's your responsibility. You can tell me about your thoughts, which is fine, then that's my reb together with Justin practice. That's part of what I am, is to hear about your practice. But it's not my job to have the thought, I'm confused, when you tell me that.

[92:58]

It's my job to be with you. That's me together with you. Your job is to be the person has that thought come, you know, and try to do that wholeheartedly, then you can meet me. If you're half-heartedly you, you can't meet me. Because you haven't done your work. And part of your work is dealing with thoughts like, I don't know what my work is. Well, your work is to take care of that thought. Okay. Thank you. So we have time for one more question, Breck. Hello, Reb. Hello, Breck. So the thought that's occurred in the discussion of confession for me today is, and also when you talked about practicing compassion,

[94:05]

is the notion that if I practice confession or compassion or kindness or love, that in itself is what I want to do. But what colors it, and I don't know if this is what the meaning of when we chant about the color of faith, the mind of faith and the color of faith, what colors it is if I want something in return, rather than just offering. whatever it might be, compassion, kindness, and so on. And going all the way back to the first question, I think it was Katie, is that if I've wronged someone, if I make a confession and I am hoping for forgiveness or expecting even more strongly forgiveness, that that somehow taints the confession. And my question is, is that what is meant by the phrase, the mind or the phrases, the mind, the true mind of faith and the true color of faith?

[95:17]

I don't really know what especially the true color of faith means. I don't know how the translation of that can be expanded. Thank you. If you have some shortcoming, in your behavior, and you want to practice, you want to confess it. And if you feel some sorrow, and you want to confess it, then confessing and expressing your sorrow is compassion. If you also want to get something out of it, like having the person appreciate what you said or forgive you or something. If you have that wish that they would give you something, that you would gain something by this, then that's another thing to confess.

[96:20]

So, I want to confess X and I feel sorrow about it. And if you actually do confess X and express sorrow about it, that is compassion. That is the true mind of faith to do that. However, you have a lot of things going on with you. You can also have, along with that, you can say a taint. The taint is, and I want to get famous as a confessor. I want people to appreciate my wonderful practice. I want to have a wonderful practice. Yes. And I also, by the way, would like everybody to know about it. And I'd like a lot of people to be talking about my great practice. That's a human desire, which I might feel actually not too good about. That's something to confess. And if you confess your wish to get something out of practicing compassion, that's compassion towards that thought.

[97:33]

And without getting rid of the thought, of I'd like to get something out of practicing compassion. The confession and repentance about trying to get something out of compassion melts the way, melts the root of trying to get something out of compassion. So I was unkind, And I confess that I was, and I'm sorry, and that's just fine. That's the practice. Also, I'm trying to get something out of the practice. That's another thing to confess. And I feel sorry that I'm trying to get something out of this dear practice. But I was, and I confess it, and I'm sorry. And in both cases, we melt away the root of the unkindness

[98:37]

and we melt away the root of the greediness by confessing and repenting. Also, we could be unkind to ourselves about what we want to confess. Like I could feel that I wasn't kind, and I could also be mean to myself about that. So I have two unkindnesses. One, the first unkindness, the second one, that I was mean to myself when I noticed it. I punished myself when I noticed my unkindness. Thank you. Very grateful. Thank you, Rev. Well, we've been going for two hours now, and I would like to thank you all for coming to the meeting. and appreciate all you're offering your precious life to this assembly, and wishing you well, of course, in your great practice of the Buddha way.

[99:50]

May our intentions stand to be in place with the true merit of the Buddha's way. Beings are numberless. I vow to save them. Afflictions are inexhaustible. I vow to pass through. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Good away is unsurpassable. I vow to become it. Thanks again, everybody. Thank you. Thank you, Rob. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Rob. Thank you, everyone.

[100:42]

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