Confession & Repentance in the Lotus Sutra

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As many of you know, starting last fall and starting many years ago, I have been studying the Lotus sutra and reading the Lotus Sutra and reciting the Lotus Sutra and discussing the lotus sutra yeah for more than fifty years
and recently i've been doing it together with lots of people
and in particular we had a intense study of it
in january i was at
green gulch for all or january and
five days a week for three weeks and also in the weekends
ah in diamond talks and small groups or seven days a week we were studying the lotus sutra
and the reverberations
the echoes the after shocks
of this study of this
amazing thing we call the lotus sutra whatever it is
has continued
and i like to share with you
these aftershocks and these afterglows
and these are
after effects and residences
are you ready for this

for example lust
last tuesday night i had a meeting with
ah a group of people like this group and are on the platform called the lug yoga room
so i i was discussing zen meditation with that group of
living beings i was discussing zen meditation with that group of body sought for us
and i brought up the lotus sutra and in particular i brought up the expression which i've used
over and over
the expression images only buddha
together with buddha that expression
and that's from the lotus sutra and that expression is followed by
can thoroughly understand the true nature of all things

only a buddha together with a buddha can thoroughly understand
the true characteristics of all things
so what i'm proposing now is that
only buddha together with buddha is
an expression for what we call in the zen school
zen meditation
what i mean by zen meditation is only a buddha together with buddha

what i mean by zen meditation is
deeply and thoroughly understanding the true nature of all things
so we we talked about zen meditation in terms of that expression
are using not turn
to help us understand what our practices when our zen meditation practices are zen meditation practice is the practice of the lotus sutra
it is the practice
of only a buddha
together with buddha it is the intimacy of only a buddha and together with buddha
it is a solitary buddha
and a social buddha
intimately related
so that's one of the after effects of studying the lotus sutra now to tie it back in more deeply with our ordinary zen practice are ordinary zen meditation and also to tie are extraordinary
and marvelous zen meditation to bring that into resonance with the ordinary only a buddha together with buddha
now today also want to talk about the lotus sutra
and bring up a new fold in the discussion
so there is an expression called the three fold lotus sutra
the three falls lotus sutra

so the three for lotus sutra is three different sutures
the first one is called the sutra of innumerable meanings
the second one is what people usually think of as the lotus sutra of that true dharma and the third
sutra is called contemplating samanta hydra cetera
some entre hydra is the name of a great bodhisattva who we called the shining practice bodhisattva
today i'd like to talk about dis third
sutra of the threefold lotus sutra

in in our studies as a group before we we basically got to chapter twenty two and then from chapter twenty two to the anders of the sutra the main lotus sutra there are
chapter twenty three chapter twenty four chapter twenty five chapter twenty six chapter twenty seven chapter twenty eight six more chapters the last chapter of the twenty eight chapters of the lotus search of the last chapter
is called entrustment of some entendre entrustment of the bodhisattva of universal virtue
and then that sets up this new sutra called contemplation of
some onto pedro contemplation of
universal virtue bodhisattva also sometimes translated as universal goodness

in that sutra
the third part of the lotus sutra
there are some discussion about who and what kind of a being this enlightening being of our universal goodness is
but it is sends the main
the main message of that sutra is a teaching about confession and repentance

not some people when they read the lotus sutra the first twenty eight chapters and also may be
maybe read the sutra of innumerable meanings which leads into the twenty eight chapters of the lotus sutra
at when they deeply enter this great sutras they often feel very clear
full of joy
ah the i'm uplifted
clear clean free inspired amazed and so on
and then they enter into their daily life
and had trouble
orienting to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and also an unknown authors slings and arrows of outrageous fortune but anyway re-entering daily life is a major transition from
meditating in the realm of the lotus sutra
which is also sometimes called the loudest samadhi
and yeah we we as a group have entered the lotus samadi on a number of occasions and we have been amazed
we have been amazed and uplifted by the experience of a great assembly of people
and other beings gathering together and contemplating these teachings and discussing these teachings and questioning these teachings and bringing forth our difficulty with these teachings and working together we have been uplifted and amazed and
inspired and joyful and amazed and troubled and challenged and amazed and so on it was very odd it is very wonderful and then there's daily life following them
so today i see the the third sutra the searcher on simonton hydra the sutra or on confession and repentance as a way to reengage with the troubles of daily life away to a
practice to do as we enter
from the lotus sutra samadi we leave the samadhi and we will enter the turbulence we enter the realm where we are besieged by emotional and caught other cognitive challenges and difficulties
events of daily life this sutra
i see as helping us make that transition and become grounded again in the ordinary life after studying the lotus sutra
after being in the lotus sutra mind
and repentance
is the practice to settle to settle into
the chaos and turbulence and challenges of daily life
i propose that to you

and again that third sutra is teaching repentance for this purpose so we can apply the teachings of zen meditation to daily life struggles
part of the confession and repentance is i'm having trouble applying the teachings of the lotus sutra to my daily life struggles i confess that and i'm sorry i'm sorry about having
miss some opportunities to apply the teachings of the sutra to my daily life
for example the lotus sutra teaches
those who
practice all virtues
which means all virtues again that's the name in a way of some launch of hydra universal virtues those who practice amount of hydro's way who engage in all the difficulties of daily life
who are
flexible and gentle
and tender in the flow of all these turbulences
who are harmonious with it all who are upright was at all
and who are honest about it all like i'm having trouble now this is hard i forgot to practice being upright i'm sorry i was leaning this way or that way i'm sorry i confess i was not paying attention i confess
i was not being diligent i confess i'm i honestly admit
that i was not kind
that i was not gentle
and i'm sorry
that confession that were not practicing the teaching of the lotus sutra
grounds us in our daily life so we can practice the lotus sutra
the confession saddles us down so we can re-enter the samadhi
how wonderful
it was wonderful to be in the samadi but then we are like in the lotus sutra the buddha enter samadi and and the buddha comes out of samadhi
and teaches
the buddha comes out of samadi and enters the world of turbulence of all sentient beings
and it doesn't say so but the buddha comes out of samadhi and enters the world of suffering and confesses and repentance and repents in the process of the the buddha settles into the world of suffering through the practice of confession and repentance
and then teachers
i got this image just morning the gift it came to me up i remembered seeing these mom mostly women women and quite young women are doing a floor
exercises or casa called trampoline where they they run at higher speeds
on maps
and they do various kinds of flips and turns in the air after running
and then at the end i think that the end they they jump onto a trampoline
and then fly into the air and then they land
most of the most of the women
if they're running down these mats doing these amazing flips and turns and twists
most what i've seen they do them far as i can see almost perfectly

can enter in a way it's not daily life is like the lotus sutra they do
and then they jump into this air and then jump onto a
trampoline and then they fly higher into the air and then they land when they land almost none of them land very well
some i'm just plain fall down or fall over
or fly all over the place but some of them occasionally some of them land just they just go home
and then everybody just is totally amazed that they can land you know so simply and uprightly
because when you come back to earth if you're a little bit off and you're coming from such a height it really shows and so the same when we entered the heights of of lotus sutra samadi when we engage in daily life we can see
the little or big imperfections in our adjustments
and noticing that is repentance
and getting us back on the ground and saying i wasn't there was some shortcomings in my landing in this world
every moment we land in this world and maybe we noticed some shortcoming we feel some shortcoming
in our landing
okay this is not the end of the world this is the beginning of the body sought for practice of confession and repentance and by the power of confession and repentance we will settle into this world
and this practice of confession and repentance
dogan says is the pure and simple color of true practice
this is re entering
and practicing all virtues
and noticing shortcomings in our practice of
virtues and confessing and and perhaps if we do feel it saying i'm sorry
one might notice as one's practice deepens
or one might notice once practice deepening
as one practices confession and repentance
as one matures one know may notice i say i'm sorry more often than i used to

in a in the book being upright i mentioned a couple times a sutra another sutra besides the lotus sutra another sutra which is called in sanskrit
get ready for sanskrit here it comes brahma jolla's sutra
maha yagna brahma july sutra
or this could be in english the great vehicle
brahma net scripture
and this scripture i mentioned a couple of times in being upright
but what i don't mention and being upright which if i ever revise it if we ever revise it is that the the text
that inspired
oh being upright
is a japanese text on bodhisattva precepts
in japanese is called zen chi show
essence of zen precepts
essence of zen body sought for precepts
so back in the early nineties i helped cause tanahashi translate
that's it that text what text the essence of zen precepts
that text the essence of zan precepts
is at is based on
to a great extent
ah the dogon zingy and his two disciples sunday and jogo their understanding of this brahma net sutra the brahmin net sutra is in the background or at this thing on the ground from which the zen
the precepts arise

brahman etc at the beginning a brahmin sutra
at the beginning of this brahma net sutra
it's one of the sources or the main scriptural source of the text which is the main source for the teachings in being upright so part of the lineage of being upright is this sutra
the mahayana sutra brahma net dog and centuries understanding of it dog is angie students' understanding of it and then later zen teachers comments on on this lineage of study of the bodhisattva precepts in the beginning of the precept section
of this sutra it says
if the members of the great assembly will quietly listen

and they see that they have been unskillful
they will repent
they will confess and repent
if the members of the great assembly quietly listen and they see that they have been unskillful they will confess and repent
if they confess and repent
then they will be at ease
if they do not confess and repent their on skillfulness will grow more grievous

and then a little later in the sutra it says
dodd take as being a waste of time the effort to deepen your confession and repentance
so i have talked quite a long time
and know
i could go i could go to go on and i think i'll go on a little bit longer
i am i have been impressed
buy some news that i have been following
it's news about
a governor of a great state
of the united states
who has been accused
of sexual harassment
a being of violating the bodhisattva precepts
i've not misusing sexual energy
so this person has been accused of this
and on dennis person ah after some time this person attempted an apology

apparently this person has not done much apology practice
this person is not well trained well practiced in apology
so when the person made this policy many people thought that was really a lousy
apology that apology just made me feel worse

if we have not been practicing confession and repentance when we start we may not be very skillful
we may save something which really isn't a confession
but a kind of protection
of ourself
or a kind of blaming other people
like i'm sorry you're so i don't know unenlightened that you think i did something bad i'm really sorry that you think i did something bad i'm really sorry that the way you see me makes you feel bad
that's talking about the other person 's problems and you're sorry about them having problems
i was i'm happy to see that many people are looking at somebody trying to learn how to make apologies and teaching that person that they haven't learned how to do it yet
and hopefully i hope that the person keeps trying to learn how to make apologies because when the person really does make an apology the people who feel harmed they will feel heard and they will feel respected and they will feel a
uplifted and appreciated thank you for me for pointing out to me my shortcomings
that was great of you to do so and i'm really sorry for my shortcomings
many years ago when i was actually driving home from a class at the yoga room in berkeley i heard a man on the radio
who lived in south africa and he was tortured during apartheid years
and then during the process called i think truth and reconciliation
he his torturer
confessed to the torturing and did it in a way that seem true and said he was sorry he confessed any confess skillfully
he found a way to confess that sounded like he actually saw something about what he did and he was sincerely sorry and the interviewer was talking to the person who had been tortured said
do you think he should get amnesty now that he's confessed so skillfully and the man said
he's done his job
he should he should receive amnesty
and the the interviewer was amazed but that's how the man felt when that torture learned to do this practice they both found a way to be at peace with the jar and found reconciliation through truth through truth and confessing shortcomings and feeling sincere
early and of and appropriately sorry

i often use the example of sometimes people come to a meeting
with me and they say sorry i'm a little bit late
and i think why did you say a little bit why did you say i'm sorry i'm late
the little bit isn't you know
you're not really sorry for the little bit you're sorry for being late and the little bit maybe would like take away that you're late because it was just a little bit why not just say
i'm late i'm i'm sorry i was late i'm sorry to learn how we're in the process of learning how to make confessions that bring peace and ease to people who are not always on the buddha away behavior
okay so i really have talked a long time and i just set the table for discussion right and young
great assembly is invited
raise your hand
toronto hello katie
thanks for sharing everything you shared this morning and
you're welcome
and i i guess i wanted to
they can bring up that when you were talking about
confessing and were contain where there's been
i noticed like my heart rate started to rise and my body felt hot
and my understanding of restorative justice and
like repairing harm as a final step is a really important part of that process of kind of truth and reconciliation of reconciling the facts and taking accountability and showing understanding of impact and
the repenting is is so i find it really hard and so it it can be really easy to get stuck there and stock in was that apology sincere in us and my connected enough to the apology but i i worried
that both for myself and for the healing that's needed in the world it's also important to continue that process and get through to
looking at how not only to sincerely repent but actually to repair the harm and so i just i wanted to hear you comment on that as part of a at least as i understand it a restorative justice process
well i agree that it's it's an ongoing process is like i confess and repent and my job is done
i confess i'm if i'm able to confess then i i put myself out there and you get to give me feedback on whether the to fashion address the issue
my my confession you say no you didn't yet
and for you to be in dialogue with name again teach me how to confess
his heels heels both of us
you to learn how to help somebody say the truth you're trying to say the truth of what they did you you don't feel that they do so then you help them as you help them you clean and you yield the relationship
then a day after they confess if they repent if this express their sorrow
and you feel that did they didn't really say they're sorry that you can help them with that you helping them the helper heels the helper to help her heels them a person who was harming by teaching them how to get in touch with their own shortcomings
which at first i usually don't know how to do not always but often you helping them you become of a low-key test for
and you becoming off a lucky test for are you become healed
but you have you have to be patient with this person who did something which actually they think something's wrong with the to but they don't quite see him and the way they say it breed if they see it they don't want to say it
you helping them
and you helping then used feels the hum
and it may take a lot of interaction before they learn how does
we have seen examples of over people try again and again to apologize and people said nope
you're not getting it
lotto just walk off the won't even try anymore
so how can you say no you're not getting it in a way that they try again that they want to learn
mrs part of the bosses
when you when you or i help somebody
learn how to confess and repent skillfully or when somebody help you or i
there is healing
when we teach others and are taught by others there is healing this is the process of you
so if you're the one if you're the one who is confessing
you need to be taught but you also need to teach in one of the ways you teachers by showing people and understanding is not
mature as part of you teach them so they wish they can see what they need to do to help you
are you doing
i was struggling
i mean i i feel like and the and the in the absolute sense i totally get how the healing has to happen completely in an inner penetrated way and at the same time there's a part of me that just feels
really impatient around the idea that it's the job of people who have been deeply harm to teach the armor's how to repair that i feel like that's that's like what the dominant paradigm in our society is doing over and over and over again as asking the people who are most impacted to clean up the
mess that we're making
yeah if you could ask the people who are most deeply impacted but you could also have people who are not most deeply impacted also helped the the impactor
the one who impacted most doesn't have to be the only person to teach this person
so if somebody makes a public confession it's not just the person who was hurt that get his his job it's everybody's job everybody can say that was not a good a good confession
not just a person who was hurt
but at that person could join the education process they would grow it would become more whole it could do that but they don't have to started somebody else can start it
somebody who may be either has more skill and it had interrogating people who are confessing winning out their shortcomings or somebody who is currently not in the state of trauma
but feels you know kind of whole and heal and then they entered the fray with the person who is trying to learn how to admit what they've done and find their sorrow for it it doesn't have to be just the person but the person who was hurt maybe has to help the people who are interacting with that person
and the person who's interacting with them might turn to the one who has heard is sitting you feel that that read that he heard you did you feel so did he feel something that he recognized something there and they might say know what am i say young now he is on the right track
keep keep questioning him he doesn't quite get it yet
do not include the person has harmed well that's kind of disrespectful that they should be part of the key
that's that judges whether the harm has been addressed
and they might feel to address before have some other people do this and know he like the person who was torture he felt that it was addressed he was satisfied he felt there was healing
and before that he did not before that process start he did not feel the heat and the the the interviewer couldn't quite see the healing but by talking to the person who had been harmed interview kind of kind of got it
and the pursuit harm taught me to and i'm sharing that with you
one who is harmed eventually in order for to be healing eventually the one who has harmed needs to become a teacher to dinner it to be the first teacher the process
they can watch somebody else teach the person who harm them how to see what they did
well i feel harmed but this person in interrogates or interviews or inquires into the person who harm me and the way they inquire helps meet with help heels me where they inquire heels me and then i learn how to do that too
in if i would learn how to do that would be i would be that would heal mean
at this confession repentance work it's work of entering challenge
but there's no point of entry challenge if we don't feel any enthusiasm
you need to be a realize that this is the this is the way to apply dharma life

far news
i had go
i didn't realize i was gonna be called so soon thank you though on ah i have an eye essence the lotus sutra intensive i have felt an opening to practice confessional contents and and
in my life and i definitely feel like i'm not practiced are trained in it i'm not even sure some time as if i'm confessing if if something i'm saying is necessitates confession i'm just kind of confess it investing all over the place on and
the challenge
for me with any new practice whether it's the practice of compassion you know my being compassionate with it or but you know is it's an opportunity know i feel so supported by the concreteness and the the sort of profundity of the teachings that you offer that they are so i can you can apply them but then
am i find myself if i'm not applying if another we're that i'm applying them then on there is a sense in which i i
oh i have a hard time
confessing you know that i feel i have been missing some opportunities you know i might because i have i have this perception that i haven't been applying this practice it's been hours since i've confessed and repented or since i've checked to see you were how i'm doing or how someone else is doing and and on
so part of my question is how can i hold this can this idea that there are sort of on
conditions i struggle with this idea of view that that there are necessary conditions for practice and then i need to be able to recognize them that i'm either doing this thing or i'm not doing it on that i'm sort of all you know or i'm nothing and i feel that that is an impediment for me i'm in my
my progress
and before you said too much for me to respond to good sorry
so you saw it we didn't say too much okay
when you're getting your wardrobe i use as many things i wanted to respond to the last one was if you have the thought that the conditions aren't aren't right
are you too
practice confession had the thought
then that would be something to confess
i confess
but i think i was not that i'm using the my current situation as a reason to not practice good lot a good situation to
i confess that and i'm sorry i'm saying situations now i'm using the situation as an excuse not to practice
i see that i did that and i see that as an impediment thinking that now if not a good time to practice that thought is a challenging thought however if i treated with compassion
the compassionate way to treat impediments is to confess him i just saw an impediment has just saw i thought that said i can't practice no ice i confess that and i'm sorry that i kind of believe that but now that i'm confessing i'm practicing
and faster i thought now is not a good time
and the i'm sorry about thinking that way no in practice again confer confession and repentance is a for is a compassion practice and it's a compassion practice so we can apply compassion to our daily life which includes
it's been several hours since i remember to practice compassion
yeah i haven't i forgot i forgot that i wanted to practice compassion this morning when i forgot but i notice now and i confessed it and i'm sorry but now i'm practicing
took him to confess that there's been quite a while since i practice to practice compassion to confess that and if you're sorry is the pure and simple color of true practice
i i i guess what i mean by a specific conditions because i i think what's happening is as i'm entering what i call daily lives you know on somehow it feels like a too tall an order for myself perhaps maybe there's not enough spaciousness or compassion with it to do
my daily life and at every moment do my practice he right there he had this thought is this is a tall order yes now does that thought this is a tall order is out something that you just address with compassion
or do you say no i don't dry down there skip over the thought that this is a tall order i'm in a skip over the thought this is too much or do you practice compassion with all your thoughts including this is too much this is too advanced for me
yes i i think i do and i'm not until you mister chance to be compassionate to the thought that this is too much
and when i am compassionate to it it sort of relieves it relieves things that relieves compassion good stuff he hasn't
i know what it but i'm left with the question and i'm left with the question i think of can we recognize when we are practicing do we need to always be able to recognize that we are practicing nurses
recognizing your compassion for practicing is okay it's okay
if you're dancing it's okay that you recognize that you're dancing it's okay but you don't have to recognize your dancing to dance
you can dance without thinking i'm dancing and you're dancing you can practice compassion without thinking i'm practicing compassion it's all
that's what i think i swear at when i need to hear because i there's instance you heard it you can practice compassion without thinking i am practicing i personally i do not walk around thinking i'm practicing compassion like right now i don't think i'm practicing compassion with you i don't think that i could but i don't in your
not trying to you just are i am trying to you are blind to be compassionate to you i want to be compassionate you i'm screaming that i wanna be compassionate to you i want to be compassionate to me i want have a compassionate relationship that's what i want when i remember that i feel fine but i don't
i think well i am
now somebody else must say that was pretty compassionate bsa or yeah great
when buddhas are truly buddha as they do not think i am compassionate they might
they might think i'm compassionate that's okay but that's not been kept thinking that walking around thinking that your compassionate is just a thought is being compassionate is that you're kind to your all your thoughts
each one
when inclined to something
when you've been kind to a human or a dog frame moment you don't have to think i'm being kind it's not so much that i want to think that i'm being kind it's the it was that i'm being kind but many people have an impediment or a challenge you could say is they want to know that they're being coy
that's another thing to be kind to
man when they're dancing they want to know that they're dancing rather than unless they wished you want to which is it that you want you wanna dance or know that you're dancing
they will i like to i'd like to know rope that's more important than dancing is to know that i it which is most important yes see compassionate or to or to know your compassionate ness yes it's a being compassionate words at and knowing that you are a secondary optional
if you give somebody some water and helped them drink it
that's not the same was thinking i'm helping them drink it may you can help somebody you can give him water and helping drink it you can you can you can be kind of somebody without thinking i'm being kind
again it's all kid but many people want to know when they're trying to be kind when you're trying to be patient they want to know i am patient
what's another thing to be kind to him some of these instruments wanna know that they actually are send students who can yeah wanna know i'm doing it right or what you know that's definitely there are wanting to do it right is one thing wanted to practice the bodhisattva way as one two
thing and wanting to know that you are is another the second point is optional
it's okay
but i'm not into it myself i do not walk around thinking i am helping people
i'm thinking i want to i want to you and i want i want to know that i'm doing everything that i can do and so when i don't know that and i slipped you slipped you want to know that you're doing everything that you can do for that's a slip
not is not a slip is just a thought and
you should be compassionate to wanting to know you're doing everything that you could do
if you're doing everything you could do that's what counts not not knowing that you do


hey rob
morning good afternoon with stephen
the governor and question it just seems to me that is well aware that he's river he is he's in a m
pond full of alligators and confession among the alligators om you know is in some ways and why i think the the brilliance of the genius of the truth and reconciliation commission was were all alligators here and no one's gonna bite
and until you have that on dynamic you know i i happened to practice some law in my life until you have that dynamic you're a fool to confess and you would be wise to take yourself to something like a closet and pray
re with the contrite heart are ah
a therapist and say what am i getting wrong here with
yeah and the governor and questions case women so i i don't know it seems to me your model is maybe could use some refinement
yeah i would say that the practice of confession repentance can be deepened and refined without end so i'm introducing it but i'm not saying that i'm done refining it okay
and if you and if when you first start practicing confession repentance it may be that you need to do it in this environment rather than that one because you you don't know how to do it in that one do it in a place where you can learn something but start the process someplace if you can
and then maybe then you can do it in wider and wider contexts
but refinement
don't take as being a waste of time your effort to refine and deepen your practice of confession and repentance it's an ongoing thing
thank you steven


thou art muted
i need it and then i kind of proud of that state again am
it seems to me that you're tied me about this process of confession and repentance and it's an interpersonal process
and i'm is both you can confess and repent by yourself with nobody know people around
you can confess and repent in front of a buddhist statue
where you maybe don't feel like the buddhist given you only feedback and you can confess and repent with a confessor a professional confessor and you can also eventually confess and repent
with people that you feel you've been unskillful with
so is both inter intra psychic
an interpersonal like you could have a dream and in your dream you could confess and repent and then you wake up and you realize that wasn't a very good confession
you can see the shortcomings of your own confession sometimes so it can be within your own psyche
but really work but really worked at the place
well we really learned how to have liberating conversations is by being called into account by others
so the interpersonal is really like
the fulfillment of the practice
you need others to give us feedback on our behavior
in order for our behavior tongue live in the world in a beneficial way
are you saying that that's true even if it looks like both me
the party who's doing the injury and a recipient of the injury is us you know sometimes we harm ourselves and i'm wondering how this process then would work if if you if you accidentally hurt yourself
i mean were habitually mm
and if you habitually hurt yourself
yeah well like when people do various things right to
ah eat poison ah
take various kinds of drugs that they they they know i hurt them
yeah so then yeah if
when i like eat too much of something or if i eat poison
i a skin for saying so i'm not real hard on myself
i gonna say that was really unnecessary you didn't have to eat that what it what does she eat that for that you weren't really hungry in that wasn't really good for you
i often say silly boy
i'm kind to myself when i notice myself doing things to myself that aren't really beneficial
but i kind to myself in the form of saying that was that was of silly that was kind of inattentive you weren't really mindful when you the way you ate that the way you're eating right now is not really mindful
no and i kind like thank you for pointing that out thank you read for pointing out by rim you can be kind to yourself when you should notice your own skillfulness and your inattentiveness and your lack of mindfulness and your impulsiveness with yourself you can be you
notice it and be kind to yourself
my i'd often the honorific is to and this story again one time my grandson was with me at tassajara how many people heard that story
yes yeah yeah so as with him into her is the first time he was away from his mother
and he nodded to miss her it after a couple of days and he said i want my mom i want my mom one and my one on one my mama mama mama charged you get superfast faster than i can say and i listened to america we we i'll take you home tomorrow
and he calmed down
and the next morning when we're getting rachel levy said to leave he said member yesterday when i was staying home and my one no longer my woman
now was kind of silly wasn't it
i didn't tell him he was being silly i didn't tell him to be a big boy i didn't tell him he shouldn't
wanna go back to his mother i let it i listened to him
and he listened to himself and he saw but he didn't punch himself in the face for saying that he just a silly wasn't that so i think i'm into like i feel like being gentle with ourselves when we notice our shortcomings towards ourselves will incur
courage us to do that more
that wasn't so bad that i noticed that i was not careful i didn't want to try that again some time on being aware when i'm not being aware and pointing that out myself and sang yeah i kind of nowhere i don't particularly want to do that anymore i probably will but right now i don't really i
i i don't want to do it more i actually i'm almost ready to give that up and not do that anymore
cause i don't think it's good for me
i don't think x is good for me and i did it and i wasn't really present when i did it i didn't stop and think you really want to do this and answer yes i do but you might that might happen sometimes you really want to do that yes i do okay let's do it
the example it was in my mind asking that question is on having had multiple days earth and where i said noticing that i'm make it worse you know i'm just wasting that time at its it's a little frustrating
and i really don't want to do that
yeah so confession repentance will deepen and refine and get you mourn online with the way you want to live
in terms of your own taken care of yourself the way you want to take care of your body and mind is part the way you take care of your body and mind as part of your responsibility to us we we can't take care of you in certain ways all day long you do we want you to want you to be skillful and yeah it would be
yea a good for you to be skillful taking care of yourself that would help us
to acknowledge and express sorrow for your on skillfulness would help us and then you could have and then you could do the same with things you'd your relationship with us
thank you
henrique eight

good day good day
it's afternoon here i think it may be more than they're still
yesterday i reached out to a friend right
ah noticed was suffering and i told them
hey now i know you have a lot of people to talk to but if you run out of options you can talk to me i'm glad to listen
and they said
i don't really want to talk about it i'd rather just forget about it
realizing today and that
as relationship between forgetting or wanting to forget or as as as a means to deal with pain
yes i making one commenter
i'm so yeah make a comment in the middle against so when your friend tells you idol i don't want what we support what what didn't he want
they didn't want to talk about it i don't want to talk about it i just want to forget about it
why was a confession that he made
do you he confessed that he did not want to talk and he wanted to forget about it there was a confession but he didn't feel bad about he didn't feel sorrow about them
not yet
but if you listen to him when he says that
he could realize that trying to forget about his suffering is unskillful
and also trying to forget about other people's suffering like i heard someone else i want to forget about it trying to forget about my suffering is unskillful but when i first confess that i'm trying to forget about mine or forget about yours
i may not feel sorrow about that but in a way
the buddha would feel sorrow if the buddha wanted to forget about people's suffering including her own
so right at that point you were helping that person learn how to practice because they you offered something and then they confess to you there they confessed to and skillfulness to you
but they didn't take the next step and but it's their job to take the next step not for you to get them to do it by you want to point out that the process started there in that conversation
so now please continue if you wish
i realized that i want or i confess that are ah
have a lot of pan and
would wish to forget it
the you and i
i relate to today's a theme and that you know confessing and repenting as
a major obstacle least for me is how painful it is
and i imagine in the example of a tortured person and the torture is painful for both of them it's painful for the torturer to admit
what they've done and that that
does why they're they don't confess a root path because they have to admit i'm a horrible thing they've gotten them for the person was tortured notes
saves triggering it's it brings back a memory of what happened and maybe they'd forgotten
and now and listening to this confession and remembering at all over again and so the pain is what eyes
feel right now is a month biggest hurdle and confessing and repenting panting and we're finding that practice
you can say the pain you said is an obstacle
it feels like an obstacle it feels like i i can't get get there because it hurts so then it sounds like the job now is to try to practice for maybe not get into the confession repentance but practice
compassion towards your fear of the pain and the pain because you you if you can't practice compassion with the pain it may be it made the is not that the the pain isn't the obstacle
the inability to be compassionate to it is the obstacle so we need to practice compassion towards the fear and anticipation or or presence of pain in regard to our behavior
so the pain is opportunity the obstacle is not been compassionate do it and
most people feel at least some bitterness
is involved in the process of confessing and rape and repentance so we repentance it is usually translated first as sorrow but you could also say is translated could be translated as bitterness repentance is kind of bitter is not sweet
if we practice with their bitterness in that sorrow and that pain
we will taste
we will taste the dime
but first of all we have to open to this bitterness and this pain
compassionately open to it
and that is hard for us and that's that's how confession and repentance make it possible to apply the dharma to our daily life of being an ordinary person who makes mistakes

thank you with you

good morning read
the ward inability ah
is what i like to be intimate with
and the reason
of my intimacy with inability
my liberation my freedom i have seen over and over
being with a what is
it's freedom and i totally confess i like
that presents i lack that here ness

and i don't know how to deal with this lack that's my question i don't know how to deal with it yes please think
you just dealt with it by confessing it
he just confessed it that's that's confession and then if you feel any sorrow
about not being completely present then say i'm sorry if you feel it i'm sorry i'm not completely present
thank you know the word saying i'm sorry
is not being sorry and i don't want to yes through the word is not being it so if you don't feel that don't say it you want to say it
but i'm just shy of watch i don't want to sit what i want to i want that i long that's a sorrow i long that unity okay if you feel that sorrow okay he he i reveal it yes yes and you for
feel the sorrow okay
that is a confessing and feeling sorrow is a way of dealing with
the way you want to be which is present an intimate that's the way you wanna be and when you're not that way and you notice it is the way you can deal with that not being present
by confessing it and if you feel sorrow you have just done confession and repentance you just did it
in that in that is a way to deal with it however one more step is if you say it to somebody speci somebody you're practicing with
they can maybe say do you really feel sorry or something like that and that may help you not so much
the word but help you get in touch with the feeling more deeply
by asking your question about it yes thank you so my question is that i actually don't want to be sorry i want to be more in touch with it and when i in touch with sorrow when i'm actually
julie actually in touch with it there's this joy when i'm entice is joy that's right that's what the sutra sense when you repent
you're at ease when you repent your joyful after the suture said so that's what three okay now i understand what dependencies before it was award no i understand thank you the definition of repentance the first definition and the english dictionary as sorrow
when you feel sorrow about what you've done we become at ease with what you've done doesn't mean alex way you would become intimate with it and then without getting rid of it and you're still responsible your free
thank you thank you thank you thank you
oh you

ha thanks you machine and i wish to him
am i going further into when pound funny she's and knowing
and question
many times i feel that i am
that i'm trying to practice
generosity and compassion and and when i'm interacting
with another person another ban
and then am
i i suddenly we save something that feels very
painful ma and in a sponge
anger even maybe
so if i'm trying to practice generosity with someone
in order to really realize generosity
i need others to call me into question him
like joined to practice compassion with you
i need you and others to call me into compact into question
if if i'm practiced if i'm trying to practice compassion with you and nobody calls me into question
something's funny about my compassion practice is i must be living some kind of a bubble
i must be telling people you're not give me any feedback on my compassion practice
but hopefully while i'm trying to learn how to practice compassion people will give me the gift of questioning me
and the questioning may be painful
well if i try to be kind to you and you say to me do you think that was being kind
or will you try to be kind just now or will you try to be cruel just now
i i tried to over my heart and then you question me that could be painful for me
but that's how our conversation becomes liberating it's for you to question my attempts to practice compassion
my my my question on that is is that
is there a
he saw a wait for me bought for one to be aware
all the a the way that one is offering what or one believed to be compassion is affecting or being received by the person months trying to operate to that will enable
coincidence me to realize our dishes and being received how i'm trying to walk away before
the person is so affected by it
the actually get that the her and the and respond and guys off to kiss she sipped understand yeah thank you
before you before you use the word before i was sitting you to him
there is a way to become aware or to understand our effect on other people there is a way and the way his conversation
it's not before you have an effect on them you may hurt them a lot
before you have a chance to get any feedback
which is really sad that i might really hurt you
because i don't understand how i affect you
after i've heard you hopefully you will help me and tell me that really hurt
and i never had the opportunity of saying
thank you for telling me and i'm really sorry
i learn about my effect on people with the help people telling me i might think oh i just had a good effect on someone so we won't
i might think that
and they might say no i don't agree with you that it really felt painful i'm up for sure you're helping me is the conversation but if i'm trying to help you and you say that was not helpful that could be quite painful for me i just did some i just like gave you my i thought i thought i gave you my best
and you said not good enough that could be quite painful to me who
but that's how i learn that's how we become free together and that is another example of how difficult it is to apply the teachings in our daily life
and that's another example of confession and repentance i tried to help i didn't notice the shortcoming you pointed it out
nye and i feel it and i confessed now if now i get it and i'm sorry
this process wherein the process of deepening this practice
and it will be painful
he will also be set as at ease and be joyful if we do it

i like to share the last month but are still know about community
my heart is racing now
i said something about hum
the lotus sutra that we were back on it
maybe i don't think i used the word black that what's coming to me right now lacked and discrimination
and you said
actually it is with discrimination i think that's where he said and then i noticed which happens frequently i'm confessing i get stuck
i get this i have a sticking point
hum and i listened to the community
i'm converse with you and share so openly and freely it seems
and then i aspire
oh to be able to hum
the and be free of this sticking point
and so i tried it an interesting and wonderful that we're talking on today about confession and repentance because since our last month when we have that conversation
when i would go to said he might every study
i would notice as i do at the physical sticking like a sticking point in my body
where there isn't a free flow
as well
i wish for conversation and for within my body and so then what arose in my mind was an the question lacking faith and practice
and so i do confess
and i feel sorrow
for my lack of faith and practice
and so practicing
confessing emery panting and practicing with the bodhisattva precepts sixteen and more
i cultivate
a faith and practice
when you said several things which i'd like to comment on me i hear squeaks
being stuck we're feeling stuck
is is a consequence
of a lack in practice
not being able to pivot and flow is a consequence of nottingham of not practicing
however when you if you feel stuck or unable to turn in conversation if you feel unable to flow
and you practice
confessing oh i feel stuck and i feel kind of some sorrow about being stuck then you're practicing again
then then fact you do flow with you flow with the being stuck into the practice of confessing i feel stuck and i'm sorry i'm kind of like not with the flaw i wanna be with the flow and not with the flow
yeah i know with the flow is
he shows a shortcoming in my following practice
and i and i'm sorry about that but now i'm practicing again by inch noticing it admitting it and feeling kind of uncomfortable about it
so you just said if you feel stuck
gotta practice
you had the faith to do that practice
and use you didn't say so but i think you felt a little discomfort with big stock and sorry about it and you have aspiration to flow freely with all beings but sometimes because you don't practice in some you know compassion with some situation you get stuck or
we get stuck
but again once we're stuck
we could compare a confession repentance come and when confession repentance come the practice is back in operation and then there can be ease even before the stuckness goes away because your fact you are flowing with the stuckness you're given
the stuck stuckness just what it wants it wants recognition and at once sorrow


i read
i just then
i confess i feel a little bit guilty about asking this question because the the on
that ah the flow of conversation has been am
the maybe around a fashion repentance but i would imagine there's a way to relate to it goes back to how you opened up be on
your talk by talking about only a buddha and a buddha and arm and in zazen
and i find myself feeling alternately
like i have a a glimpse of of understanding what you're saying about a buddha in a buddha and and sometimes feeling like
i have no idea
and feeling totally confused by that statement and it seems like a very important
thing that you would like us to understand and i think there's a reason that you say it a lot on and while i'm sitting here trying to you know in my mind trying to refine my question ah and
i'm asking you a taster so when you have a thought like i have no idea what this is about
do you have thought like that sometimes ah we ever thought like i'm confused
for you to be compassionate to that thought i have no idea what's going on is appropriate to only a buddha
your job is to be only a buddha to be yourself completely
including that your mind is sometimes given thoughts like i'm confused i have no idea what this practices
so you said that
like the sounds like you feel some discomfort with the thought i have no idea what does practices well i i i i do but i also think i feel more with the idea of only a buddha and the buddha because in my mind it it it promotes otherness and gotta start with first of
i'll start with only a buddha okay you being you
once you are you being you then you can meet the other
all the buddhas interacting with each other is other
your yourself you're only a buddha you're a solitary buddha
you're also in relationship to something other the relay your relationship with others is half of what you are
so other doesn't mean separate it's a compliment of self so yourself and your other
you're only a buddha and your together with buddhas and the together is other then
the only
it was another way of saying it when when you are buddha i'll be all all beings or buddhas as that a buddha and a buddha why you're a buddha and your account or another being your own good with a buddha only a buddha all beings are together with you
but you first oh i do your job you then opened to the other which is your relationship with all other beings
but your job your you got this hard job of being you and dealing with your thoughts your opinions about your practice in other people's practice
that's your responsibility
you can tell me about your thoughts which is fine then that's my a rub together with just in practice as part of what i am is to hear about your practice but it's not my job to have the thought i'm confused when you tell me that it's my job
to be with you that's me together with you your job is to be the person who has i thought you know and try to do that wholeheartedly then you can meet me if you're half you you can't meet me
did you haven't done your work
in part of your work is dealing with thoughts light i don't know what my work is well your work to take care of that thought
okay thank you
so we have planned for one more question or right
oh rob
so when with birds
the thought that's occurred in the discussion of confession for me today
and also when you talked about term practicing compassion
is the
practice confession or compassion or kindness or love
that in itself
it's what i want to do but what colors it and i don't know if this is what the meaning of when we chant about the color of faith the mind of faith in the color of face what colors it is if i want something in return
rather than just offering whatever it might be compassion kindness and so on
ah the and going all the way back to the first question think it was katie
is that if i'm wrong someone
if i make a confession and i am hoping for forgiveness
we're expecting even with no more strongly forgiveness that that
somehow taints the confession
and my question is is that what is meant at the phrase the mind of or phrases that the mind the true mind of faith in the true color of fate i don't really know what especially the true color of faith means i don't know how the translation of that can be expanded
thank you

if you have some
in your behavior
and you want to proc you want to confess it
and if you feel some sorrow
and you want to confess it
then confessing in expressing your style is compassion
if you also
ah wanna get something out of it like having the person appreciate what you said
er forgive you or something
if you had that wish that they would give you something that you would gain something by this then that's another thing to confess
so i want to confess x
and i feel sorrow about it and if you actually do confess eggs and and feel sad express sorrow about it that is compassion that is the true mind of faith to do there
however you haven't you have a lot thing going on with you you can also have oh along with that you can say a taint the is and i wanna get famous as a confessor i want people to appreciate my wonderful practice
i wanna have a wonderful practice yes and i also by the way would like everybody to know about it
and i'd like a lot of people to be talking about my great practice
that's it that's a human desire
which i might feel actually not too good but
that's something to confess and if you confess here
your wish to get something out of practicing compassion
that's compassion towards that thought
and then you keep and without getting rid of the thought of i'd like to get something out of practicing compassion
the the confession and repentance about trying to get something out of compassion melts the way melts the root of trying to get something out of compassion
so i was unkind
and i confess that i was and i'm sorry and that just fine
that's the practice also i'm trying to get something out of the practice that's another thing to confess and i feel sorry that i'm trying to get something on this dear practice but i am but i was and i confess it and i'm sorry in both cases
we become whim we melt away the root of the unkindness and we melt away the root of the greediness by confessing unrepentant
also we could be unkind to ourselves about what we i want to confess like i can feel that i wasn't kind and i can also be mean to myself about that so they have to on kindnesses one the first on kindness the second one
that i was mean to myself when i noticed it
i punished myself when i noticed my own kindness
thank you
very grateful to victory
but it's it's we're going for two hours now and i would like to thank you all for coming to the meeting and
pre all your you're offering your precious life to this assembly and wish you well of course and your great practice of the broader way
may our and ten horns hampshire would stand to have a night in place with the true narrative era of the militants planet beings are numberless i vow to save them
afflictions are inexhaustible
i vow to pass through
dymo gates are boundless i vow to enter them
good away is unsurpassable i vow to become it
nice again everybody make iraqi right for accuracy way around